Chapter 1: Prologue
"I am so Dead. Mom is going to kill me. I should be home already. Damn it," I thought. The teacher doesn't understand how my life is total hell at home. She did not know that I am usually hiding bruises or that I'm a maid, a maid to those who should be my family. A teacher wanted to have a word with me about a homework assignment that I had not turned in. I am freaking out. It wasn't because the teacher wished to speak to me, but how my mother will react to me arriving home late. Getting back from school a few minutes later than usual wouldn't frazzle most kids. Yet, it has my nerves on edge. When I open the door, I find my mom standing in front of the door, pissed off, waiting on me. I tremble, knowing that I would get yelled at and belittled.
"You are late arriving home, Rayna Lynn. Where the hell have you been? Who were you out screwing around with?" mom yells.
"Mom, it's not like that. My teacher Mrs. Shannon needed to speak to me after school. I had forgotten to turn in an assignment, and she wanted to make sure that I would complete it. I came right home afterward. I swear, I did." I say with an anxious voice.
"You stupid bitch. You can't ever do anything right. You always make excuses. It's like you are doing nothing right, and nothing is your fault. You are worthless and will never amount to anything. Gosh, you are such a stupid, worthless whore. How did I end up with a daughter like you? Get your ass in the kitchen and get dinner started; once dinner is over, you can clean the mess up." My mom says.
"Okay, mom, I am on it," I say as I run into the kitchen and start dinner.
Our kitchen is an enormous room, white with stainless steel appliances. There is an island a few feet away from the stove that I used to place ingredients on for the Chili I will be making. On the other side of the kitchen is the dining room table that is pure oak; it can seat eight to ten people. When I had all the ingredients mixed, and the ground beef browned and added to the Chili, and it was simmering, Beau, my brother, and Travis, his best friend, walked in.
"Hey there, cunt, dinner smells great, get Travis and me a drink; we don't have all day, so make it snappy." I must not have moved as fast as he thought I should because Beau yells, "Go, damn it. I said we don't have the whole damn day to sit here and waste. Gosh, Travis, now do you see why we call her worthless? It's like Rayna has no clue what her ass needs to be doing. She can't do anything right. It's no wonder she doesn't have any friends. Who would want to be friends with someone who is that ugly and worthless?" He says to Travis, laughing.
"I sure wouldn't. Rayna is a whore? Who knows how many guys have banged that cunt of hers," Travis said as he stared at me, making my skin crawl. He winks at me.
I have never had sex before, so where they get that I am a whore or slut is beyond me. I don't have time to have friends. I don't have any time to put into a friendship. Anytime I had made a friend in the past, I couldn't do anything with them, and finally, they would find someone that could. Because I am always cooking, cleaning, and doing the things that my family does not want to do. I am a maid to them. If they want something and don't want to get up, they yell for me, and I must get it or get yelled at or hit.
As I went to the refrigerator, mulling over whether I should throw the two bottles of water at them, I grabbed the water bottles. I decided against pitching it at them and handed the water to the boys. I turn to finish dinner. With my back turned to the boys, I stirred the Chili, making sure it was not sticking, when I heard the front door open and shut. My heart sank; my dad is home. He scares me more than anyone I have ever met; my nerves kicked in once again. Dad is the one that is the worst, especially if the table was empty or dinner isn't on the table. Dinner isn't on the table, and I have yet to set it, "Well shit, I am dead." I thought.
My father is a tall, muscular man; when he hits me, he does a lot of damage. I wish I could just fade into nothingness. Dad walks into the kitchen and says, "Hi" to Beau, and Travis, then turns to look at me. His face turns to a look of pure hatred.
"Rayna, why isn't dinner on the table, you lazy bitch. How often have I told you that my food better be on the table when I get home? Why do you never listen to me, you whore?" Dad yells as he walks over to me, punches me in the face, and punches me in the stomach. I bend over, holding my midsection, gasping for air. He then hits me again in the gut, which makes me fall to my knees on the floor. He kicks me a few times in the ribs then says, "you, worthless whore, get the fuck off the floor and set the table for dinner. Then go to your room. You are fat; you don't need to eat my food,"
With dinner done, I set the table. I run up to my room as quickly as I can. My ribs are hurting, and it hurts to move too fast or take deep breaths. Once in my bedroom, with the bare minimum of furniture, I do as much of my homework as possible. I give the household a couple of hours to eat; that way, I am out of their way and don't have to worry about getting hit again. Then I head down to clean the kitchen. As I was washing the dishes, my dad comes in and punches me in the ribs as he walks by me to get to the refrigerator for a beer. I go to wipe off the stove and get slapped in my face. "Why are you taking so long to clean this up, you slut? Clean this up faster, clean the living room, and get your fat ass to bed, you bitch," He growls. I finished in the kitchen.
Then I walked around the living room, organizing and cleaning what needed it before heading back upstairs to finish my homework. As I put my books in my backpack before going to bed, Beau came into my room. "Hey, whore make sure you are up in time to have breakfast done for us, so we are not running late in the morning. You understand me, bitch," He says to me before he slams my door shut, not waiting on my reply.
"What a prick," I thought. I grab my night close and head to the bathroom to take a shower. I turn on the water; that way, it could heat. I take a glance in the mirror. I have long, dirty blond hair and bright green eyes. I think I am pretty, but my family always tells me I am ugly. I believe it.
***
It is now about 11:30 p.m., and I hear my bedroom door open. Thinking it was my father wanting me to do something or another for him, I didn't bother to turn to see who opened my door. I felt someone climb in my bed and grab me by the waist and flip me over. I scream. Looking to see who it is, "What in the hell, Travis, get out of my room, you ass," I say. He slaps me and forces my hands above my head. I cry for help. I fought and yelled, but no one came to help me. He tells me if I don't stop fighting him, he will kill me. So, I stopped fighting. Like that, I was now what my family always called me, a whore, and a slut. I survived getting raped in the one place I should have been the safest in my bedroom, in my home.
My life couldn't get much worse; then it is right now. I am lying in my bed, crying, not only because I have survived the rape, but I got raped in my home, in my bed, by my brother's best friend. I screamed and fought, but my family never came to my aide. What in the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Am I that bad of a person?
***
A month later, my period was late. I had been vomiting; my breasts are sore, and certain aromas make me gag. I know I need to take a pregnancy test but don't want to. My cycles are like clockwork. I don't have a lot of money, but I have some. I gathered up the money that I found in the washer while doing the laundry and went to school. At lunch, I left, went to the pharmacy, and bought a few pregnancy tests. Leaving the pharmacy, I stop at a McDonald's. I ordered a soda. I sat down, taking a deep breath. "Well, the only thing I can do is take the test," I mumble to myself as I stand up and head to the bathroom.
I read the directions on the box. Then I pee on the stick and set the timer on my flip phone for three minutes, then I wait. I paced back and forth, back and forth in the small restroom as my heart raced. Was I expecting? When the timer goes off, I look at the test and start crying. It is positive; I know what I need to do now. I need to leave this town. Get away from my family. Get my child and me far, far away.
"Holy crap, I am having a baby. There is a life growing inside me," I thought. Knowing I didn't want my child to grow up in my parent's house and have the life I have, I knew I had to come up with a plan to leave town. I need to make sure that my parents and brother never find out where I am. The first step is to see a doctor, make sure that my child and I are as healthy as possible. I found a Doctor, called them, and made an appointment.
The following day, I am sitting in a room waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor opens the door. "Hi, Rayna, I am Dr. Carson. What brings you here today?" A lady in her late sixties asks me. I told her that my monthly has not shown up yet, that I had taken a few pregnancy tests that came back positive.
After the doctor gave me another pregnancy test, it confirmed my pregnancy. I ended up leaving the doctor's office with information about pregnancy and some prenatal vitamin samples. As I was heading to my car, a nurse stopped me.
"Honey, I noticed you are a little jittery, and you are nervous. Are you safe at your house?"
I thought about my answer. Should I tell this nurse the truth? I knew I had to if I wanted to keep my baby safe. I told her, "No, not at all; I need to get out of Idaho. I just need to get away from my family and the father of this baby." I then told her about the abuse I have suffered at the hands of my family. I even told her about the rape. The nurse told me to wait a few minutes that she would be right back.
I have no clue why I had opened so much to this lady, a lady I didn't even know, but I am glad I did. She came back a few minutes later and gave me some cash. She told me to take care of myself and my baby. The stranger had done more for me in a few minutes than the family had ever done. I was thankful to her for that.
I went home, went upstairs, and packed up my things. I put them in my car. I made dinner for the last time in this house, and I set the table. I then sat down and waited for my mother. When my mom walked in the house, I said, "Mom, I have something to tell you. A month ago, when Travis stayed the night with Beau, Travis came into my room when I was trying to sleep. He raped me. He got me pregnant." I was in tears. I hoped that she would act like a mother that loves her child and would be mad at him.
"You whore, how could you let that happen? Get out of my house now! Don't you dare ever come back here, you slut?" She yells.
"But mom, I was…," I started before Beau and Travis interrupted me,
"You heard her get out, you piece of crap," Beau said.
"You know what, fuck you, Beau, I will leave, but first you, worthless assholes, will listen to me," I say as I square my shoulders, "I am sick of the crappy way you treat me. A month ago, I laid in my bed in my room, trying to fall asleep when someone came in and raped me. That rape resulted in a child growing in me. I knew that I would get thrown out of this hellhole. I planned for just that. My bags are in my car. If any of you try to find me, I will turn you all into the police. And that includes you, Travis. I will press charges on you for raping me. This child deserves better than you as a father, better than all of you. Now, screw you bastards. I am out of here." I say as I opened the front door, stepped out, and slammed the door shut on my way to my car.
As I was getting in my car, I saw Beau and Travis fighting on the front porch. I didn't care that they were quarreling. Although I heard Beau say something like, "You son of a bitch, you raped my baby sister. How could you? I thought you were my best friend," Why would he care? He treated me like trash, just like our parents. All I knew was I had to get out of here before my dad pulled in. So, I shut my car door just as my dad pulls up.
"Where the hell do you think you are going? Get your ass in the house, you little bitch," he screeches at me.
I don't know what came over me in the last few minutes, but I liked it. "Screw you, Cain. You are a sorry excuse for a man and father. I hate you. You are not my dad and never have been. You never were much of a father to me. I have no family here in Idaho. You all will never see me again, and if you do, I will be a new, stronger person. Tootle's assholes," I say as I pull out of the drive.
A big smile spreads on my face. Peace comes over me. A peace that I have never, ever felt before. I will make a better life for my child and myself. I am not sure where I will go or where I will end up. I know that I won't be a punching bag anymore, nor will I allow myself to be treated like that again. I don't have to listen to them call me names and belittle me. My child will be cared for and loved. My child will know that I love them more than anything else in this world.
I am free. I am finally free from the living hell I have been living.
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