Chapter 2: Worth Of The Worthless
Izuku could see florescent lights through his eyelids, burning his sight with red and little white stars. He scrunched up his face and turned his head with a groan, and the pressure of the lights eased a little. It didn't, not really. If anything turning his head made the ribbons of light under his eyelids squirm more frantically and if his arms didn't feel so leaden he would have reached up to rub them.
He wanted to open his eyes but he didn't feel very good. His stomach was squirming unpleasantly - as if he was being rocked back and forth on a ship or something. He had only been seasick once before and the feeling was similar. His throat and sinuses were burning like he had thrown up too, though when he moved his tongue against his cheek he noticed his mouth had a distinct lack of the bitter taste of bile. His mouth just tasted dry, really. But the idea of drinking water made his stomach clench.
And his head! He almost wanted to say one of the bad words Kacchan used but if his mom heard him his head would hurt even worse. It felt like his skull had been hollowed out and someone had rattled a few rocks around in his skull before they stuck his brain back in. Even moving his head a little made his ears ring with a shrill hum. Everything ached in a way he hadn't experienced before and he felt tears start to well up in his eyes.
He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, trying dampen his throat before he opened his eyes. "Mom?" he croaked out, but his voice barely made it to his own ears. A minty green curtain had been pulled around him, closing him of from the room at large. The walls he could see were off white and there was an empty red-brown chair next to the bed. "Mom?" He said, a little louder. The tears that had welled up in his eyes began to run from the corners of his eyes as he turned his head, looking at the room as best he could.
There were tubes attached to the inside of his right elbow, like the ones he had seen in the silent people in the lab, and when he followed the tube up he saw it was connected to a clear sack of what looked like water above his head. "Mom?" He said again. Was that bag of fluid draining into him? He wriggled his arm and noticed a plastic clip on the end of one of his fingers. Tears started to stream down his face fully. As he reached up to wipe them away he noticed another tube was across his cheeks, going into his nose. He tried to pull on it and he felt an unexpected pain inside his face.
That was the final straw.
"MOM!" Izuku yelled, his shrill voice cracking. In a second the curtain was torn back and Izuku saw the tear-stained face of his mother. He raised his arms and she was upon him, tucking his head into her collar and wrapping him tightly in her arms.
"Oh baby, oh my poor baby," was all he heard before his own sobs drowned out everything else. He trusted Tomura, he had believed that he would see his mother again so he didn't know why he was so desperate for her to hold him and tell him everything was okay. He buried his face into her pink sweater and sobbed with everything he had, until his throat was burning and his sobs had dissolved into weak hiccup's. He didn't want to let go, he wanted to cling to her forever but Tomura had told him not to be such a crybaby and as his sobbing ran its course he let his grip on his mother loosen slightly.
She set him down against the crisp white sheets, and fluffed the pillow behind his head before she sat down in the empty chair without letting go of his hand. It was only then that Izuku noticed the thin-lipped woman in pink scrubs standing with a clipboard under her arm. She had been waiting for the crying to stop and Izuku's mom turned to look back at her. Izuku could only glance at her briefly before he looked away, embarrassed that a stranger had seen him crying.
"Well," the nurse said, "now that Izuku has woken up-" she started rambling, talking about how he needed to be evaluated for something or other and then the doctor would use her quirk to patch him up. He just let his eyes slide closed as she went on and on. His mother didn't seem upset about the tubes stuck in him, so it must be okay Izuku reasoned. And he felt so heavy, it was hard to stay awake . . .
XXX
Kacchan had found him, his mother said. He must have slipped crossing the only fallen tree in the park and hit his head before he fell into the river. That was why he needed to be interviewed by the doctor and have his answers examined two or three times over before a doctor put her hands on either side of his head and made everything stop ringing.
The story of how he was found confused Izuku to no end, he hadn't been in the park he had been with Tomura! He told his mom he had been in the hospital and she agreed with him. He said that's where he had been before he had been knocked out and she had just agreed as well. Then Izuku had just given up. If he wanted to find out more then he would have to wait until he could see Sensei – or Tomura – again. Probably Tomura, he wasn't nearly as scary.
He didn't tell his mother that he had a quirk now. He hadn't had the chance to figure out what he could do and how to do it, and he had the feeling that if he blurted it out she would worry even more.
XXX
It was a few days before Izuku was allowed to leave his small apartment. Honestly, Inko was upset when he even wanted to leave his bed, and she constantly was making and bringing him snacks to build up his strength or presenting him with books he had already memorized. She seemed torn, unsure as to if she wanted to ban him from the park entirely or just encourage him to stay in the company of Katsuki at all times whenever he left the house.
Surprisingly, Kacchan and his mother had actually came by, and while their mothers talked Izuku was able to get more information. It seemed that Kacchan had gone out to catch fireflies and found Izuku lying on his back on the river slope, in the water up to his knees. He had actually dragged Izuku out of the water before he ran for help – although even after he got an adult Kacchan insisted that it was his own heroics that saved Izuku's life.
He had asked about why Izuku hadn't been around that day too. If he was with a friend like he had said, why had he been in the river? Why hadn't his new buddy gone to get help? Izuku said he didn't know. A better question would be why he had been brought back to the park in the first place but Tomura had told him to keep quiet about it. He was sure Tomura had a good reason, but he did feel hurt. He had said Izuku would be fine! Maybe it was his fault, then? Izuku hadn't been tough enough to handle it.
The longer he was kept inside the more anxious he got. What if Tomura was waiting for him? Every day standing by the fence in the park while Izuku was in his house, trying to activate his new quirk and being doted on. And he was trying his best. He kept trying to grab things and move them with his thoughts the way his mother did. In his mind's eye he got up and picked things up while he remained seated, but it didn't ever seem to do anything. Had it not worked? The only one who would know was Sensei and the only way Izuku could contact him was through his teen friend!
He waited until the end of the week before he asked if he could go out and play. Inko had been reluctant until Izuku said he wanted to go see a friend of his. That seemed to wear on his mother's heart and she put a hand to her cheek before she told him yes, okay, but he had to be back for lunch! If he was late then she would call the police to find him!
He promised, and let her kiss him before he scampered out of the house, running full speed out of the complex and hoping that he didn't run into anyone else on the way there. "Deku-!" He heard a cry but Izuku continued running, so fast he almost tumbled down the stairs and he rammed into the door before he had the chance to fully throw it open. He could hear Kacchan on the stairs above him but Izuku knew where he was going and had the advantage of a head start.
Tomura wasn't there.
He wasn't there the next day, either. Or the day after that.
Every day, rain or shine, Izuku would run to the park to see if he could find Tomura but he was never there. He even took to sitting under a tree by the fence, watching as other kids played while he waited pensively. But he didn't see Tomura again for the rest of his break.
Izuku must have done something wrong. Had he done something wrong? Izuku for the life of him couldn't think of what it could have been but . . . Deku was a natural born failure. He couldn't even use a quirk that was sat in his hand and he couldn't keep the interest of the one friend who wasn't intent on bullying him.
XXX
On the first day of school, Inko had woken him up bright and early so she could take pictured of Izuku in his new elementary school uniform. He wasn't sure why, he felt like a big dope and everything felt too big on him. He did like his new backpack, though, and his mom had even let him pick out all the colors of his note books! He had already picked the one he wanted to be his first hero notebook, and he held it close to his chest as he trailed after Kacchan as they walked to school.
Kacchan looked cool in their uniform. He looked cool in everything, really, but as Izuku trailed after him he was more painfully aware than ever how his baby blue shorts made his green hair look like washed up seaweed and how there was still dust along the side of his shirt from where one of his friends had elbowed him and shoved him over. It didn't help that this school went with a 'classic' uniform – no one but Kacchan could make this stuff look cool!
His friends were getting further and further ahead of him, and slowly their voices started to fade. The hot air didn't carry voices very well and Izuku was dragging his feet as well. All the kids from his preschool would be there – everyone else had a quirk. Did the teachers know he was quirkless? Would they act like he was a breakable little doll like last year's teachers? Would they try to treat him the same as everyone else and just make Kacchan angrier?
Izuku didn't want to face it but he didn't have a choice.
As they walked by the park, Izuku kept his head down, looking at the wet sidewalk as he tactfully avoided stepping on cracks.
When the chain fence rattled, Izuku didn't look up. When it rattled a little louder and more frantically he just held his notebook closer as he stomped on by.
"Midoryia!" The fence hissed and Izuku finally stopped dead. He knew that voice! Tears began to smudge his vision and his lips were trembling as he dashed off the sidewalk. He threw himself into Tomura, wrapping his arms around the teen's legs and dropping his hero notebook in the mud.
"You came back!" Izuku cheered, his voice muffled by tears and Tomura's stomach and he felt the older boy stand rigid.
He felt three fingers lightly tap his shoulder in an imitation of a comforting gesture and Tomura rasped, "there . . . there?" His discomfort was palpable and after a few seconds he added "please let go, Midoryia."
"Sorry!" Izuku said as he lurched back, quickly rubbing his bare arm across his face and sniffling so he wouldn't look like he had just been bawling. "H-how are you today, Tomura?" The teen was looking more ragged than usual, his eyes seemed so sunken that they reflected no light and a crack had formed from the corner of his mouth to midway down his cheek, a dark scab left behind where his skin had cracked. "Oh!" Izuku swung off his backpack and sat down on the muddy ground. He picked up his hero notebook and shoved it in his back before he started rummaging around until he found a small, pink tube with a print of yellow duckies and strawberries across it. "Here!"
Izuku held up his open palm and beamed at Tomura. After a long pause the teen reached out and delicately picked up the tube before he held it up in front of his face, as if he were holding some mysterious relic of a bygone era. "My mom says that's for dry lips! I asked her to get some in case I saw you again – ah! N-not to be rude o-or anything but it looks like it hurts so . . ."
"No," Tomura said, "thank you." Izuku lit up and clambered back to his feet, slipping his pack back into place. The teen popped open the tube and pressed the balm against his lip tentatively. He winced. "This stings."
"It's supposed to."
"I don't like it."
"It'll make you feel better," Izuku bounced on his heels, "please use it?" Tomura glared at him before he roughly smeared the chapstick across his lips until they gleamed a shade of sparkly wet pink –both because of the color of the balm and his own blood – before he stuck the cap on and jammed it into his pocket. He looked sullen, and he seemed to react to Izuku's excitement the way a bedraggled cat might react to a puppy. Tolerant, maybe a little affectionate, but mostly annoyed.
"Weren't you crying like, five seconds ago?" He grumbled. He buried his hands deeper in the pockets of his gray hoodie as he leaned back against the fence. "Anyway. Are you okay? After you trashed the lab I had to help with all the cleanup – you owe me for that by the way – but Sensei said that you needed to go to the hospital."
"Yeah I – wait . . . I trashed the lab?" Izuku screwed up his face in confusion.
Tomura nodded, "Your quirk was taken from an adult so Sensei sad you just lost control. Still, you went too far. Were you trying to hurt me?" His voice had taken on an accusatory tone and Izuku balked.
"N-no! I would never!" The color had drained out of his face and he held his fists up as he leaned forward. "But – what did I do?" he asked urgently. He had used his quirk! Yeah, he couldn't remember it but Tomura was here and he was saying he had. And yeah, he had apparently destroyed stuff but still!
Tomura just shrugged, "Sensei seemed to find if funny so it's not that big of a deal I guess. After your eyes turned white everything started shaking and rattling in the room. Then things started falling apart and reshaping or whatever. Have you seriously not done anything with your quirk since that?"
Izuku nervously shuffled between his feet. "N-no I . . . thought it didn't . . . work," he said meekly. Tomura snorted.
"Geez, you really doubt Sensei that much?" Izuku flushed and he covered his face with his hands. He let out a series of protesting squeaks. "Hmph. You should come to the bar with me, then. Sensei is busy but he's going to talk through his computer." Tomura bounced his shoulder blades off the fence as he began to trudge along. Obediently, Izuku trailed after him but he kept nervously looking back at where Kacchan had gone.
"I-I think I should g-go to class, Tomura," Izuku said weakly. But he didn't want to. He really didn't want to. The thought of sitting through another class full of people who mocked him made him feel sick.
Suddenly the teen whirled on him, fury in his eyes and Izuku skittered back with a shrill apology. "Class? Seriously? You're going to skip out on Sensei for something like that!?"
"N-no!" Izuku said. He wanted to go! He really did but . . .
His mother would be mad, Kacchan would get in trouble then he would be mad too. But . . .
But Tomura was right. He needed to think of Sensei's feelings. He had been around his mom and Kacchan, and his teachers hadn't even met him. And Tomura was saying it way fine, too! He hadn't been wrong before, and when he had been that had been Izuku's fault.
He took a deep breath and did his best to harden his features into the brave face of the hero he would someday be. Tomura wouldn't want him to come along if it wasn't more important and when he thought about it the preschool teachers had always been unpleasant and uncomfortable. He hadn't felt that way around Sensei, and honestly? He wanted to know so much more about Tomura's friends – and he wanted them to be his friends too. He followed after Tomura as he was led to the train station. It would be okay, it would be okay. This was what he was supposed to do.
XXX
No one else understood why he didn't go to school. His mother asked him to tell her why, then she yelled at him, then she begged him in tears but Izuku had sworn not to tell. Kacchan was more furious that Izuku wasn't following him and after school he hunted Izuku down and tried to reaffirm that HE was the great one and that Izuku NEEDED HIM. But Izuku had just shrunk away and meekly agreed – but his behavior didn't change.
The teachers yelled at him too, when he was brought to class. They told him off, explaining how he was destroying his life and his pride, and how he would have no future. He needed to go to class!
What could he be doing that was so much more important? That was what everyone wanted to know. Was he just skipping class to play? That was what everyone seemed to think and they treated him accordingly. He was a bad child, willfully misbehaving and then acting teary when he was called on his actions.
Izuku refused to say what he was doing.
He always slipped away from Kacchan to take the train with Tomura, to talk to Sensei and meet the others in the alliance. Izuku had been horrified to learn that they were 'villains' but Sensei had used the most soothing words to calm him. They had been forced to do this. They had been cast out by what heroes were because they had such wicked quirks. They needed to be guided and they needed Sensei to show them the way. And, in time, they would need Tomura too. The way Izuku was growing to need Tomura. He was coaxed into believing that this was important, more important than anything else. Sensei treated him like an adult! And Izuku was learning that he could follow Tomura's tantrums the way no one else could.
He was needed here! He was starting to fill a role that no one else could, he was starting to finally act heroic! How could he leave his new secret duties to sit in a classroom and learn to count? Kurogiri had started to teach him reading, writing, and arithmetic while Sensei and Tomura were having their private talks too, so it was fine. He was learning what he was supposed to know.
He was able to get away with it for almost a full two fortnights before everyone in his 'civilian' life began to change. His mother was the worst. There was sorrow now, regret and guilt in her eyes when she looked at him. He heard her talking over the phone sometimes; wondering if it was because his father wasn't around, or if it was because he had hurt his head over summer. Either way, she tearfully confessed when he was meant to be sleeping, it was her fault. She had failed him as his mother. It made him feel worse than her yelling at him, but when he asked Tomura if he could tell her he was firmly told that he had to be strong, that he had to keep the alliance a secret even from people he loved.
There were no words for the guilt he felt when she changed her schedule at work just so she could drive him to school and make sure he got in, and she used her late lunch break to pick him up and drive him home. Of course that meant she no longer had time to make meals for him and herself and she began to eat too much greasy food from her work. Her face lost her healthy flush and her eyes grew weary after a a few months of it – but she couldn't stop because they both knew if she did Izuku would go back to Tomura every day instead of just the weekends, as he was now forced to do.
He couldn't help it. He didn't know why, Tomura was far from charismatic but Izuku's admiration had been carefully transformed into loyal obsession. Because Sensei was right, Tomura was going to save the world. Izuku was afraid of what that might mean but he had faith. Sensei said that this was for Tomura's sake, and the more Izuku hear it the more he believed that his own worthless, useless self could finally be good for something.
It was incomplete but his conditioning was going better than All for One had expected.
XXX
"I'm going to be a hero," Izuku said when he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. His eyebrows were pressed down hard against his round eyes and he held his hands firmly at his sides like he had just been handed a death sentence. A strange reaction when every other child was gleeful and declared that they would be heroes. But Izuku just looked straight ahead, trying to keep his expression unreadable.
The young teacher cleared his throat nervously before another child pipped up, "Oh come on Deku! You don't have a quirk, you can't be a hero!"
Izuku didn't look at him but his fists balled a little tighter. Tomura believed in him.
"Katsuki, please! Izuku, you may sit," the teacher demanded as he moved on to the girl one seat down from Izuku who also wanted to be a hero. Imagine that.
The blinds were drawn to keep out the early winter chill so no one saw a gentle spiderweb of cracks spreading over the inside of the windows like frost. Izuku was going to be a hero no matter what. He was going to be like All Might but . . . he was going to save the people no one else would. A few small shards of glass lifted slowly out of the cracks in the window, levitating easily as they were warped from shards into long needles.
Izuku was going to be a hero that saved villains.
And the little glass needles tinkered uselessly as they fell to the windowsill.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone