Chapter 17: Feelings
English is not my first language so you might find some mistakes in the translation of the chapter.
This book has been translated by me by various means to get the best result so you can find some simple or normal redactions.
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This chapter may or may not please many of you.
I wanted to create a sisterly relationship with Syr, as she has been shown to be very charismatic with people and I like writing Riku's thoughts as a kid and an adult at the same time.
I have read many fic where the protagonist knows how to kill with ease and adapts to his/her new world from one day to the next as if he/she has always lived in a fantasy world. I like the development and that's why I focus on the backstory.
That's how I am.
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Enjoy the chapter.
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I could not rest well because I was worried about the elf I rescued along with Syr. I still think that her enemies are still on the streets.
During the previous night I was thinking about various things and after a walk with Syr we met an elf who was on the verge of death, after a little exchange of words we decided that we would help her.
It was at that moment that I realized that I cared more about my life than the lives of others, that decision didn't matter to me but the thoughts of others can bother me for some reason.
If I lose the friendships I have painstakingly formed there is a chance that in the future I will find myself alone in the world and there will be no one to help me grow.
In case I continue on a lonely path it will be more complicated to obtain a good life in this world which is full of dangers in every known place.
It is better to have company.
I also realized something about Syr.
Syr is able to read people very easily. If that is true then she has long since found out about various lies I used during work and other things.
Syr and Mama Mia are dangerous.
Yet they have been of great importance during the course of my new life which was given to me. I think of this life as another opportunity, I don't want to think too much about my past but I am still happy.
I didn't care if a thought of distrust about them grew in my head because after a while it would disappear since I have no reason to distrust them.
I could say that Mama Mia is my mother in this world.
Since I woke up she has been there for me. At first Mama Mia understood my actions and after a while she gave me chores so that I could get used to the pub and also grow as a person.
Even if I was scolded by Mama Mia I realized that she only did it if I acted badly or irresponsibly and in between all that Mia only raised her voice at me and never took any action against me.
All my actions were punished with something simple and I worked a little more in the pub. After that my relationship with Mia continued to be excellent, she took care of me and I helped her.
We never had any serious problems, even if Mia got upset with me she never came to hate me. She always forgave my actions, even though I received punishment before I received forgiveness from her.
Without someone like Mama Mia I don't know how I would have acted in this world.
After that comes Syr as the next dangerous but equally important person in my life.
She was a very special case.
Syr could read people quite easily, she could get you into an activity and get you to agree to do some things by various means.
Syr had to have seen through my lies, if she really saw the reality of my attitudes, Why was she acting so nice and kind to me?
When we saved the girl Syr discovered that I cared more about my life than other people.
That's not a bad thing, it's normal for a person to care more about themselves than others and move forward in their life.
But with Syr's way of acting this could create a problem. She is the person who gets along with each and every girl in the pub, I also consider her important in my life.
The only thing that can clear my doubts is to have a talk with her. It is better to have a meeting with her and not have to imagine various problems with Syr.
After getting ready I head for the stairs and go downstairs to look for Syr. The pub hasn't opened yet because it's too early, we open before noon.
We usually cater mostly to adventurers in the afternoon and evening but during the course of the day civilians are what come to eat even if they are few in number.
This is caused by the 'high' pub prices. The adventurers can afford them but some other people cannot afford them and prefer to look for another place to eat.
Another reason to be an adventurer.
"Hey Anya, Do you know where Syr is? I've been looking all over the pub for her and I still haven't been able to locate her"
"She went out to buy something nya" Anya answered me as she cleaned up the place "Syr has been thinking about the girl you two saved last night nya"
"So... She went out?" I asked hesitantly.
"That's right nya! " Anya nodded with a smile and handed me a broom to help her "It's been a while since Syr left so she'll be back soon nya!"
"I understand" I replied and started sweeping the place together with Anya.
Help in this place is quite easy to ask for and offer to others. If we see a companion we can ask her for help and she will come for a while to give us support.
There are times when our shifts vary depending on the workload we have and there are other times when we have time to spare and do other things at the pub.
At this point Anya asked me for help when she offered me the broom. I accepted because I had just woken up and had nothing to do, according to Mama Mia we can't waste time in the pub.
After some time cleaning up with Anya and a little chat with her I watched as Syr came in through the entrance of the pub with a bag full of some kitchen supplies.
We constantly buy ingredients and keep an order in the expenses we make, except for our own salary, which we can spend as we wish.
Putting aside the broom I say goodbye to Anya, receive a thank you from her, and walk over to where Syr is.
Something tells me I'm going to learn a lot of things in this conversation.
"Syr, Are you busy? Do you have something to do? Do you have free time for a talk?" I ask the girl several questions taking her by surprise and she looks at me in confusion.
"Ah Riku, is something wrong?" Syr evaded everything I said and asked me about my arrival.
"Are you free right now?"
"Hmm" Syr placed her finger on her chin and settled into a thoughtful pose, I for one was a little annoyed that she was acting silly at the moment.
Syr can act very childish at times, even though she understands the environment there are times when I don't like that about her.
There are several habits that I kept from my old life and there are others that I gained over time in this new life.
One of the habits I kept was that I didn't like people wasting their time when you need that person's help with something important.
Syr saw me and let out a small laugh.
What's wrong with her?!
"You look cute when you pout Riku"
"Huh?"
Wait a minute, What did she just say?
"Haven't you noticed? When you get upset your face is very tender" Syr said to me and I gave her an expressionless look, apparently I still don't know me well "I'm sorry if I did that but I needed to prove something".
"So...?"
"Yes, I have some free time Riku. Let's go to the courtyard to chat a bit" Syr said as she started walking towards the courtyard.
I was momentarily stunned by Syr's attitude, I watched as she walked away and when Syr noticed me she motioned with her hand for me to follow her.
When I looked at her I shook my head and started walking behind her, we both walked out into the pub courtyard.
Syr walked over to a bench that was in place and patted the seat next to her for me to sit down.
I approached with some nervousness and took a seat next to Syr on the bench without giving Syr a glance.
We were both silent and I didn't know how to start a conversation with her.
I honestly consider myself an introvert so I don't talk much with others and in my previous world I lived most of that way, alone.
If I say the wrong thing it could end my friendship in the blink of an eye.
I never had many friends in my previous life and I try to cherish every moment I have with the people I consider my friends.
Anyone can stab you in the back, that's why I always kept my confidence in myself and no one else.
It is difficult for me.
"What do you want to talk about Riku?"
I give Syr a look and see how she still keeps a happy face but curiosity is reflected in her eyes, I turn my gaze to the sky and try to clear my mind.
"Why?"
"Hm, What about Riku?" Syr gave me a puzzled look and I had to hold back a sigh so I wouldn't look bad to her and tell her to stop acting like a silly person.
How is it possible that she still doesn't understand the problem of the situation?
"Why are you being nice to me after seeing my actions the night before?" I clarified my question bluntly.
Syr started to blink a little and then made an 'Oh' as she understood my words.
I turned my gaze back to Syr and she smiled warmly at me and then placed her hand on my head and began to pat me.
"Don't treat me like a little girl" I frowned in annoyance as I took her hand and pushed it away from my head respectfully, I don't want to be rude but Syr is making things difficult for me around here.
"Ah, I'm sorry" Syr apologized to me and continued with her words "Since I saw that you were very tense with this talk I tried to test if that worked with you"
"Right now I don't want pats on the head I want answers Syr"
I think Syr saw my face which was scrambled with a myriad of emotions, she nodded to herself and then turned to me.
"Could you tell me exactly what is bothering you?" Syr asked me politely.
"When we rescued the girl I was more concerned about my safety and preferred to let her die in that place. Even when you preferred to help her I still didn't want to do it"
"But you did it in the end Riku, you helped me get her to the pub and then saved her from dying"
"I understand Syr, I know... That time I remembered how you saved me from being killed and I had several unpleasant memories about that. Something prompted me to give you my help, if that hadn't happened I probably wouldn't have helped you"
"Are you sure about that?" Syr asked me making me get confused with her question "You are still very young Riku don't think too much about it"
"Stop referring to me as a little girl! Please tell me I did something wrong with my decision" I despaired and raised my voice a little towards Syr making her eyes widen a little in surprise.
"Did you do something wrong?" Syr asked me with some hesitation making me a little angry.
"Since I woke up I have been on the lookout for everything. The environment is different for me, I'm afraid to do quite a few things for offending others and I want to move on"
"Stop thinking about the past Riku that's not good for you"
"What?"
What the hell is she talking about?!
My views on the help I offer in the pub are getting more complex, I want to fit in but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be in this place.
I want to have a good life in this world but my life is getting more and more complicated with the events that have been happening to me lately.
What's wrong with Syr? What does she think about me?
Syr's actions are very different from what I am used to and I always try to get along with her.
Several times I have thoughts about her but each time I remember all the help she has offered me and it bothers me that all along I have been a burden.
"You did it again Riku" Syr said making me put my thoughts aside and focus on her again.
"Do what?!"
"You went back to thinking about your actions and how to improve with us"
"What do you mean? I don't want to talk about it Syr! I need to know the reason why you forgave me for my actions"
"Forgive you about what?" Syr said confused.
"When we met that elf my first idea was to get away from the place and move on with my life. I still have in my head the look on your face when I told you to get out of there and yet you went ahead with your idea of saving her"
"You are wonderful when you read a person Syr and with that ability you must have already noticed my attitude towards you and the other pub mates. But yet you still treat me the same and always help me, what's wrong with you?"
Syr blinked a little before letting out a slight chuckle at my words and she opened her arms towards me.
For my part I was annoyed and was already going to say something to her but before I could say a word I felt Syr's arms around me.
Syr had given me a hug, cuddled me to her chest and began to rub my head gently.
"I don't have to worry about that Riku" Syr spoke in a voice that conveyed peace and tranquility "You wish to act like something you are not yet capable of being and think everyone is against you. You should enjoy the things you have close to you"
"W-What are you talking about?" I said as I stuttered a bit at Syr's words. There's nothing wrong with thinking... Right?
"Although you don't want to admit it your actions have been based on several of your problems. Your memory loss is one of them and that causes you to be afraid of the unknown"
"...What?"
"Since you woke up you have been looking for a way to fit in the pub without upsetting the others but you didn't consider your own actions. You did things that the others accepted but you didn't think about how you felt in the pub"
"…"
I kept silent listening to every word Syr was telling me about myself and after that I realized that my every action was programmed to remain someone else.
"Eventually you managed to adapt to the pub and after you had a good relationship with the girls you started to do things on your own. You wanted to stop depending on others and when you tried to go on your own you didn't consider many factors in your life"
I still remember that in my old life I was a bit dependent on my mom and constantly asked her for advice on various things that I should already know.
I learned what I needed to learn and kept myself isolated from other people. After that I started studying at the university and managed to leave bad habits behind, I also started to grow as a different person than usual.
I had suffered various things to have a good life at 21 years old but now in this world I am afraid to even venture into the unknown. I may act curious but deep in my heart I am still afraid and want to be with someone who cares and supports me.
"Syr... I won't always be at the pub to ask you and the girls for help. I-I need to know what I have to do and I also want to learn new things"
"Of course Riku. Even though you think you need to grow up you have been doing it very fast. You almost died recently and you've been doing a lot of things to forget the bad things that have happened to you and you've discovered"
"What do you mean?" I don't understand what she's talking about, I was just trying to move on.
"You went back to your old ways and preferred to stay that way rather than grow by your own actions. When you found out about your past you wanted to do a lot of things and didn't realize everything you were doing until they started to overwhelm your life"
"But…"
"You took everything to one place in your mind and when you realized your own actions you thought you would ruin your life you had formed. Tell me one thing Riku, Do you still cry at night?"
"...yes" I murmured sadly as I remembered each night I tried to spend quietly thinking about my family.
I may have been an adult in my previous life but still the feeling of loss can be too much to forget, even for the strongest person at some point in their life they will grieve for someone.
I still don't know if I died in my previous life or if I was taken away from my world. All those ideas fill my head every time I go to sleep and I always end up thinking about my family, I still want to see them even once more.
"There's nothing wrong with crying" Syr spoke as she continued to give me a hug with a few pats on the head to lighten the mood "You're still growing up; with everything you've been going through it's affecting the way you think about people"
"What?"
"You're scared" Syr told me and I had to stop myself from snorting to tell her that it was an obvious thing that has been happening to me constantly.
Of course I am afraid, this world is very different from the one I knew and I can die at any moment if I am not paying attention to my surroundings.
"The fear is not for other people" with those words I understood "You are afraid that you will not grow up and will not be able to have a peaceful life. The opportunity to live with your family was taken away from you and you were brought to Orario to die alone"
Syr refers to Alfia who took care of me in my childhood and how I was separated from her by someone who apparently kidnapped me and then abandoned me to die.
Riku probably would have had a beautiful life if she had not been kidnapped and in the future Alfia would have taken Riku to meet her twin brother.
If that had happened... Would I be here?
After surviving against the remnant of Evilus I got to know about the past of this body and after that I accepted Riku's life as my own and became her.
I honestly didn't want to constantly fight about who is the original or anything like that so I preferred to become one with Riku and now I'm living a new life.
"I see" I said after analyzing my actions in the pub and many more things "T-Thanks Syr, you just solved a lot of things for me"
Syr smiled warmly at me and pulled me closer to her chest to convey her understanding and appreciation for me. I suppose I should apologize for having acted badly against her.
"Tell me something Riku"
"What is it?"
"If you were waiting for a long time for such a special person to stay by your side for a wonderful life, would you wait for that person?"
Where did this question come from?
Does Syr like someone?
The question she asked me is somewhat difficult.
If that person is someone from my family I would wait for that person as he/she is important to me but if that person does not come I will leave the place and go on with what I have to do.
If the other person does not intend to keep his/her part there is no point in waiting, both sides have to understand each other and keep their promises.
The way Syr asks me defines that she really wants a good answer. I can't use simple words so it's better to speak my mind honestly.
"I would" I looked up and looked at Syr's face to tell her what I was thinking "If I had the necessary time and the other person likewise meets the objective I would wait for what is necessary"
"If the other person does not intend to meet with me then I will not wait and will go ahead with my wishes but there is also the possibility that the other person will have a setback and take longer to meet with me"
Although…
If the other person is very important to me I would not wait for him/her and seek him/her out to meet.
"Hm" Syr blinked owlishly at my words and after a few moments gave me a smile full of happiness "Thank you Riku!"
Syr hugged me tightly as she laughed with happiness at my answer and with that she conveyed her feelings of understanding after a long talk.
When you give a hug to another person it would be normal to do it to say hello or in some cases hugs are used to convey happiness at seeing the other person.
In this case Syr is thanking me for what I have just told her and is showing it to me through a hug. In the same way I return it to her by being able to solve my doubts.
"Will you act against your personal tastes again Riku?"
"No" I said as I pulled away from the hug and stood up from the bench where we sat to give Syr a playful smile "I will go my own way and have my desired life, no one will decide what I want to be and I will get what I want"
This life is mine and anyone who tries to take it away from me again will have their way with me, though first I need them to wait a moment for me to gain my strength with which to defend myself.
"Riku! Someone's looking for you nya! He says he's from the Loki Familia nya!"
Anya's voice calls me and I see her peeking through a door as she yells at me, apparently a person from the Loki Familia came as promised by that perverted Goddess.
"See you later Syr, I'll become an adventurer!"
"Be careful what you do Riku! Enjoy your time in the Loki Familia and come back soon!"
Saying goodbye to Syr I start to run a little to meet up with that person from the Loki Familia and start my new path.
What an incredibly beautiful world I live in, even if it is dangerous.
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Syr was happy.
She had seen Riku's growth over time since she saved her from dying in that horrible alley.
Riku had been left to die and her whole body was full of wounds from the smallest to the most horrible, Syr was grateful for her curiosity about things and for having found Riku.
Thanks to Anya being with Syr she was able to save Riku in time and bring her to the Hostess of Fertility. Syr took it upon herself to give Riku a home and convince Mama Mia to accept her into the pub.
Something simple since for some reason Mama Mia pampered Syr a 'little'.
Syr called in a doctor from the Dian Cecht Familia to give Riku a thorough treatment. They were able to remove most of Riku's wounds and even managed to prevent her from being left with horrible scars on her body.
But...
After that Syr took it upon herself to guide the girl and show her what it was like to work in the pub. Mia placed Riku in the kitchen. She settled in without a problem as she learned from May and helped her with the food being made.
After that Riku accompanied Syr on several shopping trips and also learned good things on every outing Riku went on, she also enjoyed seeing the surroundings of Orario.
Although among all that Riku's past was what affected her the most in the way she acts and that caused her to want to be of help at all times.
Riku acted on the influence and opinion of others while forgetting her own thoughts.
If Riku continued to act that way when she grew up she would not be able to adapt properly to the world away from the pub.
For that reason Syr taught her several things and tried to show her the goodness that is in Orario by letting her know several things she could do to pass the time.
It didn't turn out so well because Riku got into conflict with herself and couldn't think correctly about what she was doing resulting in a personal problem.
Because of that problem Riku and Syr had a talk and the girl was now able to understand what she has been doing wrong.
For some reason Riku still clung to her past that she kept only to herself without making it known to others.
She had trouble with that and would not let go of what had happened to her resulting in her sometimes brooding and standing still in one place as if her surroundings were ignored.
After Riku had a talk with Syr, all of Riku's problems were cleared up. She solved her problem and now they can investigate the world with a different perspective.
Syr was left alone in the courtyard of the pub with her thoughts. She smiled after having achieved her goal of cheering Riku up and taking away the sadness that was growing inside her.
She managed to restore Riku's happiness and hoped to see her in a few years to smile and tell her that she was proud of Riku.
Like an older sister to a younger sister.
After all...
She enjoyed watching people grow.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Lacrima_de_Sal
Lacrima_de_Sal Thanks for reading.
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