Chapter 2: Chapter 1
I take a shower, get ready and head to the campus. While going towards the campus I keep checking my phone to see if she will message me. All I can do is look at the texts from last night and remember the words she said to me. Did she even mean anything from yesterday? It doesn't matter, we had fun, that should be the only thing I care about right now.
I get to my class and sit down next to my only real friend on campus, Luis. All though he is very calm and collected, me and him get along very well. We're like vanilla and chocolate ice cream, complete opposites but go well together.
"Hey man, can you pass me your notes from the class last Friday?" I asked Luis
Luis just answers "Dude you got to pay more attention, here," as he passes me his notes.
He turns to me while I'm copying his notes and says "So what did you do this weekend, anything fun?"
I think I should tell him, he'll understand.
"Well remember Anna?" I ask him
Confused Luis says "Yeah, why? Did she talk to you or something?"
I look him dead in the eye and say "We did more than talk."
"WHAT!" He screams as he gets up from his chair.
I signal him to get down while also telling him to quiet down.
I waited for him to quiet down and say "Look, we talked on Friday and decided to get back together in a casual way. On Sunday she came to my apartment and we had dinner." He immediately says "Did you guys do more after dinner?"
I just give a slight shrug and tell him "That's between me and her, but that's not what's on my mind."
Even more confused he says to me "Then what is on your mind then Andrew?"
"It felt like a one night stand" I said
"Well like you said it's casual, so it'll probably feel like that from time to time, I don't know what to tell you. I've never experienced a casual relationship, but I say do what you think makes you happy," he said to me.
I give him back his notes and wait for the professor while on my phone. I think I should text her if she would want to hang out later today.
Spending time with her makes me happy so is it wrong for me to want to spend as much time as I can with her? I hate this feeling of unmeasurable doubt in my head. I may be an overthinker but I've been hurt so many times by other people that it's hard to trust people with my heart again. She already hurted me, but now I'm connected with her in a relationship where my heart shouldn't be involved. So why is it involved in this?
I'm too smart to not know what is going around me, she could tell me that she loves me and I know those are empty words, but my heart wants to believe her. In better words, my heart and brain are at war over whether I should trust Anna or not.
Trust her smile, words and actions. The way she says I'm special in her life, how I am the only one she likes in this way right now. Each day it's harder for me to believe her, but as the days pass my love for her also grows.
The professor finally arrived and started to give the class, but just as he started the class my mind wandered off elsewhere. While I stared outside the window seeing how the sun beamed through it. The colorful green and blue of the outside greatly contrasted the grey and brown colors that made up the classroom.
I could be doing something fun right now, but I'm stuck inside this campus, a campus with no sign of life. As my head starts wondering off, the beaming light of the sun catches my eye. I follow the beam of light through the room as it lands on the face of a girl in my class. I know I'm not falling in love with this girl, but she's just very attractive. I want to get to know her, even if it's just as a friend.
I turn to Luis and whisper "Hey who's that," while indicating the girl.
"She's Lucy I think, I don't know much about her, why" he whispered back
I was about to keep the conversation with him going but the professor out of nowhere says "You two can at least be quiet for the rest of the class to hear, right?"
I didn't even know who could hear us from all the way over there. We are a solid 3 meters away from him, but he still heard us.
I stand up and say "Forgive us Professor Hills, we'll be quiet for the rest of the class."
The professor just turned around and kept giving the class to everyone, I personally never pay attention in class. I always get good grades on my exams and since Luis always helps me out with notes I can just sit around and let my mind wander off.
As I was staring out the window I felt that someone was looking at me. I looked back to the professor but his back was turned and was writing down something. It wasn't the professor, so who could it be? I move my head to the left and I finally lock eyes with the person staring at me. It was Lucy, I wonder why she was looking at me, maybe she was just looking at my direction. Sometimes things like that happen or maybe she was wondering off and wasn't looking at anything in particular.
The moment me and Lucy locked eyes she quickly turned around, so maybe she was staring at me. That is a pleasant thought, but who cares?
I grab my phone under the desk and text Anna if she wanted to hang out after class. Knowing her she won't see my text in like 2 hours maybe more. I'm in a happy mood, I have the girl but at the same time I know it's only superficial. A superficial love that is only related to the body and not the emotions we have for one another.
It's stupid for me to be thinking about this the way I do. Any other guy would be thrilled to be able to have something casual with a girl they like, but I don't like Anna, I love her and I'm not like every other guy, I'm a helpless romantic.
I value love like no other and why shouldn't I? Ever since I was a kid my head has been filled with ideas that happiness comes from true love, but ever since I met here my ideals and views about love have rotten. I don't think there is an actual true love anymore. How can one person affect someone so much to the point where their ideals and values are lost. A person who changes the way you live and the morals that make you as a person, isn't the one for you.
Of course sometimes change is not bad, but when they crush your dreams and ideals of love the way she did to me, you probably loved the wrong person too much.
That's just a part of life. Sometimes we get hurt but at least we learn from these moments.
I snap back to reality when I hear the bell ring.
"Ok class for tomorrow have chapter 6 summurazied and Andrew when will you start paying attention in class?" said the professor
With a smirk on my face I say to him "When I start getting bad grades Mr.Hills."
I pick up my things and I notice that Lucy is still sitting alone.
I look at Luis and ask "Hey are you down for some pizza right now?"
"Yeah I could go for some pizza," he said
I don't know why but I want to invite Lucy, just to see what happens. Like they say you miss all the shots you don't take and I just want to know her. I know full and well that I love Anna, so there's nothing wrong with making a new friend besides we're not dating.
I start walking towards Lucy and Luis says "Andrew what are you doing?"
When Luis gets really surprised he opens his eyes very wide and just stares at whatever takes him by surprise. I can tell he's doing at this very moment.
"Hey what's up, my name is Andrew," I said to Lucy while giving my hand out for a handshake.
"My name is Lucy," she says while shaking my head and smiling.
I said to her "Are you busy this hour, me and my friend were about to get some pizza and I was wondering if you want to come with us."
"No I'm not, I would love to join you guys," she said while picking her stuff up.
I wave to Luis so he can come over here and meet Lucy. It would be kind of funny to hook them up and Luis doesn't like anyone in particular right now. I'm thinking too far ahead, let's get to know her first, we don't know if she is crazy or something.
You should never trust people without knowing who they really are first, even though sometimes it's hard to know when you truly know someone. All though trusting the wrong people can affect you for the rest of your life, the most valued currency is trust.
We begin chatting as we walk to the pizza place, but Luis is staying a little too reserved. I know this is how he acts with new people and even acted like that when I met him, but I should push him to be a little more eccentric.
I as a joke say "Well Lucy do you have a boyfriend or anything like that?"
She covers her mouth as she laughs and responds "No, I don't, why are you looking for a girlfriend or something?"
"No, I was just looking for attractive friends, I can't just be hanging around dudes," I said while laughing, I hug Luis and say "Even though Luis is attractive enough for me."
He just laughs and we keep on walking.
We finally arrive at the pizza place, the aroma of dough and tomato feels the air. It is almost intoxicating with how good the smell of fresh pizza being made.
I say to Luis, "Go order the usual just in a large and we'll get a table, ok?"
He leaves to order the pizza and I stay alone with Lucy while looking for a table with her.
I say to her "Sorry for Luis acting a little awkward, he's just a little shy when he starts to know new people, but I promise you, you will end up loving him once you get to know him. Just give him a little bit of time alright?"
She just smiles "Yeah, I'm also like that, but with you I fe..:" I stop her and say "Sorry I just saw someone important I'll be back."
Who was the important person I saw, no other than Anna. Why would she be here? Was what I was asking myself, but then I saw she was with some guy. Is she on a date? It shouldn't matter to me, we're just casual.
Then why, am I still walking towards her? I feel like I can't stop, it almost feels like my own body is getting pulled towards her. My own body wants to be near her, it looks as if you can't lie to your own head and body.
I arrive at their table and say "Hey Anna, did you get my text?"
Of course she did, this is most likely a date, so why am I ruining it for them?
"No I didn't, sorry, by the way this is Conan, Conan this is Andrew," She said introducing us one to another.
I greet him and say "So what's going on here, are you guys on a date ," while raising my eyebrows and winking.
"No we're just out as friends," said Anna
Conan says in an annoyed tone "So what are you to Anna?"
It's obvious that he has feelings for her, how do I know that? Because I also have feelings directed towards Anna.
As I glance at Anna, then turn back to Conan I say "Well we ar..." As I was saying what I was about to say, I got interrupted by Anna saying "We're just friends," as those words left her mouth she wore the fakest smile I've ever seen someone put on in my life.
What is he really to you Anna?
"Yeah just friends, well I leave you to at it," I say with a smile just as fake as her's.
I walked back to the table Lucy was, the pizza Luis ordered was already on the table. I get there and just flop on my chair. I can't hide that the words just friends didn't hurt me, but I almost forgot something very important, me and her are casual. Of course we're just friends and nothing more.
Lucy looks at me and asks "Who was that?"
I look at her and say "No one special, just a friend."
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