Chapter 14: Bald Clown's Day Out
"...following Superman's battle with the villain who destroyed Gotham City, the Moon is estimated to have lost up to 8% of its total mass," a news anchor explained from the quaint diner's TV. "Although its orbit was disrupted, scientists are certain that life on Earth won't be effected, although we may have to get used to the Moon's unsightly, scarred appearance."
"HAHAHAHAHA, hey, I did that!" Saitama exclaimed boisterously from his booth in the small, roadside restaurant, a small order of French fries sitting on a plate in front of him.
"Upon reaching out to the Justice League for comment, Wonder Woman has told us that Superman is currently recovering in an undisclosed location, while the unknown villain is still at large," the anchor continued, where a fuzzy, pixilated image of Saitama suddenly appeared on screen. "This blurry photo is the only public image that we have of the villain, and the media has already begun calling him the "Bald Clown" or "Bald Bozo", given his lack of hair and what appears to be clown makeup on his face."
"Bald Clown? Hehehehe hey, that's not a very cool nickname!" Saitama complained as he dunked one of his fries into a pool of ketchup.
The few patrons at the near-empty diner seemed oblivious to the fact that the very villain being talked about on the news was sitting among them, even to the waitress as she eventually walked by to give the caped customer his bill.
"Ah, $2.99? I don't know this currency, but this ought to cover it," Saitama stated confidently as he opened his coin purse and dumped several bits of money from his own dimension onto the table.
"Uhh sir, we only accept credit or American," the middle-aged waitress snorted as she looked down at the strange coins.
"Oh? Well, perhaps you'll accept this 5-finger discount! HAHAHAHAHA!" the bald hero laughed as he balled his hand into a fist.
Seconds later, Saitama resumed walking along the side of a highway, leaving a dust cloud where the restaurant once stood in his wake. After his fight on the moon, the clown-faced man had leapt back to Earth after aiming for where he assumed Gotham City was, and landed several hundred miles off target and was currently somewhere in the American Midwest.
"What now?" Saitama thought to himself as he strolled casually along the flat, winding road. "The Joker, he's the one who made me this way. What was he doing for fun?"
Contemplating his next goal with his new, homicidal personality, the bald clown's mind eventually began to circle around to money. In his home dimension, despite his astronomical power, Saitama was rather broke due to not using his abilities for fame or fortune. With his moral compass all but erased, however, the hero snickered at the thought of simply taking money from those who had it. Changing his casual stroll to a breakneck jog at mach 2, Saitama sped off towards the nearest major city.
Motorists were treated to the bizarre sight of a blur of a man running alongside the highway as he headed in a North-East direction, following the snaking road until it eventually led to an off ramp leading into a massive, bustling city.
"Welcome to Metropolis!" A massive arching sign read as Saitama sped into town faster than the many pedestrians could perceive. Coming to a halt at a large public park, the bald hero whistled as he took in his new surroundings. The city looked to be a little larger than Gotham, but it had an overall modern appearance in comparison, with an impressive silver-grey skyline shadowing the grassy park from above.
"Now this place reminds me of one of the cities back home!" Saitama exclaimed as he rested his hands on his hips, before noticing a certain bank located across the street from the public area. "Ooohhh bingo! Time to make a withdrawal HAHAHA!"
Strolling into the financial institution, the peculiar bald man was met with the perplexed face of the teller as approached her.
"Um…welcome to the Metropolis Family Credit Union," the lady paused as she looked him up at down. "How may I help you?"
"This is a stick-up!" Saitama jeered as he pointed the index finger of his right hand at the teller. "Gimme all your cash, HAHAHA or else!"
Despite the fact that he could have easily decimated the bank and everyone in it, the clown-faced villain wanted to have some fun and commit a real bank robbery.
The bank's security guard whipped out a pistol as he approached from behind, only to gain a relieved smile as he realized that Saitama was unarmed.
"Hey buddy, did you forget your gun at home?" he laughed as he reached for the bald man's arm. Smirking, Saitama spun around and put his pointing finger to the guard's forehead, where he promptly flicked it.
A loud crack echoed throughout the bank as the man's head was twisted back in an unnatural position, where his body fell to the floor, dead.
"Gee, BUDDY, don't lose your head over it! HAHAHA" the bald clown roared with laughter as he turned back to face the teller. "Now, about my withdrawal…"
Shrieking in terror, the lady immediately opened her safe and began to throw bricks of cash onto the table, where Saitama promptly took an armful of bills with a wide grin.
"HAHAHA wow, I think this is more money than I've ever had! I guess crime does pay!" he giggled as he leisurely walked out of the bank as the teller rang the security alarm. The clown-faced villain already had the perfect idea as to what he was going to do with the money too.
Spotting a chain burger restaurant, Saitama happily walked inside and took a seat at one of the booths. Holding up the menu, he grinned at the many items that he'd now be able afford thanks to the thousands of dollars that he was now lugging around.
"Hey welcome to Metro Street Grill, what can I get started for you today?" the perky waitress asked, only for the bald man to slap an entire stack of $100 bills on the table.
"Give me one of everything, please! HAHAHAH" Saitama laughed through his melting makeup as police sirens approached the restaurant.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone