Chapter 2: Dogs...
Traffic wasn't bad today. The rain made for some slower driving, but all in all, I didn't have the urge to murder a fellow commuter. I made it across town to the suburbs south of the city proper. "Merlin" didn't draw too much attention in the city, but out here it stood out a bit more. Here there were your normal cars, SUVs, crossovers-unders-and-arounds. Hybrids were popular, so my Dodge van circa the early 80s (yes, an "antique") with a 318 cubic inch engine, a mural of a wizard holding large orbs of power while lightening rained down around him on a mountain top (airbrushed of course), and a failing muffler drew considerable amounts of attention. Some old dick in a BMW gave me a disapproving look at a stoplight. I gave him the finger and a grin. I didn't have to, but it was a matter of principle. It was punk rock. It was anti-authoritarian. It was… Okay, enough bullshit. It may be all of those things, but in reality, it was just me being a dick to a dick.
I checked the address one more time as I pulled up in front of a plastic "Burb Palace" two-story home. Pretty much like all the other houses on the street. It was the right address. Slipping my phone in my pocket, I got out and headed for the front door. It was white vinyl, blue fake shutters, a blue front door, and enough flowers to support the local bees nicely. I reached out and pushed the doorbell. I could hear the "ding dong" through the door that was immediately followed by a chorus of dogs barking. I could barely make out one voice telling them all to "shut up" and another saying "Coming! Be right there!" Not long after, the door opened a crack and a single eye peered out. It was taking me in. Black leather jacket, a week's worth of facial hair, bald head, old ratty jeans, seen-better-days steel-toed work boots. Just what you would expect of the city's official Ashton Society representative.
The door opened slowly. Standing there was a woman, late 50s, very motherly. Plump cheeks, a friendly face, and a semi-automatic handgun in her right hand. She smiled a wide smile of perfect teeth.
"Oh, you must be Barry. Do come in!" She sounded so sincere. "Oh, dear, yes. Nevermind this." She waved the gun around acknowledging it. "We've had some issues with a neighbor lately. Not fond of our babies." Then over her shoulder, she yelled "Honey, Barry's here!"
I assumed she meant the three large hounds sitting in a line behind her. Large almost didn't do them justice. Easily a hundred pounds, paws the size of my face. They all sat there with no expression. So much so, it was an expression. You got the very distinct feeling you shouldn't cross them. And they smelled vaguely of sulfur. Glad I had the van. Getting one of these guys back to the city wouldn't be possible in anything smaller.
Finally taking my eyes away from the dogs, I noticed a man. Looked to be in his late 50s, too. He had his hand around the woman's waist and was smiling at me. As we made eye contact, he reached out his hand to shake mine. Shaking his hand, he introduced himself.
"My name is Ronald, this is my wife Karen. We're so happy to have you here today. Would you like some tea or coffee? We have both."
"I wouldn't turn down a cup of coffee." It was chilly out and combined with the rain, a cup of hot coffee would be nice. They motioned for me to follow them into the kitchen, all the while the three hounds just sat there and watched as we walked away.
Ronald handed me a coffee mug, steam rising off the top. I had a sip and got right down to business.
"So, hell hounds, eh? Not exactly a job one just kind of wanders into. Let me guess, family business?" Damn, this was some good coffee. Hazelnut, I think.
Ronald smiled, revealing a few rows of finely sharpened teeth. Karen smiled, still with the perfect pearly whites. She looked up at him, grinned, and took a sip of her coffee.
"You could say that," he replied. "Third-generation dirt side for my line. We've always raised them, but never quite like this. I'm the first to expand into the mortal market, so to speak."
"And the first to marry into a non-demonic line," Karen added. He smiled at her and she beamed back at him.
"True, didn't go over real well at first, but you took care of that, didn't you, honey?" She mimicked stabbing someone repeatedly in a gleeful manner and he chuckled. "Now, no one bats an eye." He took another drink of his coffee. She giggled.
I looked from him to her, and back to him. Sipped and nodded. A moment of awkward silence.
"So, about that dog," I said.
+++
After a few awkward "Oh, yes, sorry..." and "you must have important..." we got to the dog. They led the way out of the kitchen, and instead of taking me to the three giants, they led me down a hall to another room. They walked in and stepped to either side of the door. Karen started talking. I couldn't make out much at first but got the gist of it. She was baby-talking to a dog. I walked in and found her holding all ten pounds of a white and grey Shi Tzu. It was licking her face and enjoying the attention. Then it noticed me. All the licking stopped, replaced with a low growl. Its eyes began to glow red, which might have been terrifying had it not had its hair pulled up in a little top knot with a purple ribbon.
"Oh, you hush. You be good. This nice man is going to take you to your new home. Yes, he is, oh, yes, yes." Karen scritched behind its ears and its eyes faded and the growl was replaced by a yawn.
I looked at Ronald. He laughed a bit.
"Not what you were expecting?" he asked with a bit of humor in his voice.
"Fuck no. When did this," I gestured at the dog, "happen? I've seen Dobermans, Rotties, German Shepards, hell, even a few mutts. But this? Are you sure I'm not supposed to be taking back one of those big bastards at the front door?"
Karen was still talking to the miniature abomination.
"You don't listen to him. To men like him, it's all about size."
"I'm afraid that this is what Mr. Fernandez ordered. He explicitly asked for Aloysius here. Don't let his size fool you. He's quite the beast, I assure you."
"It's not me you need to assure." I sighed. Fuck all knows what is going on here. I reached in my pocket and pulled out what looked like a business card and handed it to Ronald. He took it from my hand and smiled.
"Payment as promised," I said. Then I remembered what I was supposed to say. "Mr. Fernandez would like to thank you for your loyalty and support over the last few years. He hopes it continues well into the future." I said in a kind of I-have-to-say-this-to-be-polite kind of way.
Ronald nodded, then gave me a slight bow. No one ever does that.
"Thank you. Please let Mr. Fernandez know we are always happy to assist in our own particular ways." He looked over to Karen who had Aloysius all bundled up in some kind of blanket. I reached out to take him and promptly got snapped at. A few more tries and I had Aloysius under one arm and bag of toys and food in my other hand. As we passed by the three larger dogs still sitting near the entryway, I swear I saw them cringe a bit as we walked by.
A few minutes later, Aloysius was belted into the passenger seat. Like I said before, magic isn't what you think it is. Now to see Mr. Fernandez. This should be interesting.
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