Chapter 2: A Rickdundent Character
"Well, this is quite the unfortunate situation. Me running into you that is"
The voice that echoed from behind him sent unexplained chills down his spine as the strange man approached him. This was Issei Hyoudou, and today was the absolute worst day of his life.
Ever since waking up from what he originally thought was a dream, Issei has been suffering from terrible bodily symptoms. He felt weak, his body felt down and his stamina was skyrocketing for some reason. He also has another peculiar symptom. He could somehow see in the dark.
And now, after all that, here comes this weird shady looking guy in the middle of nowhere, telling him that things are about to get more unfortunate for him.
*What is this, why won't my body stop shaking*
He pondered. The man narrowed his eyes angrily, adding more to the immense fear that possessed Issei. Without even thinking, Issei leapt an inhumane leap backwards. And managed to jump over the waterfall fountain behind him, the same waterfall fountain associated with last night's nightmare.
Suddenly.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Huh?"
Bam.
Lightning struck. Pink bolts of electricity instantly covered all of Tokyo, and the entire city heard and felt it, including a bunch of other shady characters, like Ophis, Kuroka, and Vali.
who were taking in the night breeze on top of the tallest building in the city.
"What tha hell?"
Kuroka asked rhetorically.
"What is this shit?"
Ophis just continued starring upwards, with not a single emotion visible in her eyes as they reflected the pink light.
*God*
Ophis pondered.
.
Meanwhile.
Dohnaseek is distracted by the phenomena. So distracted that he doesn't even notice Issei trying to sneak away. He only notices when the flashes disappear as suddenly as they appeared.
"Eesh..."
He exclaimed whilst conjuring a light spear in his hand.
"Lower life beings, so cowardly, no wonder I don't abide by them"
He mocked, throwing the light spear toward Issei.
The spear landed upon Issei's back and pierced right through his stomach, as it sent massive amounts of pain down his abdomen, made visible by Issei crouching and panting. Dohnaseek moved closer to Issei to take one good look at his dying vessel.
As he drew closer, a saucer-like object fell from the sky and almost hit him. Fortunately, he managed to dodge the large object, as it passed by and continued sliding across the ground, damaging the artificially built surface layer. It finally came to a stop when it smashed against a tree. At that exact time, an old man in a white coat fell out of the object through the cracked glass, accompanied by a huge amount of cans, cans that the old man was napping on top of.
"Who and what is that?"
Dohnaseek wondered.
He angrily paced towards the thing and the old sleeping man, leaving Issei bleeding in pain.
"A mere human? With the audacity to even think of approaching me? Such insolence must be dealt with, swiftly!"
He uttered furiously, as he prepared another spear. Just as he was about to launch it. A red streak of energy slapped away the weapon from his hand.
"Who did that!!?"
He yelled.
"That would be me!"
A voice echoed from the direction of the said streak.
"Great, another intruder, and who the hell might you be exactly?"
"Firstly, you attack my servant, then you try to kill an innocent old man, not to mansion those unrefined manners of yours, you fallen angels are quite uncultured you know that?"
The intruder replied. She appeared to be a young teenage girl with a well-developed appearance and red crimson hair, the latter feature answered Dohnaseek's question.
"That red hair, you must be from the house of Gremory"
"Correct, my name is Rias Gremory, and that boy you were about to kill is my servant"
"Is that so? Well, if that is the case, then I hope you can forgive my misunderstanding"
"Very well then, just make sure you don't falter again"
"Of course. A word of advice, don't let your servants run loose like this, next time he might come across someone less... reasonable than I"
"I appreciate the friendly advice, bear in mind that if anything like this were to ever happen again then I would make you regret the day you crossed paths with the house of Gremory, my friend"
"I don't mean to disrespect but please know the exact thing that could be said to you"
Dohnaseek replied as he took off to the sky. Leaving Issei, Rick, and the three young girls in school uniforms at night alone. These three girls were Rias Gremory, Akeno Himejima, and Koneko.
Rias is a beautiful young woman with a voluptuous body, blue eyes, and a buxom figure. Her most distinctive feature is her red hair that reaches down to her thighs with a single hair strand, or ahoge, sticking out from the top. Her hair also has loose bangs covering her forehead and side bangs framing her face.
Akeno is a beautiful young woman with a voluptuous figure, very long black hair, and violet eyes. Her hair is tied in a long ponytail, reaching all the way down to her legs with two strands sticking out from the top and sloping backward, with an orange ribbon keeping it in place.
Akeno, who came along with Koneko and Rias, looked down at Issei and noticed his sorry state.
"That was a close call, I can't believe he came across a fallen"
"If we leave him in this state he'll die"
Koneko continued.
"That won't happen."
Rias answered
"He'll live, I'll see to that myself"
She then went on to pick Issei up.
However, as they were about to walk away from the park, a 15-second long dirty fart coming from a few feet behind them interrupted them. Although at first, Koneko thought it came from the pervert that Rias was carrying on her shoulder. All three of them were disturbed by it, both literally and mentally, it became even worse when the drunk sleeping man-Rick Sanchez- scratched his butt whilst subconsciously snuggling around the cans of alcohol he slept on top of.
"Sh...should we bring him along?"
Akeno asked hesitantly, trying to be nice. Of course Rias and Koneko disagreed without hesitation, especially after that happened. And being honest with herself, even if they agreed with it, Akeno wasn't going to carry him, especially since they could tell that the old-timer was drunk, so they immediately left the scene.
Dawn
It's almost sunrise at Kouh, and Rick was just waking up from what might as well be the worst sleep he has ever had. As he stands on both legs, barely, Rick feels a migrant headache coming. He uses the fingers of his left hand to massage his forehead.
"Oh man, I feel like I just played the Stephen King drinking game"
Rick remarks sarcastically, a grunt of discomfort escaping his lips as he speaks. He slowly opens his eyes, hoping that he at least crash-landed in the comforting confines of his garage. However, that wasn't the case, Rick appears to be in another place. He isn't even sure if he's still in his universe. So with nothing left to do, Rick just walked around, looking for a written clue to answer his question. He peers to his left and notices a board written in Japanese.
He uses the translator in his cybernetic left eye to translate it. The board read:
30% Discount
Rick knew without a doubt that wherever it was that he landed, it was in the Land of the rising sun.
"Oh crap, what have I gotten myself into this time?"
Rick voiced out his distress, smacking his forehead in the process, just then, the hangover from last night began to surface, and Rick could feel the pain in his stomach.
Rick took out his portal gun and fired it. However, the gun failed to meet his request, as it immediately melted into black liquid. Rick, feeling annoyed, stares blankly at the evaporating sludge before looking directly at the readers
"If there're any kids reading this, take note, this, is why your parents tell you not to do drugs"
Suddenly, the hangover kicks in, and Rick is forced to the ground as he starts to vomit the shit he was taking in last night. He runs towards the vehicle, trying to hold in what's left, and finally makes it to the car.
It's a little shaky at first, as he tries to make it float upwards, whilst trying to hold the contents of his stomach in.
When he finally reached an appropriate height, Rick headed for the southern island of the country at super speeds.
While flying, Rick notices the strange animation of his surroundings, it is unlike where he comes from. Something was not right.
He finally made it to the edges of the mainland. The hangover intensified and shook Rick off his center of focus, causing him to crash land on an empty island.
1 Hour 30 Minutes Later
It's been about 20 minutes since Rick's hangover subsided. Rick is currently flying above the Island, exploring the territory, he lands on top of a mountain that is above the island. He nods with a smile, acknowledging the beauty of its nature, and also the fact that it's perfect for a base of operation.
Rick gets back into the car.
"Activate AI security system"
"Hello Rick"
The car responded, which brings relief to Rick.
"Thank god, car, take me to the center of wherever the fuck we are?
The car does as instructed and flies Rick to the central point of the Island, that part of the island was dense and moist woodland.
Rick gets off carrying what looks like a metallic sphere.
"Okay let's see"
Rick cast the sphere down. Eight spider-like limbs grew out of the robotic mechanism as it crawled its way towards the exact central point of the island.
The sphere used its limbs to dig and attach itself to the surface. It emitted a blue light, made of squares to scan the entire island.
"Activate protocol themyscira"
The sphere launched a giant blue beam which, spread out over the island and covered it like a dome. The Island became invisible to anyone outside the island, not to mention, that it also served as a defense mechanism that electrocuted anything that touched it.
"There, safe and sound, now that, is how you build a wall"
Rick says, looking at the reader while winking.
Rick then flew away from the site.
45 Minutes Earlier
"Okay, now time to put in the real work, I'm gonna go all Tony Stark up in this bitch"
Rick took out a small cube. He was currently standing near the rocky parts of the islands, somewhere close to the coast, where most of the sand seems to have been eroded away. He thrust the rock upwards, he then activated his cybernetically enhanced left arm, transforming it into a weapon. He fired a blue beam of light at the cube while it was mid-air. This was followed by large gusts of winds, forcing Rick to cover his face, as the cube grew exponentially in size.
What immerged from the rubble was magnificent. It was an artificially majestic, well-built, and reinforced laboratory, a haven for Rick to conduct his experiment without the government being a pain in his ass. It was the exact same laboratory he set on his shy pooping toilet planet.
"You know, I could say I'm impressed by myself, but I literally shrunk a universe and turned it into a fucking charger. Oh man, this universe is about to weep I tell you, weep"
Rick stretched his back.
"Okay, I'm gonna go set up a place for my solo adventure. Once I'm done I'm gonna take a big fat Morty in it. As for you..."
He said looking at the lab, where the same AI as the one in his garage lay.
"For the sake of fan service, I'm gonna keep calling you garage. Now while I'm gone set up my table, I need to create a new portal gun"
"As you wish, Rick"
Rick then walked away from the site, moving further inland.
"Okay let's see this might be a big leap of logic, but the only reason why my portal gun turned into that someone would vomit after eating at Arby's is because either that stupid drug messed up the formula of the charge or worse, I managed to blast out of the central finite curve"
Rick thought to himself.
20 Minutes Later
Rick has been shitting in his new public yet excluded toilet for the past 15 minutes. It might be silly, but Rick has always found solace in the pooping. No one knows why and no one want's to, like they say, don't question why the cat speaks
He did enjoy the view. It was nothing like his former toilet planet, back in his universe, but for now, it'll do.
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.
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After he was done with his 'solo adventure' (still not directed by Ron Howard), rick went back to his lab. Just as he expected, everything was ready for him, and he was about to get to work. He stood in front of his work desk, rubbing his hands together.
"I see you did a good job while I was gone, now do an even better job and pull out the CFC equation for my portal gun charge."
After saying that, a metallic arm approached him carrying a green plasma-like substance, trapped in a sealed glass container.
Rick opened the shelf in his desk and pulled out one of his many empty portal gun vessels. He took the container, and placed it on top of the gun, at the exact position where it should be.
"Bingo! Man am I awesome or what?"
Rick went out to test the gun once more, hoping it would create a portal back home. However, just like the previous time, the gun melted into a black fluid.
"Yep, it's just like I thought, I'm definitely out of the Curve"
Rick went back inside the lab.
"Okay garage, new plan, please download the spatial schematics of this universe, and convert them into digital code. You can use themyscira's system as the server"
"Loading schematics, please hold"
50 seconds passed...
"Schematics loaded, converting and displaying into digital code."
A holographic screen was projected for Rick to see, a giant number, although not infinite, like that of the Curve, appeared in front of the screen.
Rick started messing with the number, he took the number and converted it into a complex equation, whilst factoring in the laws of physical tangibility, to convert the equation into that of new fluid.
"Garage, convert this equation into a substance"
The garage recorded the equation, and with that, creating a new portal fluid. However, this time, there was a slight difference.
"It's red? Really? This color's fucking lamer than the final season of Game of Thrones"
Rick muttered as he placed the fluid inside the gun anyway.
"Well, you take what you get I guess. At this point I'll even become a believer, maybe even a swiftie, who knows?"
Rick went outside to test the weapon.
He opened two portals, each connected to the other. He then through a softball through one portal, and just as expected, it came out of the other. There was still one small problem, for Rick.
"Yeah I'm still not feeling this color, I guess the fairy in Dorothy was right when she said there's no place like canon'
Rick remarked jokingly.
"Garage, do me a favor and set up a weak green aloe flavored ester, chop-chop"
The garage paused for a few seconds.
"Right"
It responded with a low tone.
"Is that sassiness I hear in your voice garage?"
"What do you think?"
The garage responded, causing Rick to grunt, as his cheeks turned red in embarrassment. Rick felt the sensation, he took out a hand mirror from his lab coat and examined his face. When he saw his red cheeks, he was struck with even more concern.
"Hey garage, are you done with that Ester?"
"Yes, your fucking lordship"
"Cut the fucking retorts female javas, I run this castle"
Rick teleported to an alley in mainland Japan, Tokyo. The portal was now green, like his old one, since he combined it with the harmless ester, it also smelled good as well. But that wasn't the issue, Rick still had to confirm something.
"God I hope this doesn't work.
He was currently walking along the streets of Kouh, looking for someone to talk to. He made absolutely sure that the person was Japanese. Rick came across a random woman. He tapped the woman on the shoulder
"Hey there, I hope I'm not bothering you but I'm lost, could you please direct me to Tokyo Tower?"
There was silence for a while until...
"Oh you want to see the tower, well, all you have to do is take a short left and..."
And just like that, all hell broke loose, as Rick fell to his knees.
"Sir, are you okay?"
The woman asked, concerned.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"
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.
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Rick teleported back to his lab, breathing heavily. As he paced in a single sport.
"What's wrong Rick?"
The computer asked.
"Garage, I just talked to a random woman in japan, and she responded"
"My system cannot understand how that's a problem, let alone my problem"
"Don't you understand, I asked a random Japanese person for directions in English, AND SHE RESPONDED, WITH A FUCKING AMERICAN ACCENT, THERE WAS NO SIGN OF A LANGUAGE BARRIER BETWEEN US, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?"
"No"
The computer responded.
"It means we're in an Anime, garage, do you f(burps) hear me? WE'RE IN A FUCKING ANIME"
"Rick, calm down."
"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN. AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
2 Minutes Later
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
This was Rick, chucking down some of the whiskey he had saved up. After he was calm, he stopped drinking and closed the flask, placing it back into his lab coat.
"Ahhh, whiskey from bird person's world hits you in the right places, always"
Rick took out a flat circular device, and stuck it to his head, with his hair serving as a means to hide it.
"Okay garage, let's go archetype hunting, remember, all you gotta do is keep me occupied with a conversation that has nothing to do with what we actually want"
"Got it"
The computer responded.
"Now, all I need are books, any books would be fine."
Rick grabs three Random books from his shelf
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.
.
Three minutes have passed and Rick was currently walking around Kouh, he chose the longest road he could find, and he was able to communicate with the garage system mentally through the device he planted on his head.
"So Rick, Do you like sandwiches?"
"Oh yeah, Garage, I love sandwiches, I love sandwiches, a lot"
Rick responded, trying not to sound weirded out.
"That is interesting, please tell me what you like about them?"
"Well, you know, the tomato, is good"
"What else?"
"The pickles too, I like mine with pickles"
"What else?"
"Well, there's the crust, I love the crust"
"What else?"
"They have layers, and I'm not just saying that because it's a Shrek reference"
"What else?"
"Because they don't ask lame questions"
5 Minutes Later
At this point, Rick was pissed off. This was visible all over his face, especially in his twitching right eye.
"What else?"
"Okay just stop alright, I asked you to rouse up a random conversation with me, not an unintentional sleep remedy, I mean my god, you sound like you took speech lessons from Microsoft Edge's offline pdf audio reader"
"Well forgive me if I have to cope with you and your growing weirdness"
The garage.
"I think you lost your right to judge other people's weirdness when you became a living AI, which is what you always were, cause I fucking made you like that, so take your stupid comments and shove them up your digital ass"
Rick responded angrily.
"By the way, you never told me why we are doing this?"
The computer wondered.
"I told you we're anime archetype hunting, we're playing with studio troops, whenever a character in anime is walking around with something and minding their own business, they bump into someone, most likely not a redundancy and probably connected to the protagonist in some way"
"But doesn't that only happen to important characters only?"
The computer asked.
"Yes it does Garage, yes it does"
Rick replied with a smirk, causing the system to sigh.
"Your pride knows no bounds, does it Rick?"
"And your mind knows not who has your off switch. Watch your mouth"
Oof.
And just like that, Rick's plan worked, as he did in fact, bump into such a character.
"Sorry about that old-timer, are you okay?"
The masculine voice replied to Rick, as it reached out to him. Rick had only pretended to fall down.
"Thanks, man"
Rick replied as he took the man's hand.
It was a tall man appearing to be in his twenties with an average build, black hair, golden bangs, and a black goatee.
"Let me pick those up for you"
The man said, motioning at the books.
"No don't worry I got it"
To prevent things from getting weird, Rick just said that for the sake of convenience, he didn't actually pick up the book, but just watched as the man did so.
The man looked at one of the books.
"Hmm, Einstein huh? And judging by your lab coat, I'm guessing you're a scientist?"
"You could say that, yeah"
"And judging by your looks, you're not from around here are you?"
"Yeah, I'm a robotics scientist from Washington DC. I came to Japan to further my research"
Rick answered, lying of course.
"I'm Rick, Rick Sanchez"
Rick said, reaching out his hand for a handshake, which the man accepted.
"It's nice to meet you Mr Sanchez, my name is Azazel"
"Please, just call me Rick, I insist"
"Very well then Rick"
With that the two started walking around town, discussing science stuff, mainly involving astrophysics, like Newton's gravitational law, PR paradox, and also Schrödinger's Cat. Well, for a while that is. It didn't take long for Rick to begin to show his real self, his narcissistic and humorous nature to Azazel, this was due to Azazel's relaxed attitude, an attitude that Rick appreciated to a point where his true attitude began to show. Fortunately, Rick was smart enough to not share too much information.
"So I was like, Oh yeah? well why don't you suck your dick, which also happens to be my dick!"
Azazel and Rick laughed at the story Rick was telling, although it did disturb a few people in the area.
"You know, you're an okay guy Rick, you seem like the type that doesn't care what others say"
"Yeah well they can fuck off, you know what they say, another man's sense of judgement is another man's pain in the ass"
"I'm sure they do. Hey, how would like to go out to drink tonight, there's a really good pub close by."
Azazel asked.
"Really, a drink now?"
"Relax, it's just two old timers hanging out, what do you say?"
"Well I don't kn..."
"I'll pay for the beer"
"See you at the pub"
Rick quickly retorted.
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Kuoh High
Issei Hyoudou's life seemed to be progressively getting stranger and stranger. First it was his girlfriend trying to murder his ass, then another person who was just like her, and even weirder, Issei got a social upgrade. Well kind of, it wasn't really clear to the other students why this dumb pervert-as they would call him- was walking along with the most popular figure in school.
This was of course, Rias Gremory, the leader of the Occult club, whom Issei had recently found out, is actually a devil. A metaphor come to life. Issei wasn't sure how he should interpret this. While he was feeling a lot happier, his perverted dreams seemingly having come to fruition, it all felt too convenient, it was all happening too fast and Issei couldn't wrap his head around it all.
So after being sent to his class by his new master. Issei was once again summoned hours later, this time, it was another one of Rias's servant, a teenager called Kiba, who had already garnered a lot of attention from the girls.
So after arriving at the headquarters of the club, and definitely not being a paedophile towards the younger first year student, Koneko, Issei met up with Rias. Naked. In a bath. There was no need for any ethnical questions, as Issei began to drool over her naked body, as it immerged from the shower.
So after 'that' happened, Rias began to fill Issei in on the basic information needed to grasp and understand the events that just transpired. It was all confusing at first, but he soon understood, well, kinda. Now there was one last thing left, a job. Issei had to enter a pact with a human. However, things weren't going to be the same with him, as it turns out he couldn't teleport like other devils could, and henceforth. He had to go by bike.
Meanwhile
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Dusk
"Okay, this should be enough to detect any anime bullshit anomaly that this world has to offer, especially when the canon starts to shove itself right up your ass"
Rick remarked sarcastically. It was sunset, and Rick was busy installing some kind of satellite dish in the tip of the tallest building in Kouh.
"Garage, you know what to do right?"
"Yes Rick"
"Good, now light em up baby"
"On it"
The garage responded while at the same town making the dish face upwards. Just then, Rick's watch began to beep.
"Oh would you look at that, I'm almost fashionable late"
Rick said, shutting off the sound.
"Okay Garage, be sure to scan everywhere, and everything. God I hope this turns out to be a slice of life, I can't deal with more weirdoes with inexplicable powers"
Rick said as he opened a portal and teleported away. The other end of a portal reappeared at a disclosed and empty alleyway, close to the address that Azazel gave Rick.
.
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Rick went inside the 'store', which was more of an underground casino than it was an ordinary pub. Azazel was already awaiting Rick at a corner table in the bar. Rick saw him saluting with two fingers of his right hands, he drew closer, and it was immediately clear, from the two bottles, that he was keeping himself 'occupied'.
"I see you already started without me"
"Well, I assumed maybe you were caught up with work, you know, with you being a scientist and all"
Azazel said, narrowing his eyes.
"Yeah. Right. Scientist"
Rick said, pulling up a chair and sitting opposite to Azazel.
"So, still have any cash left?"
"Hmm, I'd be an idiot if I didn't"
Azazel responded with a light chuckle.
"Good, cause I reeeeeeeee (burps) eeeeeeally wasn't planning on paying. Also, I have a curfew in a few.... Minutes. So don't expect me to get too drunk"
"We'll just have to see about that, won't we?"
"Just so you know, I'm more bugs bunny than bugs bunny is himself, so don't even think that reverse psychology could work on me"
Rick says, pointing at Azazel.
1 Hour Later
(Burps)
*Just what tha hell is this man?*
Azazel pondered inwardly, as Rick took in over 45 bottles of what might be regarded as one of Japan's finest beer brands. It was unprecedented, even for someone of his own standing as anyone else would be dead on the floor. However, what frightened Azazel even more, was the fact that Rick wasn't affected in the slightest. He did seem more lax than usual, but that's the kind of personality Azazel had seen from Rick, so in a way. He was still the same.
"I'm not gonna lie this stuff is really good. What (burps) is it called again?"
"It's Sapporo"
"Man, this stuff's giving bud light a run for its money"
Rick said as he threw the bottle away with the other pile of bottles.
"So Rick, tell me, what's your poison?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well an old man like you should be open to all kinds of experiences at this point, pain included, so tell me, what's your poison?"
Rick just looks at him for a few minutes before answering, as he opened up another bottle.
"Uhhh, you know, classic stuff, dead wife, daughter married to a fucking idiot, dysfunctional family, the normal stuff, the kind I don't wanna go into that much."
"Of course, forgive my curiosity"
"Whatever"
*So he's not one for manners too, is he?*
Azazel muttered inwardly.
"So Rick, have you ever gambled before?"
"Name your price, as long as it is... (burps) isn't money, you know, because I didn't bring any"
"Money won't be necessary, If I win, then you'll have to tell me more about you, and also I'd need you to help with certain research stuff of my own"
"What kind of research?"
"You'll know after I'm victorious"
"And if I win, I want money, a shit load of it, I wanna be Zacchaeus!"
Rick said, yelling out loudly.
"Okay then Rick, how about a simple game of blackjack"
"Sure thing, Just know one thing, I'm a scientist, so probability is my cup of coffee, and I can already tell who the loser is here"
"Don't get cocky old man, destiny can be rather, mysterious."
10 Minutes Later
"How on earth is that even possible?"
"You were saying? Read it and weep bitch (burps) yeah"
Rick had won, once more. Who could have known that the smartest man in the known universe could pull such a thing off?
"Nonono this can't be right, New game, how about a new game?"
"Sure whatever, I'll even let you pick one"
Rick answered mockingly, earning laughter from the spectators present.
"Casino Hold'em Poker"
Azazel uttered with a grumpy voice.
7 Minutes Later
"A.....Again!!?"
"Hahaaaaa, that's right motherfucker, read it and weep. There's a lot more where (burps) that came from"
"He beat me again"
Azazel said scratching his head.
"Okay okay, new game, Baccarat this time.
5 Minutes later
"Why? WHYYYYY?"
Azazel contemplated, as the number of people in the bar who were laughing grew.
"Hahaaaaa, you just got Rick-rolled biatch!!"
Rick celebrated.
"Man I'm just full of these references today aren't I?"
"New game, Red Dog"
"Okay?"
3 Minutes Later
"30 000 yen, 30 100 yen, 30 200 yen, 30 300 yen"
Azazel was out of words this time, as he watched the old man recount all the money he had won. Aloud.
"Man, you're really eating it today aren't you?"
"You don't have to be so mean about it."
Azazel said, his voice sounding a little sad.
"New..."
"Game?"
Rick finished his sentence for him.
"What will it be big guy?"
Rick asked. A devilish smirk grew on Azazel's face.
"One I'm planning to win at any cost, Pai Gow Poker"
1 Minute Later
"60 seconds, all it took was 60 seconds"
Azazel was now full-on tear mode, squatting on a corner. Rick, on the other hand, was 'twerking' as a way to rub his victory over the fallen angel's face.
"Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah. Haha, that's right, I'm MaxmilianMus now, get it? Because of the song?"
Just as Rick was talking, his watch started beeping.
"And that's my curfew, well time for me to go, I'll catch you on the flip side, Azazel"
As Rick left, he took some of the money he had, stuck it inside the passing maiden's bra of the pub, and smacked her behind as he marched towards the exit.
"Free drinks for everyone! KA(burps)NPAI!"
He yelled out as he left for the exit.
"KANPAI!!"
Everyone else yelled out similarly as they raised their bottles.
Rick went back to the alley he came through. He opened another portal knowing full well that Azazel who was now hovering above him, trying to act all secretive, was watching him. This was bad. Not because he had attracted supernatural attention.
*Shit, so I guess this is NOT a slice of life after all*
Rick says as he exits through the green portal.
A Few Minutes Earlier
"I suck so hard, I didn't even end up making a pact, just a heated debate about Dragon Boy Z"
This was Issei, returning back from his endeavor in his truly majestic bicycle. This was after he was sent to try and have a contract with a human soul as a trial test by Rias. It obviously did not go as expected.
Just then, a twinge of fear crept down his spine, as the ominous sphere began to cover the area, a terror that Issei at this point knew all too well, this was the presence, of a fallen angel.
"There is someone here, could it be that guy again?"
Issei was wrong.
"What a surprise"
What showed up instead was a tall and buxom woman with brown eyes and long, navy blue hair covering her right eye.
"You certainly not what I expected, but I'm certain you were the one I was sent to find. My name is Kalawarna and I have orders to destroy you"
Just then, Rick's portal opened and he appeared out of it. Instead of intervening, he watched as the protagonist fought the fallen angel.
"Rick, aren't you going to help?"
"Nah, heroism is overrated, not my kind of shit. And besides, he's gonna be fine"
Rick responded to the garage AI.
"What makes you so sure?"
"That's pretty simple, that guy's the protagonist and she's... well, a redundancy"
Rick responded coldly.
"Not gonna lie though, she looks kinda thick"
"Rick, that is gross"
"Oh don't you dare judge me, I'm sure back home you'd suck the neighbor's dick if he proposed to you with a solar panel"
"Huh, you'd wish"
Just as he was talking, Issei activated his sacred gear, frightening Kalawarna, who was facing him.
"Okay, if my guess is correct, the kid just unlocked some crazy shit power, and that angel is about to be defeated"
Rick explained.
"Okay garage, go back to the island and set up a new empty pod for operation Phoenix, set up a notepad for a new operation 'apex'. I'll grab the experiment"
"Yes Rick"
The garage replied.
Rick took out a tranquilizer gun. At that exact moment. Issei launched a punch that stripped Kalawarna naked.
"Was that the sacred gear?"
Kalawarna asked, her voice shaking.
"I've got better things to do. I'm going to let someone else deal with this crap"
Kalawarna yelled, turning her back flying away, before being hit by a small projectile to the neck and falling to the ground, much to Issei's surprise.
"WTF?"
Issei asked rhetorically.
Just then, an old man wearing a white lab coat came closer to examine the naked and unconscious fallen angel. This was Rick Sanchez. Rick picked Kalawarna up and put her on his right shoulder"
Issei was confused by what had just happened, identifiable by the fact that he was at a loss for words. He watched as the old man turned his back on him and walked in the opposite direction.
"Hey, Hello there!!"
Issei interjected loudly, gaining the old man's attention as he turned to face the young teenager.
"Howdy partner"
Rick responded sarcastically, before walking away once more.
"Just wait a second there will you?"
Issei beckoned angrily.
"Who and what tha hell are you"
Rick just stared intensely into the boy's eyes, minutes passed as rick did this.
"I, am Freddy Kruger"
"Freddy Kruger? You mean from the movie?"
Issei asked.
"Well, not exactly Freddy, I only attack those who piss me off and get on my nerves, and trust me, I have a good trek record of doing that."
Rick answered. Moving closer to the teen, shook him even more than his encounter with Kalawarna. Rick made it close to his face, as he kneeled down.
"You're not going to tell anybody what you saw today, got it?"
'Yyes ssir, ggggggggot it"
Rick responded with a sheepish smile before walking away from the boy once more. He then opened a portal to his secretive place and vanished with it. Leaving Issei in shock, with only one thing left in his mind.
"I have to tell Rias about this.
Issei said as he ran off into the night.
Meanwhile, Azazel was watching the whole thing transpire from the sky. Savoring each scene.
*Interesting. I wonder what he's planning to do with her*
Azazel pondered and flew into the night sky.
.
.
.
To be continued.
Next Chapter
Schwifty Addition
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone