Chapter 2: Self-underestimating
Self Underestimating.
All of us sometimes do underestimate ourselves. Even if we have self-confidence.
Many times, you feel like you can't do it. That you aren't capable and weak and that itself is called self underestimating with lack of confidence.
We can't over go this kind of stage or period with no motivation. We need someone to give us that push. The one that throws us one step nearer to success.
And those ones are absolutely our families.
In times where the whole world seems against you and nothing seems right, you surely feel down.
Like when you go to buy some crap from the market and end up remembering that its 1 in the morning and the store is closed.
Or when you actually meet your crush on the way to school as you curse yourself million times for actually not spending 5 minutes to just brush your hair while looking like a homeless.
Or like when you get up late for school, end up making marathon with yourself trying to dress up fast.
And when finally walking out to the school you remember that you forgot your keys and when trying to go back home you found yourself soaked because the clouds felt like crying today. Well, you feel like crying too.
Life just seems against you.
And the worst thing you can ever say is, Am not suppose to be here. I can't do it.
Those words were what I used to say when first moving out leaving back a past full of precious memories.
I hated life. I found everything turning down on me. But it wasn't. I was the one in my own way.
I took examinations in a language that I know nothing about. I walked into the school like a shy weirdo that was placed between a punch of psychos when in reality, I am a social person.
The day of my first exam was like hell. I understood nothing and that which broke me down the most. I may know the answer but I couldn't write it down.
Because I don't even understand the question.
People threw me looks that weren't the best. I absolutely looked like someone that's out of town. Though I wore something casual for school and looked like them.
I acted simply.
The first day of high school in the new country was absolutely the weirdest day of my life. I stepped to the school with my nerves on edge.
I didn't like the giant white gate that was stuffed between two walls. Stepping in there felt like never coming out alive. Or at least, not in one piece.
I was a mess by the end of the day. My mind wasn't stable. The number of things that I saw and learned made it like my brain was forcibly stuffed with muffins.
The way they acted, how their school day goes by, the teachers, students, periods, everything was just so new. I found it so hard to adapt and fit in, almost impossible.
I was scared as hell for my marks. The questions, the exams, the people, they no more spoke or wrote in English the way I used to see them do.
It was a totally new environment and society.
I pressured myself too much when it comes to the mental side. I thought of things too much and kept saying that I won't make it through this year.
I was down, you can say. The faces that I once saw almost every day in school are now replaced by new ones.
I was one of the outstanding and superiors in my old school. The whole school knew me since I never left school to move to another and kept studying in it for a whole ten years.
Life seemed perfect to me. Even with the hard times that I passed by but life seemed beautiful in my eyes.
As my first days in school passed by I slowly started to lose the will in waking up 7:30 in the morning to get ready to school.
My brother and sisters that were all a source of positive energy were all busy in their university and I couldn't pressure them more.
They all went into human medicine.
So I kept it inside. Day by day my feelings gathered till in a one day they burst out unleashing all the feelings I felt before.
The school was off.
Life was off.
No friends.
No Motivations.
No nothing.
At least that's what I thought. When I tried to open my eyes for a while I just saw them. My family and the people whom I loved and care for are standing there pushing me to the front with every word they say.
I had to believe that I can do it. That am not weak. That life wasn't against me and tomorrow will be a better day.
And I did it.
Its been two years now. I walk through the school hallways no more with a head down. I walk as I greet students from higher grades and my teachers and they greet me as if we're best friends.
My classmates weren't the best though. They were such bullies and the worst class in the school. But who cared? I was gonna move on whether they were shitty bullies or not.
Some of my classmates were so supportive and understanding. They helped me so did my teachers. I am capable of speaking their language now. Not fully, but am not bad for someone who came 6 months ago.
I walk to school with a high spirit now.
The day that I woke up early to school the most was the day where I'll receive my report card for the first time.
I was so happy knowing that I passed the middle exams. So happy that I went to celebrate with my new friends.
My days became beautiful just like before and I start appreciating life like I used to do. After all, Life was not so bad.
And in the end, I am supposed to be here.
This was my experience. One of the absolute hardest ones in my life. I hope that we all would have a while before deciding to give up.
Or deciding that life is against us or that we can't do it and that we're weak. We're not.
All, never underestimate yourself.
"Don't Underestimate me. I know more than I say. Think more than I speak. Notice more than you realize. And that's because I never underestimate myself."
LuLu ♡
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
LuLu_2004
LuLu_2004 Dang, sharing this was hard. One of my life's most embarrassing experiences is for you to read. Nope, it didn't write it to impress but to express.
If you can help anyone learn things the easy way then why not?
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