Chapter 1: Hiraeth
The most famous and expensive penthouse in Beijing was a scene of luxury and comfort. Plush rugs covered the floor of the elegantly designed bathroom, with an expensive porcelain sink set against one wall. A beautiful backdrop of Beijing's skyline was visible from outside the window.
A man stood under the showerhead, his head tilted downward as he enjoyed the feeling of hot water pelting down on his body.
As Lin Zhiyuan stepped out of the shower, the dampness of his hair was evident, with water still dripping from his face and his hair.
With a tower wrapped around his hip, Lin Zhiyuan radiated an air of sophistication with his well-groomed appearance and sharp facial features. His short, blue hair was neatly parted and styled in a classic side part. His brown eyes were always framed by his gold-rimmed glasses, and his pale skin lent his face a soft and youthful appearance.
While blow drying his hair, he received a call, the name of the contact being Fu Yichen. Knowing this was an old friend of his, he accepted the invitation to a video call immediately. With his phone in hand, Zhiyuan waited for the other person to appear on the screen.
As Lin Zhiyuan waited for the video call to connect, the faces of Fu Yichen and his fiance suddenly greeted his eyes. The two were smiling brightly, clearly having something exciting to share with Zhiyuan. As if sensing the urgency in their smiles, Zhiyuan's stomach tumbled with unease. He wondered what they would tell him that was so shocking that it had the potential to knock ten years off his lifespan.
"Yichen, Yan." It was surprising how he called them by their first names, but it has been several years, after all. "How are you?"
Xi Yan grinned as she looked at Fu Yichen. "He lost his temper today."
"I-I did not. I was just explaining," he stuttered, wanting to explain.
He chuckled. He was happy that the both of them were together, but strangely, he was jealous when he looked at the two of them. Fu Yichen had a crush on Xi Yan since he was in middle school- it was the oldest story in the book, the kind that he desperately wanted for himself, but the attempt to even try to ground her seemed so wrong that made him guilty for even thinking about it. She was a bird, after all. She was meant to fly after all. Putting her in a cage is the same as removing her wings.
Fu Yichen turned to Lin Zhiyuan after his outburst before sighing. He looked uncomfortable suddenly, rubbing the back of his neck. He tilted his head in wonder.
"What is it?"
"Uhmm..." He paused. "Me and Xi Yan decided to change the date of our engagement party. We moved it into 3 months from now."
His guts told him not to be asked more question, but he was curious. "Oh. Why is it? I thought everything's ready, and you already cleared your schedule."
Fu Yichen and Xi Yan looked at each other, contemplating if they should tell the truth or they should lie.
"Well... How should I say this..." Xi Yan paused. "Mo Yunru will be back, so we postponed it."
Oh.
Oh.
Mo Yunru.
A name heard for the first time in 7 years. For some reason, Lin Zhiyuan's heart skipped a beat. This sentence was always the strangest. Did his heart really skip a beat or does it actually stop for a second before it remembers that beating is good for it?
"That's... good," he choked.
Fu Yichen and Xi Yan looked at each other before turning to him.
He secretly hoped (wished to all gods out there) she wasn't engaged or married or came back with a kid or who knows what level of spontaneity Mo Yunru was capable of?
Seeing that Lin Zhiyuan was zoning, he joked. "Are you chickening out Zhiyuan?"
Lin Zhiyuan frowned. "Of course not. Why would I? For God's sake, it's been 7 years. I'm not that that hung up on her, okay?" Lin Zhiyuan can't believe what he's talking about.
Both of them were silent, not believing him. Who was he kidding? Even a three years old won't believe him with that hurt expression on his face.
He cleared his throat before feeling a sweat form on his temple. He was not ready to see her. Just as he was never ready for her to leave.
"Tell me the when, I'll clear my schedule."
That was it. And that was all he could do, too. Because what can one do in a situation like this? He was clearly supposed to have moved on, yet he hadn't. How could he face her when he had both of his legs stuck in the past?
Everyone he had met in his life had hailed him an aromantic—a hapless statement so easily attached to one who doesn't know what romance is. He doesn't know how to be romantic, heck; he didn't even know what love is— that was until he met her.
When Lin Zhiyuan love, he put his heart on his sleeve? That was something he was not guilty about. Yes, he fell in love with her and only her easily and he personally saw nothing wrong with that, because the world now grew so cold despite the growing temperatures, because people were slowly losing the guts to take risks.
It had been 2 years since Lin Zhiyuan graduated from college. Surely she had graduated as well. He was 24 years old now, he's now a pro basketball player on a famous team just like what he always told her when they were in highschool. If she were still here, would she tell him, "Zhi you did great. I'm so proud of you" or would she tease him "You manage to get into the team? Did they mistake you for someone?"
Even her name had him traveling back to her on occasion, which was strange yet ethereal—considering how there was not one instance where he was not thinking of Mo Yunru.
He hardly ever thought of her, really. She had worn a place for herself in some corner of his heart, like a seashell, always boring against the rock. The making of the place was his pain. But now the shell was safely in the rock. It is no longer lodged and ground against the rock.
On good days, the pining wasn't too strong. He had moved on from the past, of course. He had fallen for others, that's what he told himself. Well, more like he tried to gaslight himself.
When he saw her for the first time, he knew exactly what love looked like. It was love at first on his side.
Even though he hadn't met love yet. If love had wanderer'd into his homeroom. He would have recognized him at first glance. If someone asked Lin Zhiyuan what love is, he would answer— Love wore a simple white dress. Love was straightforward. Love feared thrills. Playing the violin is something love is adept at. If only he could find love, would he be sure of what love really is? But when love finally showed up. Love looked stunning in an exquisite teal green dress, featuring delicate floral embroidery. Love had no fear of riding the bus with him; instead, love enthusiastically accompanied him on adventures. Love didn't know anything about the violin, love doesn't know anything about playing instrument, instead of love knows how to skate.
Seven years it had been since Mo Yunru broke his heart—who decided to go break up with him, gosh, that seemed so much like something Mo Yunru would do— so rash. Those furious yet passionate orbs that carried fire with them everywhere she laid them—her eyes were too much for the world.
Please don't hate me.
How could he ever hate someone like her? The curse was that he'd love her forever, but some part of him didn't mind.
He hated the word 'goodnight'. Goodnight reminded him of Yunru leaving him.
Goodnight was the bittersweet recollection of her leaving him.
There was nothing good about goodnight if it meant goodbye.
After Yunru left, he had jumped into the wagon of trying to find words that could come close to describe what it was that he was feeling. It was on one breezy night—and it was a nice weather to go on a date—he had found the word 'Hiraeth', and his heart was full at that second. It was a Welsh culture, and it meant a certain kind of longing for something so indefinite as to be indefinable, something like missing home. Love affairs, miseries of life, the way things were, people gone and dead, those who left and the ocean having tossed them on the shores of an unfamiliar land—all things born of the soul that can only be felt.
The first time they met was at the airport. Mo Yunru had just arrived in the country and Lin Zhiyuan was there to pick up his mom.
Second time was at Imperial Coffee & Tea where Mo Yunru almost mistakenly took Lin Zhiyuan's drink because they ordered exactly the same thing, from the drink, to toppings, to fruit and even the level of sugar.
Third time was at a Fast food restaurant.
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