Chapter 13: Chapter XII: What's Wrong with Me?
In my dream, it felt like I was crucified on a huge cross amid a crowd. Two nails were driven into my hands and two into my feet. Additionally, an unbearable heat emanated from the right side of my body. Well, I wasn't alone. The same divine messenger who visited me in prison was present.
"Antonio, wake up!"
I opened my eyes, and I was lying in a pool of blood. No, I couldn't believe it. Why was there so much blood? Cesare stood there horrified, trying to stop the bleeding with a handkerchief. Which parts were bleeding? The hands, the feet, and the right side, just like in my dream. Why? What's happening? What's wrong with me?
I had heard about these signs... They are called stigmata, the signs of Christ's suffering, but I never thought I could have them. I heard they can perform miracles, but I hadn't heard of anyone having them...
"Antonio, what's happening?" Cesare shouted in fear.
"I don't know... I think I'm going to die... I'm scared, Cesare, what should I do?"
"Sister Caterina!"
I hadn't seen Sister Caterina for a few days, so I thought something might have happened to her. Well, she was more terrified than Cesare, and I believe she knew more about these things than we did.
"These are the signs of the Lord, Father... When I said you were an angel, I didn't expect you to be so touched by the grace of the Lord. These signs are given only to the most faithful people in the world..."
In a world like this, to be honest, it wasn't that difficult to be a saint. But something bothered me...
"Why me? What's wrong with me? Cesare, what's going on?"
"I'll go talk to the Pope, and maybe he can help us. I believe he's the most capable of telling us what these wounds are."
After about 20 minutes, the Pope, accompanied by Cesare, came to see what was going on. Sister Caterina was right... It was about the miraculous signs, called stigmata.
"Antonio, it would be best for you to wear gloves during the day. I know it may be strange, but you don't have a choice," the Pope said, visibly concerned.
"Hah, do I have to go through all this just because I look different from you? Why is all this happening?"
"Do you think we know? The one who exorcised the secretary bishop yesterday, he will be able to enlighten us... Antonio, who are you?"
"I'm just a simple priest, nothing more. Please, Holy Father, don't think highly of me..."
After an hour of negotiations, where I constantly tried to defend myself from the "accusations" of holiness I was receiving, I decided to go through the city with Cesare. This time, everyone was excited and visibly happy to see me, especially after yesterday.
Everything went smoothly. Cesare and I talked about various things and realized that we had more in common than we thought. On the side of a road, a blind man sat begging.
"Help a wretched blind man... Please, help me!" the poor blind man cried out.
I approached him, and he sensed my presence, asking for my help. I didn't have any money on me, and I was too embarrassed to ask Cesare for it. The only thing I could do was to heal him myself.
"Man, take off your eye bandage!" I commanded him a bit directly.
"Sir, you'll be afraid if you see me... Those who have seen my eyes have run away, leaving me alone."
"I won't run away. Please, do as I told you."
The blind man took off his bandage, and indeed, his eyes were extremely strange. I took off the glove from my left hand and placed my hand on his eyes. I said a prayer, and at the end of it...
"It can't be... I don't believe it... I can see! I can see, good people! Father, you are a saint, thank you from the bottom of my heart! Here, take all the money I collected today!"
"No need. What matters is that you can see now, right? Although I'm not a saint, I can still be glad that I could help you regain your sight."
Cesare was astounded, as were all the other people in the city. They all began to kneel around me and ask for my blessing. Cesare himself was on his knees in front of me, which triggered some rather unusual thoughts.
"Rise, good people! Cesare, especially you, get up!"
The people didn't rise until I offered them my blessing. Even bishops were in that group, astonished by what had happened, especially by the signs I carried in my hands.
"Cesare, let's go..."
We headed towards our apartment, and although I was very tired, I couldn't close my eyes to fall asleep. Why me? Why these strange things? I don't believe that I'm truly a saint, especially because I have feelings for Cesare.
"Cesare, are you asleep?"
"No, I'm not asleep. Why do you ask?"
"You know, I was thinking that I wouldn't be able to leave even if I wanted to. If I left with these signs on my body, I wouldn't last a day in the world of my country."
"Then accept the mission offered to you by the Pope... Don't you think it would be better to accept and be with me until the end?"
"To be honest, you're right... But..."
"No 'buts.' You have to stay here. When the cardinal returns, you will speak with him, and he will say the same."
"Cesare, I don't know why I want to stay here... I want to stay here because you're here! But at the same time, I don't know what to do with my feelings..."
"Then maybe it would be better to..."
Before finishing the sentence, he got up from beside me and positioned himself above me, just like a few days ago. Back then, I was afraid of him, but now, a different feeling replaced the fear... Piety was replaced by desire... Fear by love... What will happen?
I didn't even have time to think about it because Cesare positioned himself above me and kissed me. Our tongues danced like two lovers at a ball, and I was completely consumed by the feeling of belonging and love. Finally, I can be with my beloved without fearing separation.
"C-Cesare, I think it would be best to stop here..."
"Why? Don't you want to know more about me?"
"W-Well, yes... It's just that it's already too much for me. You know, this is my first kiss, and-"
"Wait, what? You haven't kissed anyone until the age of 24?"
"N-No... Not everyone is as infatuated as the people in Rome."
"You know, you can't say the word 'romantic' without first saying 'Rome,' right?"
"You're right, but-"
"We don't have to rush. There will be time for other gestures in the future, don't you think?"
"Yes, and that's why-"
Cesare rested his head on my chest. How wonderful it is to be with the person you love. To be honest, I miss Benjamin, but in the end, who knows if I'll ever see him or the other people from my time again.
"Antonio, I think that's one thing that attracts me to you," Cesare said after a moment of silence.
"What specifically?"
"The fact that you're faithful to your vows and promises... Although it makes me glad, it also makes me feel like a scoundrel that you might break them because of me..."
"You shouldn't feel guilty... I think in the end, it was meant to happen, don't you?" I replied as I stroked his head.
I'm so sleepy, but I can't fall asleep. To be honest, I'm longing for my books and studies from home. There are entire libraries here, and I'm wasting my time. I don't know what will happen in the future, but if I'm going to leave, I at least want to read something during this time. Who knows what pearls I'll find in the books of this era...
"Antonio, what are you thinking about?"
"I'm just thinking that I would like to find some books that I can read while I'm here... Could you help me with that?"
"Sure... The Vatican Library is owned by the Pope, and you know he wanted to make you its guardian, right?"
"You're right, but I'd better wait for the Cardinal for such matters. At least I would like to study some manuscripts and books, if possible..."
"Of course, tomorrow we will go to the library, and you will be able to fulfill your wish."
"Really? I feel like kissing you..."
"Who's stopping you, Antonio?" Cesare said with a wicked smile.
After kissing each other a few more times, I fell asleep, hoping that the next day would bring more happy moments with my special person, Cesare...
Before falling asleep, I thought... What have I done to be so loved by Cesare? Who am I really to be accepted by such a person? He's the complete opposite of me... He's a pervert, first of all, and I think it's contagious... Secondly, he's very close to the Pope... Thirdly, he seems so sad when I suffer and so joyful when I'm happy. Not to mention the moments when we kiss... Maybe it would be better to do some research. It's my first time, so if we're going to do that thing, I should be prepared, right?
My dream didn't repeat itself. This time, my dream had Cesare at its center, looking at me with tenderness and passion. To be honest, in my dream, he seemed much more beautiful than in reality. Maybe it was because of the impressively majestic clothes he was wearing. A diadem that almost surpassed the Pope's and a golden scepter that made me blind with the light it emanated... Is it just me, or am I kneeling in front of him? I think I'm destined to be subordinate to him, right? Although... I don't know what the future holds for me, do I?
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