Chapter 33: Nightmare
Grey told Samantha and Lucas everything, except about how he froze because of his past; they couldn't learn about that, not yet at least.
Instead, he resorted to telling them that the cry of another Beast alongside some falling rocks captured his attention, resulting in him getting hit by the fire. Of course, he told them how he immediately put it out and got treatment the day after.
By the end of the story, Lucas' hand was on Grey's shoulder, and Samantha was hugging him tight, crying into his chest. Their worry and affection warmed his heart, and he resolved not to hurt them again, as best he could, and then spent the next hour consoling his mother.
After she had fallen asleep from crying so much, Lucas spoke to Grey.
"I'm proud of you, son, but don't you dare mess up like that again, or you really will kill your mother." He was stern, yet he couldn't hide that twinge of pride that came out from him. His son's first real fight had been a wondrous success, and he had returned unharmed... relatively. "Now, go get some sleep, you deserve it."
Grey nodded before heading up the stairs to his room and collapsing onto his bed.
'Ah wait, there's one thing I have to do.' He realized, but he couldn't act on it, for he quickly drifted into sleep, his thoughts slowing to a halt, and his breathing steadying.
---
PIT PAT PITTER PATTER-
Grey awoke to the sound of light rain on his window, and it was a welcome change from all the sunshine he usually woke up to. The clouds in the sky were a deep grey, and they emanated a sense of peace. He found that his mind was much calmer than ever, and he thought that it could be useful.
Grey rose to a sitting position and then went through his memories. He watched through his own eyes as he fought the bear, each mistake he made, each opening he failed to capitalize. Eventually, his eyes rested on his biggest blunder; the Fire blast. His eyes welled up with tears at the sight, anger boiling from deep within.
'17 years and the first time I see that memory is in a fight.' He thought.
Grey's memory was more than just a memory storage, his brain also stored everything he felt, so he could sense the sadness and anger come, only to be abruptly stopped. There was only a minor problem with the memory.
'So it wasn't the pain; it was my demon side.' Grey had felt those emotions for exactly 5 seconds, and their sudden disappearance wasn't something that pain could do. 'Thankfully it activated, otherwise, I wouldn't be here.'
Grey was grateful that he had the emotional control of a demon, but at the same time, he knew that as a human, it was a curse more than anything. 'It saved me there, but I'm not healed.'
The trauma of witnessing his kind be killed simply because he was curious was not something that would go away until he got closure, that was something he knew.
'I can't rely on my demon side to save me, and I've got to get closure for that wound.' Grey was sure that the pain from that injury would be great fuel for him to grow stronger —it had pushed him to E- Rank in just under 18 years, during his slow years in fact, so he was sure that if he held onto it, that it would help him climb so much higher.
However, he also knew that holding onto that pain in conjunction with his demon side would only kill him on the inside, and by the end of his quest, he would be hollow. Having your emotions forcibly stopped would practically train the body to stop feeling. If he didn't find something else to live for, something to strive for that wasn't just revenge, all that would be left was a shell of a person.
He thought of Samantha, Lucas —his family, and how they made him feel. When they supported him, he felt he could achieve the impossible, and he felt safe within their embrace. Nonetheless, those emotions weren't enough of an anchor.
Scouring back and forth through his memories, he thought of Khan —his grandfather— and the happy memories he had of him. But still, it wasn't enough. Nothing he could find could compare to the hatred, the pain of losing his kind, because of a stupid mistake.
He searched his memories, looking for more, more positive emotions that he could anchor to. To find strength from. His friends, people he had only known for a short while, yet somehow made him feel connected, and understood.
'Not enough.' He lamented, pushing deeper and deeper into his memories for something, anything, but there was nothing.
'Take a deep breath, calm yourself. If you can't find anything, then all you have to do is make one.' He knew it would take a while, but that was all he could think of.
'Now, one last step.'
Grey reached inside himself, feeling for the emotions lying under the surface, and what he saw shocked him. A thin skin of positive emotion, desperately trying to hold back the fury, the hurt that welled inside him, coming from deep inside, so deep that it seemed like a bottomless abyss.
'Is that really all my suffering?' Grey thought, looking at the endless pool of emotion. 'How could anything compare to that?'
He began to despair, realizing that he was destined to be nothing by the end of it all.
'No! I don't want to be nothing, I want to be someth-'
He stopped suddenly, everything he felt going numb.
He looked around. As if time had frozen, Grey found that the world had gone greyscale, differing levels of blacks and whites all he could see. Yet, that was not the issue. Grey couldn't feel anything, and, astutely aware of that fact, he stilled, his heart beating the only thing he could hear.
'Why, why can't I feel anything?!' Grey panicked, and without hesitation, reached back inside his heart, to where his emotions lay.
This time, instead of staring at the boundless emotion, he jumped, intending to drown himself in emotion and fix everything.
But, there was nothing there, all the negative emotion that lay under a thin skin of positivity was gone. Even the thin sheet of good had left.
Grey was spiraling, down down into a hell of emptiness.
---
"HUUH!" Grey's eyes shot open, and he sat up with a jolt. He was covered in sweat, his heart beating a mile a minute, and tears continually fell from his eyes.
Ironically, in this situation where he found himself without the aid of his demon side, he wished for nothing more than for it to come back, to help him calm himself.
Thankfully, it hadn't abandoned him, coming to his aid in a mere few seconds.
His heart slowed, coming back to a regular 37 bpm. The tears stopped flowing, and he found solace in a few seconds of emotionlessness.
- ...Y ...REY ...GREY! - Fallen Star's voice came back into his hearing, Its gender-neutral voice suffused with worry.
'Yeah, Fallen Star.' He asked, now calm.
- What happened?! Why couldn't you hear me, why couldn't I wake you up!? -
'I... uhh, had a nightmare.' He revealed.
- I see... Would you like to talk about it? I can see what you see, but I can't look through your memories, so... - Fallen Star suggested.
'No... not right now at least.'
Grey got out of bed and immediately headed to the bathroom. He debated on whether to take a shower or bath, but Fallen Star chose for him, citing that he needed to relax after what he went through.
He agreed, soaking himself in hot water and carefully wiping the sweat away. Once he was done with that, he took care of his hygiene and headed downstairs in a pair of clothes that wasn't drenched.
In the living room, he saw his father, and through the door he could see his mother, diligently working away. He gave his father and mother a hug, saying good morning to both, made some breakfast, and engaged in small talk. He learned that Samantha was making a marinade for dinner and that Lucas was, as always, on the TV, watching the news like a lazy bum. The atmosphere was light —a pleasant change from what just occurred— and Grey found himself smiling.
'Yeah, I must be silly. How can this not be enough?' He thought to himself, making sure that Fallen Star didn't hear it.
Once he finished with his food, he went back to his room and sat on the edge of his bed.
'Alright, Fallen Star. I'll begin.'
Grey told Fallen Star about every aspect of his dream, and since he had a perfect memory, he was able to paint a picture fairly easily. After he finished, he sat in silence, waiting for Fallen Star to respond.
- I see. - It said.
- Grey, this is a major problem. What you saw wasn't just a dream. -
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
forener
forener This chapter put my brain into overdrive.
Grey is a really nuanced character, I feel.
I mean, it's not every day that someone accidentally causes a species-wide extinction of his own kind just because he wanted to find a secret, only to find they've been reincarnated, and now has to kill the very being that he crossed, and then gets emotions, and finally makes a little progress on getting over his trauma by experiencing new things, only to relapse because of a little fire, yanno!?! And its not like, even if that did happen to you, you'd have a special, innate ability from your old species that stops you from feeling emotion, that could become detrimental to progressing from your trauma, and other things, right?
anyway, this chapter was fun to write, my only hope is that I portray Grey's struggle well.
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