Chapter 101: Your Own Worst Enemy
Neville parried a blow from Taltria, then slipped out of the way of her sword. Without thinking, he tucked and rolled, dodging a blow from Alavel. He launched a quick thrust at Alavel, then took a step back and blocked another thrust from Taltria. He dodged to the right to keep them both in front of him, then landed another hit on Taltria.
Every day for the last three months, they'd been at this. He'd learned tons about the Nimblewrights. How they moved, how they operated, what abilities they had, and, most importantly, how many hits they could take.
It took about seven hits from the Sword of Gryffindor to take one of them out. In their current skirmish, he'd landed four on Taltria, and two on Alavel, which left three and five.
He planted his right foot, expecting another trip attempt, then blocked another hit from Taltria. A quick parry took care of her second sword. Neville caught her with his own blade as he blocked hers.
Alavel moved around him to take a flanking position, but Neville slipped into the space once occupied by Alavel, dodging blows from both of them as he moved. He swung hard and brought down Taltria, allowing him to keep his full attention on Alavel.
"It's just us now," Neville said. "You could always give up."
"What makes you think it's just us?" Alavel asked.
Something wider than the rapiers the Nimblewrights used caught his legs and sent him tumbling to the floor. He rolled away, throwing his sword and using it to pull himself to safety. When he recovered, he didn't see the new combatant. He whirled around in time to see the light catch something red heading towards his head.
Neville ducked and thrust with the sword. A metal clang filled the room as metal struck metal. He pulled it back then tried again, finally getting a good look at his opponent.
Rose twirled Crimson Thorn around then whipped him into Neville's side. He fell to the floor, trying to think of a plan before Rose got another hit.
Her foot flew into his stomach, and he recoiled in pain. He tried to push it out of his mind, but panic set in when he couldn't see Rose anymore. Before he could react, a boot landed on his stomach.
CRACK!
Pain surged through his chest, forcing his eyes shut. When he opened them, he found himself staring up at Rose along Crimson Thorn.
"You hesitated," she said.
"Sorry," he wheezed.
"Don't apologize! I just beat you. You're not supposed to apologize to me!"
"Sorry."
Rose rolled her eyes and waved her hand. As it was when Taltria and Alavel used the staves she'd provided, his wounds mended themselves.
"What was I supposed to do?"
"I'm not here to teach you," Rose said as she walked over to the Nimblewrights. "I'm here to assess your progress."
Something about her tone threw Neville off. Her normal cheer was gone. She sounded cold.
"I can beat them without taking a hit," Neville said.
"I'd hope so. You've been doing this for long enough. If you hadn't learned how to take them out by now, I'd be worried."
Her words stung him. He'd always imagined telling Rose about how practice was going. She'd be proud of him, telling him what a great job he'd been doing. In all his daydreams, he'd never imagined she'd be annoyed.
Why would she be proud of me? No one's proud of me.
He didn't get off the floor. What little strength he had went into keeping him sitting upright.
"That!" Rose shouted, turning and pointing at him. "That's your problem! You care too much what everyone else thinks! It's easy to tear you down. You think Malfoy's not going to try? He might be pals with Princess and Skyeyes, but he's not your friend! If he doesn't, someone else will. If not before, then Delacour will give it her best shot during. Don't think you'll have any friends inside the maze."
Neville shrank against Rose's words. He wanted to be strong for her, but he didn't have it in him. He was still the same weakling he'd always been.
"Lady Rose, I believe you've made your point," Alavel said. "Your harsh words are no longer helpful."
Rose glared at Neville one more time before vanishing from the Room of Requirement.
"We feared as much," Alavel said. "When you become comfortable with a situation, you handle yourself well. Most of your life will likely be situations with which you find little comfort. Lady Rose wished to know how you'd handle yourself when caught off guard."
"Oh."
Neville walked out of the Room of Requirement in a slump. After everything he'd done, all the time he'd spent training, he was still nothing. Every morning, for nearly six hours, he sparred against Taltria and Alavel. He could beat them both easily, but Rose thought he still wasn't good enough. What more did he have to do?
None of the three of them spoke a word on the way back to Gryffindor Tower. It wasn't a long walk; Neville was thankful for the Room of Requirement being on the same floor as his common room. If he'd been sorted into Hufflepuff, the silence would've been unbearable.
Wednesday meant he had the entire day to himself, but he didn't know what else there was to do. He tried working on classwork, but all he could think was that he was supposed to be training.
Neville closed his Charms book and crammed it back in his pack. It wasn't as if he could cast any of the spells in it. He glanced up and saw Ron moving around the library and wondered how he'd done it. Ron's marks were average at first, but now they were perfect. Even in Potions, where Snape had always found something wrong with even Hermione's work.
He's just good at it. I'm not good at anything.
He left the library the same way he'd moved around all day, dragging himself from place to place. He paid so little attention to where he was going that he nearly missed Luna on his way out.
"Salutations, Toad."
Neville looked up at her. She looked just as she always did: happy and carefree, with the same sideways smile on her face.
"Hi, Luna."
"Where are you going?"
Neville opened his mouth, but couldn't come up with an answer. He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was he wanted to walk around.
"I don't know."
"Can I come?"
Neville frowned at her. What sort of person asked to follow someone who didn't know where they were going?
"I guess."
"Thank you."
Luna walked happily alongside him on his way upstairs. Apart from that, he didn't know where he was going. That never seemed to bother Luna.
"Are you ready for the next task?" she asked.
"No. I'm never going to be."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm just a worthless coward, and everyone knows it!"
"No, you're not," Luna said, undisturbed by his outburst. "I know you can be brave, Toad. Even if you aren't always, you always try to be."
"Thanks, but you don't mean that. You're just being nice."
"Why would I say something I didn't mean?"
"I don't know. Just forget I said anything."
"I don't think I can do that either."
They walked in silence for another few minutes. Neville didn't know what to say, if anything. No matter how hard he worked, he knew he wouldn't be ready for the task, and no one could change that.
"Luna, have you ever felt like the whole world's against you?"
"Yes," she replied. "I feel like that a lot."
"What do you do? How do you handle it?"
Luna tilted her head. "I'm not sure. I think I just ignore it. Why?"
Once again, Neville found himself regretting his decision to talk to Luna. She was nice enough, but Neville found her difficult to talk to about anything. He couldn't talk to Rose, and he didn't know his other friends that well.
"It feels like nowhere's safe anymore. Like everyone's waiting for me to make a mistake, and I can't take it anymore!"
"That's how I felt when I first learned about the Rotfang Conspiracy, but don't worry; it's not nearly as bad as it seems."
Neville stopped walking, grateful for anything that could take his mind off the Triwizard Tournament. He didn't know what the Rotfang Conspiracy was, but it had to be better than his other problems.
"What's the Rotfang Conspiracy?" Neville asked, walking through the looking glass into Luna's world.
"It's a movement within the Ministry," Luna explained proudly. "They're trying to destroy it from the inside out using Dark Magic and gum disease. The Aurors are part of it, and I think they've started recruiting at Hogwarts."
I'm sure I'll regret asking this, Neville thought. "How are they going to use gum disease to take down the Ministry?"
Neville allowed Luna to explain the inner workings of the Rotfang Conspiracy to him, and he was thankful for the distraction. At least, he was until he realized that was all it was: a distraction. He had just a few weeks until the final task of the Triwizard Tournament, and he would fail.
No matter how hard Neville worked, deep down, he knew it wasn't enough, that it would never be enough.
"Toad, are you listening?"
Neville jumped and looked at Luna. She'd stopped talking, and he had no idea what she'd said.
"I'm sorry, I just… My mind's somewhere else."
"Oh. Do you know where it is?"
"No, I mean I'm still thinking about the tournament."
"Oh. What about it?"
"I already said. I just don't know what to do."
Luna frowned, an expression Neville wasn't sure he'd ever seen on Luna's face. She looked down at Tutela, who stared intently back at Luna. Neither of them moved, save for the occasional twitch or odd facial expression.
After a few minutes during which Neville questioned several times what was going on, Luna turned back to Neville.
"You'll be alright."
"You can't possibly know that. No one can. No one knows what's going to happen."
"I know you. You never give up, even when things look bad. And… and you remind me that there's always someone who cares."
For possibly the first time since the second task, Neville stopped feeling miserable. Happy was still a stretch, but he felt like he had energy again.
"Really?"
"Of course."
"Thanks, Luna."
"You're welcome, Toad."
Rose was missing the rest of the day. She'd shown up occasionally to meals in the past week, but never to class. Neville wasn't surprised; who'd want to spend time with him?
There was no practice the next morning. Neville struggled through Divination, then through Transfiguration. He caught Professor McGonagall eyeing him during class. Even she knew he was a failure, she was just too nice to say anything about it.
"Longbottom!"
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, Professor Moody wasn't.
"I know you of all people can do better than that!" he snapped. "If we were attacked by a dark wizard right now, I'd expect you to fare better than most!"
"Sorry, Professor," Neville mumbled.
On his way out of class, Neville realized he would have Potions the next day. If anything would make his condition worse, it'd be Potions.
Rose caught him as he filed out of class.
"With me," she said.
"What?"
"Don't ask questions, just follow me."
Neville glanced back at his friends. Ron had already started for the library, but Sally-Anne and Harry both shrugged.
"Don't look at them!"
Rose didn't speak a word until they were out of the castle.
"If you hesitate out there, you'll die," she said. "You can't be standing in your own way. This might kill you, but if it doesn't fix the problem, then you're gonna die anyway."
"What?"
"I've been working on it for a few days after Alavel gave his last report. I interrupted practice yesterday to see for myself. You're hesitating. You do that in the maze, you're dead. You second guess yourself, you're dead. And that's assuming nothing goes wrong, which it probably will."
"I thought you said you'd covered it."
"They thought of something I didn't, and it got your name in the Goblet of Fire. If they think of something I don't, it could be a lot worse. I've got contingencies for you or Skyeyes being captured, but if something goes wrong, you need to be ready."
Neville remembered what Alavel had said the day before.
"I can't."
"Exactly the problem."
She led him through the Forbidden Forest. He ducked and dodged familiar branches. He found that he didn't need to think about where he was going; one look and he knew where they were.
"What… what are we doing?"
Rose stopped and pointed to a pitch black circle surrounding a group of trees.
"I call it the 'Nightmare Scenario'."
"So I'm gonna face my worst nightmare?" Neville asked. "Like a boggart? How will that help? It was just Professor Snape last year."
"Not quite," Rose said. "You'll see. Just step inside that line."
"What happens then?"
"You'll see something. So long as it's there, you can't leave. The scenario stays active until either the illusion disappears, or you die."
"Illusions can't hurt me, right?"
"This one will feel real, but it likely won't kill you." She motioned to the circle. "Step inside."
Neville did as he was told, and the moment he did, Rose vanished. He looked around the forest, but saw nothing but trees. A twig snapped, and he whipped his head around, drawing the Sword of Gryffindor.
"Who's there?" he called. "Show yourself!"
"It's alright," a boy's voice said.
He stepped into view, and Neville found himself staring at… himself.
"It's only a nightmare," Other Neville said.
He looked like Neville, but this Neville smirked back at him with a confidence Neville didn't know. It was more than simple confidence; it was arrogance. He looked as if the whole world belonged to him, and everyone else existed to serve him.
Neville held the sword across his chest, anticipating some sort of attack.
"As if you could stop me if I tried to hurt you," Evil Neville said. "You've had so much fun playing pretend, but now it's time to go crying home to Gran like always."
"I'm… I'm not playing!"
"Sure you are. That's all you've been doing. Unless you actually think you could hold your own in a fight."
"I can beat Taltria and Alavel!"
Unless they've been going easy on me this entire time.
"We both know they've been going easy on you. Just like your friends did, just like Rose has been doing. All to spare you your precious feelings."
Neville lowered the sword. He held his gaze towards Evil Neville, but he wasn't looking at him. The times that he'd practiced danced through his mind. Had it all been a lie?
"I… I made it through the first task!"
Evil Neville smirked at him.
"Of course, you did. It wouldn't have been as much fun if you'd died then."
"Fun?"
"For Rose."
Neville flinched at her name. When Evil Neville saw his reaction, he smirked again.
"Aw, did you really think she loved you back?"
His words hit Neville hard, and he began to shake. Deep down, he'd known he was in love with Rose.
"She's perfect, and you're nothing. Or did you think winning the tournament would make her fall in love with you?"
Neville blushed. The thought had crossed his mind more than once. He'd imagined himself holding the Triwizard Trophy high, with his other arm around Rose. She'd have an enormous grin on her face and tell him how proud of him she was.
"Back in the real world, she's been trying to kill you for months."
He snapped out of his daydream and turned his attention back to Evil Neville.
"You aren't their friend. You're the annoying kid who won't stop following them around. Rose is just the only one who's done something about it. She put your name in the Goblet of Fire, so she could use the tournament to kill you."
Neville knew it was wrong, but something inside him said it wasn't. Every memory he had of his friends smiling at him… had it just been an act? They'd all been polite. After he'd left, they must've stopped smiling.
"Finally, he's gone," Sally-Anne would've said.
"I deserve a medal for bearing the ball," Ginny would've added. "You can't imagine going with that loser."
"That's what happens when you draw the short straw," Ron would've sneered.
Suddenly, their smiles turned mean. In every memory he had of them, they all laughed at him. Just like everyone else.
Stinkbottom!
He's such a loser!
"If… if Rose wanted me dead, why didn't she just kill me in the first task?"
Other Neville's smile grew wider.
"Because she was having too much fun. How delightful it must be to get to kill you. That's why she worked so hard to save you in the second task; she didn't want her fun to end."
No, you can't die yet! I'm not finished with you!
"But… but Professor Dumbledore—"
"How do you think she got your name in the goblet? You've been nothing but an embarrassment to Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore will be happy when you're finally gone."
He's the worst student at my school, but we can't just expel him for that. If only there were a way to get rid of him.
Neville heard the Sword of Gryffindor hit the ground. It felt far off, as if it were someone else's problem. Maybe it was.
"No one cares," Other Neville said.
"No one cares," Neville repeated.
"You've been nothing but a worthless embarrassment all your life. Rose hates you. Dumbledore hates you. Gran hates you."
If only Lestrange had done him in too, I wouldn't be stuck with him!
He fell to his knees and stared at the ground. He was nothing. He'd never be worth anything.
"There you are," Better Neville said. "On your knees, begging for mercy. Right where you belong."
Worthless Neville's world fell apart around him. Everyone hated him. Rose was trying to kill him.
"Please stop," was all he could manage.
"The only mercy you'll get is the one you give yourself." Better Neville crouched down and smiled at him. "Only you can make it all stop."
Worthless Neville stared back at him. It took him a moment to realize what he meant. When he did, he wrapped his fingers around the hilt of the sword. The sword given to those who were brave. He didn't deserve to wield it.
"One last time. It will bring you what you want."
Worthless Neville picked up the sword, then looked up at Better Neville.
"Will it hurt?"
"No worse than it does now."
He picked up the sword and aimed it towards his stomach. His hands shook as he held it at the ready. Before he made another move, a hand rested gently on his own.
"If you really care about them," Better Neville said, "then this is the best thing you can do for them. Free them from their burden. Free them from yourself."
Pain shot through his body as the sword ripped a hole in his stomach. Neville squeezed his eyes shut and forced the sword in deeper. Blood spilled over his hands, and tears ran down his face.
"Draw it out, and it will all be over soon."
Neville did as he was told. He dropped the sword on the ground, then curled up beside it. All he could do was shiver. He'd never realized how cold the world was.
Images of his so-called friends danced before him. They were all happy to be free of him. Rose would be happy that she'd finally succeeded. That's why she'd sent him into the Nightmare Scenario. She'd grown tired of playing with him.
Gran would be the happiest of all. He'd been such a disappointment to her, to his parents. Pretending that they'd talk again one day. Pretending that he'd be able to stop Lestrange from hurting anyone else.
He saw her. The mad woman in a cage, laughing at him. His parents were empty because of her. He'd never hear them speak again.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Be thankful that they never saw what a disappointment you've been to them."
The trees and forest blurred together. The pain slowly died away. Soon, everyone would be free of him.
Images formed in front of his eyes. He saw himself as a child, no more than six, talking to Gran.
Your parents can't talk. A woman called Bellatrix Lestrange hurt them so bad that they can't talk anymore. They don't know who you are, or even who they are.
Will they get better?
They might. One day.
Tomorrow?
Maybe tomorrow.
"Maybe tomorrow."
They faded away and an 11-year-old Neville sat with his parents.
There's a girl at school called Rose. People say she killed a troll! I didn't know kids could do that! If kids can kill trolls, maybe… maybe someone will find a cure for you.
The image of him changed to become a few years older.
If Sirius Black can break out, then she can break out, and if she can break out… then I'm gonna be there to stop her.
"What?"
I'm going to make sure she never hurts anyone ever again.
"No one wanted you to. Let people who matter deal with her. You're nothing. Just a miserable, worthless coward."
I know you can be brave, Toad. Luna's voice was warm, kind. He couldn't see her smile, but he could hear it in her words. She never laughed at him; she never laughed at anyone. Even if you aren't always brave, you always try to be.
"I can be brave."
"No, you can't. Don't give up now. They're all counting on you not making it out of here. All you've got to do is let go."
"If I die… I'll never hear them talk again. I'll let them down."
I want to learn to fight.
I'm gonna be there to stop her.
Maybe tomorrow.
"You're nothing. Everyone hates you."
"They… don't."
"No one cares."
There's always someone who cares.
"I… care."
"It doesn't matter. You can't beat her, and you know it. Stop wasting everyone else's time and just die already."
Some days it'll feel like you didn't do anything…
"You're nothing."
…and others you'll want to quit…
"Just die."
"But I… promised… them."
…but you've got to keep moving forward, because that's the only way you'll ever get to where you're going.
"Just keep moving forward."
Do you really think I can do it?
Neville brought a shaky hand to his side. It took everything he had to press down on his wound, but it was at that moment that he made his choice.
I know you can.
"She won't… get away."
It'd taken him all year, but he finally remembered why he'd wanted to learn to fight in the first place. It wasn't to impress Rose, or to make her fall in love with him. It wasn't to impress his friends, or anyone else. He wanted to learn to fight to stop Lestrange.
"You can't stop her."
"Maybe not… but I won't… let them down."
A weight was on Neville's shoulders, and he wanted nothing more than to let it crush him, but if it did, he'd never hear his parents talk again. Worse than that, he'd break his promise to them.
"Your parents will never talk again," Other Neville said.
"Maybe… tomorrow."
Neville realized what he'd done, as if he'd just woken from a dream. He saw his own blood on his hands and pressed harder on the wound. He forced himself to stay awake as Other Neville glared down at him.
"I believe in myself," Neville panted. "Maybe I'm not worth it… but if I quit now, I know I'm not. I'll never quit. I'm gonna spend every second working to keep my promise to Mum and Dad."
The forest came back into focus. Blurred images faded to green, then took coherent shapes.
"They want you dead."
Neville moved his eyes to glare at Other Neville.
"Prove it."
For once, Other Neville had nothing to say.
"I hate the tournament. I hate that I've got to compete. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I work to go after Lestrange. She's the only thing that matters. The tournament doesn't matter. You don't matter."
Neville forced himself back to his knees. As he returned to reality, the pain returned to his body. He gritted his teeth and held tightly to his side. His hands were already covered in blood, making it impossible to tell if he was losing less.
"You really think you can survive this?"
"Better. I can live through it."
With all his might, he climbed to his feet. He screamed as a wave of pain shot through his body like wildfire, but what he said next, he needed to say to Evil Neville's face.
"If you're not gonna help me, then get the Hells out of my way."
Evil Neville smirked, and Good Neville wanted to punch him.
"Well, it certainly took you long enough."
With that, Evil Neville disappeared into a wisp of smoke, leaving Neville all alone in the forest.
A wave of euphoria spread through Neville's body, and he let out a mad laugh.
"I did it!" he exclaimed. "I…"
He collapsed on the forest floor before he could speak another word.
"Toad!"
Rose's voice was far away, but Neville tried to listen for it. It was soft and magical compared to Evil Neville's voice. It was so beautiful that Neville wanted to fall asleep listening to it.
"Stay with me! Stay awake! I just need 12 seconds!"
"I'm so tired," he mumbled.
"Don't do this to me! Stay awake! Please!"
He felt Rose jostling him, but he couldn't get up. He wanted to fall asleep. Rest was good, right? Especially with the next task so close.
"I believed in myself," Neville said. "You fixed it."
"Tell me how amazing I am later, Toad," Rose said. "I can't bring you back if you die like this!"
"I'm not gonna die, I'm just gonna rest."
"Stay awake for another two seconds."
A warmth enveloped him, and all the pain vanished. Neville opened his eyes and saw Rose sitting over him. The sun lit up her face, making her look like an angel.
"I've got a guardian angel," he said.
"You don't need a guardian angel, Toad. You'll be fine, all on your own."
Neville wanted to stare at Rose forever. She looked beautiful in the fading light, and her smile was so warm and comforting.
"What are you smiling at?" Rose asked.
"You look good in the light like that," Neville said.
"Aw! Thank you!"
She threw her arms around him and held him close.
"I've lost so much," she said. "I'm glad I didn't lose you."
Neville put his arms around Rose. He never wanted to let go. For the first time in months, he felt happy again. He wanted to tell Rose how she made him feel, but something told him it wasn't the right time. Instead, Neville asked her something that had been nagging at him in the back of his mind for months.
"You believe in me, right?" he asked.
"I never stopped believing in you. I'm sorry I've been so distant, but I thought you'd be better if you had to make it on your own. But like I said before the first task: I know you're ready. We all do."
She pulled away from him and pressed something into his hand. It was a small disc, like a wheel. Between the spokes were eight chambers.
"Moon and I made that for you," Rose said. "I made the disc, but she carved the runes on the back."
Neville flipped it over and found hundreds of tiny runes etched into it.
"Hook it on to the Sword of Gryffindor and put some of your magic plant stuff in the chambers. Push the center, and it will imbue the sword with the front one." She smiled. "Professor Sprout said they don't last forever, so she thought you would want something to help."
Neville thought back to everything he'd seen inside the Nightmare Scenario. At the time, it'd been all that mattered. Looking back, it seemed so silly. Of course his friends didn't hate him.
"Thank you."
"Moon helped too. I think she's worried about you."
Neville hooked the disc onto the Sword of Gryffindor.
"When we go to dinner, don't let me forget to talk to Ginny. Sally-Anne said she's been upset because I asked her to the ball, but never asked her out again."
Rose nodded.
"You could always try asking her out," she said.
"I thought maybe I'd like her," Neville said. "But… I don't know. She's always so… rough."
"I've never been one for it either. Personally, I like quiet, paranoid, and brooding."
As Neville sat on the floor of the Forbidden Forest, he thought back to the past few minutes. He remembered everything the other Neville had said, and everything he'd done.
"It's odd," he said. "It all feels like a dream."
"That's why I called it the 'Nightmare Scenario'," Rose said. "Oh, you'll hallucinate for a while, but that's probably normal."
"How long?"
"I'll let you know when I stop seeing another me."
"What did you see?" Neville asked.
"Me."
"No, I mean, what did–"
"That's not important. What's important is that we both beat it, and came out stronger for it. Don't worry about the tournament now. Just be Toad, Loyal to the Earth."
Neville laughed. "Where'd you get that?"
"The Dwarven word for 'toad' is thorthen, which literally translates as 'loyal to the earth'."
Neville frowned, not sure he'd ever entirely understand Rose's world.
"Why?"
"I dunno!" Rose exclaimed. "I could always call you 'small croaky thing'!"
"I'll take Toad," Neville said, laughing.
Neville and Rose sat in the forest for a time before going to dinner. Even with the final task looming over him, Neville wasn't scared anymore.
Do you really think I can do it?
I know you can.
Me too, Neville thought.
Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
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