Chapter 324: War plans.
"Why not both?" I said.
"You know what, I'm not even going to question how you're going to achieve that, but just...." Eliot walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I know this is a war, but don't commit genocide please."
"You're going to get killed if you're soft like this. This is a medieval society. They enjoy public executions like you enjoy movies."
Eliot gave me a deadpan look and I sighed.
"Fine. I won't turn Loria into a smouldering wasteland. Happy?"
"Yes." He hugged me, "And thanks. For not dying." He said softly, "I was worried there for a second after you were comatose for days on end."
"Uhun." I patted his back.
"Now go call a royal council. I'll be there in a minute."
Elito nodded and Wanda opened up the ward to let him go.
"Now then..." I turned to face Hades, teleporting over to him.
"Not so confident now, are you?" My hand dug into his chest, through the veil of unbreakable nen covering him and tore out his divinity swallowing it whole.
"Mhmmm...I was starving~"
"We do have some regular food here if you want?" Yue offered.
"Nah. I'll be fine. But I have something for you guys." I heaved and spat out three divinities, sending one each into their bodies.
All at once their eyes glowed with divine power as the seeds of divinity took root in their existence itself.
"Are these...?" Yue asked with shock.
"Yes." I grinned, "Congratulations. You're gods now."
"Hmm...feels good to be back in shape. Are you sure you don't want to send these back up the chain? Our true bodies have a lot of divinity to condense. This could be useful...." Wanda asked.
Oh right. She had experience with being a partial-god. Well about as much experience as me.
"Nah. I already sent two back. And I have like 11 more inside me that I can send. Besides, by the time we're done here, well have enough for an army of gods."
"I-i can't believe this....this much power....is this what the world looks like to them? All the time..." Yue teared up, and I kissed her forehead.
"Thank you. Thank you so much!" She said with newfound devotion in her eyes.
"Don't mention it. What use is ultimate power if I can't even spoil the ones I love?" I wiped her tears away.
"You say that like it's just another Tuesday. This isn't candy or-or fancy clothes...this is godhood. Something that....that I couldn't even imagine last year, stuck in that prison!" She huffed.
"Only the best for you, dear." I chuckled.
"He's always been like that." Offee said with a soft smile, "One time we liberated a whole planet and he was more upset about not getting to play-act 'the eminence in the shadows' for longer."
"Abolishing slavery is good, but having fun is more important!" I replied.
"That's horrible." Wanda giggled and Offee just shook her head.
"Alright. I'll go deal with the war council." I cleaned myself up and snapped my fingers as a portal opened up before me.
A drone dutifully ferried out and unfolded a forcefield lined hamper.
Removing the 11 divinities inside me, I dumped them into the hamper and gave it the glasses I was wearing, along with all the data on it.
"There we go. You guys go and test out your new powers. Wanda, watch over the ex-god, will you?"
"Sure." Wanda shrugged.
"Oh and Offee?" I took her hand and placed Jay 23's soul canister in her hand, "Try not to erase my existence."
I had no doubts that she was going to go back in time and revive her Jay now that she was a god.
It's what I'd have done.
She didn't have the idea yet, sure, but when she did, she'd come and try to steal the soul canister from me.
It won't end well if that happens.
So it's better if I just give it to her.
This way she won't do it, if only out of spite.
Kinda like how when your mom tells you to clean your room but you were about to do it anyways, so now you suddenly don't feel like doing it anymore.
Simple reverse psychology.
And even if it didn't work, at least she'll be more careful and do what future me did with my Offee so the timeline isn't fucked up.
At least that's what my geass told me.
Offee pouted.
"I told you I'm not going to try to revive him."
"I believe you." I said with a snide grin.
"You clearly don't." She rolled her eyes, "Trust me a little, dear. When have I ever lied to you? I'm over him."
Well, she wasn't one for deception, that I knew.
Still, she is so much fun to tease.
"Sure you are." I winked and walked out.
Hehehehehehe.
Offee is so cute when she's flustered.
"He's just messing with you." Wanda pulled Offee back.
"I know. But I mean it. I'm serious, Jay." She called out from behind me, but I disappeared before she could say anything else.
.
"So, where's the Lorian army now?" I appeared in the throne room surprising everyone.
Tick even screamed like a little girl.
Maybe because I teleported right next to his ears?
Heh.
Funny little man.
Tick Pickwick.
The leader of the High Council of Fillory, in-charge of running the country in place of the children of Earth, waiting for them to arrive. His family was one of the major powerhouses among the human factions and he was the patriarch.
A cunning, wily man, he was a capable administrator and politician but nothing special.
He did desire the throne for himself, and tried many times to overthrow the protagonists in the show with a childish glee and equally childlike competitiveness.
As I said, funny little man.
Of course, what wasn't as funny was him playing both sides in the civil war, and the clear sedition he was attempting by helping the FU fighters - yes, that was their name, Fillorians United, the rebellious opposition to the Earth royalty in the civil war - infiltrate the royal palace.
They were dressed as guards but they couldn't hide from me.
I could feel their thoughts, their hatred from outside the door.
Not that I blamed him. Or them. It was their world. Why should they submit to foreign rule?
But they chose their targets wrong.
Hehehehe.
This will be fun.
"Y-y-your majesty. We were just w-waiting for you." Tick bowed, composing himself.
"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" I said, taking a seat on a throne, "Go on."
"Yes, sire. The Lorian army is hiding behind the Sentient Forest. Their alliance with the dryads is keeping us from entering. They don't exactly have a highest opinion of fillorian royalty, courtesy of your predecessors. But I'm sure if we take a roundabout route to the-"
"No need. I'll go meet them. Have a little chat. In fact...." I scanned the room and took count of the court, "I want you all to come with me. Help with the negotiations and such."
It wasn't a large one. Just a dozen or so courtiers. There was that black lady , what was her name again-
"Your majesty, I don't think it's a good idea to go into the forest." She advised.
Heloise. Yes. Heloise, secretary of war.
Then there was that hunk with the goatee....Gillen, yes. Secretary of agriculture.
"The dryads control the fertility of the farmlands around the forest, your majesty. Incensing them would be....ill advised. Perhaps the roundabout-"
"If the talks fall through, we will just take the roundabout, okay? Now shutty."
Some others, I didn't bother remembering.
A man in the back whispered to a sloth and got back to me.
"Her royal slowness advises you to just burn the stupi- I mea-she means that threatening the dryads with uh... aggressive restructuring might yield better results."
Ah, of course, the most powerful lady in fillory, her royal slowness, Abigail. A psychopathic female sloth. Yeah, literally a sloth, sitting on a tree branch carried by servants. Well, more like hanging off of.
She usually spoke via her attendant and boytoy, Rafe. And no, I don't know how that worked.
Where does he even- no. Nevermind.
Not going down that road.
In Fillory, where the talking animals outnumbered humans 20 to 1, Abigail as their representative wielded an absurd amount of political power.
Not that it mattered to me now but still.
"We are not committing tree genocide." Eliot shot the idea down.
"Now now, let's at least-"
"No. Genocide." Eliot insisted.
"Yeah. Okay. But I'm still threatening them with it." I don't tolerate being cut off, even by Eliot.
He sighed.
"But try talking first, please."
"That's what we're going there to do." I assured him, "Tick, ready the carriage. Guards!" I called out to the two hidden agents of the Fillorians United, "With me. Come."
.
The Sentient Forest.
It didn't look any different from a regular forest. The trees were a bit taller than the usual local flora, and I could hear the barest whispers from the trees which could have honestly just been the wind.
The whispering woods was more like it.
As we neared the forest, a tree at the edge of the forest rippled. The bark bulged out like a pregnant woman's stomach and a humaoid shape slipped out from it. It was a man, made completely of wood, dressed in a vest and baggy pants, his hair in a slicked back style reminiscent of Gordon Gecko from the 80s. He looked like MC Hammer and Don Draper had a baby with a wooden statue.
"Fuck off." He said in a no nonsense tone, shooing us away.
"I was hoping to talk to the Lorian leaders. If you'd only give us a sgirtcut to them-"
"Maybe I wasn't clear enough." He gave me a condescending glare, "Fillorians are not welcome in tge Sentient Forest. Fuck o-"
A beam of light fell from the sky before he could finish his sentence, incinerating him, turning the spot where he was standing into a smouldering puddle of lava.
"That wasn't a request." I said, scanning the forest around us.
"You will give us right of way. Or I will make it myself. And one of those options you will not like. Choose." I emphasized, "Now."
"Ember's balls!" Fen caught her tongue, "What was that?"
I grinned.
"A secret weapon I made to kill the Beast."
"Not very secret now." Eliot pointed out.
"Eliot, Eliot, Eliot.... haven't you heard the phrase, 'It still counts as secret if no one lives to tell about it'?"
"That is totally not ominous." He snorted as another dryad emerged from within a tree.
"We will not bow d-"
I rolled my eyes and pointed a finger gun at him.
"Bang!"
The orbital laser shot down again, instantly turning the ground into molten slag.
"You have till the count of three." I announced, "One."
I took a step forward and an orbital laser turned the tree before me to ash.
"Two."
Another step. Another sky beam. Another tree dead.
"Thr-"
"We will give you right of way!" A dryad jumped out from the next tree and shouted, "But not to your army. If a single soldier steps through, they will become fertilizer."
The trees immediately parted, shifted ever so slightly in the ground.
"Fine by me." I agreed, "But the court comes with me."
The dryad frowned and made to object but remembered the laser as he looked up and shuddered.
"Only the court." He compromised.
Heh.
Where's that holier-than-thou attitude now huh?
But, I did promise to not commit genocide, so I let it go.
"Only the court." I agreed again and walked into the path, the courtiers following me silently, stilled into fear.
But then I stopped and turned back to the dryad who was making his way back into his tree.
"Just one more thing."
"Your majesty perhaps it is best we take this-" Tick advised but I raised a hand to stop him.
The dryad turned to me with a confused look.
"Wha-"
Before he could finish, a blinding flash of heavenly light tore down and he was vaporized.
I smiled coldly.
"Do not interrupt me, ever again."
I could feel the shivers run down the courtiers' spines.
Hehehehhehehe. Now that's a look I like to see.
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