Chapter 23: 23. About The Feeling
After the incident with Emma, Javin kept his distance from Forth. He does not want to be someone who is considered ignorant.
He is nobody, just a poor student trying to be independent, but ends up falling in love with a wealthy man who already has a moaning of heart. It made him embarrassed and felt unworthy.
Forth couldn't get Javin to open his mouth about what he was embarrassed about and he also failed to say what conditions he would submit for Javin before Emma's arrival disturbed them.
"Forth, you fell in love with him, right? With Javin?" said Shone, two days after Forth and Javin returned from the beach on Forth's birthday.
Shone and his other friends, Rain, as well as Forth's parents were secretly happy to see the changes in Forth recently after Javin's arrival.
Forth was no longer isolating himself, at least he was willing to go somewhere he had never been before, in the afternoon even before the sky turned dark blue.
He became more laughing and also more talkative. Rain felt that his decision to take Javin as a personal assistant for his younger brother was the right step, because for some reason, he felt Javin was the right person for Forth.
Shone just met Forth today and he was a little surprised to see Forth so nervous when he arrived. Javin is nowhere to be seen and Forth says the young man is on campus.
"W-what? Why do you think that?" asked Forth stuttering.
Shone's eyebrows rose. He had known Forth his whole life. They have been best friends since they were babies, not only because their parents were friends too, but because they live next door to each other.
Forth has the trait of being a leader in every school activity, organization, even games. It is his nature. He is firm, fair, and courageous. Seeing Forth getting nervous because of a simple question from him at this time, made Shone confused.
"Forth, tell me, have you fallen in love with that beautiful young man?" asked Shone again. "You did everything you haven't done since back then, with Javin. You were happy around him, laughing easily and looking at him with affection in your eyes. I could see it all."
"Is... that clear?"
"Me and Jock and Kwan have discussed it, Harry may not have noticed as he doesn't show up often but someday I'm sure he will find out too."
"I... I don't know... I'm confused. At him and at myself."
"Why?"
"I... have never felt what I feel when I'm around him. He makes me happy, comfortable, and safe when I'm with him, seeing him smile, hearing him talk and laugh, even just smelling his distinctive aroma from a distance. I'm nervous when he wasn't within my reach. At first I thought, it's just because all this time, I didn't have anyone else who could understand and accept me besides you all. However, after all you guys are my family and know what I've been through. He's someone else I just met, but he accepted me unconditionally."
"You know, Forth, when I found out about him from you, then noticed it myself, I knew that Javin was special. I knew, he would be a part of us somehow, until Phi Rain said that he would take Javin as your personal assistant."
"You guys watching him? You spying on him?"
"Of course! You haven't talked about someone you just met, a mini market lover, with sparkling eyes and a big smile. Of course we have to know who is the person who can make you do that."
Forth smiled faintly. "Alright, alright, can't really hide anything from you guys."
"Then why are you still confused? It's obvious you liked him from the first time you met and now you've fallen in love with him."
Forth took a deep breath. "The problem is, I still can't let go of that girl, not before I meet her again. I still have to fulfill our promise at that time. How can I be with Javin, if I still think of other people too. Isn't that unfair to Javin? How If one day I find that girl and she still keeps our promise, she is also looking for and waiting for me? I will hurt her too because I didn't keep my promise and instead was with Javin."
Shone shook his head in confusion. The girl Forth has been looking for has not been traced at all, even though he has hired the most reliable private detective.
The girl disappeared as if swallowed by the earth after that incident and many years have passed. After all, there is no definite information that can be connected with the girl, apart from information from Forth who was in great shock at that time so that a desperate detective once stated that Forth might be hallucinating and that the girl he mentioned was actually just an imagination that came from fear and tired at that time.
"Forth, wouldn't you consider otherwise? What if you wasted your chance to be with Javin just because of waiting for someone whose whereabouts are unknown? What if in the end you never find the girl or if you do meet her, she may be married, or not as you remember, or even dead? And at the time you alreasy lost Javin."
Forth lowered his head and squeezed his hair tightly because he was too confused. Shone patted Forth's back with pity.
"Shone, I'm not gay. I don't think I can fall in love with anyone, let alone a man. But Javin...."
"Who cares who you fall in love with, Forth. You don't need to put a label on yourself to fall in love. Are you gay, bisexual, pansexual, or whatever you call it, that's just a label made by humans, but your feelings? Don't worry too much about it, the important thing is to make sure what your heart wants."
"What if Javin doesn't like me the way I like him? He might just think of me as his boss. Javin's nature is kind, sweet, and gentle, it's just my feeling that I want him more than he should."
Shone chuckled. "What happened on the beach?"
Forth was surprised and confused because Shone suddenly switched topics. "Huh?"
"Javin told me about Emma's arrival."
"Aah...." Forth understood what Shone meant and he explained the incident clearly.
"That's the sign, Forth!" Shone said while snapping his fingers. "Javin also said the same thing, but in a different tone."
"I do not understand what you mean."
"He was sad and gloomy when he told me about Emma. It was clear to me that he was jealous of her."
Forth looked at his best friend with doubtful eyes. "Are you sure?"
"Can't be one hundred percent sure of course, but he likes you in his own way, different from the way he likes us, that's for sure. He's probably just feeling shy or insecure."
Forth understood now why Javin's attitude had changed after Emma's arrival. His heart suddenly beat very fast and he missed Javin.
"I'll call him," Forth said.
Shone laughed and stood up from his seat. "We can stop the search for your little girl?" asked Shone while walking to the door.
Forth was stunned, unable to pick up his phone on the table. He stared at Shone for a moment, then shook his head.
"No! Keep looking for hee. I still have to confirm things with her. I'll take care of Javin too."
Shone looked at Forth with raised eyebrows and then took a deep breath, before giving a thumbs up while walking out.
Forth was just about to reach for the phone when it rang. He saw the name on the screen and smiled widely.
"Hello, Javin, are you at--"
"Phi, help me!"
***
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone