Chapter 51: Chapter 48: What's So Good About Grass?/Arc 6.7
Yang Ning looked silently at the dazed Celestial seated on the couch opposite to him. The Sun Emperor had come over to the Zhou mansion to check on his friend.
He noticed that the Zion hadn't returned though. Joy bubbled inside him knowing that the man had actually gone back to his kingdom.
"A Tao."
The young teenager snapped his head up but frowned realizing it was just his friend. Looking down he sorted through his piling thoughts once again.
Sighing, Yang Ning moved to sit beside his friend. His arm wrapped around the waist, startling the Celestial who quickly tried to remove it. Of course he couldn't so he could only glare at the older boy.
Smiling, Yang Ning ignored the daggers being shot at him as he persuaded.
"Now that he rejected you, what will you do?"
Wang Tao didn't make a sound but the Sun Emperor could sense his dark mood at having the topic brought up.
"If you don't mind, you could come with me. After all he doesn't love you so wouldn't it be best to move on?"
Wang Tao lowered his eyes.
His friend was right. After so many years of struggling to stop loving, now was probably the chance to move on. He didn't forget the Celestial's words before they 'came out' to Zhou Jian.
"Why are you helping me so much?"
Yang Ning smiled lightly as he took the pale hand in his. He let go seeing the other's discomfort but still said what he planned to.
"Because I love you."
The silver eyes blinked slowly before he exhaled softly.
"You love me? So you want to date me?"
"Mm-hmm."
"...What do you love about me?"
Yang Ning's eye twitched. He hid the dark look in his eyes when the Celestial turned to look at him. The phoenix eyes stared at him carefully, however they could only see so much. The Sun Emperor skillfully hid his emotions as he asked,
"Do you doubt me? I don't think one needs much of a reason to love someone."
"I won't consider it unless you give an answer."
The carefree attitude of Yang Ning vanished. He put on a serious expression as he shot a glance at the door. Irritation burst within him but he averted his gaze back at the Celestial.
"I love many things about you, there's too many to list but…I'll say a few. There's your smile, you're personality, and your actions, like how cute you are when you act all possessive. And how you blush so easily."
A silence passed as Wang Tao silently stared at the older boy. He seemed to be considering it so Yang Ning pushed on.
"I truly love you and I want to cherish you. So please come with me. Let me give you the love you deserve. I promise I'll treat you better than he did. I won't ever leave you for someone else."
The golden haired boy waited patiently, hoping that his words convinced the other. He'd worked so hard to reach this point, how could he let his schemes go to waste.
The moment the Celestial accepts he'd have won and he could whisk him away. Thinking of how soon he'd be able to taste that delectable body he'd been craving for, Yang Ning began to grow impatient.
Meanwhile, Wang Tao was in deep thought. He wanted to get out of this vicious cycle of pain. If Zhou Jian really didn't love him and had even left so easily, wouldn't it be best to move on?
Here is someone close to him offering to love him. This was what he'd craved for. For someone to love him so why was he hesitating?
[ Probably because I just can't believe it. Even if he didn't love me, would A Jian really leave like that?…That's it, he wouldn't, would he? ]
[ A Jian may have been happy for me but he considered us as close friends, maybe even best friends. How could he leave like that? There must have been another reason but what? ]
The Celestial wasn't sure but he had a hunch that he shouldn't accept his friend's proposal unless he figured it out. He was also beginning to suspect that his friend knew what was going on with the Zion.
In addition, he knew it would be difficult to accept either way. He'd tried to move on and leave the Zion many times before. When he visited his Empire and was contemplating whether or not to go back, his mind was filled with reasons not to, barely any to return, but he still chose the ridiculous choice.
During this time, Yang Ning nervously shifted his gaze between the door and the lowered head of Wang Tao who was in thought. Just as he worried he was seen through, Wang Tao spoke.
"I can't. I love A Jian too much."
"So you'd rather be with him and get hurt? He even left you!"
"I know but…but I still can't bring myself to. Not unless I hear the exact words from him saying he doesn't love me."
"That's stupid. You're just going to hurt yourself. Stop being a masochist and come with me! If you don't, you're just an idiot."
"Yes, I am. I'm an idiot in love so I won't leave. I love him and he needs me so I'm staying!"
Wang Tao really felt stupid now. How could he forget that the man was in a fragile state at the moment. Unlike him, the man never cried or had a break down even once these past lifetimes and was like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Who knows when he'd jump off a cliff or something to end himself? The man needed him badly, even if Zhou Jian wouldn't admit it. How could he leave the other to go to his Empire where no one understands what happened to him and no one there is close enough to the Zion to stop him?
Zhou Jian frowned as he listened in. Shock and relief, which he quickly shot down, had flooded into him as he realized that the two being a couple was all a ruse. However, it seemed like it could be true soon enough, if Wang Tao stopped being so stubborn that it.
The Zion had returned for various reasons but the main reason was to support the younger boy. Which is also why he agreed with sunshine despite his feelings.
He had fallen in love with his little cat. That he had realized long ago. After so much time together, those silver eyes had invaded his mind and the others' love touched his heart.
He'd long fallen out of love with Chen Xiang in the fifth world, before what he'd done to his son was discovered. His love had faded, his attitude cold but even then he hadn't divorced the other.
His son was so young and the Zion couldn't bear to have him lose his mother or have a divided family. Because of this, Zhou Jian hid it and acted as normal as possible, even if the two never interacted the same as before.
He didn't kiss the youth or sleep with him and didn't call him Xiang er either. Luckily, Chen Xiang didn't care at that point since he had his secret lover to satisfy him.
Even then, did he deserve to be happy with the other? After all he'd done? He hurt the Celestial, pained him, even caused him to have a mental breakdown.
After all of this, how could he dare to turn around and proclaim his love, going on to enjoy life once again? He didn't earn it or deserve it. He needed to pay for everything he did.
But Wang Tao shouldn't have to wait for him. He was the Celestial Emperor of Death while Zhou Jian was just the Demon Emperor of an inferior species. The powerful Emperor of the Sun was a much better match for Wang Tao and the man was willing. He believed that Yang Ning could treat Wang Tao better than he ever could.
Opening the door, the Zion stepped in, startling the silver haired Celestial. Having already sensed his presence, the golden haired male hid a scowl as he let go of Wang Tao.
"A Jian, I thought you-"
"He's right, A Tao. You should go with him."
"What? Why would you say that? If I go-"
"Because you'll just be hurt if you stay with me."
Wang Tao was shocked.
How could A Jian say that? Didn't the other care for him? Weren't they friends? He thought the other needed him but he was just pushing him away.
"But I don't want to leave you, you need me!"
"I'm fine. Besides, I don't matter but you do. Staying with me just puts you in misery. When is the last time you've ever been happy with me? Without any negative emotion there as well."
"I…"
"See, there's-"
Zhou Jian words stuck in his throat as he noticed the tears streaming down from the silver eyes.
[ Shit! What have I done? Am I stupid? How could I have told him that? Now I've just hurt him more. Now he thinks I don't want him or that I hate him. ]
"A T-"
"Why? Why do you always act like that?! Telling me to leave, to stay away. Don't you think I would've done that long ago if I could?! I can't! I can't because I love you and you know that! So why are you pushing me away? I thought you were fine with me so why…"
"A Tao that's not-".
"Shut up, I'm not finished!"
Zhou Jian immediately shut his mouth. The younger man's eyes were glowing red as the tears streamed down his face. It was obvious that the other had snapped and he wasn't going to stop until he said everything on his mind.
The other Emperor blinked, unsure of whether or not he should leave. Thinking a bit, Yang Ning kept quiet and tried to withdraw his presence.
"This is so you, always trying to help me! But why don't you ever realize that you need help too. I'm not the only one suffering but I'm the only one being comforted. Why? Because you're too kind. You're the kindest, nicest person I've ever met."
"But I'm not! How could I be when I've treated you so cruelly? I let you follow me for five worlds in pain, watching me be in a relationship with another man. I'm anything but kind. I'm a complete asshole. I even-"
"Stop putting yourself down, A Jian! You're wrong. Why do you not see how kind you are? And I only followed you because it was my choice."
"But if I never mentioned-"
"I would've followed whether you said it or not! And it wasn't so hard because you were there for me! Every time I felt down, you would take me for my favorite food. Buy me sweets and more. Every time I cried or when I had a breakdown you were there."
"But I'm the one who caused them!"
"No you weren't. What caused them was my love for you which was no one's fault but my own. I'm the one who fell for a man already in love. Already in a relationship, then in marriage and then a father!"
"But you couldn't control that! What could be controlled was you following me or what you saw which was my fault. I let you see me and Chen Xiang together so much and that was on me."
"No it wasn't, I'm the one who stayed and watched. And just like how I couldn't control my love, neither could you!"
"But I still hurt you and I didn't have to."
It was as soft as a whisper but Wang Tao could feel the overwhelming guilt and self hate the other carried. It was dangerous and suffocating and the Celestial could see the signs of the man struggling to breath.
His tears blurred his vision as his heart twisted. Taking a deep breath Wang Tao decided that he must make the other understand no matter what.
"A Jian. Why do you fail to remember that I'm not the only victim? I was hurt because I loved you but it wasn't so bad."
"How? Your mental state dropped so low because of it."
"It did, but it could've been worse and it could have happened sooner. A Jian, if you weren't so kind. If you didn't care so much, I would've spent my life, empty and hollow or in vain suicide attempts. So many times I think about how it would've been if you had lashed out, or even become disgusted when I confessed. What if you hadn't cared about my feelings and pushed me away harshly? That was the worst you could've done."
"I still think letting you follow me was worse."
"No it wasn't! Because in each world we became closer and you became more caring and gentle. We laughed, played, and explored. I even understood what it was like to have a family because I followed you and you encouraged me to open up. I felt the warmth of a touch after having never made physical contact with anyone before. I slept for real for the first time because I felt safe around you. I visited worlds I never did before. I even met a child who I could call my own. None of this would have been possible without you."
Zhou Jian was speechless. Gazing into those phoenix eyes, he knew that the other meant everything he said. Conflicted emotions arose as he tried to speak. The suffocating feeling grew and he held back the tears forming.
"How could I be the kindest? How could I be kind at all when there's someone like you around. After going through so much and feeling like your heart was gouged out a million times over…how could you look me in the eye and genuinely say that you think I'm the kindest. I treated you like that, and yes I meant it all and I didn't fake it, but I gave you hope which pained you further. You're the only one who deserves that title so please-"
"That's where you're wrong."
Wang Tao walked up to the Zion. With the man back in his original form, Wang Tao was shorter in his teenage form, having to look up to meet the other's eyes. Raising his arms, his hands cupped the other's face gently and sad smile crossed his face as he watched the other try to calm himself. The purple eyes showed confusion when the other refuted.
"I'm not the only one who was hurting, A Jian. You were too. Why do you not realize that we were both in an unrequited love. I love you but you don't love me."
Hearing this, Zhou Jian's heart let out a cry and he struggled to reign in his emotions as the Celestial continued. Each word sounded in the Zion's ears, causing distant memories and emotion to resurface.
"You love Chen Xiang but he never loved you. I was there. I know how much you love him. I saw the pain in your eyes every time you confirmed that he didn't love you. But for me, it wasn't like that. I knew from the start that you didn't love me. I didn't have to be filled with doubts, unsure before confirming then doubting again. You definitely suffered more. With the gut-wrenching feeling when you noticed the disgust, the ridicule in his eyes. When you hugged him close so he wouldn't see you struggling to keep yourself going. I know that you stayed up at night, unable to sleep, wondering if it was something you did wrong."
Wang Tao's pale hand caressed the man's cheek. Seeing the purple eyes fail to conceal the man's pain from recalling it all, his heart pained but he strengthened his resolve as he kept going.
"You treated him like a treasure, pampered him, coddled him and gave him everything he wanted. No matter how expensive the gift, you gave it because you knew that was what he liked. Expensive things, expensive clothes like jewelry, brands and more. And many would say that it was because of how much money you had but I know that you would've done it even if you were broke."
Wang Tao shook his head to silence the protesting Demon Emperor. Zhou Jian lowered his eyes and remained silent, trying to ignore how cool those hands felt. He wanted to kiss them, each and every finger and hold them like they were the most delicate jade.
Somehow he knew it would calm him down. He really didn't want to show so much vulnerability in front of Wang Tao.
"You would've found any possible way to satisfy him even if he didn't love you. All because you loved him. I know how it filled you with hope that he never left. That Chen Xiang came back to you in every world.
But it hurt to know he was using you, even if you didn't mind being used. Every time I needed you, you were there. You hugged me, comforted me and soothed me with such a gentle voice. But you never let me do that for you.
You lost your lover. You found out that the love of your life cheated on you. You found out that the son who you raised and thought of as your own was another man's child.
But what did you do? You never once saw the child as someone else's. You loved him just as much as before. Staying with him until he got over his trauma. Never leaving his side."
Love burst in the silver eyes as he stared longingly into those charming, soul stealing purple eyes.
"Don't you understand? This is why my love is still so strong. It never stopped growing form the first world. As years went by and I learnt more and more about you. and spent time with you, it grew even more.
Now my love is enormous and inextinguishable. It's incredibly different from the first world and much deeper too. A Jian, I love you and I don't like seeing you like that so please...care about yourself more."
Calming down, Wang Tao wiped away his tears before Zhou Jian could. Lowering his hand, the Zhou Jian stared at the Wang Tao intently before averting his gaze.
The Celestial caught the tremble of the man's lips and his heart was pricked. Holding Zhou Jian's hand he turned to Yang Ning.
"Sorry for having such a spectacle before you. We'll be leaving now. By the way, the answer is still no."
The two then disappeared leaving a bewildered Celestial.
Shaking his head, Yang Ning sulked a bit. He couldn't believe all his efforts were in vain. Despite his hate for the Zion, he simply gave up. It was useless to continue trying to win someone so in love.
[ Well, it's not like I actually loved him anyway. But it's such a pity, I really wanted to see how he'd be in bed…]
With a few regrets, Yang Ning also left the room. He guessed he should return to his Empire. He was only here because he got some intel that the Celestial would be here. Now that his plans were foiled, he had no reason to stay.
However, he wanted to see how things turned out. From their argument, it was obvious that Wang Tao still thought the man wasn't over his ex and Zhou Jian also hadn't confessed. Once he knew if the two ended up together, he'd leave.
[ I guess I still have some hopes for at least a taste… ]
.
.
.
Wang Tao dragged the silent man to his room, Entering, he locked the door and sat the man on the sofa. Cupping the other's cheeks, Wang Tao stared into the purple eyes as he whispered.
"You've taught me how helpful it is to have someone to lean on or cry your heart out to…A Jian, I'm here for you. You can cry."
"But-"
"No buts. I know you want to. It's damaging to bottle it all up so please."
Zhou Jian hesitated as the Celestial pleaded. Thinking back to the recent argument, he slowly reached out.
Wrapping his arms around the waist, he pulled Wang Tao down to straddle him. The Zion buried his head in Wang Tao's neck, inhaling deeply as he hugged Wang Tao tightly.
Minutes passed as the man slowly relaxed. And it took a while after that before Zhou Jian managed to start letting it out.
Tears fell from his face as everything flashed through his mind. His pain, his regrets, the fading emotions or the ones still living strongly in his heart. What felt like an eternity to him passed as a flood of tears flushed the overwhelming, heart crushing emotions.
It was a silent cry. The sound of the rain tapping on the window was light and the sky dark. The room was a bit dim, causing a distorted shadow of the two to form.
As the hours went by, the Celestial could feel his shirt dampen until it was soaked. Holding Zhou Jian close, he soothingly rubbed the broad back as time passed.
His heart pained as he sensed the suffocating state the man had been bottling up inside seep out. The emotions were so strong that it choked the Celestial as well.
Tears swelled in Wang Tao's eyes as he controlled himself, his hand still soothing the other as the normally strong frame trembled violently.
.
.
.
.
"Thank you and I'm sorry."
The deep voice carried these words into his ear.
"What are you saying sorry for?"
"For everything."
"No need, you've said it enough...Actually, you're banned from saying it to me…or writing it…signing it too."
Wang Tao pulled back, his hands gently wiping off the tears which remained. The Zion's eyes followed his movements carefully, slowly releasing the thin waist. Raising his hands, he held Wang Tao's gently and acted upon his earlier desire.
A fleeting touch landed on each finger as the Celestial's ears reddened. His fingers trembled slightly as he silently watched the other.
Zhou Jian did it seriously before bringing the cool palms to his lips and kissed them lightly. Wang Tao's breath hitched as butterflies filled his stomach. Inhaling a shaky breath, the younger boy tried to speak.
"A Jian…why…why did you…you made me think that you…"
The Emperor was a bit tongue-tied and fumbled his words as he tried to express himself. Taking a moment to think, he resorted to asking.
"Did you not care when we pretended to be dating? Were you actually happy for me?"
Zhou Jian, who was playing with the other's hands, froze. Uncertainty flashed across his face before he answered with difficulty.
"Yeah."
"O-oh."
A finger pried open the mouth which was biting itself, causing Wang Tao to flinch. The Zion rubbed the bruised lip, as his heart twisted.
"A Tao, stop hurting yourself. You're making me worry."
"Sorry…"
"Don't say that, you're banned too."
The silver eyes twitched.
However, noticing that Zhou Jian was serious, he didn't comment on it.
Remembering the other's affirmation, tears formed in his eyes. It seemed like his first love was really doomed.
Knowing this, the Celestial recalled how he told Emperor Yang that he wouldn't accept it until Zhou Jian said to his face that he didn't love him and gathered his little courage to question the man once more.
"A Jian, do you love me?"
Nervousness and apprehension wrecked his soul as if he didn't already know the answer.
It was a lousy attempt, one fueled by a miniscule amount of hope, which the younger boy hoped to destroy his love for good. Then maybe he could rethink Yang Ning's proposal, though he would feel awful using the man as a rebound.
He knew how much it would hurt for someone to not love you back so Wang Tao knew he had to tread carefully. The Celestial was understanding Zhou Jian's struggles when Wang Tao had confessed.
Zhou Jian grip tightened as complicated emotions swirled in his heart. His heart pounded, shouting for him to confess his love there and then. On the other hand, his self-hate and guilt tore at him and berated him, demanding that he suffered first, mocking that he was unworthy.
The conflict grew when another chaotic voice reminded him of the Celestial's words, of how he'd already suffered, followed by a larger voice considering what would affect his little cat and how.
In the end, he didn't answer but put it off a bit.
"I…I can't answer that yet. I need to do some things first."
"It's ok, I'll wait."
"You…you sure?"
Wang Tao nodded. A smile had bloomed on his face as his hand brushed the man's face.
"You didn't say no! He he…That's good. It means I have a chance, that you're considering it. That makes me so happy!"
The Zion was stunned.
It had been so long since he'd seen such a bright look in those silver eyes. It was as if his words had pulled the boy out from hell and guided him to heaven. Not knowing what to say, he didn't make a sound as the Celestial rested his head on his chest, a bit tired.
His eyelids drooped as Wang Tao listened to the constant heartbeat. Glancing up, a sudden urge overcame him but he hesitated on whether to act on it.
After hearing Zhou Jian's earlier answer, Wang Tao had gained more confidence so he decided to do it.
Slowly, he inched closer before adjusting his head. Lightly, the Celestial kissed the Zion's right cheek.
Startled, Zhou Jian looked down to meet the shy gaze of his little cat. The younger one had a slight blush as he waited with baited breath.
The Zion's turbulent mind settled as Zhou Jian's heart melted and warmth swirled in the purple eyes. He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Wang Tao's cheek in return. Blushing a bright red, Wang Tao buried his head in the sturdy chest as he tried to calm his erratic heart.
The man chuckled, his hand habitually starting to comb through the silver hair. A sweet atmosphere surrounded the two as Wang Tao wrapped his arms around the man, reducing the gap between them in search for warmth.
As time passed, Zhou Jian slowly felt exhaustion overcome him, so he stood and carried the boy to the bed. Lying down, he pulled the surprised Celestial into his arms and closed his eyes.
After a moment, Wang Tao relaxed and snuggled deeper into the man's embrace, drifting off into slumber as well.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
EM236_otaku
EM236_otaku Hi! How was this chapter? Don't worry, the angst should be done now. I'll try my best to bring much sweetness and fluff in the following chapters.
Also Thanks for PS and support! If you have any ideas or thoughts on my story, comment it and let me know.
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