Chapter 45: Chapter 45: It's The Darkest Before Dawn
I thought I would be lonely after all my good friends left. The reality was rather the opposite; Sovieshu decided to hold a banquet in celebration of his first baby, and I was busier than before.
"You mustn't go."
Laura shook with anger.
"Even if it's with a group or close friends, you shouldn't attend."
There were different obligations between attending a banquet versus a large ball, but if I didn't come to celebrate Sovieshu's baby, I may end up hurting Sovieshu. I didn't want to ask my friends to make me feel better.
"I know."
My face was of forced calm, but irritation bubbled beneath the surface. I didn't want to smile while everyone celebrated Rashta and the Emperor, nor did I want to have to feign ignorance when people stared at me. However, the banquet was already scheduled, and I could not back out.
Four days after Sovieshu decided on the banquet, I walked around the palace mechanically, giving instructions. Eventually, I stole away and hid away at a secluded bench. I sat there, suppressing the anger that was mounting in me.
Four days ago, it was Sovieshu's secretary that told me there would be a banquet for the first child. Sovieshu had the wisdom to have his secretary deliver me the news, and then he went on an inspection trip to another province. I hadn't seen him since. With my current mood, there was a chance I would step on his foot as soon as I saw him.
I sat there alone when I became aware of the sound of approaching footsteps. I didn't want to lift my head, so I lifted my hand to shade my eyes. It would likely be a government official, a court official, or a knight anyway. They would turn around or pass.
"…"
However, the footsteps halted in front of me. I lowered my hand and raised my head.
It was Sovieshu. He must have just arrived back from his inspection, as he was wearing a dark brown traveling cloak and his hair was unkempt. Our eyes met, and he spoke with a slight frown.
"Are you feeling unwell?"
I could hear voices instructing servants to unload luggage not far away. There was also the mingling of other voices that were difficult to make out.
"I'm fine. You just arrived?"
"Yes…but are you really alright?"
"Yes."
I had imagined stepping on his foot before he came here. Now I wondered what to do now that he was right in front of me. It was difficult for me to stay in his presence, so I stood up from the bench and smoothed out the crumpled skirt of my dress.
"You must be tired, so go get some rest today."
I gave him a perfunctory smile and turned around. However, Sovieshu repeated himself once again.
"Are you really alright?"
The question was the same, but this time the nuances were strange. When I turned around, he was sending me a dark gaze as if he were trying to figure out my thoughts. I looked at him suspiciously. I didn't think he was asking me this question because he saw my sagging figure on the bench.
"I'm fine."
I smiled, pretending not to know. Sovieshu, however, decided to be blunt.
"By any chance, do you dislike me holding a banquet welcoming the baby?"
It was an embarrassingly forward question. He looked at me straight in the eyes.
If he asked this as soon as he arrived, did he really need to bother asking? In any case, I answered honestly.
"I don't want to attend, but since I have to host it, I'm sure I'll dislike it all the more."
"The empress is still so cold. No affection at all."
"The same is true of you, Your Majesty, who knows that I'd hate to organize the banquet, but still instructed me to do so."
Sovieshu sighed and pressed his temples. It was clear what kind of woman he thought I was. I'm sure he thought of me as frigid and cruel.
"…Do you have any idea why I'm holding this banquet?"
"Do I need to know?"
It was easy to guess why. He wanted to show off Rashta. He was happy to have his first child. Or he wanted to hurt my feelings. Or perhaps it was all three.
"You said it before. Rashta's baby is not officially part of the Imperial family."
"…"
"Perhaps one day, they will be forgotten in history, as you said. But at least when we are alive, people will think of the baby as the firstborn of the emperor."
"And you asked me to prepare a banquet to admit it?"
"Whether you admit it or not, it is what it is."
I pressed my lips tightly and looked sideways, avoiding his eyes. I was afraid I would lose if I didn't look away. My neck was stretched and my jaw clenched to keep my face impassive.
"The baby…maybe it can be your baby as well. I hope you won't hate it even before it's born."
My forehead creased at Sovieshu's words. Why was he speaking about this? Why would Rashta's baby be my baby? I looked at him in incredulity. Sovieshu stared back at me with his dark eyes.
"Do you understand what I mean?"
"You're asking too much of me."
As soon as I snapped, Sovieshu sighed and turned away from me with heavy footsteps. After walking a few paces, he carefully opened his mouth to speak.
"We have been married for a long time."
Why was he talking about that now? I stared at him guardedly. I didn't know what he would say, but I had an ominous feeling.
"We don't have a baby yet."
"?"
"Of course we're both young, and so we may have one someday. But…"
His face grew darker.
"It may not happen."
"!"
"It didn't happen when you were younger and healthier than you are now."
I stared at him in shock. Sovieshu looked more uncomfortable when he spoke, too. The sight made my heart thud stronger in my chest.
"So what you mean is…"
I tried to keep my voice as level I could, but it trembled.
"If we don't have a baby, Rashta's baby may be recognized as a part of the Imperial family?"
He frowned.
"I'm talking about the worst case. And if it is, don't hate a baby who's not yet born."
"The more you say it, the more I dislike it."
"It could be a good child."
"Considering who it takes after?"
"….Are you implying that Rashta or I have bad personalities?"
"Whoever it takes after, the baby won't like me. And I won't like it."
After saying my words, I gave a quick bow and turned my heel, and left. Sovieshu called me from behind, but I didn't look back. Somewhere in my heart, smoke clouded up in me. It burned my nose and made my eyes feel numb. There was a buzzing sensation in my brain.
When I returned to the central palace, I went back to work as mechanically as possible. I needed Queen's warmth. I needed Queen more than ever.
* * *
"…I'm worried."
Sovieshu murmured to himself as he sat at his desk and studied his papers. Count Pirnu looked up from a report about book distribution.
"Yes?"
Sovieshu sat stiffly with his chin propped on his hand. A heavy sigh left his mouth.
"Your Majesty? Are you all right?"
Sovieshu hesitated at first, but in the end, he answered.
"I'm worried that the empress will be hostile to the baby."
"Ah…Does she hate it?"
"I believe so."
Count Pirnu gave a nod of agreement.
"It can't be helped. In rare cases, favored illegitimate children can be a threat to a successor."
Sovieshu's mouth was twisted.
"Isn't it too early to worry about when we don't even have a successor?"
"Of course."
"She is like a cold blade. As an Empress is she remarkable, but…"
He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.
"If she has ill feelings towards baby, I'm afraid she'll treat it with that cold, knife-like nature."
Count Pirnu thought it was too early to worry, but he accepted the Emperor's words. Sovieshu had looked forward to being a father, and the baby would be the firstborn of the Emperor. It was natural for Sovieshu to be concerned.
"What do you think, Count?"
"Well…I am actually more worried about Lord Koshar than the Empress."
"Koshar? Hasn't Koshar gone to Palme?"
"Duke Troby seemed to have given his son permission to return now."
Sovieshu's expression hardened as he remembered that man.
Koshar Troby was the elder brother of Empress Navier. Since Sovieshu had been Navier's fiancé since childhood, he was familiar with Koshar. He resembled his beautiful sister and was skilled in martial arts. Unlike the ice-like empress, however, Koshar was like a volcano. His hot temper was useful when directed elsewhere, such as the sparsely populated frontier of Palme where dangerous bandits thrived that called themselves the "Eternal Thousand." Duke Troby sent his son there less for the purpose of defense, and more to redirect his violent personality. In an explosive situation, he could be deadly.
"…"
Sovieshu pursed his lips in thought, while Count Pirnu smiled awkwardly.
"But now that his sister sits on the empress' seat, he should be a little better behaved than before. Do not worry too much, Your Majesty."
"I wasn't worried before you told me this."
"…My apologies."
Sovieshu gave Count Pirnu a disapproving look before returning to his papers. However, the Count's words left a deep imprint on his mind. Koshar Troby cared for his sister terribly. Would he be willing to leave Rashta, Navier's romantic rival, untouched?
Sovieshu had a throbbing headache and eventually called the palace doctor.
***
At the same time.
Koshar, the subject of everyone's concern, casually stopped by a large women's clothing store, bringing mischievous laughter inside with a friend. Marquis Farang, who accompanied Koshar, stopped and looked around with a red face.
"Is this really necessary?"
"…"
"Koshar?"
There was no reply, and the marquis looked sideways. Koshar was staring at a dress that a young girl would wear.
"If I buy this for Navier…"
"It won't fit. It never does."
"Is that so?"
"Your sister is no longer a child."
"I suppose so, indeed. Time passes so swiftly…"
"Hey. Don't distort the past. She was already tall when you left."
"She's still a little sister in my memory."
Koshar scratched his nose and laughed. Marquis Farang clicked his tongue and asked for the tailor.
"Excuse me. Please help us."
As soon as the tailor approached, Marquis Farang pointed towards Koshar.
"My friend is looking for a dress for his sister."
The tailor spoke in a kindly voice.
"Do you know her size, Sir?"
Koshar glanced at Marquis Farang, then turned back and replied mildly.
"About this tall…"
"Ah, she must be quite tall. What is her body type?"
"A lovely body shape…?"
"…I'm not sure what that shape is. Can you be more specific?"
Koshar shook his head, and the tailor-made a puzzled look. She turned towards the marquis, but he also shook his head.
"It's difficult to fit the clothes if you don't know her size."
"I still want to buy something. I haven't seen her in years. Don't you have anything suitable?"
"If it's something you can buy without knowing the size, how about a hat?"
"I'll take it."
The tailor displayed to them a variety of hats, and Koshar began to look over each one carefully. But even this was not easy. The tailor had pulled out a total of thirty-five hats, and all the other customers in the store gathered to watch the activity. Marquis Farang was so embarrassed by the women that he quickly stuck to the wall, while Koshar completely immersed himself in the selection process.
Finally, he picked five colorful hats and left the clothing store. Marquis Farang tutted at his friend.
"Do you like your sister that much?"
"She's such a lovely girl. And—ah, look at that."
"What?"
"That bread. It must be delicious if so many people are lining up. I'll bring one to Navier."
Koshar pushed his way through the crowd, the marquis clicked his tongue again and followed his friend. They stood in line for ten minutes. As Marquis Farang's patience was starting to run low, his ears caught a snatch of conversation.
"And the Emperor's concubine…?"
"Yes, my cousin works as a maid in the palace. The concubine is pregnant."
"So she's pregnant before the Empress. What happens then?"
Koshar, who was holding on to the shopping bags full of lace and frill, suddenly turned around.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
agatharoza
agatharoza Updated daily. This is a free-to-read book. Not to be monetized in any form. The original work was published by Alphatart. This is the English translation of it. My Korean is rather poorly thus forgive any false translation. I just love this book so much that I hope more people will enjoy it and support the author. The English version is being turned into a comic series in Webtoon.
* Translation is hard, cheer me up!
* Also, please check out my original work "IRRESISTIBLE TEMPTATION" ^^