Chapter 1: Waking up as Subaru & folding a naughty self proclaimed vampire
"So let me get this straight. You want ME to go into the world of Re.Zero as Subaru. The world of psycho witches and murder simps. The world where the main character is perpetually trapped in a constant loop of death & resetting, and has been mentally broken almost driven insane because a bitch decided she was horny that day. THAT world?"
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"Uhhh... yes?"
I look the Rob dead in his eyes and say "no dice. I already died once, and I sure as hell don't want to die repeatedly or get anywhere near that world of torture porn. Also why do you even want me to take the kids body anyway?"
The old man let out a deep sigh before taking on a serious expression. So I matched his expression in kind.
"It's simple. Subaru's soul is shattered, leaving him a soulless husk of his former self, and his mind broken. As a result, has disrupted the balance of that world. So I need you to take control of his body to bring back that balance, and slowly restore his shattered soul. But don't fret, for I will not send you there defenseless."
"Wait how am I gonna restore his shattered soul, and what happens if I do?"
"Sigh. Well for starters you just taking over his body would slowly restore it, and as for what happens...honestly nothing major besides gaining a few of his personality traits."
"Gain some of his personality traits huh?"
*Sigh*
'I just hope I don't get his severe case of main character syndrome.'
"So am I getting any wishes?" I asked with anticipation, but still kept myself prepared for disappointment.
"Actually yes..."
"Wait really? Alright then I want to have the power of Dracula from Castlevania, and Raizel from Noblesse."
"Granted..."
"Wait. That's it? You're not gonna add some limitations or anything?"
"Oh heavens no. I believe their power would be perfect to take on that world. Besides it will be entertaining to see those snobbish overpowered brats get a taste of their own medicine."
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"Okaaay. Then for my second wish I want
Lu Bu's ability to bypass all defenses, but without the use of his weapon."
"Granted and smart choice."
"Thanks. For my final wish, I want instant mastery."
"Granted..."
I Let out a deep sigh pinching the bridge of my nose while internally berating myself for what I'm about to do. "Look... sigh, alright I'll do it. But now we're even alright."
"Good. I'm glad you accepted my offer. But before we part ways I have to inform you that you'll be starting basically at the beginning of season one." The Rob said as with a snap of a finger, a portal appeared right next to me.
Not saying a word, we both gave each other a mutual nod, before I head through the portal, going our separate ways.
...
Just as I jumped through the portal, I was suddenly in the sky barrelling towards the slums right next to old man Rom's shop and straight into an unconscious Subaru. Just then my eyes shot open only to see Emilia right next to my face with worried expression.
"Are you ok Subaru? And... what happened to your eyes?" Asked Emilia worried as Puck came out looking directly at me with an unreadable expression.
"I'm fine satella." I said quickly getting up dusting myself off before a sweat sent caught my attention.
'Shit. I wanted to lay low, but fuck it. If I'm going be living in this fucked up world I'm gonna show these bastards that I'm not someone they should fuck with'
Taking on a serious expression I look Emilia dead in her eyes stating, "listen satella. We've got company, and they're not friendly. So whatever you do stay behind me, understand?"
Emilia briefly looked like she wanted to refute, but just sent me a silent nod before standing right behind me.
Returning a nod of my own, I bust down the front door off it's hinges, seeing both Rom and Felt laying in a pool of their own blood, barely clinging on to life. Only to catch a silver dagger between my fingers.
Slowly tilting my head to the right I see Elsa holding the dagger, before gracefully backflipping 6ft away from me as I snap the dagger in half.
"Hey Satel—"
"Emilia. My name is Emilia." Said Emilia right behind me still on guard for an attack.
"Well then Emilia, if you have anything that could heal those two I would suggest doing it now because they're almost at deaths door."
"Right!" Emilia exclaimed as she quickly rushed to Rom & Felt's side quickly using her spirit arts to slowly heal them.
Turning back to face Elsa I saw she had a small sadistic smile plastered on her face with a calculating look in her eyes. But I knew she was afraid, I could sense her fear from here - Which I presumed was the reason why she wasn't attacking right now.
(Elsa's pov)
'What is he?', I couldn't find any openings to exploit and every fiber of my being is telling me that I can not win. That if I don't run, I'll die. It's quite interesting. For the first time in my life I felt true fear. His crimson red eyes glaring at my very soul sent ice cold shivers down my spine and made my blood run cold. It somewhat aroused me even.
'Seeing as I can't win against this person...no more appropriately monster, I'll just go for the half-elf' However before I could even enact my plan he suddenly disappeared and then I felt extremely light all of a sudden. I was confused as to why until I saw my headless body dropping to the floor.
(End pov)
Ending the fight - if it could even be called that - I turn back towards Emilia walking passed Elsa's headless corpse to see her clearly exhausted. I knelt down next to the white head letting her lean on my shoulder, before asking Puck how Rom & Felt are doing.
"The giant is fine but still needs medical attention. But the girl was pierced through the heart and has a huge gash on her belly. I'm even surprised she's still alive, albeit barely. If we don't do anything now, she's not gonna make it. Unless, you have something in mind?"
"That obvious huh?" I asked as Puck just nods before letting out an adorable yawn, reentering to his crystal. I turn to see Emilia asleep on my shoulder, so I pull a pillow seemingly out of nowhere, before placing her gently on the floor, and turning back to face Felt.
"Sigh. Welp let's see if this works."
I place my hand right above her chest as it started to radiate a firey dark crimson red light, enveloping her whole body, and healing her wounds at a visible rate.
A few minutes go by until Felt woke up gasping while frantically patting herself down, before looking in my direction.
"Hiya..." I said trying to be calming, but she was just silently staring me down with those crimson red eyes, clearly wanting answers. And so began the Q&A, the main questions being what happened to her or is her old man ok, with a few minor questions here and there.
However we had to put our little Q&A on hold since I felt the presence of a certain redhead.
"Oi redhead. You gonna come in or not?" I said prompting the legendary overpowered Reinhard to come inside.
"My apologies if I was interrupting something, but I felt a disturbance around here so I came to investigate. But it seems It was already taken care of."
"Yeah the disturbance your looking for is dead over the—" I said pointing to an empty corner where Elsa's body used to be including the severed head.
"Tsk. That bastard woman is more harder to kill than a cockroach. Hey redhead, could you do me a favor and get the old man a healer? I've got a psycho to hunt."
"No problem but I need to know what happened here?"
"If you want the full story Felt and sleeping beauty over there can explain everything. Oh and kid. I know you have more questions but we will have to postpone it for now."
Getting a pouting but reluctant nod from Felt I stand up walking passed Reinhard before bursting into a swarm of bats while following Elsa's sent.
=
(Elsa's pov)
'To think I would encounter another person who could bring me so close to death.' I thought blitzing through the woods.
"Such a shame I couldn't see his beautiful entrails fufu~"
"Now where the hell do you think you're going?" I heard echo throughout the woods, causing the back of my hairs to stand up, and my body to come to a complete stop.
I couldn't move. No matter how much I tried my body refused to listen, and that same ice cold feeling came back at full force as a swarm of bats began to flood the woods, before coming together in a vortex to reveal the monster I encountered back in the slums.
"You're one annoying person to kill off you know that." He said menacingly as his footsteps echoed around me, before stopping directly in my face.
Not even saying a word, he dug his hand in my cleavage, pulling out the insignia before grabbing me by the neck. Even then my body still wouldn't listen.
"Now this time. You'll. Stay. Dead." He said coldly in a more demonic voice as my body began to shrivel up, and everything faded to black.
(End pov)
After draining Elsa dry and incinerating her body to ashes, I stash the insignia in my back pocket, before bursting back into a vortex of bats, appearing back at the shop. Much to everyone's shock.
In a moment of silence I see Emilia, Felt, Reinhard, and Old man Rom look in my direction, before Felt suddenly speed blitzed me into a tackle hug. Even though I didn't move an inch.
"Thank you so much mister!" said Felt hugging me like a koala to a tree.
"O-ok no problem kid but could you let go please." I said pleadingly but she wasn't listening.
"Hey Felt, let em go ya brat." said Rom standing beside Reinhard with bandages wrapped around his stomach and left arm.
She lets me go, sticking her tongue out at Rom who just lets out deep sigh. Then turns back to me saying "also stop calling me a kid! I'm fifteen."
"Well maybe stop acting like one and we'll see." I said with a smug grin which telling by her deep scowl that she was ticked off by that comment.
"Ahem. Anyway from what I've heard from these two, it seems someone's trying to sabotage lady Emilia, and that lady felt doesn't have the insignia either." Said Reinhard.
"Oh you mean this." I said with a slight grin, tossing the insignia to Reinhard who caught it before examining it to see if it's the real deal.
Seeing that it was real he was about to give it back to Emilia until Felt quickly snatched it out of his hand.
"Hey! I stole this first so finders keep—" Felt was going to say until the insignia started to glow brightly, much to Reinhard and Emilia's surprise. Especially Reinhard who started rapid firing questions.
"Ok what the hell is going on now!" Rom yelled frustrated.
"...Ahem. I believe I can explain." said Reinhard giving everyone a brief explanation of what's going on.
"Wait so you mean to tell me that Felt is a royal candidate?" said Rom in disbelief at what he's hearing.
"Correct..." said Reinhard.
"Hey! You can let go now!" Said Felt trying to get out Reinhard's grip until he put her to sleep.
"Hey! The hell do you think you're doing?!" Rom yelled ready to fight Reinhard even in his weak condition.
"I apologize but she has to come with me." Said Reinhard.
"Well then I'm coming as well because there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you take her away without a fight."
"Sigh... very well. I apologize again but we must bid you two farewell." Said Reinhard carrying a sleeping Felt with Old man Rom following suit, leaving both me and Emilia to our own devices.
"So how you feeling sleepy head?" I asked.
"I'm fine now thank you." said Emilia.
"Well since you got your insignia back, I guess our little adventure ends here." I said to Emilia just to catch a glimpse of her sad expression, along with feeling her loneliness and sadness.
'Argh damnit!... You know what fuck it. Just like Bruce Lee once said—To hell with circumstances, I'll make opportunities...'
"A-actually I first came here to find a job, but I was having no luck. Do you by chance have any recommendations?"
Just then her once sad expression took a whole 180 before quickly giving me a recommendation.
"Hmm. That doesn't sound bad. Alright then lead the way." I said accepting her offer, but then Emilia started slightly blushing, holding her head down in embarrassment?
"Woah what's the problem?" I asked confused why she was feeling embarrassed.
"I uhh... Forgot the way back."
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"You forgot your way back?"... 'Sigh sometimes I forget that even though she is kind and strong willed, she can sometimes be an adorable airhead."
"Heh. Well I think I have a way we can get back on track, but you'll have hang on tight."
"What do you mean?" Asked Emilia tilting her head in confusion.
"You'll see." I said with a small grin lending out my hand waiting for her to take it.
She looked hesitant at first but eventually took my hand as I pulled her up close, before sprouting my demonic wings, taking to the skies.
While high up in the sky, Emilia was holding onto my body like her life depended on it while blushing up a storm, keeping her face dug into my chest. This was when Puck finally decided to come out.
"Woah! I didn't think you could do this Subaru!" said Puck in awe while flying around me, examining my wings.
"Alright Emilia you're gonna have to look down to show me the way."
Emilia shook her head no with her face still dug into my shirt with her grip getting tighter.
"Oh come on Emilia, I promise I won't drop you, and you just have to look down and point for a second."
Slowly but steadily Emilia removed her face from my chest, looking out in slight awe seeing the town from up here, before spotting the clowns mansion.
"There..." said Emilia pointing to the mansion that looked like it was four miles away from the town.
"Copy that. Tchchch. Hello folks this is your captain speaking. We are ready for takeoff in 3...2...1." I said jokingly as I flew directly for the mansion with the wind blowing in our faces.
=
In a matter of minutes I reach the mansion, landing safely on the open road directly at the front gate.
"Tchchch. Hello again folks this is your captain speaking, we have safely landed. I repeat we have safely landed. I hope you enjoyed your flight on V airlines." I said jokingly as both Emilia and Puck busted out laughing while I quickly retracted my wings.
"Heh glad I make you guys laugh." I said genuinely since it was nice to Emilia and Puck smile. Especially after what these two have been through. They deserve it.
Walking passed the gate, we encountered both Rem & Ram, welcoming Emilia while eyeing me with suspension. Even though their blank expression said otherwise.
After a brief explanation of what happened from Emilia, Ram escorted me to a guestroom before leaving me to my own devices.
'hm. Roomy...' I thought taking a seat on the bed finally alone with my thoughts.
'Sigh I should probably get some sleep.' I thought fully laying down on the bed, before closing my eyes drifting off into the land of dreams.
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