Chapter 79: Chapter 79 - Hidden Pasts
The night of the raid against << Fuscus the Vacant Colossus >>, boss of the 5th floor.
The entirety of SAO - and, indeed, the world - were still shocked by what transpired after the end of the raid of the 5th floor. A traitor, wishing to break the frontliners. Two murders, live on air.
It hit some harder than others. Drifter went to bed and didn't sleep that night. Kirito glared at the ceiling until he passed out. Kibaou drank his sorrows away. Silica cried. Ran sat on her window, legs dangling outside, gazing silently into the night. And Sinon had all the lights in her room turned on while she lay wrapped in her blankets, holding her knees to her chest. And shaking.
Sinon had seen people die in front of her eyes before. There was Diavel, who was killed by << Illfang the Kobold Lord >>. She had also watched one person suicide by jumping from Aincrad's edge. But, in Diavel's case, he was killed by a monster, a creature made of 1s and 0s. But witnessing a person murder another human being...
She had seen it before too.
Sinon had a secret. One which only a few people knew, and which caused her immense pain and fear. Every now and then, she would have panic attacks because of it.
Curiously, she didn't get any ever since she entered SAO, despite of how stressful the situation was. Until now, that is.
Curled up on her bed, Sinon felt all the familiar symptoms of a panic attack - which SAO was doing a damn good job of replicating. She was trembling, her heart was pounding at a thousand beats per second, her hands and feet felt numb, it felt difficult to breathe, her chest hurt, and she felt weak all over.
Morte had killed two players today. And amongst all the twisted reasons he had given to back his actions, Sinon believed only one: because he could.
Never, ever could Sinon imagine someone would take a life with the obvious pleasure Morte did. To her, killing someone was a sinful, horrid act. Anyone who did so was a monster, deserving of the harshest punishments.
She was a monster.
Clutching her bedsheets over her head, Sinon curled up even further, and her shaking got worse.
When she was 11, Asada Shino killed a man. It was... As much a mistake as it was intentional. Honestly, she wasn't thinking at the time. She was just a terrified child who wanted to protect her mother. She tackled and bit a robber's hand, but somehow ended up taking his gun. And he didn't stop coming, and she was afraid. And she...
"Sinon? Are you awake?"
Someone knocked on her door, and a faint voice came through, causing Sinon to freeze. She recognized the speaker. After taking a few deep breaths and feeling her shaking subside, the archer spoke.
"Y-Yuuki? What do you n-need?"
"Ah. Well... Nothing actually. It's just... I saw your lights were on through under the door... And I can't fall asleep either, so I thought maybe... C-Can we talk a little? I don't think I'll be able to sleep otherwise."
There was something in Yuuki's voice that caused Sinon's trembling to cease completely. Even amidst her own panic, the archer could tell something was wrong with the younger girl. Her usual cheerfulness was gone, which was understandable. But she sounded almost... Fragile.
Pulling herself together, Sinon disentangled from her blankets and got up. Ever so slowly, she walked towards the door and opened it, revealing Yuuki standing outside.
The purple-haired girl looked even worse than Sinon, if that was even possible. Her eyes were hollow and dark. It didn't look like she had been crying, but... Despairing might be the verb Sinon was looking for.
"Come in, Yuuki."
At first, Sinon was thinking of asking what Yuuki wanted and sending her back. But after seeing the girl, she changed her mind and ushered Yuuki inside, closing the door behind her. She had a feeling this was a talk neither of them wanted others to hear.
"T-Thanks."
Somehow, seeing that Yuuki was almost as shaken up by what happened as she made Sinon recover from her panic attack. Having something - or someone - else to focus her mind on helped.
Yuuki sat on Sinon's bed, and the archer plopped down right next to her. Their combined weight caused the mattress to bend, and they ended up sliding a little, their shoulders touching. After a second, both leaned on each other, the physical contact comforting to them.
"What did you want to talk about, Yuuki?"
"I-I... I don't really know. I'm just... I can't sleep. And I don't wanna be alone."
"What about your sister?"
While wildly different in temperament, the twins were always together. Silica would have thought that Yuuki would go to Ran at this time, but here the girl was, in her room. Yuuki shrugged her shoulders against her.
"She's looking at the sky. That's what she always does when she needs to think."
Her tone indicated that there was something more to it, but Sinon wasn't going to pry. If she asked for Yuuki's story, she would have to tell her in return, and she wasn't keen on that.
"Do you want to be alone, Sinon? I could leave if that's the case. It's just... Like I said, I saw your lights were on, and I thought we could both use the company."
After several minutes of silence, Yuuki spoke. However, even though she said that, she didn't get up. Her head was now resting on Sinon's shoulder.
"N-No! Err... No. I don't want to be alone. You being here... Helps. I... I wasn't doing well earlier."
"Uhm?"
Sinon had no idea why she was speaking, but now that she started, she didn't seem to be able to stop. She shouldn't talk about her past. This was a terrible idea.
She spoke anyway.
"To be honest... I was having a panic attack."
"What?!"
"I'm better now. When you knocked... Well, having someone else close helped. I was always afraid of things like what happened today. Morte and... Everything. You know."
Now Yuuki was staring at her with those big caramel eyes of hers. Sinon could see a lot of curiosity in them, and also sympathy and... Fear? Or was that just a reflection of her own gaze?
"Ever since a few... Since I was a child, I had trouble with death and blood and stuff like that. I couldn't even watch movies. Still can't. I get scared and throw up. I get... Cold."
There was something else that terrified her, and Sinon almost said it. But she held back her tongue at the last moment.
Has it really only been three years since that incident happened? It felt like a lifetime. Or maybe it was because she hadn't thought much about it since she entered SAO.
"I thought by joining SAO I could get over it. Since I would have to fight monsters, y'know? I just... Well, nobody expected what Kayaba did. But even after that, I was still okay. Maybe because it still looks like a game, fighting mobs and bosses doesn't trigger my fear that much. I even thought I was overcoming it. But after what Morte did today... It's all coming back."
She stared at the wall all the while she spoke, almost afraid to look at Yuuki. She hadn't exactly bared her deepest secrets to the other girl, but it wasn't too far off.
"To be honest, I'm very afraid of death too."
It was a long time before Yuuki spoke. When she did, it was a whisper.
"Ran and Merida and I, we are all very afraid. That's why we joined SAO. It was supposed to be a distraction from the real world."
"It worked a little too great, didn't it?"
The swordswoman chuckled. Dry humor was Sinon's trademark.
"Yeah... But at least it feels like I'm doing something here. Working towards something. I felt powerless outside. Here I'm not."
Yuuki's words were so relatable they hurt. Wasn't that why she had bought Sword Art Online in the first place? Sinon thought that, if she managed to conquer a game of swords and spears, she might one day get over her fear of guns. Even after being trapped, that idea hadn't changed. Until today, when Morte reminded her that monsters weren't the only enemy in SAO.
Sinon exhaled slowly. An arm snaked around her back and grabbed her shoulder so hard it should have hurt. Yuuki had her face buried in the archer's shoulder. But she wasn't crying.
Like that, two girls sat silently for the rest of the night, supporting each other such that, without the other, both would fall down. Keeping the other from crumbling. Remembering.
----------------------------------
February 2nd, 2023.
"Huff... Huff..."
Drifter stabbed his spear into the ground and leaned on it while looking around. The huge [ Congratulations ] above his head brought a smile to his face.
The ALS had gotten the last-attack bonus again, but this couldn't be helped. They had the largest number of players in the Assault Team, so they simply had more people hitting the boss at any one time.
The raid of the 7th floor boss had thankfully concluded without any surprises. Even now, two floors after it happened, most people were still on edge, afraid another Morte was going to appear.
Drifter wasn't. He didn't want another red player to come, but he almost hoped Morte would appear in front of him. If only so he could put the nightmares of his guildmates to rest.
Shaking his head to push those thoughts away, Drifter retrieved his spear and spun it around deftly, the weapon rolling over his fingers and forearm before he stashed it away on his back. He didn't even realize how this casual display had the people in the outside world singing him praises.
While climbing up the steps to the 8th floor, Drifter looked back to Yuuki and Sinon. The archer was silent, as always, while the purple-haired girl was hopping steps and chatting away with her sister and Merida.
The spearman thought back to the scene he had seen a few nights ago. Drifter had to admit, he was curious. Sinon and Yuuki didn't have many interactions most of the time. Sure, they talked and were on good terms with each other, but there didn't seem to be anything different in the way they acted around each other when compared to their behavior around others. And yet, there was something so very clearly special going on that night between them.
'Not like it's my place to ask anything.'
Drifter himself was hiding dark secrets. Yuna and Nautilus obviously knew everything, and Kirito, Asuna, and Sinon had also been told most of it. But he hadn't mentioned to Liz, Yuuki, Ran, and Merida, much less their newest members, Silica and Vallerk, how he sentenced a player to death on the 1st floor. He probably would have to one day, but it wasn't now.
"Woah... That's pretty!"
"Pretty my ass. I can already imagine what a pain it's gonna be to clear this floor."
"Mapping should be easy at least. Not like there're many options."
Hearing the exclamations of the players in front of him, Drifter quickened his pace, and stepped onto the 8th floor.
"Huh".
Drifter stared at all the trees around him. That this floor was also forest-themed wasn't really a surprise, even if it felt slightly underwhelming. He guessed that, until the << Elf War >> campaign was finished on the next floor, this would remain the norm. Elves and nature and all that.
Then, Drifter stared at the ground. Or he would have, if he could see anything through the impenetrable mist. As he stood on the bridge running through the treetops, the only thing he was sure of was that the ground was far, far below him.
"Yeah, don't fall. There's water below, and no monsters, so you won't actually be in danger, but the currents will carry you far away, and the only way to get back up is through the ladders scattered around. You might end up on the other side of the floor, all alone, if you are unlucky."
Kirito stopped next to Drifter, gazing into the mist below, and spoke loudly for the sake of all the players around. As always, Kibaou scowled and Lind clicked his tongue, but most frontliners nodded their heads at the black-haired swordsman.
The frontliners walked as one group towards the main city of this floor, Frieven. The narrow pathways and bridges made it so there weren't many different ways to go.
Once in Frieven, they activated the teleporter, and immediately hundreds of waiting players poured into the new floor. Drifter greeted a few clearers he was more familiar with, and rubbed Silica's head when she and Vallerk came through.
"By the way, has anyone seen Argo?"
"Hum? You are the one she usually contacts, Drifter."
"Yeah, I've sent her a message telling her to meet us after the... Ah, there she is! Little rat, over here!"
Waving his hand, Drifter called the info-broker, who bounced her way towards them.
"Whassup, Dri-Bou, Kii-bou, Yu-chan and... Hey! Stop that, Dri-bou! Argh! I'm gonna scratch ya! C'mere!"
The spearman immediately tried to ruffle her hair, and Argo dodged, starting an impromptu game of tag. The Reavers rolled their eyes at the familiar scene. It was like Drifter and Argo regressed in age whenever they met.
"Ha! Gotcha!"
The info-broker finally caught Drifter, and he allowed himself to be put into a head-lock. Asuna blew a breath, exasperated, and separated the pair.
"Children, the both of you. Argo, we need your help with the << Elf War >> campaign."
"Oh? What's it?"
"We need that cunning and deviousness of yours to talk the dark elves and forest elves into entering an alliance.
Drifter cut in before Asuna could answer. He was having a lot of fun teasing Argo. This time he failed, however, as the brown-haired player seemed almost proud of the two characteristics he pointed out.
"Ah, ya are already at that part of the quest, that's right. Aight, that ain't no trouble, Aa-chan! But it's gonna cost ya some, since my time's precious."
"We already expected that, greedy little rat. Kizmel mentioned a side quest on the 9th for some sort of hook you can throw and use to climb things. How about it?"
Argo's eyes shone brightly and she bobbed her head up and down before sticking her hand out.
"Ya got yourselves a deal!"
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Reis123
Reis123 So, that's my take on Sinon's past. I know it's slightly different (more dramatic maybe?) than the anime, but I have my reasons. You're just gonna have to keep reading to see how it develops ;)
Writing Sinon's and Yuuki's talk was hard. Emotional stuff always is. I hope I did a good enough job, as I'm quite happy with how it turned out.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone