Chapter 23: Ballade No.1
The performance tomorrow is at the Suntory Hall, and I don't know where it is or how long it takes to get there from the hotel. Just now, Yan Feng and Dai Yanzhi said something, and some random words echoed in my ears. Several names popped up: "Li Li," "Bai Jingrui," "He TianTian," "Katherine," "Dragon," "Song Yaowen,"... Some disjointed stories played in my mind. I struggled to search for clues in my mind, real evidence of their existence at this moment. I opened my mouth and fiercely left a bite mark on Yan Feng's shoulder.
"Ah, that hurts!"
I held him tight, my chest pressed against his skin. My consciousness was blurry, but I could still vividly feel his curves, every smoothness, and flaw on his skin. I moved along the curve of his spine. My hot and moist tongue followed the sweat droplets on his skin until the tip touched his salty, smooth, and hard tentacle. It slowly slid into my lips, and I eagerly wrapped it up. The senses, heightened by alcohol, became incredibly sensitive in the sleep of other senses. I vaguely heard his breath, getting faster. His fingertips passed through my hair, gently indicating the rhythm he needed.
"Xi Xi, do you love me?" He could hardly speak, "Now, like this, I know you love me."
He let out a low moan, pressing my head harder with both hands.
"You make me so comfortable, this is the first time. I know you're willing to make me happy."
I looked up at him, clearly seeing his fine hair turning into swaying water plants, the undulating abdomen, clear lines of muscles, his chest, his Adam's apple, undulating up and down. I felt like drowning in deep blue seawater until my eyes collided with his. His brown pupils in the wide eyelids were like deep pools in the sea. I fell into the abyss with his enchanting moan, making it hard for me to breathe. His swollen and hard desire filled my emptiness, and the rhythmic ebb and flow of the sea tide in the cramped abyss wetted the corners of my mouth. Salty, sticky liquid slid into my stomach from the tip of my throat. Yan Feng pulled out from my mouth, lifting me from the deep abyss. My mouth was filled with milky fluid, almost choking me, and I thought this was a part of Yan Feng's soul because it showed me the deepest ocean within him. When we reached the bottom, his ecstatic appearance was my paradise. He slowly embraced me on his chest. Through his sweaty chest, I heard his fast and powerful heartbeat.
"Xixi, you are willing to go down for me. You held it in your mouth. It felt like it couldn't control itself, as if it wanted to draw all the blood from my entire body." He held me tightly, his eyes staring at the ceiling, as if afraid to meet my gaze.
"Seeing you like this, I feel very comfortable too. It didn't like making love, oral sex is like the climax of the soul." I woke up from intoxication.
"You understand everything." He looked into my eyes, wearing a mischievous smile.
"When I was a child, at night, I sneakily watched my parents' DVDs."
"Hahaha."
"But they were all men and women, never saw men with men."
"No need to watch; we can do it ourselves." He caressed my shoulder, glanced at his phone. "However, we must rest early today. You have work tomorrow. It's already past two. You should wake up no later than eleven tomorrow. There's no schedule in the morning, and after lunch, you have to go to the concert hall to practice. Dai Yanzhi told me; he'll handle things with other colleagues for you tomorrow. He's really considerate." He gritted his teeth as he spoke the last sentence.
"I won't have anything with him. You know that," I paused.
"Why not? He's with you every day, and he's so attentive."
"Because you're too beautiful." I buried my head in the middle of his collarbone.
"Really? Hahaha. I think you're the most beautiful... Actually, I wanted to ask you, when did you start..."
"Start liking you?"
He nodded.
"I don't know, maybe when you gave me the ring, or maybe even earlier." I propped up my two hands, buried my head, and let my hair fall on both sides of my face. Yan Feng used his fingers to play with my hair, earnestly watching the strands.
"That's not what you said to Dai Yanzhi today."
"Ah, what did I say?" I buried my head in the soft pillow.
"I knew you wouldn't remember. Hahaha."
"Tell me quickly, what did I say?" I grabbed his shoulders.
"I'll tell you later. It's time to sleep." He lightly kissed me.
"Then you tell me, when did you start liking me?"
"From the moment you played Schumann in Fort Worth." He turned his head, and his voice became softer. I heard his steady breathing.
He must be very tired. He's been working on the album and staying up late recently. Today, he came to find me again. If this continues, his body won't be able to take it. I thought this way in my heart, feeling a bit distressed. I gently hugged his waist, closed my eyes, and fell into a deep sleep.
"Xi Xi, wake up," I heard Yan Feng's voice.
Opening my eyes, I woke up from the dizziness of last night. Feeling my body also waking up, the room was still pitch black, making it hard to distinguish whether it was day or night.
"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes.
"Ten thirty," Yan Feng sat up, pulled open the curtains, and the glaring sunlight made it hard for me to open my eyes.
"There's still half an hour, let me sleep a little longer."
"Hurry up, get up early and have more time to prepare. Look downstairs, there are many cherry blossoms. Although you can't see their appearance clearly, the shallow pink colors merge into one, giving a feeling of spring. It reminded me of a song, 'Cherry Blossom Girl.' " He chuckled to himself, "You are the boy."
"What's that?"
"It's a French electronic band that I really like. If you're interested, I'll go check today if they have any of their vinyl records."
"I mean, does 'cherry blossom' have any other meanings?"
"It means you're as beautiful as a newly bloomed cherry blossom. Get up quickly." He pulled me up. "After you finish work today, come back and tell me the specific schedule, okay? Which Shinkansen you'll take, what the train number is, you have to tell me. I have to follow you like a shadow, neither being noticed by others nor losing sight of you."
After saying this, he draped a shirt over my hands and helped me button it up. His fingertips passed through the buttonholes, touching my abdomen, chest, and reaching the collar. I held his hands, unable to suppress the desire in my heart.
"Not now, tonight when you come back." He said in a somewhat serious tone, taking on a brotherly demeanor.
"No, not that meaning." Feeling a bit embarrassed that he saw through my thoughts, I said, "I can dress myself." I snatched the remaining clothes.
"Where's your tailcoat? Did you take it to the concert hall yourself?"
"No need, Dai Yanzhi took it for me. He arranged it with the front desk for dry cleaning and ironing when he checked in yesterday."
"Okay, I need to handle some work remotely today. I'll be waiting for you at the hotel when you come back."
I nodded, tidying up my clothes, putting on my watch, and tucking the lucky ring Yan Feng gave me inside a small pouch hidden in the shirt.
"Then I'll go. See you tonight."
I walked through the wide corridor with carpeting, entered the descending elevator, and the matte mirrors on all sides reflected my face. I seemed different from before, though I couldn't pinpoint what had changed. Even when not smiling, joy seemed to shine through my skin. I didn't know if this was the power of love. I still didn't know how to define the feelings between Yan Feng and me, but at least I enjoyed doing happy things with him. Physical pleasure always made my spirit radiant, which was beneficial for my work. Looking at myself in the mirror, I smiled helplessly. It seemed like I had become a follower of Freud.
"Ye Xi, you finally came down."
As the elevator opened, a staff member from the Music Association shouted at me in the lobby, walking towards me. I saw Dai Yanzhi pull him aside, then whispered something in his ear. I quickened my pace and walked up to them.
"I'm really sorry..."
"I'm really sorry, everyone. Ye Xi wasn't feeling well last night, probably had a bit of jet lag. I bought him some medicine, and he felt better after taking it. However, that medicine tends to make people drowsy, so he naturally overslept this morning." Dai Yanzhi glanced at me, explaining to everyone with a humble smile, "We should also be mindful of our conversations, especially since we're on official business and shouldn't attract too much attention."
I shot Dai Yanzhi a look, and he gave me a glance, indicating for me to stay silent.
"You're right." The colleague who had spoken loudly nodded. "Ye Xi, are you feeling better now? It won't affect tonight's performance, will it? Tomorrow, we have a meeting with the people from Dezhi Records. You're okay for that, right?"
"I'm much better now, thanks to Yanzhi. Shall we go then?"
We boarded two business cars and headed straight to the Suntory Concert Hall. Glancing at my watch, it was a fifteen-minute drive. I thought about not spending too much time commuting back in the evening and felt relieved. Dai Yanzhi, accompanied by other colleagues, took their seats in the audience area to listen to my piano performance, ensuring the piano's placement for optimal sound. I followed the translator backstage, where three Steinway pianos were placed in the open, light-colored wooden-floored hall. I walked straight to the piano stool, and the hall staff, preparing to shake my hand, approached. I had already opened the piano lid and started to play. The translator and the staff stood beside me, attempting to introduce the piano's specifications. I stopped, stood up, and extended a hand hastily. I shook his hand quickly, then withdrew.
"Hello, Mr. Ye Xi. I am Nagatada Nagatomo, the president of the Suntory Art Foundation. It's an honor to have you and your team here. Mr. Wang Zhuo also spoke with me over the phone yesterday. We attach great importance to this performance. The lovely lady just informed me that the other members of your group have taken their seats in the audience. Our staff will soon move to the main stage to assist you in arranging the piano's position." He spoke slowly, alternating between looking at the translator and me.
"Pleasure to meet you, and being able to perform Chopin in Japan's finest concert hall is my honor," I said while looking at the translator, hoping she would translate my words verbatim.
"Not at all. It's truly an honor to have you, a Chopin Competition gold medalist at such a young age. We've all watched the footage of your previous award-winning performances; it was quite impressive. As they say, heroes emerge from the young generation. We're all looking forward to tonight's concert." He flashed a standard Japanese smile. It was challenging for me to discern their true emotions from such smiles. Out of politeness, I bowed lightly, and he reciprocated.
"I have other business to attend to now, so I'll take my leave. We'll arrange a celebration banquet after tonight's performance, and we'll meet again then." He straightened his body, nodded continuously while moving his head, took a step back, crossed his hands at his waist, exchanged a few words with the nearby staff, and then left. Hearing about the celebration banquet in the evening, I became somewhat concerned about Yan Feng being alone in the hotel. Suddenly, I thought of an excuse to leave early and no longer felt annoyed.
I selected a brighter-toned D274 from the three Steinways. I enjoy feeling the elasticity of the hammers striking the strings when I press the keys. Without using the sustain pedal, the moment of impact still carries a transparent resonance, akin to the sound of a droplet falling onto a perfectly calm lake in complete silence. This type of tone is my favorite, especially when performing works by Chopin or Ravel. Generally, I don't favor dull sounds unless playing some of Beethoven's pieces. Of course, I like experimenting with different tonal scenarios, so perhaps, in the future, I might explore others. However, regardless of the piano's tone, since Chopin Competition, I can only accept a nine-foot Steinway. Other piano sounds seem unbearable to me, even with an on-site tuner. Many pianos have poor soundboard resonance, and subtle issues on the soundboard always lead to distortion in the sound.
If there is a performance in the evening, I always stay in the concert hall, practicing the piano until one hour before the concert starts. I return to the backstage, quickly change into my tailcoat, and the makeup artist starts styling me. In my mind, I sing the scores, training muscle memory. Colleagues go to a ramen shop near the concert hall for lunch, and I ask Dai Yanzhi to buy lunch for me. I don't eat dinner, and half an hour before the performance starts, I eat two bananas and a piece of dark chocolate before quickly changing into my tailcoat. During work, all my senses turn inward, trying to avoid any distractions.
At 8:00 in the evening, I stand at the backstage door, observing the changes in the outside lights. After the host introduces the first-half program and amid thunderous applause, I walk slowly towards the piano. I've already overcome the nervous stage that usually hits me as soon as I step on stage. Amidst increasing applause and even cheers, I thoroughly enjoy the live performance of music. Even with many uncontrollable factors during the performance, I look forward to encountering some unusual mistakes. Sometimes it's sweat dripping into my eyes, and other times it's fingertips slipping due to sweat. But I can exert maximum effort to control it before slipping into a mistake, giving me a subtle sense of excitement.
During this performance, as I played the octave arpeggios in the last three measures of Chopin's First Ballade, recalling what YanFeng said last night, I joyfully raised my hand and then settled into the final chord, hearing screams from the audience below in a daze.
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