Chapter 10: Sharing secrets
We stayed silent for a good minute, I needed time to reveal something about myself. I knew it was necessary to do, so I could continue growing this country. I will need some people aware of my case so they know about my origins. I didn't want to climb the ranks of my own system over and over again. I can't waste time like this.
But at the same time, it was a pressing matter. I knew that this secret was something that allowed me to build a barrier around myself, and if it was gone, I would be vulnerable. For that not to happen, I will need to choose a few people that will never betray me but, at the same time, will help me achieve my goals.
I hope I won't live too long to suffer from the death of those I will learn to treasure. If I already took steps to regain everything I lost due to time, this path won't be easy, but at the same time, it is necessary. I know it is not something like I need to complete my goal or fulfill my promise. It is something I want.
Overtime I understood that due to the time we live, we are getting numb to emotions if we don't always add fuel to them, and I didn't want to fuel them in the past since there was no way out of the cycle until this life, now I know that I'm very well mortal, but only on my accord will I commit to something like that.
During that time, I understood that love, happiness, and appreciation are something like a healing potion that could turn into poison if something gets corrupted, but either way, I wish to try. I don't know why, but I wish to try to be back to normal once again. I never wished to turn into some embodiment of god that is always in search of amusement because they already felt numb for most of the things in the world.
I never wished to be the best in everything, but at the same time, human nature is something that cannot sit idle and do nothing. It is something within us that makes us find forms of entertainment, forms of things that will occupy our brains all the time. That is something we have in our nature, fear of death and fear of being forgotten. But at the same time, I knew most of us don't fear death. They are afraid of the unknown, of what lies after we die.
It is in our nature to find answers that will ease our mind, find answers such as physics laws to know why the world is the way it is, learn biology to learn why we are the way we are, learn psychology to learn why we are the way we are instead of being like other animals. All the knowledge we develop is either to satisfy our need to get enough attention not to be forgotten or to pursue knowledge to find out the unknown.
We create rituals with no actual power, but to convince our mind of better outcomes, we create religion to justify the existence of the higher beings and place them after death. All of our goals lie in the direction of being remembered and finding out about the unknown.
But of course, it is not all; for some of us, family is something we wish to defend and guard with all our power to achieve stability and prosperity. It is understandable since family is your starting point, people that support you and love you for no reason at all, just for the reason of your existence. You get benefits that some fight with their life on the line for. The same with candid love.
What a complicated mess we humans are. I don't think I need to think about others that I don't know, and I don't need to think about people that have their own goals. For my desire to come true, I will have to learn to trust and be in a position where I can be betrayed, but either way, I will do it since that is my desire. Why should I go on long discussions just to justify my own desires? I want to do that! And I don't care for a single soul that wants me to justify my actions.
"Ozawa." I took a small pause. "I will tell you everything. You are the one I trust, and I wish for no walls between us to exist, but know that I can't give you the love you wish for, I'm just starting the path that I have to take, and it is too early for me to have something so grant as love as well as I can not break a promise that I gave to my friend. Will you listen to me?"
*Sniff*
"Please tell me, Soma-sama. I wish to know…. know why you are not able to feel love for me… But above anything, I wish to know who you are under the mask that you show to the world." She spoke in a quiet voice, but towards the end, I could feel her voice louder and more confident.
And then I talked, talked about how I lived my life, how I always wake up in the child body with the same name with the same premise. I told her about wars I took part in. I told her about everything I could allow. And you know what? It felt pleasant. Pleasant to talk freely, pleasant not to keep some silly memories. I didn't talk about my former world since I decided that the past world should stay in the past world. I should start anew, should start from fresh, and not be bothered by the fiction that will probably never come into existence in this world. Things already changed too much, and there is no saying that things will repeat themselves since I don't plan to stay idle and watch history play without me in it. I won't keep myself from interrupting, I won't keep myself from changing the world the way I see it fit.
After I finished speaking about everything I wanted, I remained silent and looked at the girl that I had trained myself since she was 10 years old, I tried my best to tell her about my goals and about how I envision the world, and she shared it. She didn't always agree with me, but there is never something that everyone sees the same in the world.
Without saying anything, she came close to me and embraced me in a tight hug.
"Are you alright?" I spoke, unsure of her intentions.
"Just let's stay like that for a minute." she whispered, her voice sounding weak.
Asking no more, I slid my hands behind her back and pressed her hard against my body, slowly stroking her back, which was slightly trembling every time I slid my hand.
After a good 5 minutes, she finally broke our hug, and there I could see another woman in front of me. No more she had the look she used to have, no more she was shy, and no more she held hopes for love, but there was something different in her expression.
"Thank you for finally talking to me about your burdens… I can't say I understand how you feel, but I will respect your choice. However, I want you to respect my choice as well." she spoke in a firm voice that didn't either break or shatter a single time.
"I will do everything in my power, dear discipline." I spoke and gave a slight bow, it wasn't something serious, but I wanted to ease both my and her minds.
"I want you to create your family or clan. I want to be part of the said clan, It doesn't matter to me if I'm not destined to be the one you love, but I want to be part of your family. I will share your second name, but I will also honor my family name. When the time comes, I will have children, and they will be the first flowers that will establish a name of your clan in the world. Please allow me to be at least that."
Not gonna lie; this is kinda surprising? I don't know what happened to her girl's mind to make such a decision, and I don't wish to see why she came to such a decision. But it is nothing I can't do.
"Ozawa, are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes, I do" She looked me in the eyes while they were almost shining with light.
"Alright, but I don't have a family name, so we have to think about something. But before that, I know I will sound selfish, but will you accept longer life? Will you live longer to accompany me on this journey?" I finally asked something I really cared about. I never wished to make people live longer than they were supposed to live just for the sake of it, it would make the time they value worthless, but I could not avoid asking those that are close to me because I needed them, and the amount of time that normal human lives are not nearly enough.
"As long as this offer extends to the clan members of yours? I will gladly accept such a gift and be by your side for as long as my legs are moving, for as long I can move my muscles." she smiled with a bright smile that made me smile myself.
This girl is such a. Sigh. "Yes, of course, it will."
"Then what are you waiting for? Let's choose the clan name Soma-sensei."
"Name of the clan shall be …
-Tenshiyume (Angel Dream)
-Tenshihai (Angel Ash)
-Tenshisu (Angel Nest)
-Hihibana (Sun Spark)
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Hey, I'm not sure what to choose, but I want it to be something related to their goal.
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