Chapter 1: Rock Bottom
All I wanted to do was relax in my shitty apartment, binge-watch some romantic comedies, and maybe cry my eyes out. Not deal with my mind's twisted idea of a bad omen.
God, I needed to get my delusions under control, or Lucien was going to think I was batshit crazy.
I rubbed my eyes and looked outside my smudged window. Past the annoyingly loud crows, there was barely a soul in sight. A few beat-up cars and men that looked like they could be selling meth outside their trunks—complimented by lovely chipped paint and rust. It practically screamed I'm sketchy and might shank you. Oh, the beauty of downtown Dedville, where you're either a deadbeat or an orphan.
It was summer vacation, which meant this place was an empty husk of the bubbling town it once was during school time. No one dared to stay unless they had no other choice—like me.
I just got fired for punching some creep that decided it was okay to grab my ass. I also told him to fuck off, but it was justified.
My manager, Tyler, had been aching to get rid of me ever since I rejected his advances, but he knew I was dating Jared at the time.
I groaned and watched as the crows had a full-on conversation in front of me.
Was this going to be my life now? A murder of crows following me at all hours of the day, harassing me? They had just reappeared in my life and I was already growing more unhinged with each passing second they loitered around me.
I ruffled my hair and shook out my hands and tried to focus on anything but the talking crows.
I should probably call Lucien and ask for a favor, but then again, I might be a bigger burden to him.
Reluctantly, I grabbed my phone and pressed the call button.
I inhaled and tapped my nails nervously on the table. I slouched over with my face smashed against cold wood and hoped to God it would soothe my festering anxieties. For a second, it almost did—until his deep voice rattled my eardrums and sent shivers down my spine.
I exhaled, attempting to speak, but my throat instantly dried up.
I swallowed hard, coating my dry throat. "Hey, I need a favor. Can you come over?" I unlocked the heavy deadbolt and it swung open.
Lucien towered over me. His muscular build was hidden by a baggy gray hoodie and black joggers; his light blonde hair was covered by a trucker's hat. He was probably just about to hit the gym before I interrupted him.
Lucien sighed heavily and looked down at me with a slightly raised brow. "Addy, why the hell are you living in a shit-hole like this?"
"It's lovely to see you too. Come in," I said, sarcastically as I waved him in. His golden eyes were glaring at me with his square jaw clenched tight. Lucien was an open book, and seriously couldn't hide anything—especially the exhaustion—the heavy bags under his eyes made it look like he hadn't slept in days. I mumbled under my breath. "It's cheaper than my old place and I couldn't afford the other one because they always cut my hours during summer." I shrugged my shoulders like it was no big deal.
"I've told you, you can always move in with me," he said in a matter-of-fact tone like it was as easy as that.
I scoffed and looked away as he walked inside. Just move in, I mimicked.
He knew that wouldn't work.
I rubbed the nape of my neck and closed the door behind us and shifted away, trying to gather my thoughts. "Lucien, thanks for the offer, but I can't be the reason another one of your girlfriends breaks up with you."
He rolled his eyes as his gaze lingered on the barren walls. My place was empty except for a few essentials and some cheap furniture. He was totally judging me.
He glanced back at me. "It's their fault for thinking we could ever be something. We grew up together. It's just wrong." He shivered like the mere thought of us being any more than that repulsed him.
I laughed out loud. "Hey, I'm not that bad. Should I be offended?" I teased as I perked up my eyebrows and threw my hands to my chest.
Lucien just rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
"Yeah, yeah." I waved a hand at him dismissively.
We grew up at Mrs. Kelley's house together. He took me under his wing when I was five years old and he was nine. We were all each other had during those hellish years.
He snatched the remote off the coffee table and then aggressively slammed himself onto the loveseat.
He kicked up his feet and started switching through streaming services. "You don't even have a Hexflix account… Why am I not surprised?"
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. "Wasn't a necessity."
I couldn't hear Lucien's reply as an obnoxiously loud crow chimed in. "Is she dull, Gren? How could she have forgotten?"
My eyes darted back at the window and watched the talking crow that had feathers sticking straight up. It looked mangled or mauled, or hell, both. They all went off on a tangent like they were my very own peanut gallery.
"Probably."
"Why her?" "He said she was the one." "She's hideous." "I have doubts." "Can't be." "Definitely not." "Quiet!" one-eye yelled. They hushed, immediately. He must be the one in charge and the one called Gren, seeing as they all settled their feathers and looked at him once he spoke again. "She is the one who accepted the token. She has it around her neck. Look at King's emblem! It's clear as night."
They all croaked and mimicked a yes, yes as if satisfied with Gren's answer.
I closed the kitchen curtain and hoped that would give the crows a hint, but their bickering continued regardless. I rubbed my temples, pulled out one of my dinner table chairs, and scooted it beside the loveseat. I kept my eyes on Lucien, who was still trying to find a movie.
Yeah, my sense of reality was finally fucked. Mrs. Kelley always said I was a little off, but if I was being honest here—even if I was vividly seeing and hearing things again—it was her forcing us kids to call her mother when she was only fostering us for the money she received from the state. That's next-level psycho if you asked me. All I ever did was point at the crows and ask if she saw them talking too. I was a child. I didn't know any better, but that sent her over the edge because she would immediately swat my hand down, saying I was never allowed to utter a single word like that ever again—especially if the social worker Tammy was around.
"You okay?"
I snapped my focus to Lucien and gave him a reassuring smile. "Oh, uh. Yeah." I knew he wouldn't look down on me for losing another job, but that didn't make it any easier to tell him. "So…" I cleared my throat. "I'll be short this month and was wondering," I said, hesitating. I looked down at my hands as I cuffed them together. Unable to look him in the eyes anymore. "Could you loan me some cash? I swear, I'll pay you back."
I had officially lost all my self-respect. If I could bury my head into the ground like an ostrich, I would. That would be much less humiliating than this.
I twirled my thumbs together, still unable to tear my eyes away from the carpet. My hands turned clammy as my breathing became uneven.
It shouldn't be this hard, but I've asked him before and now it seemed like I was stuck in a cycle. I wondered, was there a limit to how far a friend would go to help another friend in need because we weren't a real family?
Would I lose him because I couldn't get my shit together?
I clenched my heart from the sudden tinge of pain. It came out of nowhere and I wasn't sure what to make of it.
Lucien grabbed my shoulders and I flinched; his firm grip startled me, and I flung myself backward. I almost knocked myself over, but he caught the chair before I hit the ground.
I was so deep in thought that I hadn't realized he wasn't on the loveseat anymore, but was inches from my face. So close I could feel his cool minty breath on my cheek.
His eyebrows furrowed. He was worried and thinking of what to say next.
I averted his gaze like a coward—again—and stared at the window curtain where the bickering had stopped. I didn't even notice the silence until now. Had they finally disappeared?
"I'm serious, come live with me instead. You can save up money so you can get back on your feet. I'm not saying it's forever," Lucien said, trying to sound persuasive, but it just interrupted my previous thoughts.
The offer seemed more tempting, but how much could I ask of him until I wasn't a fumbling mess?
I looked back at Lucien, his face consumed with worry.
"Are you going to kiss me or what? I'd have to warn you, I didn't brush my teeth yet." I teased, smiling like a fool as I annoyingly poked his cheek.
He rolled his eyes, took his hat off, and slammed it on my head. He tilted the bill down, blocking my vision so I couldn't see his expression. "You're something else. You know that?" His voice dripped with sarcasm. I lifted the hat and he looked more vexed than before.
Lucien turned away and fell back onto the loveseat, switching through movies again.
The mood went from serious to playful back to serious in a matter of seconds.
It made me uncomfortable.
I didn't take my eyes off the television. "I'll think about it, okay?"
"Good, at least you still have some brains left in there."
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