Chapter 21: 21. What it goes it goes by.
A bountiful autumn and a cold winter have passed.
Meanwhile, Duke Ludwig was really good dealing his situation in the social world, but he experienced an inexplicable loneliness and spent the autumn and winter in gloomy solitude.
He didn't attend the founding festival event and refused all kinds of invitations he received. But he couldn't continue like that forever.
As buds sprouted everywhere and the sound of bees approaching the newly blooming flowers could be heard, the Ludwig family slowly began to rise up from their pain.
It was Erdin who supported the Duke and Duchess.
"Gamppaa"
"Yes, that right. I'm your grandfather. Hehehe!"
"Kyaaaa!"
Erdin's so excited that make him drooled every time the duke picked him up and caressed him, the duke didn't even care that his high quality tie or jacket was wet with Erdin's saliva.
"Erdin! Look at this!"
Next the duke, the Duchess shook various toys and dolls.
Erdin's eyes became bright when he saw the toy, he squeezed his hand to hold it and winking his eyes, the duke and duchess thought it was cute too.
Thanks to this, Erdin's luggage which to bring to Ryzen is increasing day by day. Actually, the person she worried about now wasn't the Duke or the Duchess but Cliff.
"Thank you so much for saving Lizzy life."
I still can't forget the look on Cliff's face when he thanked me with a bitterly lonely face as he watched the prisoner carriage took Lizzy away two seasons ago.
Well no matter how many problems and arguments happened in their relationship over the years, it must have been very difficult for him to let go of his feelings toward Lizzy. In fact, in last fall and winter, he rarely left his room unless it was necessary.
However, Cliff who been like that, seemed to made up his mind when spring come.
"My brother invited us having a tea with him."
"Cliff? Are you really sure that he feel better now?"
"On the outside, he doesn't look any different than before. But i don't know what's he feel on the inside." After said that. Killian smiled bitterly.
Even the tea place he invited us to tea was on the balcony of the great hall where he, Killian, and Lizzy often used to had tea.
In that warm sunny place, Cliff was waiting for us with a luxurious drink prepared.
"The tea smell good, thank you for inviting me at your tea time, Cliff."
"Welcome. I'm was so embarrassing to accept that thanks from you when I have nothing special to offer. Haha!"
As Killian said, he has a confident and smiled casually as he did before. However, looking at his thin cheeks, rough skin, and his pysique that looked so thinner than before, I could tell that he suffered a lot. I don't think he eat and sleep well either.
And what thoughts echoed his mind when he couldn't sleep in the quiet winter night? does he blame himself, regret, sadness. . . .while he struggles with his emotional, I wondered if he was tempted to end his pretense.
I had a rough idea of how hard it was for him, but I smiled brightly as if I knew nothing. Just like he did.
"When is Erdin's baptism?"
"We will do it on March 20, on St. Rupello's Day."
"The time almost around the corner. Do you intend to return right after the baptism is over?"
"I thought about it, but it seems like mother and father still needed Erdin by their side so we staying here for another month."
"Good choice. Thank you, Killian. Thank you sister-in-law." He thanked us with a lonely look on his face.
Killian took this opportunity to ask a question as if to get Cliff's confirmation. "What are you planning to do brother? You can't living like this forever."
"Killian!"
I poke him in the side, but Killian didn't back down. But Cliff also didn't avoid the question either.
"You're right. I can't live like this forever. I'm the eldest son of the Ludwig family."
"I'm not asking you to stand up because of a sense of duty. I want my brother to be happy."
Cliff looked a little surprised, but then burst into laughter and said. "Thanks."
Then he looked down at the courtyard for a while and slowly opened his mouth. "But do I have the right to be happy?"
"What kind of nonsense is that? Did you eat something wrong this morning?"
Killian tried to lighten the heavy atmosphere with a joke, but Cliff continued speaking in a heavy voice. "In the meantime. . . .i reflected back about my relationship with Lizzy. I was blinded by my love for Lizzy and I didn't hesitate to do everything for her. Because of that, I put you and my sister-in-law in danger."
There's hint of guilt in his eyes and she spoke again "Standing by the person you love unconditionally, and giving them everything their needs . . . . I think it's love. But since it's already happened like this, I can't help but think that I'm the one who made Lizzy like that. So I deserve to pay for my sins too."
"Brother!"
Killian and I tried to console him, but it was difficult to find words to comfort him. If you think about it calmly, he was right. Cliff turned his gaze to me and bowed his head and apologized.
"In the past i was so busy to cover Lizzy mistake that I didn't apologize properly to you. I'm so sorry, Edith."
"Oh, Don't be like this. It's all already in the past."
"No matter how far the past is, it doesn't change the fact that I did something shameful."
He sighed and continued "When I think about it now, my relationship with Lizzy was very abnormal. I don't know why I didn't think of it at that time."
I suddenly wondered if Cliff had finally broken free from the original author's control. Because if such a strong emotion in him disappears in an instant then he has defied the probability and escaped the control of his creator.
"When you're obsessed with that emotion, you don't even know you're obsessed with it. You can see everything afterwards when you come out of it."
Killian glanced at me, speaking in a slightly regretful voice. He's also harsh on me before because of his feelings for Lizzy but I didn't resent Cliff or Killian for that. Rather, because of Lizzy, I also experienced a sense of futility that is hard to explain. Now, on the main stage of this work, there is no one who has been possessed like me.
'Maybe that's why I was generous to Lizzy.'
When I found out that Lizzy was the mastermind of everything that happened, who tried to harm me, I could probably kick her if I tried to get revenge. But for some reason I didn't want to do that. Because I'm afraid, i would feel like i was left alone in this world if she who just like me disappeared. But as Killian said, I shouldn't remain immersed in this feeling forever.
"Even though we are regrets and hurt, we must look ahead and move forward, because there are many things we need to overcome in order not to be stuck in the past."
I didn't even know if what I said was something that i should have said to myself too.
Cliff, who nodded, put down his teacup and said.
"So. . . .I've also thought about my future. I'm not lying when i said i'll pay my sins."
"What are you trying to say? You're making me nervous. . . ."
"Killian, I think you are more suitable to be Ludwig family heir than me who still lacks a lot of thing. . . ."
"Don't talk nonsense!" Killian covered Cliff's mouth before he could finish his word.
"I really meant it. You've already have a successor. . . ."
"Is that the kind of price of sins you're talking about? Is to change my life arbitrarily? Do you think the hard work Edith and i pun into Ryzen is nothing to turn into your sentimental thoughts?"
". . . .I didn't mean that."
Killian took a deep breath and calm himself down. I also agree with Killian's opinion.
Ryzen has only just taken the first step toward change, and if we suddenly abandon it, our efforts will be in vain without seeing a light of change.
"We understand what you mean Cliff. However, if you feel responsible for any of these things related to Lizzy, you should succeed as a duke heir. Please be responsible and raise the Ludwick family as is it, no, stronger than it used to be."
Instead of giving up everything and running away, it would hurt more to stand and endure it. That way, Killian and I didn't sure if we were being cruel to him. But if Cliff really want to paid for his sins, he must do so.
Cliff's furrowed in pain, but he finally nodded his head. "I almost made a fool of myself again this time. I'm sorry, Edith. I'm sorry, Killian."
"For the sake of the duke and the duchess, and for you own self Cliff, be strong."
"'Edith was right. It's still early, but I'm think you should getting married."
When Killian added, a pale smile that looked both embarrassed and bitter appeared on Cliff's lips.
It was certainly that duke Ludwig heir was growing old without a wife or children, but that didn't mean it would be easy for him.
"Right. If my marriage and getting an heir is delayed, it will be a burden our parents and you."
It was standard for male lead in romantic novel, Cliff's first and only love is Lizzy. For him, marrying another woman is like changing his whole world. And this means that the contents of work will completely disappear from this world we live in.
But in this world that has already become a reality, you can't live by picking up the crumbs of a missing novel. I decided to support Killian decision.
"I sincerely hope that you will get out from Lizzy shadows. And wishes that you could build a truly warm family, not just a marriage out of responsibility."
"I don't know if I can be happy as Killian and my sister in law. But i will remember your advice."
We didn't laugh very loudly or act cheerful. We just sipped and enjoyed the warm tea, hoping that the day would come when we could look back on this as a memory.
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