Chapter 3: Take Three
I yawned and checked my phone next to my bedside table. 8:30am on a Sunday. I rolled out of bed and walked downstairs to the lounge room, Alphina following me for her breakfast. Alphina doesn't give a stuff about doggie food, so she usually just eats our leftovers or anything she can find in the fridge that is open, like a loose packet of chips that we've forgotten to close (it happens a lot).
"What would you like to eat today, 'Phina?" I asked.
Alphina gave me a look that said, Oatmeal.
While I poured 2 sachets of oatmeal into two bowls and added milk and honey, Saffron entered the room cradling Achilles in her arms. "Guete morge!" she said cheerfully in her Swiss accent. Born in Bern, Switzerland, Saffron moved to L.A when she was twenty-eight for a new career path in the Hollywood industry, where she worked for thirty years as a professional makeup artist for actors on set. Saffron has told fascinating stories of working behind the scenes on Marvel superhero movies with the late Stan Lee, the original Superman Christopher Reeve, and comedian Ellen DeGeneres for her sitcom Ellen back in the nineties. Although she's retired from her previous career, Saffron still helps Mom with her makeup and styling for awards shows and movie premieres. Achilles made a happy gasp to signal his good morning. Achilles is my half-brother. (I know the name is strangely random, but you don't know the whole story!) Celebrities are notorious for naming their children "weird" names, but what is weird and isn't weird these days? Mom decided on the name Achilles after the doctors told her after his birth that he was born with Down's Syndrome. I think it's a great name. Achilles was one of the greatest warrior in Greek mythology, and Mom and Harley believed he would grow up to be a fighter no matter what curveballs would be thrown at him because of his disability. And obviously that doesn't define who he is in any way. He is as normal as the rest of us, and I love him very much.
"Guete morge, Saffron! Good morning, Achilles!" I said, walking over to Achilles and poking his cheek. Just like a tickle, he loved and hated when I did that. He let out the cutest of giggles and squeals.
"I heard you screaming before while I was changing Achi's diaper," Saffron remarked. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"Mid gaht's nöd so guet," I replied in my best Swiss-German accent. I was trying to speak Swiss as much as I could whenever I talked to Saffron, as I thought that it was only fair that she, who felt like a family member in our house after all these years, was able to speak her own mother tongue. "I had an awful nightmare that Alphina was going to get put down," I said.
Saffron's face softened. "Oh, schätzli," she crooned. "A hund near-death is one of the worst nightmares you could experience in your sleep," she sighed. "And I've seen heaps in my sleep that are just schrecklich, for over sixty years now." She grimaced. "Are you alright? Thanks, but I'm fine now," I said, but I appreciated her kindness. Saffron was like a second grandmother to me because of her age, and as I hardly got to see my grandma often. I'd known her since I was born, she had cared for me and Lavinia while Mom and Harley were busy with their acting schedules. Because of Mom and Harley's shoot for their upcoming movie in Texas, although we skyped them, it just wasn't the same. I miss Mom (not Harley) a lot, but Saffron is always there for me when I need it. I can talk to her about anything like I do with my Mom. "I'm just relieved Mom wasn't in Marley and Me." I have such a soft heart that I cannot watch sad animal movies without bawling, and so far Mom has not been in any sad animal movies. I'd prefer to watch a murder movie than a sad animal movie. Actually, I take that back. No, I take that back as well. Let's just say I do not want to watch them both. Saffron walked over to the kitchen and took out two bananas from the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter.
"NA-NA! NA-NA!" Achilles squealed, clapping his hands as he pointed his little index finger at the bananas on the fruit bowl.
"Yessss, that is indeed a nana!" I said, "Just don't forget the B-A first! Ba-nana!"
Achilles tried to grab the bowl off Saffron as she mashed the banana, but I stopped him quickly with a nudge of my elbow. He was this close to knocking the bowl and spilling mashed banana onto the floor.
"Merci Vilmal," Saffron said gratefully as she lifted him off the kitchen counter and onto his high-chair, and I helped strap him in his seat. Just like the Minions, Achilles said "ba-nana" so perfectly I wanted to die of cuteness overload.
"How long will Mom and Harl be in Texas for?" I wondered aloud. "I've texted Mom for aaaaaaaaaaaages and there's been no response. Seriously, isn't all they're doing a quick cameo?"
"They have fair roles, but you know how long a one minute shot takes in Hollywood films," Saffron reminded me with a chuckle as she fed Achilles spoonfuls of mashed banana and Achilles wolfed it down like it was precious. "One minute translates to fifteen hours each day of shooting. Plus they have to go through the re-runs again and again."
"Is there anyone else famous that's in this film?" Even though my Mom and stepdad were one of the well-known actors in Hollywood, I still wasn't good at my knowing of actors and actresses. I obviously knew like the SUPER-FAMOUS ones, ones that we ALL know, especially Diane Keaton. Saffron is a huge Diane Keaton fan. She spends her spare time Diane Keaton movies on Netflix or Hulu or whatever is on streaming channels that is Keaton-related. When Mom asked Diane Keaton to send a surprise video message for Saffron on her birthday, Saffron started to hyperventilate so hard Mom, Lavinia and I had to calm her down. But if I had a video message from my idol (I have many favourites), I would probably die too. I mean, I've met some actresses and actors that are Mom's friends and dates (sometimes), this includes Harley, who is now her partner. They are really nice and chill, but I have the casual once-in-a-while thought of Oh my god I'm actually talking to her/him how did I get born with famous parents this is like a dream. But as the years go by, you get used to it if you have famous parents in show business. They are just normal people at dinner parties and when you bump into them in the neighbourhood. I just take my life for granted like other twelve-year-olds my age.
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