Chapter 34: Chapter 31
"Here." Lily offered me a plate of scrambled eggs for breakfast as we sat on the stairs again, watching the sun rise over the field.
"Hmm.... Weren't you going to make these sunny side up?" I asked, prodding the burnt mess before me.
Sheesh. My grandpa's ashes were less charred than this.
"You try working with a cast iron pan." She huffed.
"Not enough oil?" I smiled.
"Not enough oil." She nodded with a passion, "Besides, eggs are the same, scrambled, sunny side up, whatever."
"You look me in the eyes and tell me there's no difference between ultra crispy here and omelette du fromage."
"There's no difference between crispy and omelette du fromage." She deadpanned stuffing her face with it like it was medicine.
"What are you, a terminator?!" I tsukkomi'd.
"Yes." She played along, as we both laughed.
"I must say, you really need to up your cooking skill." I poked around the eggs, and my apprehension couldn't be more apparent, "This is practically a biohazard."
"Stop being such a sissy." Lily slapped my back, "Just eat it. Take it like a man."
I raised an eyebrow and took a bite, chewed on it for a second and froze, my face twisting in disgust like I had just scooped out gunk from a sewer to season my pizza.
It was completely bland. It was worse than bland. Just like last night's dinner now that I think about it.
But today, I could barely stomach it, especially with my new senses. Bland food tastes even worse when you can taste every last amino chain on it.
"Oh." She realized and a salt box flew out from the kitchen, settling down by my side on the porch.
"Sorry." She offered, "I'm just used to...this."
"Yeah, I noticed it yesterday too, but I guess hunger really is the best spice." I swallowed the tasteless, and let's be honest, a little burnt, scrambled egg mixture and sprinkled a little salt on it till the sludge tasted edible.
"Doesn't make it any better." I grumbled, "I'm almost jealous of your dead taste buds. Having so sense of taste must make it easier to stomach whatever this is. And I'm not even going to address the disaster zone that is your plate. "
I gestured over her meal, the same scrambled eggs, but somehow more burnt; did she take the worst part for herself? How nice of her.
And what looked like a caesar salad without the dressing that was just bathed in grease and a smoothie of pure protein and an ominous purplish green veggie sludge. Watching her add more whey powder to what was practically play dough at this point make me puke a little in my mouth.
Which makes sense with one look at her, sitting there in a gray tank top and track pants, finely chiseled muscles just buffing off of her body like she was straight out of a shonen battle manga.
"Say, have you ever mentored a wayward young boy in the elegant art of stabbing the shit out of people? For a tournament perhaps, or even to fulfill his dream of becoming hokag-"
"Except you?" She cut in, clearly proud at catching me off guard.
And she wasn't wrong.
Smart hag.
I chuckled.
Heh, guess I'm the shonen protagonist, with my dream and all too.
"Gack! I have become the cringe I swore to destroy." I lamented, shaking a fist in the air, eliciting a giggle from her.
"The only thing you're destroying with those chicken legs is your expectations, kiddo." She ruffled my hair dotingly.
"I am 22." I huffed.
"And I am 184. To me you're practically a toddler."
"Guess I'll have an excuse when you wipe the floor with my ass."
"Will you now?" She laughed.
"Yes. And I'll use it every chance I get." I leaned in, and whispered, "I. Have. No. Shame."
"Oh that's very clear." She pushed me back, "But I'll be generous and let you. You need all the excuses you can get."
"Ouch." I winced, "That hurt."
"Get used to it." She chugged down her protein shake smoothie, something I physically flinched at the sight of, and wiped her whey mustache, "Now before we start, I want to know a little about what you want to learn."
"I thought I was pretty clear about this. I want to learn Enochian magic and get some combat training."
She nodded.
"Yes, but how do you plan to use the skills you learn? How do you intend to fight? Up close and personal? Flanking and ambush? Blitzkrieg? What's your primary mode of engagement?"
"Primarily? Talking. If I can I'd rather not fight. I'm more of a envoy, ambassador, dealmaker. Y'know, a lover not a fighter."
"Well, I doubt you're much of a lover if what you told me yesterday is anything to go by...."
"Hey! What happens at 2 am, stays at 2 am." I protested.
"Of course, of course." She threw up her hands with a cheeky grin, "But back onto topic. How do you plan on dealing with threats when your talks break down?"
"Mostly with magic. Throw a spell or two and skedaddle. Then if needed, I McNuke them from orbit."
"So long range then?"
"Mid to long range. But I want some CQC work too. Can't be too prepared."
"True. Preparedness is half the battle." She nodded in agreement, "Any weapon preferences?"
"I plan on forging my own mystic c- I mean magical weapons." She probably won't understand Fate magic terms.
"Maybe salvage some too. I haven't decided yet but I plan on using a lot of them. Maybe an axe or spear for melee. Knives sound good too. Depends on what crafting materials I can gather. Though, I do plan on using angel blades too. And guns. Lots of guns."
I had a lot of ideas, really. All I needed were the materials and those I'd get in due time.
I had the semblance of a long term plan in the works that'd put me square in the spot for making a multiversal corporation. I just need to iron out a couple of details.
She nodded along.
"Like a magical batman. Minus the dressing up in a skintight batsuit and beating mental patients within an inch of their lives." I added with a chuckle, "I even have the dead parents to match."
"Grim aren't you?" She said, pinching my cheek, "But Batman doesn't use guns. That is the whole point of his character." She pointed out.
I raised an eyebrow.
"You read comics?"
"I have been alive for 180 years. I needed a hobby to not go insane." She shrugged, "Besides, comics are fun."
"Can't argue that." I nodded, "I liked the Arkham games too. Bet I can do a good Batman with a couple of stealth spells. Try those power moves. Now if only I could hack....."
"Sure you can, little guy. Now finish up your breakfast so you can grow up big and strong. We begin training in ten." She said in a pandering tone and ruffled my hair playfully.
I shook her hand off my head and saw her suppressing a laugh as she turned back to her food.
Someone else clearly didn't.
[Kek.]
There you are. What were you doing last night?
I half expected you to roast the shit out of me, or her, or even butt in. I almost thought you kicked the bucket.
[You wish. You see, I was being what you'd call...a good roommate. When your homeboy is about to get laid, you try not to be the third wheel and all that. Thought I'd give you two some privacy.] PK said, dripping with sarcasm, [Shame your game wasn't strong enough.]
Strong enough? She thrice my grandpa's age. And probably not interested.
[Really? After that heartfelt speech about love under the moonlight?] PK scoffed, [A blind man could see the sparks flying. Just admit you blew your chance with the hot muscular GILF.]
I raised an eyebrow.
You have some weird fetishes for an inanimate object.
[Suuure.] He giggled, [It's not like you were going to get up to much with your three inch punisher anyway.]
It's almost four inches!
[And Hitler almost won WW2.] He shot back.
Woah, that's the example you went with?
[Pfft. Snowflake.]
I could just feel him giving me a deadpan look and I frowned.
Shut up.
I tuned back to find Lily waving a hand in front of my eyes.
"Earth to Sleeping Beauty. You there?"
"Ahehem....Yes." I cleared my throat awkwardly, "Just thinking."
"Well do that while eating. Daylight's burning. We have training to do."
"Aye." I looked down at the rest of my eggs and made a decision before choking it down in one go. The less I taste of that abomination in the name of food the better.
"And I'm cooking from today onwards." I added swallowing the mush with a wince. I almost gagged.
"Be my guest." She shrugged, "I figured out how your training is going to go. Give me a minute."
____________________
Yo. Been a while. Been stewing on this chapter but I figured it's best I just put it out and move on, lest this fic become stuck like my 4001 fic too.
So here we are. Not the best but I'm open to suggestions.
Next time, Training arc. Then an interlude with different POVs. And back to Game Of Thrones to pick up the cutest little pupper you ever did see.
Thanks for sticking around, y'all.
Don't forget to donate your powerstones.
See ya!
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