Chapter 1: Twisted desire
I've always loved the idea of playing as the villain
There were a lot of things that formed this twisted desire of mine, ranging from tv movies and drama shows to anime and manga, as well as a couple of good novels as well. I was always a bit of an eccentric kid back then. While others would usually root for the hero and despise the villain, I often found myself on the opposite spectrum
Back then I didn't really know why, nor did I care enough to find out. I just thought that they were pretty cool
But while I was already like this, I wasn't as obsessed about villainy as am I today. It was more of just a preference or a weird taste that I had. The thing that completely bloomed my passion and love for it was one time during my middle school days
It was quite a long story, but basically, at some point in the semester, we were forced to do a play. Now, I wasn't really alright with the idea of acting. My facial expressions were as stiff as stone, my voice was extremely monotonous, and I just didn't feel like performing in front of a massive crowd
And by massive, I mean our entire class and a couple of teachers. It may not sound much but I don't care what you say, performing in front of people you know is really tough, especially if you suck at it
So the logical decision was to go to the group that was making the props
But here's the thing, it was already full. The quote on quote 'cool kids' of our class were the same as me, they didn't want to perform on stage as well, so they immediately hopped on the ship. As if that wasn't enough, the group assigned to do the script was full as well...
While I wasn't really an outcast, I wasn't too popular either. I have a couple of people you could call 'friends' but in the end I consider most of them to be 'talkmates'. Everyone who I was actually cool with was in the acting group, and so I was forced to do something I absolutely detested back then
But even so, I tried to be positive. If I could just act as some random guy who'll say a couple of lines, then all is good. The damage on my reputation would be tiny at least
I was positive that I've jinxed myself back then because when we drew slots, I was the one assigned to play as the main antagonist. The moment word about this came out, everyone was expecting a flop of a performance by me
It wasn't really on the level of bullying, but seeing my classmates automatically lower their expectations of me just because I act robotic most of the time pissed me off. I may suck at most things, but I'm confident that I'll be able to be good at it so long as I put my mind to it
Everyone may be better than me at something, but when it comes to tenacity and perseverance I'm confident to say that I'm second to none
And so, I set my sights on absolutely perfecting this play. During class practices, I would act like a complete buffoon in which everyone would laugh at me. But during my time at home, I would practice the shit out of this. I became so engrossed in it that sometimes I wouldn't even sleep and my neighbors would practically shout from their windows, telling me to shut the hell up
The character that I was playing is a big-bad aristocrat that loves to do evil things for the sake of it. He sounded plain, a throwaway villain that would be at some kid's show. Even if this was the case though, I worked hard and think of ways to play my character better
The grindset was in my mind, I imagined the laughing faces of my classmates as I continued practicing. I knew that it seemed petty, but each person has their own lines they won't allow people to cross. And to me, that was being underestimated
In the end, I'd say that it was all worth it
Because on the day of the performance, I absolutely crushed that it
Since I was completely in the zone back then, I didn't really remember much about my performance. But my classmates were practically crying the moment our play ended. I might have ad-libbed a few lines and completely changed how my character was supposed to behave, but it was alright because, in the end, they said that my performance was immaculate
They felt connected with the character despite absolutely hating him. Some of them even wanted to step on the stage and beat the shit out of me, but they'd remember that I was just playing a character. They were impressed by how good my acting was, and my teacher even said that she regretted not recording it
And as icing on the cake, our performance got graded a perfect score
It was at that moment, amidst the praises and admiration of those who looked down on me, that I truly found my calling.
After a few weeks, I opted to join our school's drama club in which I would primarily take the role of villain characters. It was a bit hard at first, but over time I was able to get the gist of it. We then began to perform in competitions, in which we would usually get 1st place
It was a bit arrogant to say that it was because of me, but my performance certainly elevated our plays, that much is for sure. As time passed, I kept improving my acting skills as we continued to be on a winning spree till I graduated and went to a prestigious dramatic arts school in which I continued to perform antagonist characters...
Until one day I got scouted by a famous director to play in his movie and surprise-surprise, It got famous which rolled in my contracts as well as other people who would literally kill to have me act on their show...
And before you know it, over ten years have passed, and I've made a name for myself as one of Hollywood's best actors despite being at the tender age of twenty-four
I was living the dream. Fancy cars, huge mansions, manipulative girls wanting to have my kids so that they could milk out my money for child support, the usual Hollywood things...
But while it was good that I could live lavishly, I didn't really care much about the money
What I cared about, was my performance, my art...
Though there were a lot of critics and actors that praised my method of doing things, I felt that it still wasn't enough. For me to fully immerse myself in my role, I would often act like the characters that I'm supposed to play. And by that, I mean that I would literally adapt their personalities in real life
Most people who were close to me found it to be troublesome, but the money I earned from being that way would usually shut them up. And this method has worked over the years, but soon, I found myself a bit...stuck
Don't get me wrong I still earn more money a month than someone would in their entire lifetime, and people still love the characters that I play, but every time I watch my own movies I felt very unsatisfied with how I act...
To me, villainy is an art...
No matter how good the main protagonist of a story is, they are nothing without an antagonist. If there's something that I learned throughout my years of acting, it's that people enjoy conflict. It makes things interesting.
I mean think about it, would you watch or read a story that only has no conflict at all ? Hell no, because that would be boring. And this is where the antagonist comes in, where I come in. I need to make sure the conflict is laid to the story, but at the same time to be a good antagonist they need to have understandable motives
It depends from story to story, but most of the time people love antagonists that have understandable or relatable motives. They were betrayed, they grew up in a tough environment, or they were the main protagonist from their own perspective. These were the things that people would gobble up
And for me to be able to fully encapsulate this, I needed to do more. Method acting could only take me so far, so I began considering doing the real thing.
I'm playing as a heartless killer?
I thought of committing manslaughter just to get a feel for it
I have the role of being an evil corporate CEO?
I'd start up a company and employ people from third-world countries and underpay the shit out of them. Then I would be the greediest bastard there was in the world, taking everything my grubby hands could get
There's a movie I'm part of in which I was a scumbag of a womanizer?
Well, I'm already rich anyway so picking up some married woman won't be much of a problem
Point is, I'd be willing to do anything to completely become the character I was supposed to play as. For the sake of the improvement of my art, I had to do it. And at some point, I don't want my actions to be restricted on the big screen alone...I wanna do it for real! I want people to look at me just as they did on that day, I want them to look at me in horror, to look at me in fear and disdain! I want to be the greatest villain that this world has ever seen!
...Am I crazy for thinking this?...
Maybe, but I don't mind being crazy so long as I was able to continue the betterment of my art
Because at the end of the day, it might a twisted desire, but it was the one thing that was keeping me going in this world. Just as how junkies are addicted to drugs, and whores are addicted to carnal desires, I was a slave to my own talent...
...And I'm loving every second of it...
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