Chapter 1: My name is
Jack Spicer.
Smartest teenager in this century, most handsome teen ever, most likely to become world's mastermind? Okay, don't actually fact check any of those things, they're all lies.
Truth is that I'm comics smart, but still not the smartest, my looks are like, a 7 out of 10 and this body is technically speaking not even mine, and I'm not sure if I will actually try out as a world class mastermind, because frankly that sounds like too much of a fucking job.
If my name sounds recognizable to anyone, that's because it is, you see, I, like I guess many others, have died, in my case I got shot by a burglar who entered my home when I was eating some popcorn at 3am instead of doing my college's write-up. Then I got reincarnated, resurrected, transmigrated, isekai or whatever people are calling it these days as one of the villains in a very old cartoon that I doubt kids nowadays even know it existed.
I am severely annoyed though, a lot more than anyone would've expected from me, after all, they don't know me, I haven't even tried to move within the caped world of heroes and villains, I'm trying to learn of the field, all of it, and I hate it.
Shen Gong Wu are not the only mystical creations running around in this mashed up world that feels like a Frankenstein at parts, I've seen Spider-Man swing his webs in New York and reports of a 'Caped Crusader' on Gotham City.
Far to say this universe sucked balls and it felt like a kid with crayons too big to his nose still managed to stick it in because now I had to live in it. Between Marvel, DC and everything that was conjoined, I was seriously annoyed and I was one hundred percent hoping they would kill each other, although that was in bad faith, because I knew that the moment they actually killed each other in a war, it's the moment I would find out that I was in the bad timeline, and then I get killed by Darkseid or some other bullshit.
I looked to the tiny puzzle box on the counter of my workshop, I didn't reincarnate young enough to change people's perspective on me, so they already believed I was gonna be an super villain, either that or an embarrassment, but I couldn't really care for them as they weren't really my family, new memories or not.
Looking through my computer, I had dossiers over dossiers, over some of the top security system, that I myself had implemented because I distrust every single other fucking dickwad in this planet. Thankfully Jack Spicer was indeed a genius of his own right and thank God I inherited that because even with everything I know, I wouldn't be able to pull comic science level of stuff out of my ass.
Still trying to find a teacher in 'how to not get your mind invaded by your average five year old crayon eating psychic' because God knows how many psychic dickheads there are in this universe, it's probably enough to be a subspecies if I'm being honest.
A sigh escapes my lips as I try to think of what I can do, but then I realized, I'm a motherfucking genius! I could just build a helmet to block people from reading my mind, something akin to Magneto's own helmet.
But at the same time, I can't remember if it was the metal itself or the circuit in it that made him unable to get mind screwed, not to mention that I would still have to learn something about psychics before I can invent said circuit, I can't just poof it out of fucking nowhere.
I built an armor, by the way, did I steal anything from Tony? Eh, just the looks, I didn't have an Arc Reactor, yet, but otherwise, it was a one hundred percent Spicer's creation.
Everything else that I own has the copyright, not that I would sell it, but I was hoping someone would try to copy my inventions so that I could sue their asses into hell, the natural place for all lawyers not named Matt Murdock, of course.
Another look over through my dossiers, I've been sure that I would look over it every week, and update whenever I've remembered something or saw something that would be applicable, such as people's histories in this new world, after all, whenever worlds collide, you cannot expect backstories to be as they were, one way or the other.
No, I had to keep it up if I didn't want to be swallowed in this world.
And I was doing my best for it, money wise, at the very least, by mining bitcoins the moment it released until it popped up, it made me one of, if not, the richest teenager in the planet, and I've been investing the money on myself and my workcraft, I cannot stop building, it just soothes me. I blame Spicer for who I am today.
But, it's not all bad things, after all, being somewhat aware of Shen Gong Wu actually allowed me to capture few, very few, Shen Gong Wu before they began to emit the whatever energy Dojo, Wuya and all of those magically inclined people managed to track down.
Not big ones, just Mantis Flip Coin, which allows me to do higher jumps and flips, really an acrobatic inclined Shen Gong Wu, Preying Monster which makes me a Preying Mantis-like creature, horrifying really, and then Bullhorn Blazer, which can be transformed into a bull... and that was it, I don't know how strong the bull is... But's it's a magical bull, I'm hoping it can at least force Superman to look twice if anything really.
Why were some of the Shen Gong Wu just so powerful and then you have something like 'This one forces your enemy to speak in rhymes' and I'm not trying to make shit up, I don't need to in this situation, which is mind boggling.
At least I'm safe knowing that for the most part, we haven't seen any world altering change here, so I take comfort knowing that Joker didn't blow up Superman's chick or the fact that Batman who laughs is not a thing here... unless I'm supposed to be counting my days until that happens, because it's always a possibility.
"At least I'm well knowing that this isn't the MCU, I didn't like the direction it went after Endgame." I told myself as I looked over some of the files, Peter was not on his 20s, he was still my age, so was Invincible and most of the people that would be considered a Teen Titan. Cute. Just like Danny Phantom, Manny Riveira, this world is very annoying.
"One of my earliest plans was not of world domination or even involved with the Shen Gong Wu," I told myself as if I went through some of the many files, and schematics, about possible evil doings.
"It was just a simple case of social engineering, I had planned to have my car accidentally 'break down' in front of a person's house, and then I would have to ask them for help, in my case, the person in question was going to be supergirl, why? It's Supergirl, I don't need to explain that," But the issue with that plan was that I am an Albino, and the Kents lived in the middle of the country, and I would have to wear an umbrella because of how the Sun acts up on those places. Also because I don't believe I can actually charm up someone like Supergirl to become my girlfriend, after all, between me and every other dastardly good looking person in the world, she has better odds than me.
Not that it mattered, of course, I was fine with being alone, even if it get's annoying. Besides, how can I be annoyed with being alone when I have so many Jackbots to take my orders?
"Jackbot, clear the area, I'm gonna wake up a witch," I decided after some time mulling over, for I had other uses for Wuya besides being a Shen Gong Wu detector.
"Cease your yapping, woman!" I sighed as I couldn't keep up with Wuya's blah blah blah.
"What did you say to me?" Wuya asked as I rolled my eyes.
"You've been unleashed for barely five minutes and I already want to put you back in that stupid box, first of all, it has been 15 centuries ever since you got stuck into that box, stop assuming you know what has been happening in this world, second of all, I'm saying this now so that your don't delude yourself later, I'm not your henchman, if anything, you should be grateful I decided to free you because besides your ability to detect Shen Gong Wu, I do not see much value in your companionship, Heylin Witch," I told her, almost sneering, Jack Spicer might have been stepped on by this bitch, but I wasn't him, I was more annoyed than anything, and I didn't have some kind of villain crush on Chase Young and those chucklefucks, so I was certainly not allowing myself to get stepped over.
"I'm Wuya! I'm a Heylin Witch of incomparable power! How dare you try to compare me to a Shen Gong Wu detector?!" Wuya shouted, anger in her voice, but again, she's a fucking ethereal ghost who can't do shit to me.
"Well, because outside of being a ghost, you're powerless Wuya, for all that your former Heylin Magic you had, you cannot even touch objects , unlike other ghosts, half-ghosts and everything else I've seen in the short period in this world," I told her annoyed at her attempt of disrespect.
She looked around and noticed some of the Shen Gong Wu's that I had.
"It seems that even without me you still managed to catch some of them," She said as I nodded.
"Some I could recognize because of my database, and I bought it legitimately, I have yet to meet someone else pursuing the Shen Gong Wu, but I doubt it will take that long before the Monks get their trainees fighting around," I told her as she kept quiet for a moment, good, my ears would appreciate her not talking.
"How do you know that last part?" She asked me curiously.
"I do like keeping tab on anyone that can be an annoyance, asset, rival, enemy, friend, lover, it makes it easier if I know everything about everyone that I have a chance of meeting," I told her as she looked at me weirdly.
"Why 'everything', isn't it easier to just find blackmail and other weaknesses?" Ah, that?
"No, of course not... let me give you an example, stalk enough of someone and you learn that every day that they go eat out at a certain place, what flowers they like, what songs they prefer, where did they travel to, then, you use exactly that, you build trust, maybe even build a romance, if she's a hero and you a villain, then she will be so stunned that she won't be able to fight properly, or she will be unbelievably angry, and commit mistakes in her anger, we call it Social Engineering, it's using techniques to change how someone thinks about you, sometimes, you can even use said those techniques to make someone turncoat, like Hannibal did with Chase Young," I told her as she looked perplexed.
"I... Hmm, in my time we didn't have that kind of thing, we just destroyed everything and whoever didn't bow down to us," She said contemplating.
"Well, maybe that would go without problems in your time, but today good and evil is somewhat in a cold war, no active conflicts like in your era, but we still fight between each other, just for a thousand other reasons besides Shen Gong Wu, because frankly, most of them wouldn't be able to do much to some of the heavy hitters of today," I said as she raised an eyebrow.
"If you dare to say a Shen Gong Wu like Pearl of LiBai can do much against a guy who can push our planet towards the goddamn sun, I will put you back in the box, I have no clue what Dashi actually had when he created that, but it's certainly not beating Superman," I told her as she raised an eyebrow, actually, don't ask me how I know she's raising an eyebrow, her face is a mask, she just irradiates the energy.
"...Superman?"
"Yeah, he's an Alien," I told her.
"What's an Alien?" What?
"Alien... It means that he came from space, you know, that thing even further beyond the sky? Nevermind, I can tell you more as we go capture Shen Gong Wu's and whatever else magical items that you manage to track down," I told her as I went back to my computer, with the ghost following me.
"Why wait? Just tell me," I rolled my eyes at the impatient ghost.
"I do not have the time or the patience to be your teacher on current world affairs all day long, I'd rather explain you little by little as opportunity comes by than trying to hammer it all down to your nonexistent skull," Also because I'm not even being paid for that.
I typed a few more stuff on my computer, and that right now, my recruitment post would go online.
"What are you doing in that thing?" She asked as she looked at my laptop, I, obviously, sighed exasperated at how much I would have to help her catch up to modern days.
"I'm announcing my recruitment posts of several types, including the need for Henchmen, on the big web, which you know, is global and all that," After all, evil breeds evil, so gather on your peeps and make sure that they actually follow you.
So prepare yourself, world of mine, for Jack Spicer will dominate everything!
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