Chapter 31: 31
1978, 19 March- Sunday
Regulus ran his hand through his hair in frustration after getting Severus' explanation. "Did you even check the list before you gave it to my brother?" Regulus gritted out. He was annoyed- no, angry. Rightfully so.
He had trusted Severus to help his brother not put him in an infirmary bed. Sure, Severus was claiming it wasn't his fault, yet some of the blame is still on him, for not observing the brewing. It was the very first rule of brewing. One must keep a watchful eye on it, so it would have made sense for Severus himself to also check it, even if Polaris himself was checking it. Why have a thirteen-year-old do a sixth-year potion without watching him brew it?
If he had, all this could have been avoided. What was worse was the fact that it would be his mother that would reck havoc at receiving word of the incident, being angrier than Polaris himself even if he had been the one in the accident.
"Yes, I did!" Severus snapped, not liking the accusing tone that was used, "Are you trying to push all the blame on me, right now? I just told you the fault lies with Sirius and Pettigrew!"
"Yeah, I know! I fucking heard you the first time, you're blaming Sirius and the leach, yet you have no proof to back it up." Regulus responded, "Now, you're telling me you checked the list right before you gave it to my brother? Because if you did, fine, I'd forget about it and move on to the possibility of Sirius being a dick again."
"What? So you don't think your brother did this?!" Severus yelled, the anger seeping through as Regulus huffed in response.
"I never said that, Severus. I want to know if you checked it right before giving it to my brother, even with a glance you should have known something was wrong with the list. I get it the list is wrong but you're telling me that you didn't notice my brother using the wrong ingredients when you're supposed to be supervising him? Why on earth did you even have him do a NEWT potion?"
Severus was silent, unsure how to respond.
"And you're positive that it was Sirius and Pettigrew? Because it won't look good for you if they can prove their innocence, while you push the blame on them. " Regulus spoke again, glancing over at Severus whose hold on the list tightened, crumpling the edge of it.
"I swear it. You know how they are, thinking of themselves above everyone that isn't a Gryffindor and Merlin forbid you're wearing green. They took my things for the mick of it when I decided to come early, I had to chase them down the hall to get my stuff back." Severus finally responded, embarrassment evident in his tone as he told Regulus why he believed it to be them, with that being the only encounter he had on his way to the potions room.
Regulus stared at him for a few seconds, before his gaze shifted to the room itself, seeing the evidence of what had occurred in the room.
He was annoyed at Severus for allowing it to happen, while his anger was more focused on Sirius, as always. Sirius, as usual, would frame him, Regulus as the villain at every given moment yet Sirius goes ahead and does ridiculous and stupid things such as this. He was a careless fool, never thinking before acting.
He was done. He was completely done with Sirius Orion Black- it just wasn't fair! It was like Sirius thought himself a king, an 'honourable' king sitting on a golden throne, a king who was able to decide who was the enemy and who was the ally. He thought himself a high and mighty king, with a large crown on his head, knighting to help bring order- yet all it brings is destruction, while he turns a blind eye, believing himself to be doing good when everything he does is bring pain. Perhaps it would make sense to do so to the guilty, but he does so to the innocent.
Sirius saw himself as a king who was trapped- who was imprisoned in 12 Grimmauld Place. Eventually, he broke free, with everything he had, leaving everything behind…
Everything.
A king is either selfless or selfish. It was obvious which one Sirius was.
Kings always see themselves as the hero yet they are villains in their very own stories.
"You know what? I'm not even surprised, you'd think at the age of eighteen, being in his final year of Hogwarts a step away from a career he would grow up but Sirius will always be Sirius." Regulus' knuckles turned white as he tightly grip the edge of the desk in the Potions room.
Severus was standing not too far from him, still staring at the changed ingredients, lost in thought. The book, that he threw… if the ingredients had been correct nothing would have happened, but with this changed list, would it have happened to that extent if he hadn't thrown the book. He shouldn't have let his feelings cloud his judgement. Why on earth did he let himself get teased by a child of thirteen years old no less, to the extent of letting himself throw the book.
He was an idiot, even so. The list may not be his fault, but he may have to face consequences for throwing the book in the first place. It went against every regulation there was when one is brewing a potion.
"Should we clean the mess?" Regulus asked as he scanned the mess that the potion had made. Severus looked at him with an indifferent look. He hadn't even told Regulus he had thrown a book in the cauldron, which could have been a factor.
"No, I would say the professors would want to look at it themselves, lest they accuse of getting rid of evidence if they think I did this on purpose-" just as Severus answered Regulus the door was pushed open, and three Professors- no, two, Professor Slughorn and Professor McGonagall. The other one was the headmaster. All of them looked concerned.
This was it- that was all that went through his mind as he saw them all standing there. Of course, it was a serious matter, and it didn't help that it was Polaris Black of all people that had been injured on the school premises. A pureblooded child, from a prominent pureblood family, a son of the future Lord Black, just as he was the grandson of the current Lord Black. A family with many connections. One would be stupid if they think the House of Black would not be taking action after having one of their heirs injured in a place where they would assume he would be safe from such harm.
Now was the moment of truth whether they would believe him over Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew.
This was when Regulus decided to excuse himself, not seeing any reason to see Severus get scolded. What he wanted to do now, was forced Sirius out of the infirmary. Of course, Sirius would try to play the hero, when it was his fault in the first place, perhaps he didn't know it was his fault and Regulus would make sure he knew.
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He didn't say anything yet, Polaris that is. He was sat there his face scrunched up after having those potions forced down his throat by Madam Pomfrey, and he just had to say, they were bloody horrible. The aftertaste itself was enough to have him say no to the others she tried to have him drink. 'Tried' how humorous seeing as she succeeded. She was rather intimidating when she could be. After that she left the room with her clipboard, telling him to call the house-elf if he needed something and she would be back soon, with that she left him alone, with an idiot… two idiots, Gryffindors to be exact.
"Do you need water?" Sirius asked, and Polaris huffed in response. For the second time since waking up, after Madam Pomfrey woke him for the potions, he looked at Sirius Black. Sirius happened to be on his right, while James was on his left.
He could try to think of why Sirius was here, but with James, he was baffled as to why he deemed it necessary to stay. "Perhaps what I need is for you to leave? I'm perfectly fine, no more scratching nor does it feel itchy with the cream Madam Pofmfrey decided to lavish all over me-"
James snorted, earning a glare from Polaris.
"You know what? With all that cream and stuff-" James started, getting cut off by Polaris just what he had done to him, by finding what he had said 'amusing', which annoyed Polaris.
"I don't want to know, heir Potter."
"Ah, come on. Don't be like that! If it weren't for your brother, you probably would have been buried by now. He practically saved you, after Snivellus-" hearing that word, Polaris frowned, confused by it for a moment before he realised that the Potter heir must be referring to Snape. "-nearly killed you." James finished dramatically.
Polaris closed his eyes for a few seconds, sighing as he opened them again, he was sitting up on the bed, his gaze no longer on either of them but straight ahead. "Killed? Now you're being dramatic." Polaris drawled as he glanced around the room, "Where's Snape anyway?"
Sirius scoffed, crossing his arms as he replied, "Probably planning on his next victim. Regulus went to go find him too, perhaps they're plotting to make this seem like an accident."
"Now you're just giving me a headache. Now I really want you to leave, the both of you, there really is no need for you to be here, I'll just wait for Regulus," maybe he will be able to convince Madam Pomfrey to let him go, if not he'll ask Professor McGonagall if he can take the exam in the infirmary if he's not let out by the next day.
Sirius seemed to just completely ignore Polaris asking him to leave and began ranting, "Why are you even having that snake tutor you? you could have asked anyone else, why him? Was it to annoy me or something, because it worked! Things could have been much worse, you know!" Sirius told him.
"You think everything is about you don't you, Sirius? I'm a snake too aren't I? I'm a Slytherin if you haven't noticed, the House you hate with a passion. You're an entitled prick, you know that? Why on earth would I bother myself with trying to so-called "annoy" you, I have better things to bloody do."
As he said his piece, another voice spoke, "When isn't everything about Sirius, if it's not he might just throw a fit."
It was Regulus, standing at the door which he was now closing. Sirius stood up, glaring at him, "Oh look who came back, finally realise Snape isn't all that?"
James was sat there uncomfortable, glancing from brother to brother…to brother, realising perhaps, he should go, and give them the space they needed…
With him standing up he spoke, interrupting Regulus before he could even get a word out. "I'll see you back in the Common room, Pads, alright?" though it went over Sirius' head as he was more concentrated on Regulus as he walked out.
"And really? Throw a fit? I don't think everything has to be about me. Now, what is your damn problem with me!?" Sirius raised his voice.
"My problem? I really don't get you, Sirius. Acting like you aren't the one that cause all this," Regulus told him, as he waved his hand over at Polaris who raised a brow.
"What do you mean caused all this?" Polaris asked, while in thought. Snape had told him a book wouldn't make a difference to the potion, yet it exploded, so he mostly blamed Snape, because he knew that he did everything that the list had asked correctly, so the fault lies with Snape, did it not? It was obvious he gave him an incorrect list.
"You're so full of yourself! What was going through your mind when you decided to change the list? It's a bloody potion list, everyone and their mothers know not to mess with the ingredients of a potion yet you did it anyway- you did it because you wanted Severus to get hurt right? but guess what! It was my brother, the one you supposedly care about, seeing as you're here, that was the one that got injured. You're so irresponsible! You cause trouble where it's not fucking needed!"
Sirius was stunned, his face flushing a red, having just listened to every word Regulus had just spoken.
"What are you talking about?" Sirius stammered out, his hands clenched into a fist as he took a deep breath, and spoke again, in a stern voice. "You're accusing me?"
"What? Trying to say it wasn't?" Regulus drawled.
"Yes! I'm saying exactly that! Why do you even think it was me? I didn't do shit and you can't prove I did, because I didn't! so don't go taking the word of Snape, because I'm guessing that's who said it was at fault. Of course, he's going to lie, he's a liar! He's always lying, and you're going to take his word over mine, aren't you? I'm won't be surprised if you did, you were always jealous of me."
Regulus frowned, "Jealous? You're delusional!" Regulus snapped in response, to the absurdity that Sirius had just spoken.
Sirius laughed as if he had said something funny, well because what he said was funny to him.
"Me? Delusional? That's rich coming from you! coming from someone who thought our family was a caring and loving family, says the one who thinks the House of Black are sane, says the one who would judge someone who doesn't have magical parents because he claims he's purer than them- says the one that's the second choice."
"Are you done? Because I'm done listening to you, you should just leave because you're not wanted here, nor were you ever wanted, not by me, not by Polaris-" Polaris raised his brow at this, hearing Regulus talk than hearing his name wanting to be left out of this argument, one that wasn't needed. Regulus is obviously accusing Sirius of changing the list, okay fine. Sirius had the right to defend himself but weren't they going overboard now? "-not by father and definitely not by mother."
"You pretend as if you've never called them mudbloods, pretending that you're perfect. I'm glad you're not my brother, I rather not have one who abandons so easily, keeping secrets-" Regulus was cut off by a raging Sirius.
"No, I'm not going to pretend that I was manipulated by your father and mother because I was, but I've already owned up to it and changed. Stop talking to me like you actually knew me, talking about secrets when you're keeping the biggest one out there from your family. If our- your family was so loving and caring go ahead and tell father and mother, when you do, that's the day you'd truly realise how I was treated because they'll hate you just as much as they hate me!"
Regulus frowned, unsure what Sirius was talking about. Polaris himself was confused but more curious, perhaps he should watch his brothers argue more often.
"What?" Regulus said in confusion and Sirius rolled his eyes before he sighed in annoyance, "I know about that blonde, Regulus. If you really want to keep it a secret, you're going to have to be more discrete than that. I mean I don' care, but obviously your mother and father will," looking over at Polaris Sirius realised that he seemed confused, while Regulus tensed up. "And seeing how this is going, I see you haven't told our dearest younger brother."
Regulus seemed angry, all the while Polaris was trying to understand what this 'big' secret was. Sirius said something about a blonde? Was his brother seeing someone? He hadn't known, it wasn't as if he was that close to anyone in the Slytherin common room to be in a relationship with them, he would have noticed, so perhaps someone from the other houses but seeing from the way Sirius phrased it all, their parents wouldn't be pleased.
Polaris turned to his brother, Regulus his brows furrowing as he did. He had to assume it was a muggle-born that his brother was dating. Interesting… his brother's views on them seemed to be similar to that of their mother, while he wasn't as vocal about it as she was, he still would go out of his way to belittle them if they were there, or perhaps sneer at them, feeling disgusted in their presence.
He couldn't really see him dating a muggle-born, perhaps his brother was a good actor. Maybe the significant other was a half-blood, that wouldn't be too bad, considering their parents would obviously hate the idea of him dating a muggle-born…
"Shut up," Regulus said, his voice unnaturally loud.
"Or what?! Is little Reggie going to do something about it? Or maybe you'll be the coward you were born to be, a little obedient soldier, 'Yes mother', 'Of course mother', 'Let me do it for you mother!'. 'Look at me! I'm Regulus fucking Black and I want all of father and mother's attention, so I'm going to be an obedient little bitch and do everything asked of me without question!'"
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
"You haven't given me a reason to, are you telling me to shut up because what I'm saying is the truth? Are you afraid of the truth Regulus? Well, too bad, the truth hurts." Sirius said mockingly, but he didn't stop there, no he continued talking- no ranting, getting it all out in a fit of anger, no thought in mind as he spat everything out, carelessly.
"You're so annoying you've always been like this! I bloody hate you, and rue the day you were born! I never wanted a little brother, nor did I care for another-"
With that Polaris found himself shocked that Sirius had actually said that.
Sirius was angry which was clear to Polaris, looking at Regulus he too was angry. Before he was enjoying their argument, but now… now he was hating it and wanted it to stop, and seeing Sirius now stood in front of Regulus spitting words in his face, he wanted him to stop, it was obvious Regulus wasn't taking it too well.
"Just stop already, Sirius!" Polaris snapped, but it seemed the words weren't enough as Sirius didn't stop, no he continued, as his voice was louder than Polaris.
"-You made my life harder." Sirius sneered, his finger poking at Regulus' chest and Regulus slapped it away, Regulus' jaw clenched his fist tightening. "-Setting the expectations high, yet you saw the attention I got from them! You saw it and you loathed me for it! I'm sure you're happy being the heir now, doing all the little biddings mother had wanted me to do, I'm sure you're even kissing the dark lords as now, aren't you. I'm right, arent' I? I'm always right." He still didn't stop.
"I hated every given moment in that bloody place you call 'home'. It was a bloody prison! I hated mother yelling at me for every little thing- I hated father just watching mother punish me for something so stupid! Can you believe it Reg? Watching, that's all father does! He watches, he doesn't care nor does mother. They're dead to me! We were never a family, to begin with! They only had me because they needed an heir… they only had you, Regulus because they wished for a spare and as for Polaris? It's obvious he was a mistake, but sure enough, I'm sure they were happy with a spare of a spare."
Polaris' hands tightened into a fist, his knuckles turning white, listening to every word. He wasn't going to deny what Sirius was saying as it was the truth, was it not?
"Are you done?" Regulus whispered.
Sirius took deep breaths after barely breathing as he spat everything out, in anger. "The very first day at Hogwarts, I met my best mates, mates who I see as my brothers. So I never needed you Regulus, you can continue to pretend everything is perfectly fine and it's the way it's supposed to be. Go ahead and become a murde-
"-You know nothing about me! I am everything you were too afraid to be." Regulus interrupted him.
Sirius laughed in his face finding what he had said truly humorous, "You're ridiculous you know that right? why on earth would I want to be like you. You're pitiful" Sirius started.
"A coward," Sirius whispered in his ear. That was all Regulus needed to finally let it out, his fist flying to Sirius' face.
It had happened so fast that it didn't process with Polaris, having been stunned by how Sirius responded. It had only gotten worse and it was obvious Sirius was winning the supposes 'battle'. He hated it, wanting them to stop, from the way his brother, Regulus was bleeding he just wanted Sirius to stop but he didn't no matter how many times Polaris shouted. There was no need for it, no need at all for them to be hurting each other like this.
Regulus had started it, yes. Though Sirius didn't need to continue it, and from the way, things were going it seemed as though Sirius wanted to finish it. He just wanted him to stop, so why didn't he just listen?! Didn't he see that Regulus wasn't putting up a fight, but perhaps it was because of the words they exchanged, ones Polaris hadn't heard. Words that seemed to light the anger in Sirius, that he didn't stop- Polaris didn't care why it was he wasn't stopping he just wanted him to stop with the brutality being done to his brother, Regulus.
He wanted them to get their emotions in check, even so, who was he to say that when he himself was letting his emotions get the better of him at that moment, why else would his magic react this bad to what he had been seeing.
Sirius went flying back, hitting the wall, as he did.
Finally, there was silence, both Regulus and Sirius quiet as their gaze slowly set on Polaris following what had just happened. They knew it was him, yet neither said anything until Polaris finally spoke, breathing heavily as he glared at Sirius.
"I bloody hate you-"
"Polari-" Sirius started.
"Stop it! Stop saying my name, you lost every fucking right you had, to call me that! What's wrong with you?! Were you trying to kill Regulus?!"
"No! I wa-"
"No? no? you're really going to say no? why didn't you fucking stop then! I told you to stop, but you didn't, no… you kept on hitting him even when there was blood, you didn't care, no you never cared. I will always choose Regulus… I would choose anyone else before I would be forced to choose you. I want to break the bridge we have between us, I no longer see a point in crossing it, there is no point in it. I don't want anything to do with you, Black-"
"I'm sorry, Pola-" Again Sirius tried to respond, tried to plead with him, to apologise but Polaris wanted none of it.
"-From now on, we're strangers, nothing but strangers. So don't call me, Polaris. I've already said you've lost that right too. You have some bloody nerve trying to apologise to me, when Regulus sis sat there on the floor, still bleeding. You can leave now because no apology will amount to the amount of damage you've done here today." That was all Polaris had to say, he had nothing else to say with his gaze shifting away, and silence took over once again.
"You should leave." Came the whisper of Regulus. Sirius stared at Regulus for a few seconds before his gaze went back to Polaris who still had his attention diverted until he finally sighed in frustration standing up.
"I'm sorry…" was what he said as he left as was asked.
It was only a few moments after Sirius left that Polaris spoke again, not looking in Regulus' direction. "Are you okay?" he asked. Regulus wasn't sure how to answer the question as he healed the minor cuts with his wand.
"I rather not talk about it," Regulus answered. "You never want to talk nowadays, why would now be different," Polaris responded distastefully, resulting in Regulus frowning.
"What?" Regulus spoke, his voice showing his confusion.
Polaris just sighed as he leaned back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Again the silence was all that was as Regulus finally stood to his feet, as he moved towards Polaris without a word, sitting on the bed that was next to his. "What is it? Tell me what's on you're mind…" Regulus reluctantly asked. Polaris turned to him, his brow furrowed as he thought about it, unsure of what to say or what even was in his mind.
"I don't want to lose you too…"
Again Regulus frowned, "What? You're not going to lose me, Polaris." Regulus immediately answered and Polaris huffed as he continued.
"With the whole Sirius leaving thing, I was upset at first, annoyed, angry… until I tried to tell myself I didn't care… when I did, but for a while, I knew I did, until I really tried… I did. I tried so hard to forget the fact that he was no longer family, but it's hard… even so, It's not like things will ever be the same. Things were set the day he left and will never go back. He's my- our brother in blood, but a stranger otherwise. Father…. Father is different, has been since he's been getting sick randomly some while back, even before then he was different, pretending as if we didn't exist while mother said and did whatever she wanted. Sirius is right about him… he doesn't care. Mother doesn't care about us either, she never did, if she did she obviously would rather have us burn in the depths of an everlasting fire than show it. What I'm trying to say, is I don't have Sirius, I don't have mother, I don't have father… all I really have is you. Even though you're always here, it seems as though you're a mile away."
Regulus was frozen for a second before he looked away.
"Sorry, I didn't realise, you felt like you were losing me and to be honest I know you're the only one I can count on and trust in our family. Perhaps I have been distant, I don't really know why, maybe it was because I was trying to protect you."
"From what? I don't need you protecting me, I can do that myself, Regulus." Polaris answered. Slowly Regulus lifted up his left sleeve revealing a mark – no a brand. "It's the dark lord's mark. You already know that I've… you know, joined. When I did, I was given this mark, every death eater gets one, something about proving your loyalty, having been willing to be marked like some cow."
"Does it hurt?" Polaris asked sitting up to get a better look at it.
"…Sometimes," Regulus answered as he pulled his sleeve down. It was obvious his brother didn't want to go on about the mark, nor the dark lord himself so Polaris didn't push on. "Let's talk about something… else" Polaris spoke, Regulus giving him a curious look.
"…About what Sirius said." Polaris started again, hearing his name, Regulus' jaw clenched in annoyance and he huffed through his nose, before opening his mouth to speak, "He said a lot of things, Polaris. You need to be more specific."
"Well, ignoring most of what he said… I'm more curious about the blonde he was talking about, I mean I don't mean to pry but I'm curious… I didn't know you were in a relationship"
Regulus tensed slightly before relaxing shrugging his shoulders, "It's nothing."
Polaris started at him for a few seconds, not wanting to push for more, looking away again seeing as his brother wasn't interested in talking about them. Though it surprised him when he did.
"Um, right. I started dating them a year ago." Regulus continued.
"Is she a muggle-born? Is that why no one seems to know Regulus Black, the heir to the House of Black is taken?"
Regulus took his time to answer, deciding his answer carefully, "Well… and if that was the case? What would you say?"
"What would I- Um, well it's not my business really, but I thought you had some of mothers views on them… and, I thought you were too big on the idea of destroying a pure bloodline. If you stay with them… wouldn't it be more likely that they'll push the heirship to me and force me into a magical engagement."
"It's fine… I won't be telling anyone about us, we both agreed it was better hidden than shown."
"Alright… well, I actually don't care that they're a muggle-born… perhaps if they were a muggle I wouldn't have been keen on the idea-" In the middle of talking was when the door opened, revealing the Headmaster and Severus Snape himself and it would seem Madam Pomfrey was back too.
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