Chapter 20: Railing Against Fate
"What the hell is she doing up in the damn Astronomy Tower," James snarled at the map. Remus pinched the top of his nose and closed his book.
"Is she alone?" he asked his friend cautiously.
"Yes," muttered James sulkily.
"Maybe she's thinking," Remus offered logically.
"She can think just fine in her damn dormitory where the damn Slytherin prat can't get anywhere near her." James growled. Sirius walked in the dormitory munching on a chocolate frog. He tossed one to Remus who grinned his thanks, and carefully set one near James who was unbelievably touchy lately.
"Who, Lily? She's in the common room helping Peter with his homework," Sirius said with a slight frown.
Remus shook his head and pointed to his knee. Oh. Hermione. Sirius wasn't thinking about Hermione prancing about the castle with that unbelievable prat Malfoy. He very carefully didn't think about it quite often. He was upset on James' behalf of course, but he certainly had no personal feelings about the situation at all. James was muttering and snarling to himself as he studied the map.
"James, you know she's still upset with you," Remus said quietly. "You hurt her feelings…some of the things you said weren't very nice. She's probably just crying by herself up in the Astronomy Tower or something."
"Crying?" James sounded horrified. "Why would she be crying?"
"Er," Sirius stared at his friend for a moment. Surely he wasn't that thick, was he?
"You basically called her a Slytherin whore," Remus said coolly.
"I did not!" James argued indignantly.
"You sort of did, James," Sirius said quietly. Not James' proudest moment, that. And the look on Hermione's face had sort of twisted something in all the boys. She was a solid sort of girl, and they all liked her well enough. She was blindingly brilliant, had a wicked sense of humor, and some of her ideas for their pranks were down right ingenious. She also left them alone to do their own thing, and that made her first rate.
"Maybe I should go talk to her," James muttered shamefacedly.
"I think that would be a good idea," Remus continued in that cool tone. He wouldn't come right out and say it, but James knew that Remus was very unhappy with the way he'd treated his sister. All of the marauders liked Hermione and were fond of her, but Remus in particular seemed very protective of her.
Hermione stood in the Astronomy Tower looking out. Her arms were wrapped around her middle and her shoulders were hunched slightly. James stood uncertainly, shifting from foot to foot.
"What do you want James?" Her voice was icy cold. She didn't sound like herself…she sounded different. Worst of all was that she called him James.
"I'm sorry," James said miserably. He hadn't realized that he'd hurt Hermione this badly, but standing this close to her he could feel her pain. It was like an open jagged wound that lay between them, and his heart ached in his chest. She turned and looked at him, her hazel eyes shuttered.
"Why are you sorry now?" She asked dully. James knew exactly what she meant. She'd been sitting in the library with Malfoy two weeks ago. He had barely spoken to her since then.
"I…I've been very stupid," he said finally. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"That's the funny thing about words James, regardless of what you meant to say you said some very cruel, very untrue things in front of everyone we know in the middle of the Gryffindor common room." Hermione turned away from him again, as though she couldn't stand to look at him.
"I'll do anything you want," James begged. "Please, Hermione, just look at me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just—I lost it. I know that's not okay. I know I have a lot to make up for, but please Hermione—look at me."
It was like looking into a mirror, every time he looked into those eyes, but he'd never seen them filled with such pain, so hurt, so lost. It was like a punch to the gut, to see her this way. James felt his own eyes prickling, but he didn't care. It wasn't like there was anybody up here anyway. He moved closer to her and she didn't move away. She just watched him warily. That hurt, too.
"How could you, James?" Her voice was broken sounding, and she gave a shuddering breath. He realized with horror that she was crying, just like Remus had suggested. Fear pushed out all rational thought and he said the first thing that popped into his head.
"Because I'm gormless toe-rag?" He offered weakly. That only made her cry harder. Panicking, he pulled her into his arms and held her. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed. He stroked her back and whispered soothing nonsense in her ears and held her. She pulled back and hiccupped.
"You are, you know." She said with a frown. "I thought Lily was being mean, but you really are a gormless toe-rag."
"I am," he said miserably. "Hermione, I am so so—"
"Sorry, yes, you've said," Hermione said coolly. James flinched.
"My Own, I love you. You are so important to me, and I screwed up." James said even more miserably. He ran a hand through his wild hair and sighed. Hermione shifted slightly in his arms.
"I'm not going to stop seeing Lucius," she said quietly, not looking at him. James bit the inside of his cheek and counted to one hundred.
"Fine," James bit out between clenched teeth.
"You're going to be nice to him." Hermione said firmly. James made a strangled noise.
"Fine," he muttered.
"No pranks, Jamie," Hermione said sternly. James grinned at her.
"Sure," he said cheerfully. She frowned at him.
"You seem far too happy," she said, watching him. He grinned at her.
"You called me Jamie. That means you're not mad at me anymore." He said giddily, crushing her to his chest.
"No pranks," she insisted, a gimlet stare trained on her brother. He sighed heavily.
"Just on old Lucius, though, right?" James asked. Hermione smiled at him.
"You can hex the rest of Slytherin all you like," she said sweetly. He grinned back at her and hugged her again. They walked back to Gryffindor hand in hand.
Lily decided that James on his very best behavior was fascinating to watch. He catered to Hermione's every whim, did everything she asked without even questioning her first. He did silly things to make her laugh, to cheer her up. Lily watched all of it and wondered if maybe she was a little jealous. It was obvious that James loved his twin more than almost anything. He even convinced Sirius, Remus and Peter to act as servants for his beloved sister. She wondered what it would be like to be the center of James Potter's world and then she shoved that thought away and stomped on it. She also realized that Hermione was vicious when crossed. She almost ignored the other three marauders. She saved everything for her brother. Lucius escorted Hermione almost everywhere, and every single time they passed James she would smile sweetly at him and wave. Lily could almost hear James grinding his teeth as he would nod politely to Lucius Malfoy.
"James Potter! You dirty rat! You promised me!" shrieked Hermione bursting through the portal into the common room. James looked up from where he and his fellow marauders were sitting in front of the fireplace.
"Hermione, what are talking about?" James was genuinely surprised.
"As if you didn't know," Hermione hissed, her chest heaving in rage.
"Oh, er," Sirius spoke up from his spot where he was sprawled on the couch. "James actually didn't know anything about that."
"Know anything about what?" James demanded in irritation. Hermione shrieked in incoherent rage and pointed her wand at Sirius.
"Bat-Bogey!" She shrieked at him and then threw herself out of the portal again.
Hermione received admiring glances from fellow students for the rest of the day. Well, from the male students anyway. Most of the female students glared at her darkly for hexing the handsome, irrepressible flirt Sirius Black. Hermione glared back and thought of nonverbal jinxes she could cast if any of them irritated her. Several of the male students were stupid enough to try and approach her. A hand slipped around her waist and pulled her close to a hard chest. She looked up and smiled at Lucius.
"It wouldn't do them any good anyway, Lucius," she said with a slight smile at this display of jealousy.
"Still, that they would try to approach you, when we are obviously a couple," Lucius muttered frowning at the boys who scurried down the hall. "These are not men of morals."
"Are we?" Hermione asked shyly, tilting her head up so that she could see his face better. He frowned at her.
"What?"
"Are we obviously a couple?" She asked. Lucius smirked at her. He glanced down the corridor which was suddenly empty. Then he looked into her wide hazel eyes, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. Hermione stood there stock still, and let him kiss her. His lips moved over hers skillfully, his tongue licked at her bottom lip and her mouth parted in surprise. He was kissing her deeply, his tongue teasing hers. She responded after a moment, kissing him back eagerly until he broke the kiss to lean his forehead against hers and pant.
"Does that answer your question?" He asked. She smiled at him.
"Not really. I can deduce that you enjoyed kissing me, but it didn't answer the question." Hermione said quietly. He smirked at her.
"Yes. Yes, we are a couple. You are my girlfriend, I am your boyfriend. I will become jealous when other boys hit on you, and I do enjoy kissing you." Lucius drawled. He leaned down to prove it.
If only Harry and Ron could see you now.
This conversation is getting very old, very fast. He is NOT a Death Eater. He is NOT evil. He's a kid. Just like me. Besides, have you seen the boy kiss?
I will never, ever approve of this. Never, ever. What about Sirius? He's looking very handsome and sexy and stuff.
Yes, Sirius I-have-a-new-girlfriend-more-often-than-I-change-my-underwear Black. That's just the sort of man I ought to be with.
Ew. Surely, he changes his underwear fairly often. Doesn't he?
Of course he does, that's my point.
Oh.
Hermione's hair fell down her back in a cascade of black, unruly curls. The light of the girl's dorm room caught tiny jewels which had been pinned into her hair. Her dress was a pale mauve chiffon that was composed of floating layers of sheer fabric. Potter family diamonds glittered around her neck. She wore light make up: a hint of lipstick, eyeliner, mascara. She smiled at herself in the mirror.
"Wow," Lily said quietly when she came up to check on Hermione. "Are you ready?"
"I think so, are you ready?" Hermione asked while she smoothed the filmy fabric under her hands. Lily smiled.
"Yeah." Both girls went down the staircase and into the Gryffindor common room.
"You aren't wearing that, are you?" James sounded horrified, his eyes on his sister's dress. Sirius stood next to him, his eyes wide staring at her. The usually verbose Black was silent, and he looked slightly stunned. Hermione's lips tightened with irritation.
"What's wrong with it?" She asked tightly. James stared at his sister, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.
"Your…your…they're there…and…people can see them…and," James sputtered helplessly, waving at her dress. Sirius' eyes darkened slightly. They were there, and you could see the gentle swell of them, and the sight of her creamy skin above the neckline did things to him. They made him feel warm, and his body feel tight.
"James Charlus Potter, mother picked this dress out for me, and if mother approves of it then you may be sure that it is in the best possible taste," Hermione's voice was dangerously low and her hazel eyes had narrowed on her brother.
"You look very nice, Hermione," Remus said softly from his spot in an armchair. Hermione walked over and kissed him on the cheek.
"Thank you, Remus," she said sweetly. James' jaw tightened, and then he sighed.
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