Chapter 5: CHAPTER-5: TRAUMA AND OFFER
EUN HANA
As appealing as Kang Dae's offer sounded, it was actually disappointing for me. For someone who hasn't written a single word for months after my last book, saying yes to this offer was nothing short of disappointment. I can't recall exactly when it started, but I do remember what event triggered it.
Last year, on the third of June.
I woke up early in the morning. There was a book signing event for my newly released book. I wanted to get up early and prepare myself nicely for my valued readers. After taking a shower, I sat at my makeup table. While drying my hair, I was contemplating what to wear and how to do my makeup. I was quite happy. It felt like there was a lightness about this morning. The sound of cars passing by didn't bother me at all; instead, it sounded like beautiful music to my ears. Perhaps the reason for these feelings was my sense of pride in myself. I wore a white dress. My dress had light pink flowers on it. I was going to wear my new pink high-heeled shoes that I recently bought online with it. Yes, I know it looks quite childish, doesn't it? I've always been someone who loves wearing colorful things. I care more about how what I wear makes me feel rather than whether they match each other. Of course, there are colors that I never wear and wouldn't even prefer to wear. Because, as I said, I can't carry a color that makes me feel bad all day long. After all, the better my mood is, the more I reflect that good mood to the people around me. Actually, I think this applies not only to me but to everyone.
After dressing up and doing my makeup, I was about to start on my hair. I was going to create big waves using a curling iron. I was planning to part my hair in the middle and clip one of my shiny clips with a diamond-like appearance on one side. I had just plugged in the curling iron. While humming happily, my cousin, Eun Jae Won, suddenly entered my room. I was very annoyed because he didn't knock on the door. He's not someone who usually does such things, to be honest. Compared to his brother, Jae Won-ah is a true gentleman. But still, entering my room without knocking and without my permission was a great disrespect.
Jae Won-ah was out of breath when he entered the room. His pupils were dilated, and he seemed to be struggling to hold back his tears. I got up from where I was sitting and took a few steps towards him. I put my hands on his face and hugged him tightly. After looking at his face again, I said, 'You need to calm down, Jae Won-ah. I'm here. Calm down and tell me everything. But please, let's first control your breathing,' I reassured him three or four times. After Jae Won freed himself from my arms, he looked at me. He was crying and struggling to control his breath.
"Hana-ya, my grandfather... Hana-ya, my grandfather... I... we... my grandfather couldn't bear the pain anymore, Hana. He died. Eun Hana, my grandfather couldn't bear the pain anymore, he died. We need to go to the hospital, come on."
With Jae Won's words, I froze where I was standing. I felt like someone would pop out from somewhere and say, 'look at the camera and smile.' I was trying to grasp the words I had just heard. While Jae Won was trying to pull me along, he wasn't using the term 'sister' that he never used before, he was pulling me and saying, "hurry up, sis!" He was also wiping his tears with his other hand. When we went downstairs, I saw my parents in the car. Both of them were crying. I looked around and saw that my uncle and aunt were also in my uncle's car. After Jae Won put me in the car, my dad started driving towards Seoul X Hospital.
About six months ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. My grandfather was too late for treatment. He had consumed too much alcohol and smoked too many cigarettes until he was seventy-two years old. We hadn't made any progress in the six-month treatment process. My grandfather's lungs were already on the verge of collapse. Miracles were needed for his salvation. There was no solution due to his age and the deterioration of his body. We waited for the day when he would respond to treatment. We were expecting my grandfather to break watermelons with us again this summer, just like every summer. But it didn't happen. It couldn't happen.
My dad quickly parked the car in front of the hospital where my grandfather was staying. We got out of the car and ran. My dad, who was driving the car, couldn't see in front of him because of his tears. If the whole of Korea had heard my mom's silent screams, their eardrums would have burst. But as I said; equally echoing but silent screams. It took fifteen minutes to drive to the hospital. My uncles had arrived before us. We quickly entered the hospital together. We rushed towards the room where my grandfather was staying. The security guard shouted after us, 'slow down, running in the hospital corridors will disturb the patients. Please slow down!' As we ran, people standing in the hospital corridors were looking at us with curious eyes.
When we arrived at my grandfather's room, my uncle quickly opened the door, and we went inside. When we entered, the scene I saw once again convinced me that my grandfather was dead. My uncle and aunt were burying their heads in my grandfather's bed, crying with sobs. Jae Won, who had been holding my hand since he came to call me, started holding my hand tighter this time. When I turned to him, he hugged me and started crying loudly with his head on my chest. My breaking point was Jae Won crying and hugging me. I couldn't hold back anymore and started crying with sobs.
This time, they had covered my grandfather with a white hospital sheet that would cover his entire body. Doctor Hanım came to us and explained the situation to us again. Because she knew that my uncle no longer had the strength to tell us.
...
After the funeral arrangements were made, we returned home. No one was talking to each other at home. Food had not been heated for a long time. Nothing had entered our stomachs except water. My grandmother's death had also affected us a lot, but at that time, it hadn't affected us much because my grandfather was still alive. But now, I could feel that my colorful childhood was left all alone. Throughout all the funeral proceedings, Jae Won hadn't left my side. He was holding my hand tightly at every opportunity and never let go. I could understand that he was scared. Losing two loved ones at such a young age.
Throughout the funeral, I looked into everyone's faces. Everyone had great sadness in their eyes. They were helpless knowing that they couldn't bring the deceased back. I think I had fallen into that helplessness too. How could I bring them back? I wish I could.
It had been two or three weeks since the funeral. I don't remember exactly. My editor had called me several times. This time, I returned her call. After explaining the situation nicely, she expressed how sorry she was for me and asked if I needed any help. After thanking her politely, I made a small request.
"Mr. Kim Yoo Bin, I think I'm going to take some time for myself for a while. I mean, during this time, I don't want to deal with anything. Including writing stories. Because-"
Before I could finish my sentence, editor Kim Yoo Bin had already approved me. I was truly grateful to her. And that's how I ended up not writing stories. At least, I attributed it to this incident.
Today...
I looked at Kang Dae's face with a hopeless expression, and my pride was hurt. Seeing my expression, he seemed disappointed, wrinkling his face while looking at me. But he wasn't to blame for what happened to me, and I couldn't blame him for my unhappiness. It would be the last wrong I could do to him, even though he embarrassed me in front of the whole school.
"I'm sorry. I decline your offer, Mr. Kang Dae."
Kang Dae's face fell, and he panicked. I knew it meant something to him. In fact, if we had had this conversation last year, I might have been happier than him. But I couldn't take on the responsibility of a job that I couldn't finish.
"If you think the money is too little, we can increase it as much as you want."
"No, this has absolutely nothing to do with money. And who would want to pay fifty thousand dollars for a book? Get real. There are much better writers than me out there; why don't you go and get help from them? I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't mind the difference. If you want, I can introduce you to some writer friends of mine."
"I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say, Ms. Eun Hana. I want you to write a story for us. If I were considering asking someone else, I wouldn't bother you in the first place, would I?"
"As I've said before, and I'm saying it again, I don't think I can do this, Mr. Kang Dae."
After my response, Kang Dae stared at the empty wall for a while, lost in thought. Then he looked at Do Yun and handed me a file. When I took the file, the first page I saw was my CV. While I thought 'damn,' I couldn't say it to his face. While I was stuck on the first page, Kang Dae gestured for me to flip through the pages. It was quite funny to see him like this.
When I turned to the next page, I saw a job contract. I understood what it was without reading the terms. I closed the file and handed it back to Kang Dae.
"I'm listening."
"Look, Ms. Eun Hana. You sent us a CV a week or ten days ago. Frankly, you're falling short of being hired by us. Because the department you studied at the university is of no use to us. However, my final offer to you will be this. I'll hire you as my assistant. But you won't do what Do Yun does. I just want you to stay with us, and while doing that, I'm asking you to write the story. What do you say to my offer?"
Kang Dae's offer matched the feelings I had when I looked at Do Yun's face. Maybe Do Yun could really be my inspiration. Maybe I could break this jinx. But I would also have my conditions, of course.
"Alright, I accept your offer, but I also have a few conditions."
When I accepted the offer, Kim Bora and Ha Rin hugged me tightly. Kim Bora didn't cry because she had a strong character, but Ha Rin started crying as soon as she hugged me. I couldn't hold back and started crying too.
When I accepted Kang Dae's offer, a big smile appeared on Kang Dae and Do Yun's faces. While we were crying, they were smiling with joy and drinking the tea prepared by Kim Bora.
"I will accept all your conditions, but if you want, we can discuss the conditions at the company tomorrow. Here is my business card, and this is my personal number. Be at the company at ten. When you get to the front of the company, you can call me, and I will help you. "
After approving Kang Dae with a nod, we walked towards the door to see them off. Just as they were about to leave, my mom appeared at the door. It was time to explain to her now. The thing I feared most had happened to me. I didn't know how to explain it. If I told the truth, I wouldn't keep my promise to Kang Dae, but I couldn't lie either. Ah, dear mom... Ah...
To be continued...
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