Chapter 18: Toilet Seats and Voyeurs
The abandoned cum pirate village of the second island was not so close to the beach as to be on its doorstep, there was much woodland terrain between the sandy shores and the first mud hut in the weed ridden clearing. One would ordinarily have to traipse through shrubs and brambles, long grasses and around thick trees in order to reach it. At least, that was the case before. Now a somewhat clear pathway had been made, covered in an array of dying weeds and leaves, the stumps of trees the only remnant of what once stood tall and caused unmovable obstacles.
On the beach itself was the slowly shaping form of a ship's hull, nothing sizeable like that which now housed a plethora of tropical fish and anemones beneath the ocean, but what should become a reasonable seaworthy vessel in the end.
What Russell didn't understand was how they managed to get the wood to stick together... he shrugged and discreetly used a leaf to clean up certain bodily parts before tossing it down the dunny hole now decorated by a tree-stump with its centre removed; the Kingdom's first ever toilet seat.
Sand and water helped to reduce the smell of what was left behind, but seriously, the Microfauna really had their work cut out for them, getting rid of the evidence!
Russell washed his hands as best he could in the bowl of clean water before leaving the mud hut that had been allocated as the outhouse by the Captain. It was the furthest place away from the largest, most decent property in the village, where she now lived, but unfortunately, it was next to his hut. Still, despite the smell, it was convenient in the middle of the night when his poor stomach began complaining about the mainly carnivorous diet they ate!
"Oh, it's our Captain's other princess," Prankster jeered, this man having taken a dislike to Russell. The pirate had decided that it was all Russell's fault that his jokes seldom caused his fellow pirates to laugh anymore. As for the new 'moniker', this was due to the 'toilet seat'. Despite the few females in crew and otherwise favouring this in their own dunny (the mud hut next door), the men thought it was a pathetic indulgence thought up by a pampered man. As if a real man ought to endure hardship, even while taking a dump.
Russell, however, never denied that he was a pampered man. In the twenty-first century, there were very few men who didn't want to sit while dealing with the secondary business. The only thing that could improve the rustic experience of the outhouse now was a newspaper. Unfortunately, there was no paper industry in the Kingdom yet, Russell could only write his own news in the mud with a long stick.
The current report was along the lines of;
"This fucking shit hole stinks, get me out of here! Oh and I caught a certain Lego man peeking again."
No one had questioned him about the identity of the Lego man; none of the Pirates could read.
As for the peeking, in fact, it wasn't just the Captain's First Mate who'd been seen in the vicinity of certain shrubs that reached the chest of an average man and had just enough spacing between twigs and leaves for the keen eye to peer over the river fed lake some metres north of the village. These same men were never to be seen when the Captain and the two other female crew mates were bathing in the lake though.
The Captain was not unattractive, with long blond hair that fell in seemingly natural drill spirals about her shoulders, large, wicked eyes contrasting against her deeply tanned skin and sharp white teeth beneath two plush lips. Though she might seem to lack womanly curves, it was not so detrimental that she wouldn't turn heads in a modern era. Of course, if those people had been peeking at her naked form, their heads might actually be turning as she was snapping their necks. That it mind, no one dared peek.
As for the other two crew mates, Russell found out two days ago that they were female; when they demanded a separate outhouse with newly installed hollowed stump for themselves to use. No matter which era, girls do not appreciate man's bad aim. Anyway, none of the Pirates had exotic enough a taste to peek on the two women who blended into their ranks so well that outsiders couldn't distinguish them from the men.
So that left one... particularly thorny flower.
To be honest, that one's thorns were of the verbal sense and Pirates weren't the type to swoon when curses and insults entered their ears. In fact, they were more likely to try one up the insult for fun.
"You son of a bastard!"
"You son of a bastard born of a bitch in heat!"
"You son of a bastard born of a bitch that was raped by a donkey's offspring!"
.....
Well entertainment was thin on the ground. And just to liven things up, the Captain had taken to try brewing berries into something more potent. The first batch was too sweet, the men disdained it. The second batch almost killed a man. The Captain was planning on revealing the third batch soon.
"Ahhhhhhhhh! You filthy monsters!!"
Russell paused as he filled up a bucket of sand from the beach to take to the outhouses. He wondered over the voice that was as deafening this far away as it was close up. The pirates must have been caught in action during that pastime of theirs. He shrugged as he made his way back to the village, only to receive a painful reception.
Falling to the floor, bucket of sand lost to the ground, he could only spit out a bloody tooth in complaint. "Wha' wa' tha' for?" He asked, rubbing his bruised jaw.
The Lego man aka First Mate pulled him up by the neck and he grasped the man's thick fingers as he struggled for air. "Peeking," he accused. Russell couldn't deny it; he couldn't fucking speak! And besides, why was he being accused when this overbearing square giant had peeped more times than he, Russell could count on one hand?! The First Mate seemed to see his thoughts in his eyes and blushed slightly. He cleared his throat and continued; "No denying. Miss Petunia saw yellow hair."
"Wait, though," came the gruff sounds of one of the female crew-mates. "He just came from the beach. This weakling could never get from the lake to there and back again in that time."
Russell never thought that a voice could sound so rough and sweet at the same time as pain swept over his buttocks thanks to the ground and air poured into his lungs.
"If not him, who?" The First Mate demanded.
A flash of blond disappeared inside the largest village hut.
Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
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