Tuesday, December 20, 2014
I didn't mean to lie.
Well, yes I did.
What I meant to say was I didn't want to lie. Especially when that person said it like that. Like, who says that?! This person almost gave me a heart-attack!
Gosh, If I told him that I wasn't the person I said I was wouldn't I go to jail? Isn't assuming identities a crime?
"Omg, I'm to young to go to jail!"
Why didn't I think this might've happened earlier? What if he's actually part of the FBI? On a special case to stop horrible people from telling lies on the internet? What if he already knew my name but was just testing me? I just lied to him!
Small me was a complete idiot.
At that moment thoughts were throbbing in my head, making me dizzy with fear.
What if they were on their way right now? My parents will regret conceiving me and disown me!
I totally regret not putting my real name in, even if it was lame. In fact, why did I even make that stupid account in the first place?
I closed the laptop and snaked out of my sisters room, quietly closing the door leading into the hall. If anyone saw me I would've surely panicked, not knowing what to do in situations such as these was what brought most of my anxiety.
At this point I was convinced I was a wanted villain. That I would be taken away for years, I would have a criminal record for assuming a dead persons identity.
Thursday, December 22, 2014
It's been a moment since I last went online. Sometimes, I wonder if I should go back on and be honest.
But the longer I wait the window of that person understanding becomes smaller and smaller. By now It's been a week. At this point, I have become a master in the art of procrastinating.
I wonder if the person replied to the message?
What did they say? What if they really thought I was that girl? Wouldn't I have caused some type grief to reopen?
Maybe I should check one more time?
No, that's to reckless.
I shake the idea out of my head as soon as it came in. Knowing that 'bright ideas' is what got me into this mess in the first place.
How lonely would a person have to be person to messaged a random person, hoping that it was their deceased loved one?
The thought flashed in my mind taking me off guard.
Honestly, I didn't know how to deal in these situations.
Do I ask if thy're okay?
That time will heal?
Someone to talk to?
Those all sounded cliche,and I wondered if saying those things even worked.
They must've already heard those things so many times, would I really make a difference by saying them again?
I have never experienced something such as death of a loved one.
What were the right words to say?
Growing up, I had never encountered anything near death. With the exceptions of pets "disappearing" and from the time when I was ten.
When I was ten, my great aunt lost her life to cancer. I had only visited her once, she was a very kind and loving woman. But honestly speaking, I did not have any emotional connections with her, as hard hearted that may sound. I just didn't know her enough to shed real tears. Yes, I was sad. The world had lost another good person to cancer. But true grief was not something I had ever experienced.
The thought of grief being brought to me for the first time was the second thing that scared me the most about the short transaction between the two of us.
Friday, December 23, 2014
The whole night thoughts kept pouring into my head, they banged from the inside, wishing to get out and become my actions.
They were like water trying to break the dam that was barely keeping together.
Of course, this was because my life philosophy was taking a hard blow.
All my life I was told death was simply a thing that happens.
Mostly to unlucky people or to fools.
One goes on with life thinking 'this could never happen to me, or anyone I know.'
But, when did we become immortal?
Why do we assume we are entitled to keep our lives as long as we wish?
My head throbbed with this new and scary realization.
How could I be so self-absorbed? thinking by living the life my parents told me to live would make me immortal. Everyone in the world was unlucky, but not I?
I became self-conscious of myself lying in my bed, as the snow fell outside my window, I was warm and safe inside the little bubble that was around me. The bubble I really didn't care to notice until now.
At the same time I was forming messages in my head.
Ones I was not sure I would be sending, but ones that wanted to be written none the less.
If I wrote the things that were running rampant in my head, I would break the glass wall that was between me and 'them'. Was I even ready to dive into something as big as that?
I fwip the blankets off my legs and climbed out of bed. The cold air made my body cringe, but I got up and quietly walked down the hall to the living room where my sister kept her laptop while she slept.
I unfolded the device and wrote the first words that came to my finger tips.
More Privileged Chapters
Download the app and become a privileged reader today! Come take a sneak peek at our author's stockpiled chapters!Download
Please switch to the pop-up to complete the payment.
Complete daily missions to get rewards.Learn more about the rules
This's an experimental test for reading assistance in case.
We highly recommend you to enjoy the beauty of the original words.