Chapter 89: Chapter 89: War should be scary
"YOU GOT a minute, Lu?"
At early training that day, Fritz timidly called out to Rishe. She felt her smile freeze on her face. Sven, who was training with them, was off drawing water from the well. None of the other cadets had arrived yet, so it was just Fritz and the cross-dressing Rishe.
Fritz had been acting strange all morning. His sword swings lacked strength, and he seemed out of it, like he was lost in thought. And Rishe had an idea why.
"Er, about yesterday's training…"
I knew it. He's been stressing about it this whole time.
Fritz had witnessed her talking to Arnold, whom he idolized, the day before.
Plus, he saw the prince holding me against the wall and pinching my cheeks…
Rishe's eyes glazed over as Fritz shot her an awkward look. He earnestly searched for the words to say, haltingly telling her, "If this is an insensitive question, go ahead and just punch me. Yesterday, you and Prince Arnold…"
"Oh, yes. I had something stuck in my eye, and Prince Arnold got it out for me!"
"Huh?"
While Fritz gaped, Rishe smoothly explained, "It was windy yesterday, right? Something got in my eye, and I yelled about it. Prince Arnold came to see what was wrong. You could have talked to him while he was there, but you ran off so fast!"
"Y-your eye? You got something in your eye?" Fritz went quiet, and Rishe tried to not let her nervousness show. Would he buy it?
She gulped at the same time Fritz opened his mouth again.
"Wow, Lu! I can't believe you got Prince Arnold to help you like that!"
Th-thank goodness!
Rishe's knees almost gave out.
Fritz looked significantly more cheerful, not to mention relieved. "I see, so you had something in your eye. That's all it was, huh?"
Well, he does look up to Prince Arnold.
I'm sure he didn't want to see his hero holding a random cadet up against the wall like that.
When she thought about how Fritz must've spent the whole night worrying, she felt truly sorry for her part in his inner turmoil.
"Ahh, I never thought that would be the reason! I'm such an idiot for jumping to conclusions…"
Fritz was beating himself up, so Rishe tried to encourage him. "You'll have plenty of chances to impress Prince Arnold once you become a real knight. You'll be fine, Fritz… Whoa, what's wrong?"
Fritz had sunk down in front of Rishe, hanging his head. "I was going around in circles last night. I'm completely wiped out."
Was there another reason for Fritz's strange mood?
Rishe cocked her head as he quietly told her, "The whole reason I wanted to become a knight was because of Prince Arnold."
"I remember. Your town was attacked in the war and Prince Arnold saved you, right?"
Fritz nodded, looking glum. "I talked like it was all good memories, right? Well, it wasn't. I wasn't being honest. Other things happened back then too…"
I thought that might be the case.
Fritz said he'd seen Arnold's sword, but as an evacuated child, he should have had no opportunity for that.
Prince Arnold is always at the front.
If Fritz saw that sword, he'd been left behind in the most dangerous part of Ceutena during the battle.
"When Prince Arnold saved me… Everything that happened that day feels unreal, like it was all a dream. But it wasn't."
As Rishe watched Fritz, he hung his head and continued, "It's pathetic, isn't it? With the man I admired right in front of me, I remembered how scared I was then. Last night, I dreamt about that battle. That hasn't happened in such a long time. I was a knight, and I was in Ceutena. But I wasn't like Prince Arnold at all. I was so scared; I couldn't move. You were there too, Lu…and I couldn't save you."
Rishe slowly knelt until they were on the same level.
"It's okay to be scared, Fritz."
She rested her elbow on her knee and put her chin in her hand, smiling softly.
"War should be scary. It's only natural to fear violence."
"But I signed up to be a knight. A knight is worthless if he's too scared to fight. No matter how much sword training I do, I'll be nothing but a nuisance on the battlefield."
Rishe shook her head. "You're not weak, Fritz. You're a victim of the battle in Ceutena, and you went through horrible trauma. Yet you held that admiration in your heart and turned it into hope for the future, and you're working hard to make your dreams come true." She caught and held Fritz's eyes—he looked genuinely astonished.
"I think experiencing the terror of the battlefield will only make you a better knight, not worse."
After all, Rishe hadn't been scared. When the day came to protect her lords, she was prepared to go to her death. She'd risked her life on the battlefield, thinking that was what a knight should aspire to. And that was why she'd died.
She didn't regret her choice. But there was one thing she could say with certainty: "You'll be strong because you know what it is you should be afraid of."
Fritz's almond-shaped eyes opened wide with surprise. He considered Rishe's words and then laughed.
"I feel a lot better now. I'm sorry, Lu." He still sounded apologetic but less weary.
Fritz gave Rishe an impish smile. "If you think I'm strong enough, I don't have anything to be afraid of."
Rishe laughed and stood up.
Fritz followed, looking refreshed. "Let's become knights together, Lu."
Rishe just smiled. "Looks like Sven's back. We should go clean up, Fritz."
"Huh? S-sure…"
Rishe schooled her expression as they walked back together.
I'm sorry for lying to you.
She had no right to agree with him. In this life, Rishe wasn't a knight who would fight on the front lines but one of the people who would be sending them off to war.
But that's exactly why I'm going to do everything in my power to prevent it.
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