100% Beginners Guide To Taming / Chapter 2: God is a 30 year old shut-in

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Chapter 2: God is a 30 year old shut-in

Everything was dark.

"Is this death? Is this the afterlife?" Charlie wondered to himself.

The darkness surrounded Charlie, an unbelievable and indescribable sense of nothingness. He couldn't speak, he couldn't feel himself, and he couldn't sense or see anything around him. He was conscious or at least he thought he was. He couldn't tell anymore. Initially, he kept count of the seconds that had gone by in order to remain sane. He had long lost track of time. The sense of prolonged emptiness and eternity didn't bother him as much as the loneliness. Then, suddenly, a voice pierced through the nothingness.

"Hello? Can you hear me, young man?" a rough, raspy invisible voice inquired.

"Who is it?!" Charlie thought to himself. He didn't really care, he was just happy to hear another voice after so long.

"Open your eyes, young man." the voice replied.

The darkness disappeared around him, he opened his eyes and saw a brightly colored room. Charlie reached his hands out and touched his face, a sensation that he had not felt in a long time. He looked around the unfamiliar setting. It was a normal room with light blue colored walls. The room was fairly empty and not at all large. The only decorations were a couple of plants and a small TV. In front of him was a small, wooden table with an middle aged man on the other side. The man looked to be about in his mid 30's, possibly early 40's. He had neck-length curly, unkempt, black hair with bits of random facial hair growing all around his chin; the man wore a white T-shirt on portraying an anime girl graphic printed on the front and cargo pants.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Charlie couldn't help but inquire.

"I'm the almighty and great God of course!" exclaimed the weird looking middle aged man with a proud grin.

"Ha?!" exclaimed Charlie in utter disbelief. Exactly how are you God?! Aren't you just some random shut in with delusions of grandeur?? Shouldn't God look more refined?

The middle aged man chuckled to himself, "I know that this will be quite a shock to you but you have died, this is Heaven!" A large manila folder popped up suddenly in God's hands.

"Now... now..... let me see the record of your life....." said God while stroking on his barely existent facial hair.

"What do you mean record of my life? As God don't you control everything? Don't you see all and know all?" said Charlie inquisitively. God looked up from the folder and rubbed his nose with an embarrassed look on his face.

"Well.... you see.... I use to monitor everything manually but that took up way too much time. So I just invented a system that sets all Universes to autopilot and randomized settings for every person! Just like that game that you humans like to play so much..... what was it called....? Oh yes....The Sims!" replied God with an arrogant grin.

Charlie almost fainted hearing that explanation. Why are you like this?!? Why is it that you are the way that you are?! He screamed internally. His image of God described by mankind was immediately shattered.

"Hahahaha!" laughed God clearly proud of his invention "How about it? I'm pretty amazing aren't I!" Charlie wanted to smack him but he refrained himself.

"Well enough of that! Let's get back to your file....." said God. He looked down at Charlie's file with a puzzled look on his face. "Hmmm... I wonder how that happened..... it says here that you have -1,000 luck!" exclaimed God in surprise.

"Is it not supposed to be like that? Why is my luck so low?" asked Charlie.

"Well.... the system is set up to randomize a person's looks, smarts, and other biological traits based on their parent's genetics! We call it the DNA system. But a person's ambiguous stats such as luck or fate is just randomly rolled from a scale of 1,000 to -1,000 with the numbers getting increasingly lower chances as you move to either extremes. Usually normal people end with a range of 100 to -100 on average. I guess you may have just drawn the short end of the stick!" replied God.

Charlie looked like something simultaneously told him that his lover cheated on him while feeding him spoiled eggs. What do you mean short end of the stick?! It's your stupid system you weeb! Give me my life back! Charlie angrily thought to himself.

Seeing his expression, God said with his face red from embarrassment "...........In hindsight it might not have been very thought out... I'll have to tweak my algorithm."

"Let's finish looking at this file so I can determine your fate!" God asserted, changing the subject. Charlie remained silent reluctantly as God finished reading the rest of his life from the file. Afterwards, the file disappeared from God's hands in a puff of white smoke. God's face had a disorganized look. "What should we do with you....." he mumbled to himself. "Can I not be returned back onto earth?" asked Charlie. He was somewhat reluctant to leave his old life behind. He had a lot of unfinished business in his past life.

"No, I'm sorry it doesn't work like that.... usually when a person dies they get their memories erased and reincarnated on some random world. If a person is particularly wicked then they may just spend the rest of their lives in purgatory..." explained God. Charlie had a disappointed look on his face after hearing that he would never again be himself. His expression was so pitiful that even God felt a twinge of remorse for his situation.

Suddenly, God lit up into a bright smile. "I got it!" he exclaimed. "There exists a fairly new world.... it's only one hundred million years old compared to many that are tens of billions of years old... that I created as a project... a new template for the universe! Instead of having you reincarnate and losing your memories. I can just have you transmigrate into that universe with all your memories in tact but in a different body!"

"But I have to warn you, this world is harsh. Monsters roam everywhere, powerful beings that you've never seen before! It's the most large, strange, and wondrous of all the worlds that I've ever created." explained God. "Now what will you decide, will you transmigrate into this new world? Or have your memory erased and be reborn randomly?"

Charlie pondered the idea for a second. What did he have to lose? He couldn't go back to his old life anyhow. This might be a chance to start over. At the very least he would still be himself. With a determined look in his eyes, he replied "I'll do it."

"Great news! I'll even throw in a little gift for you due to the nature of your last life!" God loudly chuckled. "Now get ready, this is going to feel a bit uncomfortable."

A lightly purple colored circle appeared underneath Charlie and enveloped his entire body in a bright light.

"Have a wonderful life! I'll see you again when you pass!" said God with a smile.

As he was departing, Charlie heard a voice in the background "Now to get back to watching season two of my Anime!"

Freaking shut-in weeb! I'll become an immortal just so I never have to see you again! Thought Charlie as he disappeared from the room and his vision faded to black.


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