Chapter 14: monster
The dawn hadn't yet broken over the horizon when I got in my truck and headed down the road to La Push. A picture I couldn't seem to shake kept going through my mind, deciding me once and for all what I had to do.
A rust-colored wolf, surrounded on all sides by rifles and shotguns. The deafening sound of gunfire, and a heavy thud as it fell. A pool of blood.
I gripped the steering wheel. I had to warn Jules. Maybe if it had been anyone else, I could have holed myself up in my house and just let the chips fall where they would, but Jules—I just couldn't. The images in my head had me nearly paralyzed with fear.
Even so, I'd already drawn the line in my mind. I would warn her, and by extension, her friends—no, pack—but I couldn't go along with or ignore what they were doing. Jules had said she wasn't good to be my friend, that I might not want to see her again, and even though the thought set the empty hole in my chest to burning, I knew her words now had been prophetic. This would indeed be our last meeting. Staying friends while turning a blind eye, just because the people were people we didn't know—that would make me every bit as guilty, every bit of a monster, as she was.
I knew I could have just called as Jules had told me to, but Jules was simply too important to me for me to take the weasel's way out. This kind of conversation was the kind that had to be done in person.
I pulled up to the Blacks' house, right to the spot I had taken a hundred times. It was still early, but I wasn't feeling particularly sensitive to decorum right now, and I slammed the truck door loudly before I strode to the door. I hammered on the front so hard I felt the sound reverberate through the walls.
"Come in," called a muffled voice. Bonnie.
The door was unlocked, and I went in.
Bonnie was in her chair in the kitchen, her gray hair hanging loosely around her face, not yet pulled back in its usual braid. As her eyes fell on me, they widened briefly, before her expression settled into the poker face I was quickly becoming familiar with.
"Good morning, Beau," she said lightly. "You're certainly up and about early."
"Hey, Bonnie," I said, struggling to keep my voice polite. "I just needed to talk to Jules about something—you know where I might find her?"
Bonnie's expression gave nothing away. "I really don't know," she lied, without so much as a flicker.
My patience was about used up by now. "You know where Charlie is right now?" I said suddenly, my voice a little too loud in the early-morning quiet.
Bonnie regarded me cautiously. "No," she said. "Should I?"
I glared at her. "He and half the other people in this town are all out in the woods with guns, hunting giant wolves. That mean anything to you?"
Bonnie's face flickered in something like astonishment, then again went blank.
"So," I said in a low, dangerous voice, "I'd really like to talk to Jules about that, if you don't mind."
Bonnie seemed to consider that for a long moment. At last she said, "She's probably still asleep. She's been out late quite a bit lately. I wouldn't wake her up if I were you. Maybe give it awhile."
I wasn't listening however, and I was through the room and into the hallway before Bonnie had finished talking.
The yard-long hallway only had one door, and as I'd been to Jules's tiny, closet-sized room once before, I didn't have trouble finding it. I probably should have had more qualms about entering a girl's room uninvited, especially when she was still asleep, but either because we'd spent so much time together she almost could pass as my sister, or I was still too wound up thinking about things that made little things like this seem not quite so important, I couldn't bring myself to care much.
I threw open the door so hard it hit the side wall with a bang, and I announced, "Jules, we have to talk."
Inside, the room was dark, and there was no response. Hesitantly, I stepped inside, looking tentatively around, and for a moment I was sure Bonnie had been having me on, and Jules wasn't here after all.
Then my eyes adjusted a little, and they came to rest on Jules's lanky figure, which was sprawled out across her bed. The bed was so small and her form so long that her shins hung off the end. She was still dressed in the same black biking shorts and too-small sleeveless shirt from just a few hours ago, and the blankets had been pushed all the way to the side, even though the air was a bit chilly. She was still fast asleep, unperturbed by the ruckus I had made.
I studied her face, and I realized it looked much different than when she was awake. Her face looked more like the Jules I knew before all this had happened, the anger lines smoothed out, almost peaceful. I hadn't noticed before, but there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked younger than she did awake—young, and incredibly weary.
My eyes flickered about the familiar room, and I noticed it was the same as it had been when I had been in here before, the same posters of fast cars, the same dissection of some car engine. Remnants of the Jules I had known in another life.
Slowly, I backed out of the room, quietly closing the door behind me. She was tired. She ought to have her rest.
Bonnie watched me, gaze inquisitive yet also guarded, as I emerged back into the front room.
"She should get to sleep awhile longer," I muttered.
Bonnie nodded slowly, never taking her eyes from me. I suddenly wondered what Bonnie thought of all this—the wolf thing. Obviously it didn't seem to bother her much. She had been doing her best to help cover it up from the beginning, did everything she could to protect and defend Sam. Maybe she considered family and tribe more important than the lives of a few random hikers.
Bonnie was looking at me with questions in her dark eyes, but she said nothing.
I headed toward the door. "I'll be down at the beach," I said. "When she wakes up, could you tell her I'm waiting for her?"
"Sure, sure," she said evenly. "No problem."
I wasn't sure I trusted her, but I figured it was better than sitting in the front room the entire time, in awkward silence.
I drove the truck down to First Beach, and parked it in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark out, the gloomy predawn of a cloudy day, and it was hard to see as I made my way through the weeds to the sandy shoreline. The rain had stopped, but it was colder up here, with the wind whipping off the black water.
I headed up the beach toward the north seawall, and was a little surprised when I found what I was looking for before I'd even realized I was looking for it.
A great driftwood tree loomed up in the darkness, its bone-white surface almost glowing in the feeble predawn light, the roots twisted every which way like the tentacles of a great sea monster.
I couldn't be totally sure it was the same tree Jules and I had sat on when she had first told me the Quileute legends, but somehow I thought it was. I sat down where I'd sat before, and stared out over the black sea.
When I'd come here, I'd made up my mind to tell her it was off. We couldn't be friends anymore, not while she and her fellow werewolves were doing what they were doing. But as soon as I'd seen her face, I knew that if I did say any of that, it would be a lie. Jules was my friend, and nothing she could do would ever change that. I was still revolted by the things she was doing—I couldn't be like Bonnie, and accept it all just like that, and even be a party to it—but I just couldn't find it in me to turn away completely, to write her off as just a monster.
When I saw her sleeping peacefully in her room, all the old trinkets and reminders of the things she loved, the thought of her being hurt in any way was agony. No matter what she did, she was my friend, and I wanted—needed her to be safe, no matter how illogical the thought was. I suppose it just went to show—once you loved someone, it was just impossible to be logical anymore.
I sat where I was a long time, thinking in circles, my mind going again and again over her peaceful, exhausted features, and trying to figure out how to keep her from getting hurt, as the sky slowly turned from black to gray.
"Hey, Beau."
Jules's quiet, almost shy voice came from the darkness, surprisingly close, and it made me jump a little. I'd been listening for the sound of her footsteps on the rocks. I turned to see her making her way toward me, her tall, slender yet strong frame silhouetted against the coming sunrise.
"Jules?"
She came to a stop several paces away, her fingers interlocking in front of her and fidgeting with her thumbs.
"My mom said you came by. Guess you figured it out, huh? That was faster than I thought."
"Yeah," I said quietly. "I remember the right story now."
It was silent for a long moment, but for the gentle sound of the waves against the sand. Though it was still too dark to see well, Jules studied my face carefully, and I watched as her expression hardened.
"You could have just called," she said viciously, half turning away.
I nodded. "I know."
Jules started to pace along the rocks, making no sound on the uneven stones.
"Why did you even bother to come?" she demanded.
I shrugged, my expression unchanged. "I thought it would be better that way."
She sneered with derision. "Oh yeah, much better."
"Jules, you really need to watch out," I said. "In the forest, Charlie told me—"
"That they've rounded up a big mess of rangers and hunters to shoot us dead? Ha, don't worry, we know all about that. Not much goes on in the forest we don't know about."
"Don't shrug it off," I warned. "You might be pretty tough, but they've got rifles and shotguns, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if there are traps and worse."
Jules waved a hand dismissively, though she didn't slow her pacing. "They're no danger to us. If anything, those poor idiots are the ones who need to watch out. They think going out in groups will protect them, but before long, some of them will end up just like those hikers."
I stared at her, shocked by the harshness in her voice. Maybe some part of me had held out hope—not hope that she didn't know what was going on, but at least that she hated it as much as I did. But she was so cold. So unconcerned—like they deserved what they got. It was too much.
I was suddenly on my feet. Jules paused in her walk, watching me with an unreadable expression. I took a step toward her. Although she was almost as tall as I was, I straightened to my full height, using every inch I had on her as I got in her face.
"You," I hissed though clenched teeth. "You are a monster—I didn't want to believe it, but you don't even care at all, do you? My dad is one of those idiots out there!"
Her face went ashen for a moment, then she came back, more ferocious than ever.
"You think we don't know that?" she seethed. Her fists were clenched at her sides, her nose barely a centimeter from mine, so all I could see were her eyes, black as onyx in the darkness. "What else are we supposed to do? We're doing our best with what we have! We can't do anymore!"
"Yeah?" I said, voice rising, nearly to a shout. "Well, maybe you could try not being a werewolf. That would be something."
"You just don't get it," she spat. "I don't have a freaking choice. You don't just hit a switch and turn it off and on whenever you want."
She was breathing heavily, her back slightly bent, and she glared up at me with fury, but her next words came out as a whisper.
"You know what? You're a hypocrite, Beau," she hissed. "You didn't care at all when you found out what she was, did you? What's wrong? I'm just not the right kind of monster for you, is that it?" Her entire body was quivering, her eyes black with something like hatred.
I was startled when I suddenly heard Edythe's voice at the back of my mind. "Be careful, Beau," she said softly. "Don't say anything more to upset her. You have to calm her down."
I really didn't know why I was hearing the voice now, again when there wasn't any danger. I wasn't afraid of Jules doing anything to me. Even so, normally, I would do just about anything for that voice.
However, this time, I ignored her.
Again stretching up to my fullest height, I took a breath, then screamed in her face.
"You kill people!"
Silence. Jules's fury had suddenly vanished, and she stared at me, her face slack with astonishment. "I...I what?" she said blankly.
I was breathing hard. "Kill people," I repeated, glaring. "I don't care what you are, I don't care if you turn into a wolf or a dragon or cockroach, but how can I be around someone who's picking off hikers off the trail like it's nothing? I don't want to lose you as a friend, Jules, I don't, but something has got to change, or I can't come back here again. Not when your next meal could be Charlie."
"Hold it," Jules said, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me. And to my shock, I saw a slow smile spreading across her face. "Are you saying..."
She suddenly laughed aloud, sounding almost giddy, and she let go of me, backing up a few steps. "Gosh, Beau, you really had me for a minute. I really thought...I mean..."
I was scowling, watching her euphoria with disapproval. Maybe the weird, unexplained mood swings were part of the werewolf thing.
"Hey," I said.
Jules paused in a kind of half-step dance, then swung around to face me. She was still grinning like a maniac.
"So let me get this straight," she said. "The fact that I'm, you know, a werewolf, doesn't matter in the slightest to you. You're so cheesed off because I run around killing people."
I was definitely irritated now. "No, I don't care you're a werewolf, obviously you should know that because you know—well, you know what I was up to before this. Obviously, since you keep needling me about it. But that doesn't take care of the problem here, does it?"
Jules laughed again, a pure, happy sound that almost sounded like her old self. She suddenly threw her arms around me, crushing the air from my lungs. I tried to push her off, but it was like trying to push off a bear, and she didn't even seem to notice my efforts. Then she pulled away abruptly, holding my shoulders at arm's length.
"You moron," she said, still grinning. "We haven't been killing people."
I stared back at her, and it was my turn to look blank. "You haven't?"
"No," she said fervently, shaking her head. "Furthest thing from it."
I stared into her face, and as I looked into her dark eyes, I knew she was telling the truth. I felt a slow smile spread across my face. I automatically reached out and took her hand.
Jules smiled up at me, and she rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb. "Sorry for calling you a hypocrite."
"Sorry for calling you a monster."
She laughed.
We stood like that for a minute. "So," I said finally. "You aren't killing people. Samantha and the others either?"
She shook her head, and her smile was bright and cheerful now. "No, no. We've been out trying to save the hikers—I told you before, didn't I? Samantha and her people think of themselves kind of like police. They patrol the reservation, and try to keep people safe. They're protectors—we're protectors. The reason people think it's us is that we rush in to help, but we so far we've always gotten there a little too late."
I frowned slightly at that. "Then what is happening to the hikers? If it's not you guys...Don't tell me there's really a bear out there."
"No, we don't hunt bears." Jules looked me square in the eye. "Our prey aren't normal animals, like deer or big cats. We exist to protect people from one thing, and one thing only."
I stared back at her for a moment. Then the realization hit me like a ten ton truck, and the color drained from my face. "A vampire," I whispered. "That's what's been getting them."
Jules nodded. "I sort of thought you of all people would have already guessed that part."
I stared at her, my face frozen with horror. "Lauren," I said numbly. "She's still around, isn't she?"
Jules cocked her head, raising an eyebrow.
I tried to get my thoughts in order so I could explain. "You should know who she is, you saw her once. You remember...in the meadow. You drove her off..." My eyebrows rose with amazement as the events began to all tie together. Of course, Jules and her pack had been there in the meadow, and they'd chased Lauren away to save me.
"Ahh," said Jules, drawing out the word with satisfaction. "Oh yeah, I know who you mean now. That busty leech with the black hair."
I felt a stir of panic in my chest as I realized just how close Jules had come to Lauren. How easy it would have been for her to kill Jules right then and there—I remembered how at the time I'd been hoping Lauren would do exactly that, and I shuddered.
"She's the one," I said quietly. "She's the one who's been picking off the hikers."
Jules snorted. "Not likely. I mean, maybe she got a few before that, but she's not going to be killing any humans anytime soon. We took care of her."
I stared at her, dumbfounded. "You—You what?"
Jules grinned with relish. "We tore her to shreds, limb from limb. It was so fast, she didn't even have time to scream—I sort of regretted that, after what she about did to you. The five of us on one, she didn't stand a chance."
I could only stare at her, mouthing wordlessly for a moment. "You...killed her? Lauren is dead?"
She nodded, still grinning, then she suddenly frowned as she took in the stunned look on my face and the faintness of my voice.
"Hold it," she said. "You aren't seriously going to count that as killing, are you? You can't be that much of a bloodsucker-lover. Okay, maybe you were standing there talking to her like you knew her, but she was coming after you, I was positive." She was looking a little worried now, and the expression quickly turned to agitation. She added defensively, "She was probably out there killing hikers and stuff."
I suddenly laughed, and I felt my knees go weak with relief. I staggered to the piece of driftwood and sat down, pressing a hand to my head. "She's dead," I repeated in wonder. "Oh yeah, she was definitely about to kill me, no doubt about that. I've been waiting every day for her to come busting into my house and finish me off, and the whole time I was just praying she'd just take me and leave Charlie alone. I can't believe it. You got her. I've been so freaked out, I've barely slept."
Jules came to sit beside me. She gripped my hand. "Killing vampires is what we do," she said. "Yeah, she's dead. More than dead. You'll never have to worry about her again."
I nodded, then suddenly frowned slightly. "Yesterday, though, you said it wasn't safe. I sort of thought that meant Sam knew a vampire might be coming for me. What was that about?"
Jules hesitated. "No. When I said that, I was talking about me." She glanced down. "Not my safety—yours. Being around me. When I get...angry...that's what triggers the change. It can happen when I don't meant it to. And if you're standing too close...well, you wouldn't be the first person to get hurt that way."
I remembered the way Jules's face would contort, like an angry animal, and the way she convulsed all over.
She sighed. "I'm trying to learn to keep a better hold on myself. Like Sam does. I do my best—I kept telling myself, both yesterday and today, that I'm not going to get worked up no matter what you say, but then I get in the moment and it's just so hard to control. I guess it's just because I'm so new. There are times when I just feel like I'm on the edge, all the time, just a hair-trigger away from exploding."
She stared off across the water for a moment, thoughtful, and I thought too.
"Huh," I said at last. "So you don't need a full moon or anything?"
She snorted. "Beau, if you go by Hollywood all the time, you're going to be wrong more often than you'll be right."
I nodded, knowing only too well how true that probably was. However, my face turned serious as I suddenly remembered.
"Lauren's dead," I said. "But murders are still going on. Which means there's another vampire out there."
Jules was serious, too. "Yeah. This isn't over, not by a long shot."
Her brow furrowed with frustration, and her eyes seemed to darken. "There were two of them. We got the female—Lauren, or whatever you said her name is—but there was another. We really hoped her mate would come straight at us, looking for a fight. In all the legends, if there's one way to tick off one of their kind, it's by killing the mate. But he just kept on running, coming back in, then slipping away again. He acts like he's testing our defenses—like there's something he really wants on our land, and he's trying to get close enough to get it. But we have no idea what it is."
I couldn't respond. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized at least one of the waking nightmares I had dreaded for the past few weeks had really come true.
Victor was here, killing hikers in the woods. And he was here for me.
I suddenly found myself staggering to my feet, though I had no idea what I meant to do or where I meant to go. Where could I run? Where could I hide? Nowhere.
The sudden movement made my head spin, and I felt Jules stand up beside me, grabbing my arm to steady it.
"Hey," she said, looking alarmed. "Are you okay, Beau? What's wrong?"
I turned vaguely to look down at her. "Victor," I said numbly.
Jules stared up at me for a second. Then was a gleam in her eye. "Victor," she repeated with some excitement. "Is that his name? You know him, too? Do you have any idea what he's after?"
I sunk back down onto the driftwood, letting my head bow with a sudden weight. "Yeah," I said heavily. "You could say I know him a little." I drew in a deep, shuddering breath. "Fact is, Jules, Lauren wasn't his mate. They were just friends, ran in the same coven for awhile. He had someone else."
I lifted my head to look Jules in the eye. "His mate has been dead for a while. And what he's after is me."
Jules stared back at me for a long minute. Then she swiftly dropped down to a crouch in front of me, bringing us to eye level.
"How do you know that?" she asked urgently, one hand gripping my arm. "This is very important, Beau. What do you know?"
I stared down into her face, without looking away. "Do you remember last spring?" I said. "When I was in the hospital?"
Jules nodded slowly, uncertainly.
"I didn't fall down the stairs," I continued. "It was a vampire who did that to me. Joss. She was a tracker, who lived for the thrill of the hunt. She was Victor's mate—and Edythe killed her. Or at least, the others killed her on Edythe's behalf."
Jules nodded slowly, and I could see it all coming together in her mind. "Now he wants to kill you, as revenge. Because you were her mate."
I nodded, focusing hard on one of the white branches of the driftwood. "That's what Lauren told me."
I suddenly let out a harsh, bitter laugh that made Jules turn her head to stare up at me again. "The ironic thing is that he doesn't know—he doesn't know I don't make much of a revenge, because I got dumped."
Jules slowly straightened, looking down at me. She was frowning, as though trying to decipher my expression. At last she said, "Is that the reason? Is that why they left?"
I stared at the ground. "I'm just a boring, ordinary human," I said in a low voice. "Of course I could never be her real...Of course not."
Jules was suddenly angry. "Is that what she told you?"
I stared at the sand. "Please, Jules," I said in a low voice. "I'd rather not talk about this."
"I'm asking you if that—" Jules inserted an incredibly rude word "—told you you're too boring and ordinary for her."
I looked up at her, my brow tense, my face pleading. Then my eyes dropped back to the sand. "Please, Jules. I can't talk about this. It's not what you think—don't blame her."
Jules swore softly under her breath, then sighed and nodded once. "Okay," she said. "Never mind that, then. The point is, this is exactly what we needed to know. I've got to tell Sam and the others as soon as possible."
Jules offered me a hand and after a second, I took it, allowing her to pull me to my feet. She turned and began walking swiftly back to my truck, towing me along behind her.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Not sure yet," she admitted. "I'm going to try to call a meeting and Sam will probably name a place."
We reached the truck and she suddenly stopped walking, turning back to face me. "Just wait here a minute, okay? I'll be right back."
She let go of my hand, but I kept my grip on hers a moment longer. "Where are you going?" I asked, and I could feel something like desperation prickling at the front of my forehead.
She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "Be back soon," she promised in my ear, then she turned and sprinted back across the parking lot.
"Hey—" I called after her, but before I could get the words out, she had already disappeared into the forest.
I slumped back against the truck, and it suddenly occurred to me that it wasn't a good time to be left alone. I could feel overriding fear of Victor—Victor, who I now knew for certain was closer to us than I could have guessed—bubbling at the base of my skull. I dragged myself up into the cab of the truck, then shut the door hard, shoving down all the locks. I didn't feel any better.
I had been sitting in the truck for about two minutes, stewing over my imminent demise, when I heard a sharp wrap on the window. I jumped about a mile before I turned and realized it was Jules, already back. I unlocked the door for her, though my hands were shaking.
"Wow," said Jules, eying my expression. "Look at that. You're white as a ghost. Are you really that scared?"
I gritted my teeth. "Let's just say I know what vampires are capable of."
Jules laughed as she got in on the passenger's side. "Relax, we've got it covered. You're totally safe, Beau, long as you're with us. We'll keep Charlie safe, too, while we're at it—we've been keeping an eye on his house, you know, just in case."
I shook my head. "The idea of you catching up with Victor is part of the problem."
She snorted. "Have some more faith in us than that. Killing him once we find him will be nothing, it's finding him that's the problem. What, you think we can't handle one little leech because we're a bunch of girls? Is that it?"
I rolled my eyes and didn't answer. Leave it to Jules to turn a healthy fear of vampires into some sexist offense.
Trying to distract myself, I turned to her. "So," I said. "Where exactly did you go just now?"
Jules hesitated.
"Hey," I said. "I thought once I guessed the secret, you could tell me anything."
Jules shook her head. "I know, it's not that I can't tell you. It's just—a bit weird, is all."
I raised an eyebrow.
She grinned, looking sheepish. "But, guess you're used to weird by now. But some things are just weird weird."
I rolled my eyes. "This might come as a shock, but I have a little experience with weird weird, too."
Jules laughed, though she still looked uncomfortable. "Okay, so I just went and turned wolf, so I could get in touch with the others. It's like this—when we...change, we can hear each other's thoughts. Everyone in the pack. We have this kind of mental connection, which really helps us when we hunt, but honestly, most of the time it's just plain embarrassing. It gives us a way to communicate, even when we're apart and have no idea where the others are, like now."
I nodded. "That's what you meant last night, when you said you would tell Samantha. You just couldn't not tell her."
Jules sighed. "Yeah, that is what I meant." She eyed me curiously. "Wow, you're already used to it. Took me longer than that. I was totally freaked out when I found out at first."
I shrugged slightly. "You're not the first one I've met who could do that. And that one was weirder, because it was everybody's thoughts, not just a few members of a pack."
Jules gave me a strange look. "You know someone else who can read minds?" Then a look of understanding washed across her face and she froze. "Are you saying..." she began slowly. "Your bloodsuckers..."
I frowned slightly. I didn't like when she referred to the Cullens that way, or used any of her other colorful nicknames, but I let it go.
I shook my head. "Just one. Just...Just Edythe."
The sound of the name came out uncertainly, and I looked away quickly, as the sharp pain went like a dagger through my chest. However, it wasn't as bad as it had always been before.
"Just one," Jules repeated, frowning deeply, looking disturbed. "One too many. I mean, we all heard the legends about them doing...extra stuff, having extra powers, but I think we all thought those had to be myths. I mean, they're tough enough buggers without that kind of twist."
I nodded. "There were a lot of things I thought were just a myth, too. Like tribeswomen turning into wolves, for instance."
She sighed. "Yeah, I guess nothing's just legend anymore. You'd think we'd just give up trying to figure out the rules of reality. The only rule is that there are no rules."
Jules leaned forward to wrap the dash with her knuckles impatiently. "But, anyway, I think that's enough talk for now. We better get going, or Paula's going to get ticked off. Again. We're meeting at that place we went to ride our bikes that first time."
I started up the truck and carefully pulled back out onto the road.
"So," I said. "When you ran out into the woods just now, you turned into a wolf, so you could talk to Sam?"
I was feeling pretty calm, and it was true that I'd accepted all this, but somehow the thought of Jules actually having turned into a wolf a few minutes ago, and so relatively close by, was a little hard to get my head around.
Jules nodded. "I kept it brief though, and I think I was able to keep from thinking about you. I was afraid if they knew you were involved, Sam would order me not to bring you. I can't go against her word."
I glanced over at her, then stared out the front windshield, frowning deeply. Apparently Samantha wasn't quite what I thought, but I didn't like how much power she seemed to have over Jules. It seemed so wrong, that anyone should be able to take away another person's freewill like that.
"Last night," I said slowly. "When you were trying to explain to me, but couldn't—that was because Sam ordered you not to, wasn't it? She can control you." My voice shook slightly with anger.
Jules shrugged. "Yeah, she's the head of the pack." She grinned a little. "We call her the Alpha female. So basically, whatever she says goes. Course, she doesn't use the power too often, part of what makes her such a good pack leader, but still kind of sucks sometimes." I could tell she was trying to keep her voice light.
"That still doesn't seem right," I said in a low voice.
Jules shook her head. "It's just part of being a wolf. There's nothing we can do about it. And Sam takes it very seriously. She only gives an order when she thinks it's really important."
"Still," I muttered. "Seems wrong."
We stared out the front window in silence for a long minute, until at last Jules said, her voice a touch more serious, "I really admire Sam."
I glanced over at her, and tried to hide my incredulity. "You do? Why?"
Jules shook her head. "All this has been tough on all of us. When I transformed for the first time...let's just say, I was a bit freaked out. No, if I'd still been human, I would have been sobbing and screaming and trying to claw my eyes out all at once. It was—" Jules was half grinning, but then the smile faded, and there was not a trace of humor in her face. Her voice dropped. "...the most horrible thing I've ever experienced in my life."
Jules raised her hands, and stared down at her palms. "It hurt. Nothing made sense—my body wasn't my own. I didn't know what was happening. But Sam—Sam and all the others helped me through. Sam explained what was going on, and even as bad as it was, having someone there to help, to guide me through, was huge. But of all of us that have changed this way, Sam was the first. She had to go through everything we all went through completely alone. No one there to help explain or pull her through."
I glanced away. It had almost been comforting to think of Sam as the bad guy up until now, the one responsible for standing in between Jules and I, but hearing the full story, it was hard not to feel bad. It would take a pretty tough person to go through that, and come out the calm, stoic person Sam seemed to be now.
I shook my head, then looked back over at her. "Think they'll be pissed when they see me?"
Jules grinned. "Without a doubt."
I frowned at her lackadaisical reaction. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm thinking maybe it might be better if we didn't try to set off a entire pack of angry werewolves."
Jules shook her head. "They'll settle down once they realize that this is the chance we've been waiting for. What you know will make a huge difference. Okay, so they know how much you've had to do with vamps and they don't like you much—but really, that just means you have the kind of information we could really use. You're like a deep undercover plant, whose been living among the enemy for years. You know the kinds of things we could never hope to uncover ourselves."
This made me pause. If I was hearing right, Jules was calling me something akin to a spy. Even if I had been collecting that kind of information back then, which I hadn't, I didn't care for this way of looking at things. It made me feel like some kind of traitor.
However, I did want to stop Victor, preferably before he could find me and torture me to death, and even more importantly, before he could do anything to Charlie. My good vampires had left, and so the pack was the only hope of taking Victor down, once and for all.
Jules was still talking. "Like the mind-reading. That's pretty important to know. Think of the huge disadvantage if we tried to go up against someone not knowing about that. Do you think this Victor has any special powers, too?"
I shook my head. "Maybe, but I doubt it. If he did—" I hesitated, looking away, then muttered, "If he did, she would have mentioned it."
Jules looked puzzled. "She?" Then she understood. "Oh, right, you said Edythe's the mind-reader."
I flinched, my knuckles white on the steering wheel, but I concentrated on keeping my eyes on the road, hoping Jules hadn't noticed.
"Sorry," she murmured, studying my expression. "I forgot, you don't like that. When I say the name."
I shook my head. Then I sighed deeply. "I just don't get it," I muttered. "You always seem to know about me...Sometimes I wonder if you're reading my mind."
Jules chuckled at that. "No, I just pay attention."
We were on the little dirt road where Jules had first taught me to ride my motorcycle, and Jules signaled me to pull off. I parked the truck and shut down the engine.
We both sat in the darkness for a minute, staring out the windshield in silence.
"Things still aren't okay for you, are they?" Jules said at last, voice low.
I stared out into the dark forest, not responding at first. Then I nodded slowly.
"I know you probably don't want to hear this," Jules said quietly, almost gently, "but I can't help but think you're better off."
I said nothing, my eyes still staring straight ahead.
Jules continued, "Not just because she's a bloodsucker. But because...I feel like there must be something wrong with her. To do what she did. To you." She paused, then said with some concern, "Beau?"
I realized that without meaning to, I'd raised my clenched fist to my ear, and was pressing it against the side of my head as though trying to shut out the words, my shoulders hunched.
I forced myself to straighten, and lowered my hand. "Sorry," I muttered. "Please, I don't want to talk about this. Okay?"
"Sure," she said, looking away. "Sorry."
I sighed deeply, rubbing the back of my head. "S'okay," I mumbled. If things were different, it might have been nice to finally have someone to talk to about all this. It wasn't Jules's fault I was such a wreck.
Jules suddenly straightened in her seat. "They're here," she said. Let's go."
"Oh," I said, feeling the blood drain from my face. Memories from the meadow had suddenly flooded my mind, images of giant, savage wolves. "Maybe I better wait in the car. You know, in case they're a bit out of humor."
Jules laughed, and stretched out her hand for me to take. "Nice try. But you're the reason we're here."
I swallowed. "Right."
She grinned. "If it makes you feel better, I promise I won't let anything happen to you."
I frowned. "For some reason, I feel like we both just lost a whole lot of points for that."
Jules nodded seriously. "You know, I've been thinking. Maybe we should switch. I'll earn man points, you lady points. Right now you are exuding the damsel-in-distress vibe beautifully."
"Funny," I grumbled, but as Jules, still chortling to herself, turned away from me and pushed open the truck door, I couldn't help but smile a little to myself.
Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
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