Chapter 2: Chapter 1
When I moved up to the second year of high school, my first thought was, "I'm lucky to be in the same class as Shirakawa-san".
Shirakawa-san was super pretty. Her beauty was far from being inferior to that of teenage stars on TV, but in my opinion, she's even better looking.
Strikingly large eyes and long eyelashes. Small nose wings and straight nose bridge. Her mouth rose at the corners and lovely lips. All of those components were arranged so perfectly balanced on her small face.
Her build was also outstanding and when you saw her walking in the distance, she would look like a model. Although I said that, she's not as thin as a real model. Her thighs extending from her short skirt had just the right amount of flesh and the silhouette of her abundant breasts flickered from two or three buttons always left open on her blouse. It's the best. It's not like I was into gal myself but, it's mysterious that when it came to her, her long, light-colored gentle wavy dyed hair seemed to even enhance her sexiness.
If I can date Shirakawa-san.
If I can go on a date with Shirakawa-san.
I think there were immeasurable numbers of guys at school with such delusions.
In order to turn those dreams into reality, there were even guys who started loitering around her when they got lucky to be placed in the same class as her.
However, I'm a fully concentrated, gloomy breath. I'm not going to do such an unsightly thing when I'm not going to be taken seriously anyway.
No matter how much we're in the same space, there is an invincible gap ticker than an acrylic plate between Shirakawa-san and me. It's a natural social distance.
This distance will never be shortened.
With that in mind, I watched her beauty from afar.
However, that moment came suddenly.
It was on a certain day, after a few days had passed since I was placed in the same class as Shirakawa-san. In the homeroom before we returned, Shirakawa-san submitted a print-out to the teacher. If I recalled correctly, only the students, who forgot to turn in the reply form concerning the parents-teacher meeting notice which should've been yesterday, were called by the teacher to leave their seats and come to the front.
My name was Kashima Ryuuto, and assigned in order of the student numbers, my desk happened to be placed in the front row near the teacher's desk. The incident happened when I was somehow following Shirakawa-san with my eyes, who suddenly appeared in front of me from the seat in the back of the class with a print-out in one hand.
"Shirakawa-san, you haven't written your name on this, you know"
The teacher who had received the print-out from Shirakawa-san said so, and gently returned it back.
"Oh, it's true"
Shirakawa-san looked at the print-out she had received then turned around, fluttering her short skirt.
And then…. She opened her mouth at me, who couldn't look away because of the surprise attack.
"Hey, can you lend me your mechanical pencil for a bit?"
I thought my heart would jump out of my mouth.
"Uah? Ooh…."
I somehow managed to reply that much and took out a mechanical pencil from my pencil case, handing it to her. I did raise a strange voice but somehow, just barely, I was able to keep my hand from shaking.
Shirakawa-san swiftly took it and bent forward towards me.
"….!?"
To my surprise, she started writing her name on the print-out on my desk.
I was so nervous that I started to break into cold sweat while feeling excited at the opportunity of being able to see Shirakawa-san at point blank range.
Looking at Shirakawa-san up close, her downcast eyelashes were dazzling. It was vexing as I wanted to see the cleavage of her bent over breast but her blouse was blocking the view from the angle.
Nevertheless, she's a cheerful person. Too cheerful. If it was me, if my desk was 100 meters away in the back I would go all the way and write my name on that dek but instead, seeing efficiency as important, she borrowed a pen without hesitation…. from a classmate of the opposite sex she'd never talked to even once, and perhaps whose name she doesn't even know…. That mentality, I don't think I'd be able to understand it no matter how many times I get reborn.
That's perhaps what I felt when I was watching Shirakawa-san. Even though she was the chosen one who was always surrounded by many good looking friends, she wouldn't hesitate to talk to students belonging to the shady group had the chance arrived. I had seen such scenes several times during my first year.
Was she able to do that because she's a genuine cheery person? Perhaps, because she had an absolute popularity she didn't even need to be preoccupied in appearing popular by avoiding contact with a gloomy person, and minding how others saw her.
At the time I was at my wits' end at the unforeseen close approach and thinking such things at the speed of a revolving lantern, finishing writing her name, Shirakawa-san raised her face and looked at me.
"Thanks!"
A beautiful, shining smile. The warmth on the returned mechanical pencil.
It was a strong uppercut.
That was all just an event of dozens of seconds.
However, it was an incident that was enough to make me fall for Shirakawa-san.
I want you to imagine it. A scene of a beautiful girl, who looked like she just came out of a poster, in front of you saying "Thanks!", and smiling at you. And then, I want you to take into account that I've been without a girlfriend for the past 16 years of my life and on top of that, I'm a gloomy guy who is very interested in the opposite sex.
I would fall in love, right?
And for that reason, I fell for Shirakawa-san. Until now she's always been someone I admired but now, I was more strongly conscious of her.
Of course, it didn't necessarily lead to me thinking, "I want to date her". I was at the age where it's not strange to have strong delusions one way or another but as expected, I wasn't brazen enough to go that far.
During this one year in the same class, there might be perhaps a chance to get a tiny bit closer to her, by like, being asked to lend her something again…. With only that much of a meagre expectation in my chest, I was leading about my school life quietly.
Thus, time passed and there wasn't any particular chance to have any contact with Shirakawa-san after that, and we were already approaching the middle of the first semester.
◇
Lunch break on a certain day.
I was having a meal with two of my friends in the corner of the classroom.
Of course I also had a couple of friends. Guys only, though. Then if you were to ask me who else out there besides these two, I'd feel a little hurt, however.
"Fuwaah~ seriously feels heavy. I'm completely lacking sleep"
The one saying that in front of me, and bringing the small dish from his lunch box to his mouth while yawning was Ijichi Yuusuke from the same class, nicknamed "Ichi".
We were classmates from the first year and we got along well through our common interests. As a result of him leading an unhealthy life of being immersed in video games, he was somewhat plump. And combined that with his tall height, he gave off a rather big external presence. He's big but…. Unfortunately, it's almost sad that he's a gloomy one. It's me who said that though. By the way, his face looked similar to the former yokozuna1 Asa●ryuu2.
"Last night KEN was uploaded at midnight so I ended up watching, you see. After that I played game until dawn"
Hearing Ichi's comment, the guy eating his lunch box next to me looked up.
"I also lack sleep because of KEN. I woke up at dawn to KEN's recruitment notification on Twitter so I thought I had a chance to join them, but when I tried I got rejected because of over-capacity, though. I got frustrated so I played in another room until time for school"
Who said that was Nishina Ren from the neighboring class, nicknamed "Nishi". He was also in a different class last year but Ichi seemed to have heard of a rumor of someone sharing the same interests as ours, so he called out to him and it reached the point where we're having lunch together.
If it's just Nishi's face, he could be a part of the cheery group. He had cute, round eyes, and a baby face that made him look like he's in middle school, however. In contrast to Ichi's, he had quite the small stature. And right in the middle of them was the medium stature me with a mob face.
"You two are amazing, really. Following KEN's videos is best I can do here"
I said sincerely and closed my now-empty lunch box.
Our shared interest was video games…. To be precise, through being fans of "KEN", a famous let's play video games youtuber.
Ken was a former pro-gamer, who constantly uploaded several types of let's play video games videos, daily. His high level skill, cheerful and humorous playthrough talk caught the interests of many people, and his YouTube channel subscribers numbers were over a million and it's still increasing.
KEN's dedicated fans were called "KENS's Kids", and there were even skilled players among those Kids personally approached by KEN in order to be able to play together in his let's play videos. Ichi and Nishi were secretly aiming for that and continuously polishing their skills in video games everyday.
As for me, I was just the perfect consumer type fan who was only watching 4 or 5 videos that KEN uploaded everyday. Even with all that, by the time you wrote a comment, in the blink of an eye 2 or 3 hours had passed. So it's a hobby that could take quite a lot of time. On day-offs, I sometimes played online while chatting with Ichi and others but it didn't mean that I would be able to play as skillfully as KEN if I played games myself, so as expected watching let's play videos were more enjoyable.
However, such a consumer type fan also had a good point. Because you didn't have to push yourself, you could lead your life at your own pace.
"Come to think of it, we're about get the results of our midterm back, aren't we"
At Nishi's muttering, Ichi's expression stiffened grandly.
"Stop~! It's a real mess this time. KEN was cruel too huh, recruiting new participating Kids during the test period"
"So true. I tried my best to enter but in the end I couldn't"
Nishi also replied with a dispirited face and sighed.
"How about Kashi? How'd the test go?"
Suddenly passing the baton on me, I was "Eh?", and looked at them. That's right, I was called "Kashi" by those two.
"Yeah…. I'm not so sure either. It's the first test since the teacher changed so the test trend also different"
We, the grades of us three were not that bad. I'd say, we're all in the top one-third of our school year. This school was originally my second choice of high school and I got accepted, so in my opinion the position was so-so.
"You sure!? You're really sure right!? Don't betray us okay!?"
"Ye-yeah…. It's all right, Ichi"
But, they looked like they're seriously in trouble this time. So despite it's another people's problem, I was a little worried about them.
"I'm seriously in trouble here. If my grades drop with this, my parents will scold me to stop playing games….!"
"It's also bad for me for me too…. They're threatening to cancel my phone's contract if I do bad on the test"
Nishi was also in agreement, and Ichi took his hand heartily.
"You too huh! We're comrades aren't we!?"
"Of course. That's why, let's make the guy with the best result listen to whatever the guy with the worst result say"
"Why did it become like that!?"
I was the only one retorting to Nishi's proposal.
At that time I didn't think too deeply about it and couldn't strongly reject it because of the mood, so I somehow ended up accepting such an absurd promise.
◇
Then the following week, on lunch break on the day when the test papers for all the subjects had been returned.
"It's useless… it's all over…."
Clutched in Ichi's hands was an answer sheet for English with "18 points" on it written in red.
Thus, as a natural result of having achieved such a score, Ichi's overall score was the worst among us three. Although not as bad as Ichi, Nishi too wasn't in his top form and was utterly beaten. As a result, I, who mostly performed the same as usual, ended up with the best result.
"Cheer up, Ichi…. If you say you'll make a recovery at the end of semester, I'm sure your mom will allow you to play games. Isn't that right, Ichi?"
"…."
Despite looking like wishing for his approval, Nishi too was absent-minded with a pale face. These two.. must be scolded considerably by their parents on a regular basis, I say.
"Cheer up you two…."
As I was still trying to cheer up both of them, Ichi suddenly grabbed my arm tightly.
"….Hey, you remember right? The promise"
That gaze was zombie-like, hollow and ghastly.
"Umm…."
"The guy with the best score has to listen to what the guy with the worst score say"
"Ye-yeah, more or less…."
"This is an order from me. Kashi, you must confess to the girl you like"
"Huuh!?"
I unconsciously shouted at the crazy order and trembled in fear at the gazes of my classmates gathering on me for an instant.
"Wh-why? Why such order? There are tons of other things you could've asked that benefit you more like, treating you to a meal, or like, being your gofer for the whole day…."
"Shut up! I'm rock bottom now! I will push you to rock bottom too! If you, a gloomy type like me, were to confess to someone, of course you'll be miserably rejected! Savour the taste of being rock bottom like meee!"
"That's cruel what the hell!"
It'd perhaps end up like he said, but if a close friend of my friend said that directly to my face, it's too sad I wanted to cry.
"What the hell is that order! In the first place….!"
"It's okay, Kashi"
When I tried to protest, Nishi placed his hand on my shoulder.
"At the very least, I'll pick up your bones, okay"
He said that with a nice smile. It's great that you look like you've quickly regained your spirit but, I could see the words "Serves you right" written all over your face.
"You guys are too heartless! To begin with, isn't having your grades dropped on a test is just you paying your own mistake!?"
"Uwaah, so that's what you really think huh, Kashi!"
"Kashi, this is not like what's promised! You did promise, right!? Aren't we supposed to be friends!?"
When Ichi said that strongly to me, I was at loss for words.
I surely did promise. We are friends. Rather, if these guys didn't become my friends, I don't know what kind of school life I'd have right now. Every break time I might go to the toilet I don't even want to go to, and count the number of wrinkles on my hands, waiting for the break to end….
The reason I don't have to spend my days like that is because I have Ichi and Nishi. Those two right now are staring at me with expressions as if to say our friendship is in crisis…..
"….I got it, okay! I just need to confess right!?"
So long, my fleeting feelings of love.
Thus, this was how I ended up confessing to a girl I liked, to Shirakawa-san.
Nonetheless, just the thought of someone like me confessing to Shirakawa-san, the most beautiful girl in the school year, no, perhaps in the whole school, makes my knees shiver to the point it goes brrrrr.
But, well…. If I think about it, even if I keep holding these feelings for Shirakawa-san, I think there wouldn't even be one in a million chance of us ending up dating. On the contrary, if I'm unlucky, Shirakawa-san might start dating a classmate and I might end up suffering mental damage from witnessing them flirting from close proximity.
Before that happens, it's better to get rejected and overcome your unrequited feelings, so you can enjoy the rest of your school life. I can think of it like that too, can I.
So like that, I desperately encouraged my dispirited heart in order to keep the promise with my friends.
In the event of I get rejected, I think there won't be that much social damage to me. If I think about Shirakawa-san's personality, I don't think she's the type who would amuse herself and go around telling her friends just because she gets confessed by a gloomy guy like me. I think she's also used to getting confessed and I feel like she'd completely forget about it the next day.
The words "Taking Exams for School Regardless of Chance" crossed my mind.
From my standpoint, Shirakawa-san is a hard-to-get-into school I've always dreamed of and impossible to get into anyway. I have a feeling I should have it a go and at least make memories of sitting for the examination. If not for this opportunity, I would never do something like confessing to her in my life.
That's how I persuaded and desperately encouraged myself.
….Yeah. That's right. Let's have it a go.
With trembling hands, I wrote down words on a loose‐leaf notebook during class.
Finally after school that day, I immediately set out to confess my feelings.
I felt like I would've got dispirited and changed my mind if I took too long. And if I needed to go through with it anyway, I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.
Getting rejected doesn't mean the end of the world. When I get home I'll watch KEN's new videos to heal my hearts.
I told myself that and after school, I put a note I had written in class into Shirakawa-san's shoe rack.
I have something I want to talk about. After reading this, please come to the staffs' parking lot behind the school building.
Second Year, Class A Kashima Ryuuto
The reason I expressly wrote my name was because I thought doing it anonymously was too creepy to have her to come. The reason I even wrote the class was because if it's just the name, "Who is this guy? I don't know so nope", it could've ended like that. "I don't know who this is but, he looks like from the same class so he must have some business with me", and by being thought so, I thought that it would've made it easier for her to come.
"Eh, of all people the one Kashi likes is Shirakawa-san!?"
"To shoot for the stars even has limits! Are you sane!?"
Ichi and Nichi confirmed the name on the shoe rack from behind and they were fiercely shaken.
Those two's reactions made me realize once again that I was about to do something outrageous, and my knees started trembling.
If I could, I just want to collect this note and go home…. That's what I thought but, I didn't want my friends to think I was a man who couldn't keep his promise.
Calm down, me. Calm down.
For now, I'll complete this "Confessing" mission. That's all I need to think about.
I took a deep breath, and told myself over and over again, and headed towards the designated location.
The staffs' parking lot behind the school building was, as far as I knew, the least popular place within school. At this time of the day when classes had just ended and club activities were in full swing, there were still no staffs' showing up to go home. A dozen or so passenger cars were parked side by side in a line and there, I waited alone and silently for Shirakawa-san.
Ichi and Nishi should've been hiding behind a car somewhere and watching me from a moderate distance.
Shirakawa-san didn't come that easily. After school, the normie-like her would've always chatted pleasantly with her friends in class and I never saw her leave the classroom earlier than me. So I didn't have the slightest idea how long it needed to take for her to notice the note in her shoe rack.
The waiting was…. probably for 20 to 30 minutes.
When I finally saw her appearing from the other side of the school building, I was so relieved that I was attacked by a feeling of exhaustion that preceded all other emotions from earlier.
I had prepared myself for her not to come, so even though I hadn't confessed to her yet I felt something like a sense of accomplishment.
Shirakawa-san looked around the surrounding and approached me after making sure there was no one else around.
"Did you place this?"
The white paper she held up next to her face was the note from me.
"Ye-yes"
When I answered with a trembling voice, Shirakawa-san laughed a little.
"Fufuu"
She laughed at me…..!
When I thought about that, my face got hot out of shame.
"Why so polite? Isn't our class the same? Same age right?"
When she said that, I didn't feel any nuance of her making fun of me. Not about my trembling voice, but she seemed to truly think the polite language was funny.
I felt a little relieved but at the same time, I felt sad because I thought that she didn't know I existed, even though I knew it. Even if I prepared myself, it's not an easy task to try something that's bound to fail.
"Gue-guess so…."
For the time being, I replied to Shirakawa-san in casual speech like she had told me.
As she approached me, she stopped about two meters in front of me.
"What is it? What you want to talk about?"
A clear and bright voice. It's a voice exuding her good personality that didn't sound like she was thinking in the slightest it's a oh-so disgusting thing to happen to be summoned by a gloomy type.
Aah, Shirakawa-san….
I'm too nervous to look at her but I'm sure that even now, she still has a very pretty face.
I … about you, I really….
I'll say it. I have to say it. If I keep looking down in silence like this, even someone with a good personality like Shirakawa-san would get tired of me.
With that thought, I desperately looked up.
"….!"
Shirakawa-san's incredibly beautiful face looking straight at me pierced my heart, and although I opened my mouth, my voice didn't come out of my throat properly.
"Li…. li-li-lik!"
What the hell, I can't believe I'm stuttering over a confession!
But now I've come this far, there's already no going back.
"Li, I like you!"
I've done it.
A very gloomy guy.
A very gross.. me….
I'm self-loathing and at this rate, I just want to sink into the concrete ground and leave.
"Eh? Susuki?"3
Shirakawa-san wrinkled her eyebrows and stared hard at me. After that, she looked at what's written on the paper on her hand and made an even more serious face.
Once again, I thought she's beautiful. Since she dressed like a gal, I thought she perhaps didn't wear no make-up but I was fascinated by the features of her beauty that couldn't be covered up by make-up, like the shadows of the eyes area and the line from her nose to her chin.
By having done a massive failure of a confession, there's nothing more to be ashamed of and I was able to mysteriously afford to observe her carefreely just before I got rejected.
"Hey, Suzuki is who?"4
Shirakawa-san still had a stern expression.
"Eh?"
I thought, Seriously who the hell is this Suzuki…. Then it hit me. Because of my clumsy confession she misheard it.
"No. Umm…. I like.. you…. "
This time, even while faltering I said it properly. Maybe it was because I failed once so there's nothing to lose anymore.
Then Shirakwa-san's eyes became wide open.
"….Ah, you mean that?"
For a little while, Shirakawa-san looked away from me as if she had all figured out.
She looked like she was troubled. Probably, she doesn't know about me so much she doesn't know the best way to say no.
"….Why?"
That's why Shirakawa-san's question perhaps was a consideration she thought up for me, as a cushion before she rejected me.
"Eh…."
"Why do you like me? About me"
I didn't expect to be asked such a question and I immediately thought to myself.
Why? Why do I like her?
Such a thing…. Isn't that already decided.
"….Because you're…. pretty"
I was afraid my voice would quaver, and now it sounded like it's about to fade away.
Well, but….
No matter how many times I failed, I would only get rejected once. I thought that to myself and I felt a little better.
"…."
Shirakawasan was blinking her eyes and looked at me. Her cheeks tinted slightly and she cast her eyes down as if embarrassed.
"Fuun…."
She mumbled as if to cover up her embarrassment. And at the very next moment she looked at me, she uttered something outrageous.
"Then, should we start going out? I'm now free, so"
At first, I didn't understand what she just said.
Then, should we start going out? I'm now free, so
Going out? Going out?
Going out.. Shirakawa-san? With whom?
Don't tell me…. with me!?
"Eeeh!?"
I felt like I was going to collapse.
I immediately thought she was making fun of me but if it's really the case, it was in bad taste.
"Wha, why so surprised? Weren't you the one confessing!"
Seeing me like that, Shirakawa-san giggled strangely. Are you telling me she's serious? Or she's just enjoying seeing my reaction?
I don't know what she's thinking.
"….So, what you wanna do?"
Shirakawa-san, who had stopped her giggles, took a step closer to me and asked.
"Do you wanna start going out with me?"
Her upturned eyes are super cute. My heart was about to stop.
How did it turn out like this? I hadn't imagined this development at all.
I'm not so sure but, something incredibly lucky is about to happen to me.
I'm a gloomy guy without anything to boast of, whose only hobby is watching let's play games videos, and I don't have the nerve to let go of this fortune easily.
It's possible she's making fun of me. It's possible this is just a dream but if it really is, it's all the more obvious what my answer would be.
"….Yes…."
I nodded with a burning face and Shirakawa-san smiled looking satisfied.
"Okay!"
Her smiling face is cute. No, her smile is cute too. This is not VR, right? I can't believe Shirakawa-san is this close to me and smiling for me.
If this is a dream, please don't wake me up for eternity.
"Then, let's go home together! I told my friends I got some errands and already said bye, so"
And like that, I started walking together with Shirakawa-san towards the back gate.
When I was walking through the parking lot, I caught the sight of Ichi and Nishi crouching down behind a car with a face at loss for words, looking like a corpse.
At any rate, it doesn't look like a set-up prank from those guys.
◇
My god… what the hell is this!?
I'm not dreaming right!?
I'm really… walking down the street… side by side with Shirakawa-san… right!?
What the hell is this situation!?
Are you really serious about going out!?
With a pounding heart, I was just moving my feet in silence.
"….Your name, how do you read it? Kuwashima?"
"Ka… Kashima, Ryuuto"
"Oh, Ryuuto! That's so cool!"4
Shirakawa-san smiled with sparkling eyes. The surprise attack of her smiling face and "So cool", made my heart rate that has been rising since earlier to rise even higher.
Calm down, calm down.
I can't hold a conversation if I'm this excited.
I will get dumped immediately anyway. A few minutes later she will say, "I'm kidding. Did you really think we'll start going out?", while laughing. It has to be it.
I told myself that and tried to keep my cool, somehow.
"Hey, Ryuuto"
Shirakawa-san innocently started to talk to me
"Did we.. ever talk with each other?"
"Eh!? Ah… Umm…"
For a moment, I thought of telling her about the time I lent her that mechanical pencil but it's too much of a trivial event, and counting that as "Talk" was going to sound creepy.
"….No, not particularly…."
"Fuun, I see"
I am me afterall, so I want to ask something that can't be helped but bothers me.
"Shirakawa-san.. umm, why…. you're willing to go out with me….?"
I told myself to keep my cool, and that's why I found this situation really hard to believe. After leaving me with a pounding heart like this, it's quite possible that, "Today I'm going home with you today", it's actually that kind of talk. No, Isn't it more likely that's actually the case.
Because I.. have a trauma with "confession".
When I was in the first year of middle school, I happened to sit next to an incredibly cute girl. She'd smile and talk to me about something and there was a lot of body touch too. And when I let her copy my homework, "I think… I like a kind person like that", she murmured so, with dyed cheeks for some reason. Of course, the gloomy me was on cloud nine and I was pretty sure she had feelings for me, no mistake. Believing that, I mustered up once in a lifetime courage and confessed to her.
The result was my utter defeat. The awkward face of her while muttering,"I think of Kasahima as a good person, but….", still seared into my retinas to this day.
I learned my lesson from this painful experience. Girls…. Especially the cute and popular ones were not to be trusted.
The fact that a girl was popular in the first place made everyone think, "Maybe I can do it". In other words, the girl herself was being very suggestive and if you thought only you were special, you're in for a world of hurt.
Even without thinking hard about it, there's absolutely no reason why a cute and popular girl would come to like a mass-produced gloomy type like me. Because I thought so, I was able to confess my feelings to Shirakawa-san. Because I was 100% sure I was going to get rejected, I wasn't thinking at all about after being given an OK.
That's why… It's hard to accept a situation like this, as if I was being set-up for a prank.
"Eh….?"
Shirakawa-san looked back curiously at me.
"Do you wanna hear why I decided on going out with Ryuuto?"
"….I mean, Shirakawa-san probably doesn't like me. And because I think you don't know about me…."
We're in the same class but she didn't even know how to read my name.
And there, the reply coming back from Shirakawa-san was an unexpected one.
"Then, can I not get to know you from now on, and come to like you?
"Eh?"
When I looked at her, Shirakawa-san was tilting her head and looked at me with upturned eyes.
"I mean, even Ryuuto also doesn't know me well, right?"
I froze when she said I wasn't seeing coming.
"We never even talked before, right? You like my looks, don't you?"
"…."
I didn't say anything back. I already answered it earlier. I said, "because you're pretty", when I was asked by Shirakawa-san why I like her.
I like her looks. That's true.
But, I've been watching Shirakawa-san from a distance since I was a first year. I always thought, "So pretty", and admired her. That's why I thought I liked Shirakawa-san way more than I thought I did. But now that she mentioned, she's right. I practically know nothing at all about Shirakawa-san.
"Also, I.. like Ryuuto a little, you know"
"….Eh!?"
At her unexpected remark, I looked at Shirakawa-san with shock. Next, I was hit with cute angled upturned eyes, and my brain sparked in double.
Because Shirakawa-san is much shorter than me, I guess that's how she'd look at me when I'm next to her. She looks like a model thanks to her small face and balance build, not because of her height itself.
Also, for a while now I've been smelling a nice smell I'm not sure whether it's floral or fruity, but this smell is from Shirakawa-san, isn't it.
Wait, this is not the time to think about that.
Shirakawa-san likes me a little?
Nay, there's no way that's true!
I mean, she doesn't even know me!
As if sensing the retorts in my heart, Shirakawa-san opened her mouth.
"Earlier, Ryuuto said you 'like' me, right?"
"….Yeah"
"That is why"
"….Eh?"
"Eh? Why the 'Eh?'"
"I mean, umm…. Tha-that's it….?"
When I muttered that in disbelief, Shirakawa-san's face turned sour like wondering what I was thinking about.
"Aah! you're thinking I'm a bitch who comes to like everyone no matter who, weren't you? Even I have my preferences too, okay? A guy with his fingernails all grown out and a guy who leaves sweat under his nose are a no-no even if I die, okay!
Aren't her preferences too specific!? Wait, so only that much is NG5!?
As I was astonished by Shirakawa-san's wide strike-zone as rumored, she stared at me with a sulky face lingering with protest.
"But, Ryuuto isn't like that so that is why. That's why I was happy, you know"
What Shirakawa-san said was certainly not ununderstandable. If a girl I didn't know at all were to confess to me with, "I like you"….. Unless the girl wasn't to my preferences to a large extent, I would probably instantly come to like her.
But, that's because I'm a completely not popular guy who's never been confessed to even once.
"….But, Shirakawa-san seems used to the words 'I like you', however…."
"Eeh?"
What are you talking about, she looked up at me as if to say that.
"Won't you feel happy no matter how many times someone said 'I like you' to you?"
I think that's true, but….
"That happiness…. Isn't it enough happiness to make you think 'Let's start going out'?"
I still have my doubts. Because I don't want to get hurt.
When tomorrow comes, "I don't like you that much after all, so no going out with you!"; I can't stand the thought of imagining a future where I'm being told that.
Because, if we really do end up "Going out" at this point, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, I will certainly fall for Shirakawa-san even more.
It's unbelievable because…. this doesn't seem to be a joke.
"So…. Shirakawa-san's 'like' for me is good enough for friends, I mean…. Isn't that a little too… cheap….?"
I said it. Even though this super beautiful girl kindly said she'd start going out with me, I ended up saying something she might hate!
I'm an idiot.
I'm a damned fool with a big mouth!
Sure enough, Shirakawa-san was silent for a little while. As I was fretting over whether I hurt her feelings, Shirakawa-san looked at me.
"…..So? Isn't that fine?"
What came back was simple and plain words.
"It's cheap but feels pleasant doesn't it, and it makes you want to get closer to me, right? So why not just try going out. Even if the mutual 'Like' at the start is cheap, if we keep going out like that, won't it turn into a real 'like' someday?"
Shirakawa-san said that while smiling at me with the corner of her lips rose into a nice shape.
"….Well, until now I've never going out with someone and turned it into 'real like', though"
When she donned a self-deprecating smile, I asked her timidly.
"….Why….?"
The rumor of her can only last two or three months at most with a single boyfriend is perhaps true. When I was being cautious, wondering what the cause could've been, "Aah", Shirakawa-san's eyes opened wide.
"You're thinking I lost interest and dumped them, aren't you? It's the opposite! When I'm dating someone I'm super devoted! If another guy confessed to me it's instant rejection"
"I-I see, yeah"
Being overwhelmed by her vigor I threw in an interjection, but my distrust towards beautiful girl was deep-rooted.
"….But, judging from what Shirakawa-san said earlier, even if you have a boyfriend, doesn't it make you happy being told 'I like you' by someone else, and you'd start to like them a little?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
Shirakawa-san's brows wrinkled magnificently.
"…."
Defeated by the dreadfulness of a gal's displeased face, the gloomy me kept silent.
"Being told 'I like you' by a guy I don't even like, isn't that just annoying? It's really gross"
"…."
That's different from what you said earlier….
But anyway, looks like it's fine to believe that she's devoted while she's dating someone.
As we're talking like that, Shirakawa-san suddenly stopped in her tracks.
"Which way is your house?"
Now that she mentioned it, we're already in front of the station. The nearest station from school was not a big terminal station, however, the way leading to the ticket gate I was walking now was flourishing enough that the pedestrian traffic didn't die out even at times before rush-hour like now.
Because our school was a private school in Tokyo, many students commute to school by train. This O Station has separate entrances for JR5 and subway, so Shirakawa-san might've asked because of the timing.
"Ah, umm, it's K Station"
"Fuun, A Station for me"
"I-I see…. It's close, huh"
The nearest station for me was K Station, three stations away from here and A Station was the second station before that.
"Oh, we're on the same train, right? Go let's go!"
Ye-yeah…."
Dragged in by Shirakawa-san's pace, I headed towards the JR area.
We got on the train, and because it's only two stations, we're going to arrive at the station Shirakawa-san was getting off soon. This unbelievable situation will end here for now.
Up until earlier, even though I thought I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to hold myself together, it's strange that when it comes to it, I feel reluctant to part.
"It'll be there soon. Then…"
When we were finally approaching A Station and I was about to send her off, "Eh?", Shirakawa-san looked at me in surprise.
"You're not going to send me off until home?"
"Eh?"
I have no idea "send someone off" means from school until home.
But, it's indeed more boyfriend-like to send her off until home.
"Th-then…."
The unbelievable situation continued.
I didn't have to pay the fare for a stopover with a commuter pass, so I decided to get off at A Station too and send Shirakawa-san off until home.
A Station was a big terminal station with shopping districts spreading out in front of it. It was around 15 minutes walk through there to Shirakawa-san's house.
To be honest, I didn't really remember what we were talking about during that time. The unrealistic reality of "I'm going out with Shirakawa-san" swooped down on me together with a sudden sense of reality as I deviated from my usual commuting route, and I was at my wits' end and too nervous to be able to concentrate on the conversation.
"My house is here"
Where Shirakawa-san stopped while saying that, was at a wooden two-story house. The exterior looked quite old, and in the whole vicinity were houses with similar feel lined-up, making it an austere residential area.
Not knowing what to say about the house appearance which was unpredictable from Shirakawa-san's polished appearance, "What a nice house", I made a safe comment.
Then Shirakawa-san smiled happily.
"Really? Thanks!"
It's an honest smile of appreciation without a single speck of doubt it being a flattery.
"…."
Her cuteness made my heart pound again, but at the same time I feel guilty and I want to leave this place as soon as possible.
"Th-then, I'll be leaving now…."
As I was about to turn on my heel, Shirakawa-san cheerfully called out to me.
"Hey, want to drop by?"
"….Eh!?"
"My parents are at work, and grandma is at hula dance class, so"
I see, so she lives together with her grandma, huh…. But hula dance class, you're so youthful, grandma…., Such idle thoughts filled my mind but, there was something more important than anything.
Dropping by Shirakawa-san's house.
Entering Shirakawa-san's house and…. no one is there.
Just the two of us.
"….Ar-are you sure?"
I asked while gulping down my saliva in nervousness and Shirakawa-san nodded without any hesitation.
"Yep. Ryuuto is my boyfriend, so"
Uh, even so. Even if I was a mob classmate whose name you didn't even know up until just a while ago? although I thought that to myself, if she herself said that it's fine, there's no reason for me to hold…. back, isn't there….
Am I.. going to die?
This kind of event.. wasn't supposed to happen in my life.
"Umm, well then…. Sorry for intruding"
Thus, 30 minutes after I started going out with my very first "girlfriend"…. I had to pay a visit to her house.
I still have a feeling I'm being tricked but right now, I'm about to set foot into "Shirakawa-san's house".
My feet were unsteady and once again, my sense of reality disappeared.
"E-excuse me…."
As I walked into the front door, I was surrounded by a somewhat nostalgic-like smell of someone else's house. On the ground were a number of showy shoes, which I assumed belonging to Shirakawa-san, placed haphazardly. The vividness of it all made my heart throbbing even more.
"C'mon let's go up. My room is upstairs after all"
Urged by Shirakawa-san, I went up the narrow stairs I immediately saw in front of me.
On the second floor, there was a room with Japanese-like sliding door, and a room with a western-style swing door. Shirakawa-san turned the knob of the latter.
"Come in~"
Saying that, she showed me her room and to sum it up, it was a space with an atmosphere that seemed to match to match the impression of Shirakawa-san.
The first thing that caught my eyes in the around-five-tatami-mat6 room was the deep pink curtain and the bed's quilt cover. Placed alongside the wall was a white dresser and closet with a somewhat cheap feeling but with a stylish design that seemed that of girls' preferences. Between those was what appeared to be a writing desk but, the desk was covered with pouches or small articles, not at all an environment where you were able to study.
Overall, I was overwhelmed by the amount of small items placed all over. Such as small bottles that looked like cosmetics, stuffed animals that looked like mascots, and sparkly things that looked like accessories. Even so, those were not scattered around disorderly, and the displayed items were probably put together with her own particular approach.
In addition, the floral or fruity smell of Shirakawa-san was drifting in the air so strongly it choked me.
"What's wrong? Quickly come in"
Shirakawa-san, who had entered first, called out to me as I was overwhelmed by my too much lack of immunity to girls' rooms.
"A, aah, yeah…."
Realizing that it was strange to just stand there forever, I hurried inside.
"Sit wherever you like, okay"
Shirakawa-san casually said that and put her school bag on the floor randomly.
"I'll get some drinks. Is barley tea okay?"
"Ah, ye-yeah. Thanks…."
Shirakawa-san left the room. The rhythm of her light footsteps going downstairs strangely matched with my violently pounding heart.
How the hell did all this happen….
I was prepared to be rejected but now as Shirakawa-san's "boyfriend", I'm inside her room in her home. I myself still can't believe this situation.
But, anyway.
Right now I'm in that Shirakawa-san's room….
"Fuuuuh…."
For now, let's take a deep breath.
Shirakawa-san's smell….
That thought filled me with deep feelings, then I realized.
You're too creepy, me! What the hell are you doing!
But, this is a situation where I'm alone in the room of the girl I longed for. I felt like the urge to do something bad running wildly.
Right, for example… like, wanting to open this drawer.
Luckily, or not, near the entrance of the room or in other words just next to me, was a white chest. Truly private things are…. To put it bluntly, it looks like all kinds of underwear are put in there and I can't take my eyes off of it.
Stop it! That's the only thing a man and a human should not do!
But…. I want to see….
After a moment of conflict, the angel and devil in my heart had reached a conclusion.
The winner was.. The devil.
"Just a little so…..!"
I spit an excuse in my mouth because of the guilt and I swiftly put my hands on the drawer. The moment I opened it just a few centimeters, I raised a voice of admiration unconsciously.
"Whoah…."
The white lace caught in my eyes was so divine my hand stopped.
This is…. Shirakawa-san's….private clothing…..!
It was at that moment I looked up to heaven, savoring all the happiness of being able to see it.
"Sorry for waiting"
"Uwaah!?"
I was so surprised, and it's not an exaggeration, I jumped a few centimeters off the floor. In the same moment, I ended up magnificently bumping into the now-opened drawer.
"Ouch.. ow!"
Shit, I haven't closed it…..!
"Huh? It's opened? Sorry"
However, without even suspecting me, Shirakawa-san turned her gaze to the drawer when she realized it was opened. "Ah!", then with shining eyes, Shirakawa-san put the barley teas in her hands on top of the chest, and grabbed the white lace inside, taking it out.
"Hey, lookie here"
"….!?"
What the hell are you gonna show me!?
As I froze at the thought, Shirakawa-san unfolded it, and showed it to me without a speck of hesitation.
"Voilá! Isn't it super cute? It's a camisole I bought some time ago! I'm thinking of wearing it when I wear an open-back top"
"…."
When I saw the white camisole spread out in front of me, I was attacked by mysterious feelings of exhaustion.
"Ye-yeah, looks nice…."
I mean, just being able to see Shirakawa-san's plain clothes is already amazing enough but I was convinced it's underwear so I can't deny I was disappointed.
But a revealing camisole…. A revealing camisole, huh….
As expected, it's no good to look at things in someone else's room without permission. I swore in my heart to not ever do something like this again.
"Okay, here's the tea"
And Shirakawa-san held the barley tea with both hands once again.
"C'mon, sit sit"
"Ah, yeah, thanks…."
Regaining my calm, I went to sit down.
But, where?
There's no things like a sofa or legless chair in this room. There's what looks to be a stole on the study desk's chair, so if that's the case, there's no choice but to sit directly on the wooden floor or on the bed.
Bed….
Huh, a bed!?
There's certainly times where you would sit on a bed instead of a sofa, there's also times where two people sit side-by-side on a bed and have a casual chat but…. yeah, but, isn't it impossible in this situation!?
The owner of this room was Shirakawa-san whom I've always longed for, and the most beautiful girl in our school year, and unbelievably became my "girlfriend" earlier.
If we end up sitting side-by-side on the bed it'd be very insane.
"….Ah, so that's what it is?"
When Shirakawa-san saw me still not sitting down, and not knowing what she's thinking, her face became one of understanding something.
"Okay. Do you wanna use the shower? The bath is downstairs so want me to guide you?"
"Eeh?!"
Wha-what? What is she saying now?
If you said something like shower won't my thoughts go more and more towards that side….
Maybe Shirakawa-san is an extreme clean-freak and only let a guest who has taken shower into her room? Or was she saying implicitly that I "stink"?
Uh-uh wait, That's not it, right. Even earlier Shirakawa-san casually said to sit so…. And as I was thinking in circles, Shirakawa-san once again, "Ah, so that's what it is?", made a face as if she'd thought of something.
"Is Ryuuto the type who doesn't need shower?"
Eh? Err, wait, is she talking about that after all?
As I was in chaos, Shirakawa-san's next action dumbfounded me.
Shirakawa-san once again placed the glasses for the barley tea on top of the chest, and touched the chest part of her uniform.
"There's PE-class today so I might stink a little, it's kinda embarrassing…."
While saying those words, she unbuttoned one button on her blouse. The usual two opened buttons making a sense of openness on her chest now became three, revealing even more…. I wasn't able to take my eyes off of the deep cleavage that showed a glimpse of her bra's lace, and I unconsciously gulped down my saliva.
This.. so this is Shirakawa-san's genuine.. underwear (personally worn by the individual)…. Wait, no good don't look, if I stare at it intensely I'd look like a pervert!
However, ignoring my troubles, she touched the next button and undone it without hesitation.
"Wai, Shirakawa-san!?"
And there was when I was finally convinced.
After coming this far, the talk is already nothing but going in that direction.
The talk about the shower earlier and so on. And what she said just now. That has only one meaning.
What if…. No, What if is out of the question. It's already.. unmistakable. That's right.
She's trying to do something naughty…. with me. This is unbelievable.
Eh, no joke!?
Is it okay!?
To think that I'd be able to say goodbye to this dark virgin life, I never thought of that until just now.
Moreover, I can't believe that my partner is Shirakawa-san.
An unbelievable luck…. No, wait, but!
Are you really seriously serious about this!?
"Wa-wait a sec….!"
To my surprised voice, Shirakawa-san stopped unbuttoning the buttons.
"Nn? What's the matter?"
I gulped down my saliva, and spoke to the curious looking Shirakawa-san.
"Wh-what are you…. doing?"
As I thought, it's too soon. No matter how high the peak of my wild delusions as a guy are, even I hadn't imagined rapid development like this.
I honestly can't keep up with this pace.
There might be a mistake somewhere.
I have to confirm her true intention before she goes off running on some misunderstanding.
"What, you said.. aren't we not gonna have sex?"
At the too straight of a reply I froze with Moai face.
Ar-are you serious!?
Seriously!? Are you seriously fine about this!?
As I was panicking inside my head, Shirakawa-san looked at me suspiciously.
"Eh? I mean, you don't wanna do it?"
"That's not the case but…. Eh? Eeh!?"
It's fine!? Eh, wait, if she's fine with it then so do I but, eh really!?
Are you sure about this!?
Shirakawa-san saw me in confusion, and she looked puzzled.
"Umm…. isn-isn't it too soon? You didn't even know my name until a short while ago, right? With such a partner…. does Shirakawa-san.. not mind it?"
I really want to do erotic things. I'm at the age where I irresistibly want to do it.
Furthermore, the partner is Shirakawa-san I've longed for. I'm super excited being able to see Shirakawa-san's naked body, which I had played with in my delusions, in real life.
But right now!?
Even though I still couldn't believe I'm "going out" with Shirakawa-san.
Things are moving too smoothly that in the end, my confusion overtook my sexual desire.
What is she thinking?
I'm panicking now.
"That's true, but, right now you're my boyfriend, right?"
Shirakawa-san's upturned eyes came…. this is awfully dangerous, she's too cute!
"Ev-even so…. Even if you still don't know what kind of guy I am, are you sure? What if.. I'm a total jerk?"
"Huh?"
"Or if in fact, I'm a crazy pervert or something…."
"Eh, what are you talking about? Is Ryuuto a pervert?"
"N-no, I'm not! It's just a what ifs talk. I mean, Shirakawa-san still.. doesn't know what kind of guy I am…."
"Eeh? What's that? Philosophy?"
Shirakawa-san was confused.
"….That aside, it can't be helped, right? You're my boyfriend after all. If we think it won't work matter what, the choice is to break up"
I see….
For now, I understand that my and Shirakawa-san's thinking regarding "relationship" is different.
Shirakawa-san's is "Just go out with him and see if the relationship can move forward".
But, my relationship with her…. the love with a beautiful girl I've always dreamed of, who probably wouldn't come to my life again, I want to nurture it carefully, step by step.
I have just realized that.
"Eh, Ryuuto doesn't wanna do it with me? Don't guys only think about erotic things when they're alone with their girlfriends?"
Shirakawa-san went beyond puzzlement, and she's staring at me with a doubting look. Immediately after that, with a sudden serious face she said, "Maybe…", and lowered her gaze, focusing on the crotch zipper area of my uniform.
"….No, It's not like that!"
It's throbbing hard every morning so please don't worry about it!
"I didn't mean that. I want to cherish our relationship…. Shirakawa-san is my…. Gi-girlfriend, right? "
I once again stuttered at a crucial moment. I'm embarrassed it's exposed that I'm not used to saying it.
"If that's the case, I want to do those kinds of things at the proper timing, how should I say this…."
"The proper timing…. is?"
Shirakawa-san wrinkled her brows.
Why!? Is this the scenario to put that look?
Rather, aren't the roles.. usually reversed in this? Girls want to take care of the relationship, and guys want to do it as soon as possible. That is all too common and fitting.
As I was thinking that, suddenly, a doubt flashed in my mind.
"…umm…. say, does Shirakawa-san want to do it…. that much?"
I imagined that, what if she was a girl who liked sex more than guys, and something burned deep in my chest. My girlfriend is a lascivious gal…. what to do. I wonder if my body can last…. And my breathing was almost going wild.
However, as if to hamper down my delusions, the wrinkles between Shirakawa-san's brows deppened.
"Eh? Nnn….?"
Her face looked like she was troubled by something.
"I never thought if I wanna do it or not. I wonder how to put it? An obligation, or rather…. I thought it's something you do when you're going out with someone. If a girlfriend doesn't let her boyfriend do it, he might go to another girl, right?"
The moment I heard that, my wicked feelings got a little depressed.
Then I remembered what she said some time ago.
──Don't guys only think about erotic things when they're alone with their girlfriends?
And then, the things she said when we were both walking on the street.
──You're thinking I lost interest and dumped them, aren't you? It's the opposite! When I'm dating someone I'm super devoted! If another guy confessed to me it's instant rejection
I didn't really pay attention to it at that time but that does mean Shirakawa-san's boyfriend lost interest in her and dumped her, right?
For a moment I thought it's nonsense. However.
As a fellow guy, it's not like I can't imagine the feelings of Shirakawa-san ex-boyfriends.
If you can get laid that easily on the first day you started going out with a girl, it's possible you might lose interest soon, and start looking at other girls. Unlike me, a guy who can only confess to Shirakawa-san in a punishment game, they're probably good-looking cheery guys brimming with confidence.
"…."
Somehow, I started to get angry.
Shirakawa-san isn't a girl who wants to have sex because she likes sex, but she's a girl who surmises, and allows her boyfriend to have sex with her. At least, she's like that so far.
If you so easily get on board, and after all that, lose interest in her, dump her, isn't it just the same as only aiming for her body.
"….So, we're not gonna have sex today?"
"Eh?"
I had been thinking about various things, and it surprised me when Shirakawa-san started to talk to me.
"Umm, well…."
I want to do it.
To be honest I want to do it. Definitely want to.
But, if we do it here and now….
In the end, I'm just like her ex-boyfriends, aren't I….
Yeah, I want to do it after all!
I don't know if a chance like this will come twice. Shirakawa-san can change her mind tomorrow, and said "I knew it, let's break up", too after all.
I want it, I want to do it. I want to have sex!
But, this is my first time, so I'm not sure if I can do it well…. If I drag it this far into having sex, and get stumped in the moment in need, she'll be disappointed and compare me to her ex-boyfriends, won't she. If I got laughed at, I'll never recover…. No, I don't think Shirakawa-san is that kind of girl, but….
If this is the case, I won't have the leeway to say I'll do it until the end. Shirakawa-san can keep her clothes on and If I could just borrow her hands for a bit then…. wai, no it's wrong! What the hell are you thinking, me! My thoughts were taken over by my sexual desires and it became weird.
I'm different from her ex-boyfriends.
You want to show it through action, don't you?
Then, there's nothing but only one answer to choose, isn't there….
"….Guess so…. Let's not… do it today"
I said that while shedding tears of blood in my heart.
"Fuun?"
Shirakawa-san tilting her head curiously was the cutest thing I've ever seen, and I extremely regretted my decision right after I said it.
◇
Five minutes later, I was taking a walk with Shirakawa-san.
When we were in her room, I ended up becoming too conscious of the fact that we're alone after all and becoming not able to talk to her normally, so I invited her to go outside.
As we were walking aimlessly in the house's neighborhood, Shirakawa-san suddenly muttered.
"Ryuuto is, so serious aren't you"
I looked at her face and tried to read her emotions, and was relieved for now that there were no signs of disappointment or ridicule on her face.
Even though I was already regretting the fact that I couldn't have sex with her, but had she looked at me with cold eyes, it would've been a killing blow for me.
"I think, it's my first time with a boyfriend like Ryuuto"
To her monologue-like muttering, I opened my mouth timidly and asked.
"….Is that, in a bad way?"
"Nah"
Shirakawa-san looked at me and shook her head.
"I knew there are also guys like that"
Her smiling face with the corners of her mouth raised was still cute even under the dim evening outdoors.
Seeing her like that made me think that my decision earlier wasn't the wrong one after all.
No, well, I actually really want to do it like crazy, though….
"Umm…. Shirakawa-san. I.. actually it's…."
I thought that it was just gonna be a matter of time before she found out, so I decided to tell her the truth.
"My first time… going out with a girl"
Shirakawa-san's eyes widened a little. I knew it, this is maybe a pattern she's never seen in her previous ex-boyfriends.
"I don't have female friends I'm close with either, so something like, going to another girl if I can't do it with you…. It's never gonna happen. That's why…."
Because of the topic, I was afraid to talk about it outdoors, and so I whispered.
"When we do that kind of thing in the future, I want Shirakawa-san to really think you 'want' to do it with me too, err I mean…."
She might laugh at my full-blown virgin but I want to be flirting, and connected with her as two sincere lovers.
I''d always imagined, dreamed of it from the bottom of my heart, that someday, I would be able to have such a day with a girl I loved.
I almost lost myself and ran wild earlier, but I'm glad I was able to stay in control.
"At least, I don't want you to think of it as an obligation or anything"
I said it.
I was able to tell her something I couldn't say properly in her room.
"….I see. So that's what you meant"
After a moment, Shirakawa-san said that and looked at me. Her face looked refreshed, as if she had been released by the uncertainty in her heart.
"I-I'm sorry…. Even though Shirakawa-san were willing…. to do it for me"
"It's okay. I understand what Ryuuto is thinking"
Saying that in a good-humored manner, Shirakawa-san looked forward. But then she willingly greeted, "good afternoon", to an auntie coming from the front, walking with shopping bags in her hands. I've never even seen my neighbor's face before so I was impressed by this.
I think she's a really good girl. I'm sure she is loved by her parents and grandma, and raised in a very relaxed environment…. What a thing to even imagine, and I can't help but feel relaxed
Ah, with a lovely and cute girl like her, I wanted to have sex with her after all…. Well, I was already regretting it but it still can't be helped….
"So then, if I ever wanna have sex with Ryuuto…."
Because Shirakawa-san started to talk about that, I got startled and checked behind me. We've only just passed by an auntie.
Towards my reaction, "You're too nervous", Shirakawa-san said that and smiled amusingly. Shirakawa-san then stared at me with upturned eyes.
"At that time, it's fine if I call Ryuuto, right?"
"Ye-yeah, sure…."
I pray that "At that time" isn't too far away or it'd be nice if I did it earlier, that's what I was thinking but since it's also not good to fuss about hurrying it, I wasn't able to say it.
"Kay!"
Shirakawa-san replied cheerfully, and smiling in a good mood.
"And at that time, maybe, our relationship could be a 'true like' one, and not a 'cheap-ish like'"
I got startled being told this. I'm already in love enough with Shirakawa-san but, is it okay…. to believe the day will come when she will also love me and we can be flirting like a couple?
I'm glad to be alive.
To think that I can have a day when Shirakawa-san said this to me, I'm so glad to be born….!
After circling the house three times, I sent off Shirakawa-san again until home, and in front of the door she spoke with a smile.
"Not having sex right away, maybe it's good too. I think, it's my first time getting this excited"
Thus, to the me who was too nervous to say anything, Shirakawa-san waved her hand with an exceptionally cute smile.
"Starting today please take care of me, okay. My boyfriend!"7
◇
Then, after returning home in a dreamland.
"I knew I should've done it~~ Uuuoooooooh─────!"
It's a secret from Shirakawa-san that I was attacked by extreme feelings of regret and fainted in agony in bed.
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