Chapter 5: broken

I was born into an ordinary family. at least that is what it looked like from the outside. but to be honest this family is broken. my dad is abusive, not the kind that leaves bruses or makes you bleed. the kind that makes you hate yourself, the kind that makes you wish he would just hit you. my mom died, she killed herself. she couldn't take it any more. I now know why, sience I'm the female of the house I have to do everything she used to do. it is tourture. I am on a very strict schedual. I wake up go to school, I have to be home before 5. I have to cook dinner first, but I dont get to eat till all my other chores are done. I clean, garden, and do everyone's laundry. I go to bed after I eat. normally he gets home when's I'm cooking, he yells at me. he tells me nothing I do is good enough. I do have a brother, but he either stays in his room or dosent come home. this means he unleashes all his anger on me. I dont like confrontation so I hide my emotions and only let them out whene I'm alone. when I'm alone I cut. I know it is bad but I can't stop, I wont stop. it is my only outlet and no one is taking that away from me. one day he was so bad that whene I was alone I almost went to far. the next morning my brother was home. i was cooking and he saw. he pulled me aside and asked me to roll up my sleeves. I did, whene he saw my cuts and scars he looked at me like I was a monster. he said I was so selfish for doing that to myself and stormed off. after school that day I could not take it any more and decided to follow in my moms footsteps. I went to the shed and grabbed a rope, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a chair, I went to my closet and got everything ready. I wrote a note. not to my dad, but to my brother. he would be the one to find me, he would be the one to cry. whene I finished my note I tied the rope around my neck and kicked the chair out from under my feet. before I completely lost consciousness I felt somthing hugging me. I thought it was me going to heaven but sadly not. I blacked out. whene I awoke i was in the hospitol. my brother beside me asleep. dad, no were to be found. I sat up and the noise I made woke my brother up. he asked me if I was alright then broke down in tears. he looked me in my eyes and said "I couldent loose you too". he kept mumbling that sentence as he hugged me. I thought no one cared. I thought no one would notice if I was gone. but I was wrong, he loved me. he loved me enough to save me from one of the worst things I had ever done, and I will always be thankful to him for that. we no lonver live with my dad. my brother is 18 so I live with him. turns out all the time he was gone he was working to get me out of their. thanks to him I will never have to go back.