Chapter 2: Cipher**** Chapter Two
There was something peculiar about the way time transpired, the minutes that went by were prompt and indistinguishable, the tempo of my existence hadn't seemed counterbalanced with the human concept of time, but rather--- unprecedented in totality; I was stagnant and as if I'd lost interrelation with humanity I lacked rapport. Something now existed in my home on an occult plane.
As the days progressed I'd become unmerciful and emotionally numb, a big part of me was missing, but maybe it was common to long for my child's father. Also after taking into consideration I'd endured a great deal of emotional stress in 2018 I surmised it was natural to suffer from post traumatic episodes such as the ones I was experiencing. I'd immediately reached out to Dr. Manuel and had begun to visit him twice a week at his New Orleans practice.
I knew it was only a matter of days before I went into labor, I hadn't known exactly when and wasn't too thrilled about seeking medical help with the delivery of my unborn son, I'd watched several videos about home birthing and had ordered a pool but hadn't known exactly how I would do it alone. After returning from Mississippi I knew I needed to rest and had moved into the first home in Black Pearl I could find, a New Orleans neighborhood that sat east of the Mississippi River.
With entitlement I'd managed to rake up enough to support my sons and I, I'd determined the fight to get my daughters, Ryella and Twalla from their grandmother Pam wouldn't be as easy as it had been to regain custody of my 3 sons. The 4 and 5 year old had clearly made the state of Mississippi regret taking them into custody, and had given them back without prejudice, I admit they were a force to reckon with and had created a bond. Trenton Jr. had been placed in a special needs orphanage in Jackson, when my attorney had mentioned him being separated and in another facility he'd said the caseworker was ordered by the judge to deliver my propertyto me immediately! It was simple, their father had been killed and I now had sole guardianship. After two court appearances all within the same week I returned back to Louisiana with my boys. Nothing would separate me from them again. My daughters on the other hand, I felt they were too far gone.
I'd accepted the fact that Trenton Jr. would never hold his head up, I would find myself mad as hell because he would just run around in circles with it down, I was afraid he would run into something and it would result in him being knocked unconscious. For him, his talking had been delayed and he only knew one fucking word; Daddy. While speaking to Lawrence once he said he could swim his ass off and thought it was funny, I knew it was because of the webbed-foot deformity he suffered from, I became angry! I hadn't anticipated raising a damn platypus! Regardless I vowed to take care of them all and couldn't expect them to be ordinary.
The sound of the Netflix drum startled me from my thoughts while my two oldest son's voices echoed from upstairs, I'd noticed Nathaniel had called several times in the past few days, the calls had gone unanswered. There was this feeling of conviction that would consume me when I considered talking to my children's grandfather, somehow I felt he'd known what I'd done----but I could fix it, couldn't I?
With Martin being gone I wanted to be free but something wouldn't allow me to feel I was, the thoughts of leaving home had begun to terrify me.
I knew I was not one of them. I'd been released from jail because they had no substantial evidence and I was convinced I hadn't been granted any kind of favors whatsoever. I hadn't even known if when I'd been arrested whether they'd administered a hallucinogen to me or not, maybe I was seeing things.
I'd returned to the motel and retrieved the car I'd been given after leaving Forum Drive, 4 days it had sat. I gathered my belongings from the Pines Road home before heading toward Bossier City, there was something I needed to do before I left the area.
Nothing could have prepared me for the visit, nor had I known what to expect as I stood before the silver haired lady who appeared to be in her mid eighties, surely I'd gone into the wrong room. She resembled Christy, yea, but given her age her child bearing years had come to a halt long before Christy was conceived. I'd turned to leave out after just walking inside but decided to ask, if she knew where I could find Karma. She lifted her head from the word search, stared at me and said, "Karma? My Karma? U seen my Karma?"
"Are u her grandmother ?" I'd asked.
She picked up a small yellowed envelope and began to fumble with the pictures inside, finally they all fell to the table in front of her, I then fully entered into her room as she slammed her index finger against a picture of a young girl in a light blue dress, with cat and fiddle barrettes at the ends of her puffy ponytails. Another picture caught my eye, the gentleman depicted, I thought I'd seen him before but dismissed the thought.
"My Karma, see? My daughter."
Oh. I wanted to inquire of her age but decided against it, Christy had to be her daughter, but who was her father I wondered?
I took note of how the older woman liked cats, there had been cat calendars, notepads and other various trinkets that displayed them, many breeds all sizes, I thought back to the vintage barrettes Christy had worn on the picture, the cat and the fiddle.
"Where is she?"
"Gone, she gone gone now."
"Where? Have u seen her?"
"No, gone---Karma's gone and, and baby too, cap and glasses, she hide now. Bad man."
Baby?
I tried to make sense of what she'd said and to get an idea of the time frame in which it had been since she'd seen her, was she referring to the child we'd buried?
"Her baby didn't make it, Im sorry."
"Yes, my Karma---she got baby now, I felt him. Moved. I felt, the baby kick and she place my hands, just like your belly."
I was having trouble digesting what she was saying, "Do u have a phone number?"
"No...no phone, crazy husband---can't kill my Karma, she hide. No phone, and , and wait---who are u, why u wanna know Karma for?"
"I, I'm just a friend, a worried friend," I'd said.
She lived elegantly but was crazy as a road lizard.
I handed her my telephone number on a piece of paper after writing it down and said if she happened to see her give her the number. I'd known she wouldn't since she seemed over protective but as she reached for the piece of paper and her fingertips grazed my own, her demeanor instantly changed; when she spoke again, the feebleness had gone from her voice.
"Why have u come?"
It was New Year's Day, and there were many visitors who had come and gone, as I stood up in the 3rd floor apartment I'd somewhat experienced a sunset as if in the middle of a summer solstice, while standing in the center of the room. Like the sun had swiftly rushed from the east to the west an illumination appeared before rapidly dimming on the opposite side. Her cataract eyes then looked as if they'd cleared, briefly.
"She, she was---is my friend, and I---I'll just go."
"I've seen u coming, u and your wretched womb."
I'd watched the woman transform into something else, but as her comportment changed I realized she had knowledge of darkness. Moreover I could see her likeness.
We gazed at one another momentarily, but soon she smiled and as she had I thought I'd seen an infestation of maggots entering in and out of her gums, I'd gasped and rubbed my eyes knowing I was probably hallucinating, they had given me meds. I wiped them and focused again; her yellowed uneven teeth were back in view.
I hadn't known anymore than I had when I arrived and was certain I'd been hallucinating and seeing shit, even people in my jail cell before I was released.
As I picked up the remote control to press play on Django I remembered how Twan, my children's father would tease me about watching the same movie over and over and I'd only seen that one. I'd fallen asleep for a moment and was awakened by Deuce, my twin son who'd come downstairs screaming because he had soap in his eyes, I was in no condition to deal with them on a daily basis alone and needed help. I knew nothing about New Orleans and was hidden but had searched for a Nanny.
There was difficulty in differentiating reality from illusion and I'd definitely been seeing things, and could recall shit I'd never witnessed. I'd felt it was mandatory to meet with Dr. Manuel if I wanted to raise my sons right, also Trenton had confided in him---the way he looked at my breasts during the sessions, I knew I would have him on my team soon. I'd been confused, the Alexandria they'd referred to hadn't been in Louisiana.
Lawrence kept the fact that he'd fathered a child discreet, he'd been staying at hotels and was restrictive when it came me seeing pictures of the baby, I'd just learned the sex of the child and hadn't known its name, neither had he. He said the child had come with a note that read "Since u wanna play Daddy..." and nothing else. I thought back on how my sister and I never were allowed to take pictures.
As I'd struggled to stand and tend to the screaming child of mine, I noticed how he resembled his father but also his grandfather. I'd taken him to the kitchen sink and cleaned the soap from his eyes and as soon as I'd finished the phone rang. It had become strange how I could tell who was calling before laying eyes on the caller I.D---and knew Troy, my unborn child's father was calling from jail. I'd turned off the water and rushed to the phone hoping to not miss the call, he could be an asshole. After the recording ended I accepted the call, there was no room for confusion anymore when the phone rang, Martin was history---for now. I'd answered to hear Troy's upset voice as usual, he was always angry it seemed but I sensed fear.
"Hey Love," I'd said.
It had been a month since I had been released from prison in Shreveport and heard Martin Poindexter, former Federal Judge and elite had hanged himself in his cell block after finding out his son and daughter had lost their lives tragically in a house fire, the grief had become so unbearable I assumed but also he'd done it around the same time I'd called--- well that's another story and I was too busy trying to identify the other six, they were definitely on the prowl. Fuck Martin.
My father, the late great Percy Givens had lived his whole life trying to cast out demons, perhaps his faith wasn't impenetrable, or something had a stronghold on him. Troy's last call from prison had ended tumultuously, he'd become angry---I told him I'd been granted immunity but couldn't explain.
"U snitching?" He'd asked.
I couldn't even explain how I'd gotten out of jail but mentioned Martin's transcript, briefly he got quiet. This call had to end on a good note, I just wanted him to love me like he had before. If anyone was to hate it should have been me! He'd killed my father behind a fucking debt, his own debt!
"How the fuck u get the transcript, that nigga dead!"
"I know u killed my father, did u keep me alive out of remorse?"
"I didn't even realize it was u, I wanted to know u, at Koko Pelis---I knew I'd seen u on a picture. I did some fucked up shit and I know I'm out of chances, I don't even know why I call."
I wanted to know more about Martin's death, ironically he'd died on New Year's Eve---and had been cremated. I'd spoken to his mother she had called several times and, hadn't sounded grief stricken but neither had I...
With plans to return the car they'd given me, I'd mentioned having it delivered, but was told to keep it. I had no need to and could buy just one as luxurious.
As much as I tried to get in tune with my emotions I could only feel regret---nothing else and not even for what had recently transpired.
A memorial service was held for Dario and his mother, but before Martin had been found hanging, he'd requested no autopsy be performed on neither of the three bodies and that they be laid to rest immediately. All of a sudden he himself had committed suicide. I wondered how Procell had taken the news, I'd asked Louisa of his whereabouts.
Mysterious he remained.
"I will spend every penny I have to see that u are freed." I said to my child's father. I'd chosen to stay close by and would never leave him again, I decided to keep my plan a secret but would appear in court on his behalf in two weeks, no one could defend him like I could, I loved him.
"You have changed, I can hear it, u don't fucking listen!"
"I'm just missing u," I told him wondering if it was obvious--- I'd only temporarily made a pact.
"Nah---u different."
Maybe, I thought, but would be normal after I had the baby. After realizing I'd left the water running in the sink I'd gone back to turn it off but noticed TJ2's attention on a cast of light that circled and landed on the wall before him. He'd chased it with his hand but I could not find its source.
I summed it up as being a reflection from passing vehicles until it disappeared from the wall but my son never deterred his gaze, he turned and chased it across the room. Troy was now calling my name angrily as if I'd ignored what he'd last said but I stood awestruck.
"Huh, oh---yea."
The call ended. I knew he was upset---still.
Unperturbed I watched Trenton's child stand at the foot of the stairs and hold his head straight up while fixing his gaze on something that apparently now stood before him. What could he see!?
He even spoke in syllables, but not in words. I was used to his gibberish but what he'd spake had been in a uniformed pattern and he appeared happy. What intrigued me was the way he held his head up, the condition he suffered from had never allowed him to---his condition had bought us the home. As I called out to him he ignored my commands to leave the stairs and had begun to try to climb higher after whatever it was he could yet see. I feared for him to climb not taking into consideration he probably could have climbed up the sides of tall buildings, born with web feet they'd assisted him with walking at an early age---running, I mean.
He climbed, but swayed as if whatever he saw danced above and behind his head. I was relieved to see him drop to his knees to crawl upward but as if I hadn't called out to him several times he ignored my orders to get his duck foot ass down! I could just kick Trenton's ass I thought as I headed toward the stairs slowly on my swollen feet, now halfway up I knew his movement would make him tumble backward and just as I'd made it to the bottom of the stairs he stood again and flew backwards down the 7 stairs he'd managed to climb. It was impossible for him to fall upward and in an attempt to catch my child I'd fallen back and landed on the floor as he landed on top of me. Afraid for my son but also feeling wetness pooling under my thighs I panicked while looking around for the orb he'd chased.
I reached for him after I'd fallen and grabbed his arm successfully but he broke loose and ran off with his head back down as usual. I became afraid, I hadn't known what had happened but knew whatever I'd done had to be reversed, I was now convinced I'd indulged in something dark, and perhaps I was not wrestling with flesh and blood.
That morning when I'd awakened I hadn't known I would give birth before midnight.
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