Chapter 13: Just Deserts

Truth was like dicks in that both were often hard to swallow for those with a gag reflex.

Micah still had a gag reflex, and that's why he was choking on air like a fish out of water.

Avery was somewhat experienced with this sort of situation. It's important to remain supportive and understanding so his partner wouldn't feel self-conscious about biology getting in the way. He patted Micah gently on the back. "It's fine, it's fine," he soothed. "Take your time. You don't have to push yourself. Here, have some water."

This interaction felt a little off to Micah, but he couldn't quite put his finger on why. As he handed the water bottle back, he saw something that made him wish he hadn't given in to his curiosity.

Avery was eyeing him with pity. Pity, indulgence, amusement. As if he's a pet suffering the funny consequences of its own stupidity.

Micah would rather be regarded with scorn. He prayed for the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

The earth, as God had done before, ignored him.

"Don't look at me like that."

Avery's mirth was instantly replaced with surprise. "Oh! I didn't mean to upset you. I was not judging or condemning you."

'I know,' Micah thought, but he didn't say anything.

"Come on, don't feel bad. It's not an insult. It's just a fact that you are so fun to tease."

"You mean it's fun to humiliate me publicly. Toy with my feelings. Abandon me at the altar. Marry me off to someone else without even a heads-up."

Avery sighed. "No, you know that's not what I mean. I don't think you are an incorrigible bastard who deserves to suffer retribution after retribution. Well, I actually think you are an incorrigible bastard, but I don't mind, but that is beside the point."

"Uhm, thanks? I guess?"

"Anyways, you must remember that you did not approach Adeline with noble intentions either. You thought she was a doll you could manipulate and mold according to your preferences. You are the bad guy here. She is just the clever heroine who out-gambitted the starter villain at the beginning of the story."

"If she already knew I was after her wealth, she could've just ignored me instead of giving me false hope." Even Micah could hear how petulant he sounded.

"She could, and I don't deny that dating someone for a year is a bit much for a joke."

"A bit? Just a bit?"

"Well, getting engaged as a prank is really where I draw the line. But most people, even those who are not usually sadistic, enjoy seeing bad guys beaten at their own games. You have to admit you can see the appeal of that too, so don't be a sore loser, yeah?"

"I'm not a sore loser."

"Of course not," Avery agreed cheerfully, "because you ended up pretty close to your goal, didn't you? Most people consider the second prize winning rather than losing."

It took an embarrassingly long time for Micah to fully register what that meant. "But," he spluttered when enlightenment finally ran him over, and kept running him over, like a train, "I don't love you that way!"

"You have never loved my sister that way either. I like to think you are fonder of me than you are of her. We have gone through more together."

That was true, but Micah did his best to shrug noncommittally. "Maybe."

"Our love may be a sham, but the tax benefits are rea—"

"AVERY EDWARD REX WELLAND. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

The two men, no, the two boys froze.

Their eyes locked, and they saw their own terror reflected in the other's face, but they could not—dared not—look away.

This impasse would go down in history, forever remembered as the moment humans discovered telepathy.

'What do we do?'

'Why are you asking me? She's your mother!'

'And she's your mother-in-law!'

'For less than a day! She didn't call my name!'

'You still can't make this my full responsibility!'

'You can't make me not make this your full responsibility!'

'What? Wait, no. That makes no sense!'

'You make no sense!'

"Avery," the voice was no longer raised, but no less frightening, "do not make me repeat myself."

'Help me!'

'No! You're on your ow—'

"Micah, I am talking to you as well."

'See! She called you too!'

'Then let's… Let's turn together on the count of three.'

'Promise?'

'Promise.'

With a great deal of effort, the duo twisted their suddenly creaky and unoiled necks to see Duchess Elyth—as statuesque as ever—standing before the side gate with her hands on her hips and Mr Reed by her side.

The sight of the furious Duchess in a deep crimson dress and black heels made Micah feel things. Fear, but also some other things.

Avery only felt fear. "Mama, I, uh, I wasn't really thinking. Sorry, I should've paid more attention to the time."

Sometimes, the most strategic option was a quick and early surrender, dignity be damned.

"Is time," the Duchess gestured at them, "really the issue here? Is the hour before your flight really the best time to attend a costume party looking like something the dog dragged in?"

"No, Mama."

"Then? Explain yourself."

Sometimes, even the most strategic option could fail.

"Your Grace, Mr Avery has behaved most carelessly," interrupted Mr Reed as he shot a knowing look at said troublemaker, who understood the hint and immediately tried to appear even more remorseful. "But time is of the essence. Mr Avery and Mr Micah need to wash up and leave for the airport within the next twenty minutes if they hope to catch their flight. The scolding, though very much warranted, can be saved for later."

The Duchess could not refute her butler's wisdom. "Fine. What are you two dawdling about? You've heard the man. Hurry up and come in."

As the relieved pair slipped through the side gate, Avery mouthed, "Thanks," to his savior. Mr Reed responded with a thumbs-up that disappeared before the Duchess noticed anything amiss.

'I guess every family,' Micah mused as he followed Avery to the latter's suite, 'has its secrets.' He expected to discover yet another secret—what Avery's rooms looked like—when he heard "Mr Micah, please allow me to bring you to a guest room."

"Ah, of course. That makes sense. Thank you," Micah said as Avery disappeared behind his door. 'This is a castle. I shouldn't have to wait for him when we're in a rush.'

"Yes, it does make sense. It is also the Duchess's instruction. She said newlyweds cannot be trusted to remain undistracted by each other, especially in bedrooms and bathrooms."

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