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Chapter 4: CHAPTER 4

  I almost hugged myself when I entered his room. I was scared when I entered it was dark. My whole system was shaking! Even my knees were shaking like I was going to fall. Beside the darkness, I saw him.

  His bed is gray, the ceiling is white, the porcelain floor, and the others are black. In front of the bed ,there is a large flat screen tv. On the side near the veranda he has a study table with a laptop turned on. On the wall there is bookshelves. I sighed immediately to relieve the nervousness I felt. Marco own me tonight! I am his tonight!

  Maybe this is my destiny? Losing what I value most isn't that bad? I close my eyes tightly but it gets even worse when I feel his breath behind my ear. His hands touch my waist languidly. Oh my god.

  I almost wanted to pray that I would disappear like a bubble immediately. The hug of the person , I had just admired in the distance was so different now.

  "Sir-" I was silenced as he violently pulled me closer to him. My eyes widened! I think I'm about to explode now because my heart is beating like a bomb. He looked at me seriously. I'm having trouble of breathing right now!

  "Sir! Not now p-" He hushed me and put his index finger to my lips. I was immediately close to the heat brought by his skin.

  Tears welled up in my eyes.Maybe because of the various emotions that are now enveloping my system. I'm afraid of what might happen but I'm ready. He paid me for tonight. He own me, for tonight.

  "You look like a kid." My chest throbbed at what he said. What he just say?! His eyes lingered on my chest.Shit! Did it notice that my body and face didn't fit when I said I was nineteen ?! Shit!

  "I-I'm not k-kid anymore." Trembling, I said. He looked at me apprehensively.

  "Now sleep. " He commanded and my lips parted. .I thought he was like everyone else who would buy the woman at the club to be used and paid for. I thought he would bed me tonight but instead. . . he demanded me to sleep!

  He pointed to the bed.

  "Huh? A -I thought--"

  "You thought .. what?" He said in a playful voice. I bowed when he touched my elbow and one of his hands held my chin. He's so tall so I'm really only almost up to his shoulder. I heard he’ s twenty five. "I didn't pay you, to abuse you." He sighed and pointed the bed. "It's late so go to sleep. Maybe I'll change my mind and what can I do to you."

  He immediately turned around and went to his laptop on the table. While I was stunned by what he said. Now I was even more amazed. He wasn't just kind. He's a good person too. It's like the weight I felt suddenly disappeared because he's not like everyone else. He respected me.

  It's really different when we're together. I found out something I really didn't expect.

  In That morning he drove me to my dorm early.When I came down from his car, he gave me five thousand. But I didn't accept it. I don't know why I was hurt because of that. I think he just felt sorry for me. Could he have paid me to sleep there and fed me because of pity? Shit.

  ~~~

  "Maria Isabella!" my teacher's shout made me turn around. I didn't notice that I had fallen asleep in the room. Shit! My classmates immediately whispered and yelled at me. The men winked at me.

  I closed my eyes tightly and sat up. "Ah! I'm sorry!" I'm sorry.”

  My professor sneered and rolled his eyes. "If you're going to sleep in my class, Maria, you'd better just go out! Now, get out!" He shouted. I immediately stood up in nervousness and embarrassment. I heard my classmate's laughter and I left the room. Just like once, I was let out because I fell asleep.

  I felt so exhausted. Tired of everything. This is not new to me. Because it was my last subject this afternoon, I left school.

  Our uniform was a red checkered skirt. There is also a red checkered necktie. Our skirt was knee -length with a slit on the side. I first approached the siomai vendor, Susan.She was kind, I guess she was one of those who treated me well.

  Even from a far she was already smiling at me. Like me they’re living a poor life too. She has a drunkard husband and has a son who is the same age as me who I also met on the street.

  "Oh? Maria! Will you buy?" she asked vigorously.

  I smiled. "Yes! The four spicy ones." I said and took the money. I immediately handed to her then she handed me the paper plate with siomai.

  "There! That's too much for one, isn't it ?!" Smiling she said at me. “You're really beautiful young Maria. I hope you can graduate and achieve your dream." she said to me gently. My expression became soft. I immediately longed for a mother.I nodded and smiled.

  "Of course that's why I'm trying." Immediately my tears welled up. "Ah! I'm leaving ah! I might be up at night. "I said and left before my tears fell.

  I immediately trembled at the time of not being able to cry forever. What if .. I grew up with a parent? I was so jealous everytime I see a complete family. What’s the feeling having a mother and a father? I bit my lip to suppressed my sob.

  I have to accept the fact that maybe they are dead. Right now I'm really the only one I can count on in the end. So I became practical and because of my state I became courageous.

  I get nothing if I become weak. It is necessary to hide the weakness and pretend to be strong. That's me.

  Pretending to be strong but the truth is…I am fragile.


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