Chapter 22: Lost Identity
"Um, what did you want to talk to me about, Kiyotaka-kun...?" Shihoru peered at me, walking along Flower Garden Street as we did.
For a reason, I had taken Shihoru with me, much to Sasha's annoyance, although her reasons remained a mystery.
I have said that I had the thought of changing my roles when the time sounds right. And when that time comes, mage will be the first priority.
"Well, I wanted to ask you a few things about your role," I adjusted my dark green jacket.
It had an inexpensive price tag but boasted a remarkable quality. Except for the rather fragile black buttons, that is. Everything, including the light brown fur trim along the neckline, felt comfortable against the skin. As for my pants, I opted for iron-colored jeans – a choice that would make me inconspicuous.
'Or so I thought...'
On our way, I sensed not-so-little gazes directed at me. It was weird, considering my clothing was deliberately inconspicuous.
'Was it some other factors?'
I'm still learning, after all.
"My role?" Shihoru raised her eyebrows in slight surprise. "Do you have any intention of switching roles, Kiyotaka-kun?"
"Not immediately, but down the line, I do think it's an option."
"Hmm..." Shihoru appeared deep in thought. "I think your current role suits you just fine, though."
"You think?"
"Huh?" She widened her eyes, panicking. What was she so flustered about? "Ah, I-it's just my opinion. You don't have to listen to it."
"No, I don't even know why should I do that."
"Um, w-well, I..." Her gaze darted around nervously. "The way I see it, you're already versatile in your current role. Mages, how do I say this, they're somewhat limited in what they can do, see. They can only use the spells the guild teaches them. Fighters, such as paladins, dread knights, and warriors, have the advantage of customizing their skills without relying on the guild. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it seems like you're one of those who can do it, based on the last battle. T-That's what I thought, at least."
'I guess in a way, you could see me as someone who is versatile.'
I found the fighting skills the guild gave me to be almost completely useless. Not in their usefulness in combat, but in the aspect that I could do them all without even being taught.
My mentor, Reis, appears to see that thought from my preference for support skills over offense and defense. I'm sure despite his cheerful front, inside he was suffering from the possibility of losing his source of income, knowing that the apprentice was simply too versatile.
'Poor him...'
Not that I actually pity him.
"Mages harness elemental power, right?" I asked.
It's something from outside of our dimension, they say. They're everywhere, and we can pull them to our own dimension to borrow their power.
"Yes," Shihoru nodded slowly. "Falz for piercing lightning, Kanon for chilling frost, Arve for scorching fire, and Darsh for concealing mist. I chose the Darsh type from those four."
"Huh..."
I might need to reconsider my choice a bit, then.
"Actually," Shihoru remembered. "There's one spell not tied to those four types – the most basic spell every mage learns."
"There are?" My interest was piqued. "What is it?"
Shihoru took her time to ponder. "It's called Magic Missile. Its appearance is similar to a glowing ball of light, resulting in the punch of an adult's hand when it hits you."
"Did they mention other things about it?" I inquired further.
"...this isn't really related but," Shihoru looked down. "Wizard Sarai, the head of the mage guild, said that he already gave me the key after I completed my basic training."
"Ahh..."
I quickly grasped the essence.
'As expected, the role is best out of every other one.'
The reason they hadn't disclosed it might have been to their advantage and ours.
Nonetheless, someone was bound to uncover its connotation sooner or later, just like any case should. And when that happened...
'What did they do?' I furrowed my eyebrows.
I can't entirely know what ways they use to someone that was--- let's say--- over the top in something. As a result, I should be cautious about using it. I can't make any careless moves. Not so soon.
Shihoru frowned forth, an expression of frustration on her face. "He said that it was the path to the true magic... Honestly, I can't figure out what he meant by that."
"You can take your time with it," I encouraged her. "Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised if you uncovered the answer sooner or later."
The fact that she said that particular thing in our conversation is already a good thing.
In fact, I'm a bit confused as to why she didn't seem to grasp on it yet.
"You think...?" Shihoru hesitantly asked.
"Yeah," I nodded.
I wasn't lying in that aspect.
Shihoru smiled shyly. "...Thank you. That means a lot. Coming from you."
"I can partially understand that." I sighed, looking up at the sky. The red moon hanging among the stars soon came into my view.
I didn't feel any particular thing about it.
Though, in all honesty, I don't have particular things I'm quite interested in either.
"I don't know why but..." Shihoru also looked up to the same sky.
She, too, was the same as Sasha and Moguzo.
"I always dread the fact that the moon here is red."
"...so do I." I lied.
Not just them, many of the volunteer soldiers found that fact strange. I, who had nothing to feel as they did, found it even stranger.
The color of the moon in our original world is not like this, it seems.
This goes without saying, the moon is something that can be seen when night falls. The logic in our original world was just the same. Although different in appearance, it's still a similar object.
The volunteer soldiers were so used to the moon in our original world that they couldn't help but be weirded out when it changed here.
I don't feel that way most likely because of my personality.
I didn't really have the thought to wonder about my past. We don't have the time, and we don't have a way to uncover them anyway.
All I care about is the reason 'why' I can't remember them, not 'what' inside them.
As long as I could achieve that--- 'It's still not enough...'
Shihoru took a breath.
For the record, she was still in her mage outfit.
"Let's get back," I proposed. "Tomorrow's work day awaits us."
"You're right," Shihoru smiled dryly.
'Do I care about my past?' I ponder.
At present, I can't entirely say that I did not.
There's one thing that stood out that I want to know specifically from my past.
This is the one thing that no matter how hard I try to come up with the answer, it won't ever come.
The flashing images of Sasha, Moguzo, and Merry come to my mind.
'I know...' I am well aware of this fact.
'I never cared about them.'
Whether they live or die won't affect me that much in many ways.
I can work alone, which is good in and itself, and simply search for their substitutes. For what I wish to achieve, however, working alone isn't an option. That's the whole reason I created Dawn Pioneers in the first place. But of course, should the end result be grasped by sacrificing them, I'll take the chance right away.
'What of an enigma I am...' I mused.
***
"I thought since we made a clan, we'd work together or something." Sasha said in confusion.
"...Yeah, I didn't think we'd be working as usual instead," Moguzo followed suit.
North of Alterna, about six kilometers away is the Cyrene Mines.
According to what we heard, it was the former kingdom of Arabakia before the Alliance of Kings invaded, giving it to the kobolds in the end.
It was populated by the Bosh faction, which I didn't know in exact of what distinguished them from the others.
"You know, Merry?" I looked over at Merry beside me.
She had been acting decidedly strange since this morning. Sasha's every attempt to pry her out of it had been unsatisfactory.
She frowned. "I'm not quite sure either."
"I see..." I turned my attention back to the front.
It's the first day of our hunting to the Cyrene Mines.
From the high ground, we could glimpse a square-shaped entrance with wooden timbers surrounding the sides. Not far from it was a small stream, some wild animals roaming in between.
"Well, either way," Sasha seemed to completely ignore the reason why we weren't with Haruhiro's team. She seemed to have finally given up on finding out the reason for my every action. "What's the first goal? I mean, yeah, sure, we'll kill the Deathspots or something later, but surely not right on our first day, yeah?"
At my suggestion, she had bought new clothes that were now more covered up.
She donned a sturdy dark brown leather robe. Complementing this was black pants, suitable for unhindered movement. She adorned her exposed skin with hand armor for more protection, which is, in reality, more of a psychological comfort than practicality. Apart from her trusted dagger, valued at 20 silver coins, her gear predominantly consisted of supple leather.
Moguzo was at odds with her, naturally.
He had saved up enough money to buy a full plate of iron armor that protected most of his body. They're in polished steel, intricately etched with heraldic designs. The helmet features a visor, and the gauntlets bear sharp, articulated fingers for precise combat. Same for the giant sword. A broad, double-edged blade. A leather-wrapped hilt for a secure grip along with an engraved crossguard was with it.
I had also bought the set of armor I had gone for first, a resplendent suit of one, polished armor to a dazzling shine. A long sword with a shiny blade hung at my waist, a round shield reflecting the sunlight on the other side.
"Are you feeling cold?" Moguzo asked curiously.
"No, you can ignore this cloak."
I was referring to the white furry cloak Sasha had bought for me in the past, adorned by plush, pristine fur lining with an intricate embroidered pattern on its sleeves. I deliberately wore it under my plate armor. It didn't interfere with my movements at all, so I had no problem with it.
"When you said it, you're only making me more curious," Sasha mumbled.
"Yeah, and I don't care."
She pouted.
I ignore her childish reaction. "For the goal, we'd make a map of the surrounding area, go down as far as we could, and note all the things we found as we did. Uncomplicated, isn't it?"
"It's clear... at least." Moguzo hesitantly nodded.
I glanced at Merry.
She looked back at me, nodding slightly. I noticed that the grip on her staff was becoming firmer.
The thought of asking Shinohara of Orion comes to my mind.
'If she didn't open up, that'll be a problem.'
Anyway, we made a slight detour through the surrounding leaves and trees. Although as we went and peacefully enjoyed our journey, something happened.
"Eh?" Sasha was the first to react.
The two wolf-like creatures walking on their two feet before us seemed unsure of how to react either.
'They're kobolds, aren't they?'
Did they just get back from their work or something?
They were both holding what you could only call shredded shovels. Their torsos were unprotected by anything other than the leather pants on the lower half of their bodies.
"Moguzo," I called.
The man in question moved forward with steady steps.
"Thanks!"
He clearly intended to finish it in one fell swoop.
'But only if it's a goblin...'
Kobolds had different builds and movements than goblins, that much was obvious.
I was a little confused as to what allowed them to possibly evolve into the creatures they were now. After all, the kobold threw down its shovel without hesitation, hurriedly lowering itself on all fours like the one I know supposed to do. Since Moguzo's attack was a downward slash, however, it was still within his reach. Unless it moved out of the way with its far superior speed, that is.
"Hey?!" Sasha shouted in confusion. Her battle-ready posture collapsed slightly when she saw the other kobold, the one that was not with Moguzo, also turn its tail without hesitation, getting down on its four legs as it fled.
'And they are fast as the one I know, yeah.'
"Don't let them get away!" Merry ordered.
As an experienced, and for obvious reasons, her words could be trusted.
'Though honestly speaking, that won't ever work. Not with some realistic approach.'
Sasha tried to chase after them, though.
"Stop it, Sasha," I said.
She ignored my words. Thanks to that, "Eek!" she'd fallen within a few steps of her progress. The terrain here was needless to say different from Old City. The most obvious one would be that there were more walking obstacles here that were hard to guess without being familiar with or carefully examining them.
Without familiarizing myself with the surroundings, I would have some difficulty navigating the way.
Sasha roused herself with a small groan. "That's a little bit hurt."
"Obviously," I sighed. "You're well ahead of yourself. Don't get the habit of hunting goblins get to you."
"...yeah," Sasha winced a bit. "My capability as a thief is kind of iffy too, though."
"They're... gone, huh?" Moguzo, meanwhile, was well ahead of his mind.
"It can't be helped," Marry might have been trying to console him. "It's fast, and the area isn't exactly familiar to us, either. For now, I think we should retreat."
A pair of howling was heard the moment she said that.
"Right, let's use the time to learn skills and like."
Sasha especially should given the time to take her liking in her role. I don't think of her enough.
I suppose as far as I'm concerned, they were mere disposable pawns. Not even worth giving any concern whatsoever.
'Unknowingly, I did something pretty grave, was I?' (It's POV 1, guys)
I only realized it yesterday while talking with Shihoru, which is a strange point as well.
Whenever I tried to figure out the exact reason, things would in fact start to reveal themselves, only that when they did, I wasn't quick enough to grasp them. It was the same feeling as when I tried to remember my past.
A twinge of annoyance always surfaced when that happened, and this one is no exception.
'Honestly, what a pain...' I let out the final sigh for the day.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
YvisEV
YvisEV I've never seriously given a serious monologue about Kiyotaka, the very MC of this FanFic, as the flawed person he is, have I?
It occurred to me while reading Phase 1 that his characterization is superficial.
Actually, all the characters were the same.
That's why I'll try to make them more lively, somehow.
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