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Chapter 1: Ep. 1

Hello there! Now, where should I start? Hm, well, I am a normal guy, university student, not many friends, broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, closet weeb… You know, the cliché stuff in a cliché situation.

Oh? Why a cliché situation? Well, gather around kids, for I will be telling you a story! I was using my laptop, working on a project for my courses at uni. I was on a not-so-trustworthy site to find some info I needed. All of a sudden, a pop-up appeared and read: 'Choose two powers. Choose wisely.'

And I thought: 'What the fuck? Get out of here, I have a paper to write!', then I thought to myself: 'Hey, I've been working for a couple of hours, I can see where this is going…'

I mean, it was the uni-issued laptop, so I had absolutely nothing important in it. No accounts, no sensitive information, no porn. I back-upped my paper and focused on the pop-up. It literally told me to choose two powers and to choose wisely. Hm… I went on the web and started searching for some cool powers, because the last superpower-related thing I watched was Avengers on the TV last night, and I want more variation in my answers. So, five minutes into searching, I narrow it down to two: Subjective Reality, which is basically limited Reality Manipulation, and Infinity, from Seven Deadly Sins or Nanatsu no Taizai (depending on whether you are a weeb or an otaku).

I mean, those two work well together: Subjective Reality can help create and modify many, and I mean MANY, things while Infinity can make those things last forever, plus it's absolutely broken. If I ever had those, I'm pretty sure I'd have a ton of fun.

The pop-up changed and asked for a series of universes I liked. 'Maybe it's just a survey in the end…' I thought, then wrote down some universes I liked or once dreamt to mess around in: Harry Potter, RWBY, Fate, MHA, Pokémon, DanMachi, DxD, Star Wars, Konosuba, and, why not, Dragon Ball. Hehe, there are some that I really wanted to mess around in. I mean, think about, I don't know, Beerus if someone were to pet him… Pfft! I'd love to see it.

The pop-up changed once again: 'How do you want to die?'

'The fuck? How do I want to die? One strange survey this is.'

I never thought about it. How would I want to die? I mean, of old age, surrounded by family, after a successful life seems nice… Or… Crushed to death by heavenly thighs or something similar! Yeah, let's fuck around with this survey! I started typing: 'I want to die, painlessly, due to asphyxiation from heavenly thighs.'

The pop-up updated again: 'Accepted. Please turn around.' Aand, I short-cicuited. 'Turn around? This fucking creeps me out! I can't stand horror movies and this pop-up suddenly gives me a bad premonition.'

I slowly turned around, and who do I see? Fucking Death. As in Lady Death from Marvel. I think that she's the Deadpool version, but who cares. There's a problem anyway: either a stranger entered my house, without making any noise, or I am actually about to die.

"The pop-up was real?" Death nodded. "So I can enjoy your thighs before dying?" She nodded again. I sighed, then stood up and went towards my bed. I didn't mention this, but I was living alone in my apartment since I was not in my hometown for uni. "Do you mind giving me a lap pillow?" She nodded once again and sat next to me, then moved my head on her thighs. They were cold, deathly cold. But they were also comfortable. Since she's the embodiment of 'death', I guess that she welcomes everyone, so something like a gentle grandma that welcomes you with a hug and an envelope filled with money… And food.

"How rude, calling me a grandma. And you make me look like a loose woman. I don't welcome all, otherwise I would have settled for that crazy purple ballsack or that walking sarcastic cancer." Said Death. Her voice was soothing and warm, in contrast to her thighs.

"Right, of course Lady Death would be able to hear my thoughts. Sorry, it was just the first thing that came to mind. The situation doesn't really allow me to have coherent thoughts."

"You sound pretty coherent for someone who's about to die."

"I like facing situations rationally. I didn't study Physics for nothing. So? That pop-up was some kind of reincarnation thing, or did I just have to die?"

"Reincarnation. Actually, it was my idea to use computers, to interact with the younger generations. To put it very clearly, me and some other Godly figures will be watching you, something like a TV show."

"I see. I don't really mind being watched for entertainment, but I guess I will at least have a modicum of privacy?" She nodded. "And, I guess that I will be going in one of the universes I wrote down?"

"Indeed. It will be random, however. The first two universes you wrote down are the most likely since they should be your favorites."

"Hm… Not really, I wrote down Harry Potter to mess around as a kid again, and RWBY for a couple of reasons, but they aren't actually my favorites. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. I can just switch places with Subjective Reality and Infinity anyway."

"Indeed you can. Make sure to entertain me, and I might just give you some 'benefits'."

"What's this? Friends with benefits? I can stand for that. Mind if I send a few messages before 'going'?"

"Go ahead. I have all the time in the world, literally."

"Nice, there are some snacks in the cupboard, if you'd like. Or some coffee. Unfortunately, I don't have alcohol or tea." Wait, am I seriously treating Death like a normal visitor? Eh, fuck it, I'm already surprised I didn't get a heart attack. Maybe it's because I decided to die due to thighs…

I sent a couple of messages to my family and friends, telling them that I might not be 'available' for a while, but I will surely come back to see them. Well, I put a few more details for my parents, and I guess that they will be very worried… Ugh, if I come back, mom is going to kill me, for sure. Let's not speak about sis. Maybe if I bring back a daughter-in-law, I can get a lighter treatment… I need to think about that.

When I was done, I turned my phone off, saved my paper, and looked at Death.

"I am ready. However, I kinda wrote the whole 'thigh' thing to mess around, so you don't have to-"

"No, no. It's fine. Come here." I sighed and went close to her. She pulled my head in between her thighs, though I couldn't see anything due to her clothes. I suddenly felt cold and my eyes slowly closed. I died immersed into some, literally, Godly thighs.

I woke up again in a dark place. I saw Death sitting beside me.

"Did you fail or something?"

"Hell no. I am here to inform you of a couple of things. First, you will be given an interface to keep track of your powers, since I guess that you will gain quite a few of them. You can personalize it, but do that afterwards. Second, you will be reincarnating in the Potterverse first. When you die again, you will be reincarnated into another world from those you have written down. If you gain immortality, which shouldn't be too hard, you will be able to choose to travel to another world through your interface. Third, there's no third."

"Huh, cool… Well, I guess randomizing wasn't all that necessary. Since I am still here, I guess that I will keep my memories? Forgot to ask about that." She nodded. "Ok then. For my interface, make it a grimoire-like thing. A book that can shrink and is tied with a chain, something like a book keychain that I can bring around. Kinda like the Astil Manuscript from Trinity Seven."

"Fucking weeb. Sure, I can do that. Now, get ready. Your family will be random, as will everything else-"

"Wait a fucking moment! There's a chance I'll be a girl?!"

"Rude fuck. I regret giving you a lap pillow now. Yes, there's a chance, but your soul will basically make it so that there's a 90% chance that you will be identical to your original appearance and sex."

"Thank God."

"Don't thank him, thank me. Anyway, as I was TRYING to say, before you rudely interrupted me, you will be sent to England, around the time of canon, give or take five years." Damn, that's a long time. After she said that, she slapped me and I blacked out. Why? Why do I always get slapped during my first meetings with girls?! Life is unfair! And I'm not even an open pervert!

I woke up again in an unknown room. It looked way too big for an adult, so I guess that I am a baby. A quick glance at my hand confirmed my fears: I am definitely young, I can't say how old exactly, however I have minimal control over my movements, so I should be a few months old. I have no memories from the time I was born up until now, which is normal, I believe, since I have memories from an entire lifetime. I kinda 'overwrote' the previous memories.

I focused again on my surroundings and tried to understand where I am. Crib, check. Dark as fuck, check. Voodoo stuff, check. Red liquid that definitely looks and smells like blood, check.

I took a deep breath, which must have looked hilarious with my small body, and sighed. 'I am a fucking vampire, aren't I?' I looked around for my interface aka grimoire, but I couldn't find it. 'Think, think… Interface.' I thought. Lo and behold, the grimoire appeared in mid-air above me and opened to the first page.

[Azagreth Maleficarum] Ok, shitty name. I continued looking at the page.

[Azagreth Maleficarum

Race: Half-Vampire/Half-Veela]

Aand, I'm fucked. A Vampire in the Potterverse? With that pink bitch and all that shit? Nah, this isn't good at all. And Veela, huh? My father must have scored a nice 'catch'. I hope she wasn't raped or forced in any way, or I'll have to kill my dear 'daddy'.

[Azagareth Maleficarum

Race: Half-Vampire/Half-Veela

Age: 5 months

Location: London, UK

Intrinsic Powers:

Subjective Reality

Infinty

Magic Core: Immature (Tier 0; Rank 0)

Abilities:

Blood-sucking (Locked)

Magic Absorption (Locked)

Heightened Eyesight

Charm

Veela Magic

Fire Manipulation (Locked)

Increased Magic Aptitude

Increased Magic Capacity]

Ok, this is useful. 5 months old, I can work with that. I should be gaining some manual dexterity, and I believe that me being a magical creature will speed-up my growth. I'm in London, so I can only imagine that my parents are 'hiding in plain sight'. Intrinsic Powers should mean that I can use them freely, which is great for me as reality manipulation sounds extremely taxing. Further experimentation is required. Magic Core is interesting. I believe that there wasn't such a thing in canon, but I really only read a couple of books and watched the movies, so I can't be sure. The Tier and Rank is also interesting, since it means that the Core can evolve and there are several 'steps' to it.

My abilities are what I was expecting after learning of my race. Blood-sucking and Magic Absorption must be due to my Vampire heritage. Probably locked due to my lack of fangs. I should grow them in the next months. Heightened Eyesight… It makes sense: even though I know that my room is dark, I can perfectly see around myself. Charm must be due to my Veela heritage, which is normal. The same for Veela Magic and Fire Manipulation, as both are traits that come from Veela's. Increased Magic Aptitude and Capacity will be a nice addition to my collection, but nothing too important. I could have done everything myself anyway.


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