Chapter 75: Hidden Motivations (4)

...

"On all these occasions, for a really long time, I truly believed that I had died and was in hell being punished for my sins!"

Can you even imagine how extreme not only my body but also my mind was pushed

So that me, a measly five-year-old child, have that kind of thinking?"

Then as if remembering something, Icarus stops and while lightly licking his upper lip, he says:

"Ohh, I almost forgot, you don't have to do this

After all, as you said yourself... You've seen all my memories!"

After saying this, Icarus is silent, walks to the lakeshore, and sits down.

So as he wets his feet and looks up at the starry sky he continues in a listless voice

"You know, most people tend to imagine that having a perfect memory and not forgetting anything is amazing. And as a person who has this condition, I have to say... I agree, it really is an amazing thing!

After all, I really remember each and every thing

Be the happy moments I spent with my family and friends

The unusual situations I faced in the underworld over the years as a swindler

Fuck, I remember, even the trivial, everyday events like the times I ate pancakes for dinner. Something that I must say that every time I did, for some reason, my mother was very angry with me.

Anyway, as I said myself, having a perfect memory is something really amazing!"

Icarus then stops for a second, and with a sad smile he continues

"However, that is just the good part. Want to know the downside of not forgetting anything?"

Before Echidna even has a chance to respond, he says

"It's simple, the downside of not forgetting anything is well... you can't forget!"

At this point, Icarus stops looking at the stars and shifts his vision to his arms, or being more specific to the hundreds of scars present on them: "I remember when I got each of these scars, not only that but also the pain I felt at the time it happened

I vividly remember each time I was tortured, and my muscles and skin were cut, pierced, torn, burned or even electrocuted

I remember the times I was hungry, thirsty and the times they didn't let me sleep for several days in a row

Things they did just so they could test and find out where my limits were, find out how far they could push my body without it break

So they could jot down the results on their stupid clipboards, and not make the same mistakes on the next guinea pig..."

Icarus takes a deep breath and stop talking about it. Then he loses himself momentarily looking at his scars with empty eyes

After an unknown time, he lowers his arms and when life comes back to his eyes, he clicks his tongue and continues: "Tsk! Being in this extreme situation, I might as well have succumbed to madness and depression and killed myself. Just like many of the poor bastards who were trapped in that hellish place with me did, but no, I didn't do that.

Oh of course, it's not like I didn't do it, because I knew I was special or something like that and I knew if I kept persevering, one day, I'd get out of that place

No, the reasons why I didn't kill myself were much simpler than that. I didn't do it, because one day, all of a sudden, I changed, or as they said... I broke! Therefore, after I "broke", I just stopped caring if I was in hell or not. I stopped caring if that torture would end one day and I would finally see my family again or if I was going to die in there

So, I started to be as optimistic as possible, see the bright side of things, and make jokes in the worst situations. I did this because the happier and more carefree I looked, the more furious and frustrated were the people who kept me there. And I must say that is something that I found it very rewarding! So let's say that I did it on a whim, you can even call it a child's tantrum!

At the time, it seemed like a much better choice than just whining about things I had no control"

Icarus then takes his feet out of the water and stands up, and as he stretches he says, "You know, given the fact that you saw my memories, for a moment I thought you were able to understand me. Hah… well now I can see, that this was just a foolish wish on my part. After all, you clearly chose to keep and remember only the memories, well let's say the useful memories, right?"

Seeing the weird smile Icarus is giving her, and having heard all this up to this point, Echidna finds herself unable to respond

For she realizes that just as Icarus said, even though she had seen all of his memories, she unconsciously chose to remember only the parts she considered important, memories in which Icarus, not only was always smiling, but also acted with such great optimism that it was even bizarre.

Of course, the fact that she made this selection isn't exactly her fault. After all, even for her it is not easy to absorb a huge amount of memories that Icarus has, and the easiest way to handle this amount of information is to eliminate what doesn't seem important

Unfortunately, among those unnecessary memories that she didn't absorb, and ended up forgetting are the memories Icarus mentioned – the first five years that Icarus spent in that place, a time when he was sad, felt pain and fear, just like anyone else

A time when Icarus was normal

For a while, neither of them said anything, as each was lost in their respective thoughts.

The first to break this silence is Icarus, who lets out a long sigh, as if trying to get rid of all the remaining bad emotions

"Sigh!"

Then, as if all the coldness and depression from before were a lie, his lips lift, forming an extremely annoying mocking smile, the kind of smile that makes someone want to punch his face

In this way, under Echidna's stunned gaze, who is surprised at how quickly he's changed his mood

In a humorous tone, he says in relief

"Wow, now that I've said all that, I'm feeling a lot better!"

He then smiles embarrassed, and as he clears his throat he says

"Ahem… I'm sorry about that. I think you just saw my nasty side

Well, in a way, this is also your fault, after all, I've been suppressing all the negative emotions I have about that place for years That way being pressured by you I finally couldn't take it anymore and ended up letting it all out"

Hearing this, Echidna recovers from her stunned state and say

[Okay, I admit maybe you have a point, and I'm actually partially to blame for that]

Echidna then stops and asks with a little apprehension

[You're feeling better now?]

"Huh? Oh, yeah... It's nice to finally be able to talk about that time, without the positivity filter being turned on"

After saying this, Icarus quickly changes the subject while saying:

"Leaving that aside, I think it's time for you to answer mine, right? After all, although it wasn't in the best possible way, I still answered your questions"

[Argh... all right, what do you want?]

"So... how about you let me see you?"

[Huh? You want see me?]

"Yeah, you know, it's kinda weird being able to just hear your voice- Wait... you have a corporeal form right?"

[Of course, I have! Still... why should I show you?]

Icarus then makes a sad face, as if he has been deeply hurt by her words, and starts to cry

"…So is this what I get for being honest with you? Looks like I'm the only one who really takes our relationship seriously. My mother was right about you"

Echidna, looks contemptuously at Icarus, for thinking she would fall for that trick again, thinking, 'I'm starting to miss the other Icarus, he was kinda unsociable, but at least he wasn't so annoying'

Seeing that Echidna doesn't seem to have fallen for his trick, he clicks his tongue, 'Tsk! Looks like I'll have to use plan B'

Icarus immediately stops crying, and then with a sympathetic smile on his face he says:

"Okay, I won't force you anymore. You don't have to show me what you look like, if you don't want to"

Hearing this, rather than relieved, she becomes alert, 'There's no way that this guy is going to give up so easily! What exactly is he planning now?'

The words Icarus speaks next show that she was right: "I won't force you... After all, maybe you don't want me to see you, because you're ashamed of your appearance"

[What??]

"Yeah, I don't know, maybe different from your beautiful voice, your real appearance is actually a hideous monster, with tentacles, thousands of eyes in a disgusting body"

Icarus' plan is simple, as he can't fool her, all he has to do is attack her pride and he knows very well that one of the easiest ways to irritate a woman is to question her beauty

Even though Echidna clearly knows, he's saying this to tease her, she still unable to control her anger

She grits her teeth angrily, and she says, "Okay, you won!"

As she simultaneously she thought, 'I'm going to make you regret every one of those words!'

Realizing that his plan worked, Icarus rejoices inside

However, before he can say anything, he feels a very strong twinge in his brain and his eyes start to itch

The pain and itching came so suddenly that it caught Icarus off guard

"Argh... fuck, what is this?"

He lets out a muffled groan of pain and closes his eyes

It takes almost ten minutes for the itching and pain to go away

As it passes, and he opens his eyes, Icarus notices that everything is blurry

Therefore, he spends the next few seconds trying to get used to it and as soon as he does, he looks forward annoyed at Echidna: "Echidna, what the hell was tha-"

Icarus then freezes as he looks at the figure standing in front of him

...