Chapter 1: Submerged soul : ikrah
The moon isn't following her , it's just where it had been all age her dilemma moon stalking her where ever she goes , makes her happier to be superiorly something to be loved as a toddler a shy kid who isn't murmering much she had been a "computer kid '' the grand theft vice city as if she knows whole for a sum in the world being the fourth last sister in the family makes her giantly pampered ,not so good enough in studies though till the middle school , her school is little more than a second home to her a huge tree besides she usually has been all the school age ,she is more of a introvert ,she cannot lie and that's the weakness she always had ,it's in the morning assembly on this day she had a speech to deliver ,"now be little high toned it's your turn janou "a friend on dabbing her "deep inside she is half dead boiled with the idea of being over at the highlighted space infront of the audience she is dying in anxiety yet cannot explode in no to it thus tears run down over at her chubby cheeks one of the host that's senior to her sees her sobbing at the last row of the assembly asks her the matter to which janou "I am nervous ,I can't make it can you please take off my name from the list " to which the host feels initially hesitant then seing her tears falling like nothing else she decides not to ,this was the rthymic way of her shyness she was more of a bairne with introverted shyness ,her friends were few but true in a real sense to be called off as friends , as the school life has ended with the meritorious grades her family decides for her medical studies ,she never had an opinion for her life because she hadn't been to outside her home alone yet she isn't recognisable to things better for her ,though cooking and literature was always what she wanted to proceed on in life as a career though she was'nt vocalist about her dreams in the family though days pass by she joins her coaching centre in the snowy days with haze ,the streets being full of White covered apparel and diamond shining beauty over it , she all by herself has went first time so far from her home to somewhere by herself in solitude as the snow is falling on this fine day , it's been couple of days her going to the coaching centre in the corridor she is waiting outside with her new friends , sticking her eyes to the far reaching mountain hills peaked with the gratitude of mother snow with sparkling beauty ,the snow being little falling in a steady breeze janou is all stuck to the beauty of nature all of a sudden the gate had a knock ,outside the lane she could percieve all by seigit through the corridor window to which she was seing the ambiance a boy in blue jacket facing the head to his friend arrived with black boots and the jacket headcap on it as he turned his head to the window his smile was evident like the moon's light his eyes were radiant like the flames of star his smile was as if the cloudy sky she could feel a weird sensation that she never felt before she was awe struck by his feel as if she was always waiting for him to arrive though not even a second sparing eyes from him , his million dollar smile makes her smile as he passed near by her she grossed in the true happiness her eyes brimmed with a little of tears she couldn't hold it as if she knew him from ages as he entered the class she saw the board he was senior to him to a year someone calling him from behind "subi get in fast " her mind and heart was now occupied
She wrote
"A glimpse gave goosebumps to my soul
Like a wind giving it's pure breeze to the world "
It's been days months and now a perfect year of her loving him madly in so of deepness that she started writing poems ,her depth could be seen from her eyes when she witness him near her surroundings but as love comes with pain her one class fellow once sitting beside her shows her that she and subii are great friends janou feels happy to know but later her friend quotes her exaggeration in her speech of being close with him as "best friends " this pisses her off her heart gets crumbled yet she cannot do anything about her jealous yet how can anyone stops anyone from talking to anybody who even still doesn't know her existence though she loves him so crazily her eyes are wet she asks her another friend is this true they bring so close friends,her friend felt weird of her asking this being testy eyes as she asks more ,janou couldn't hold her years and weaps to this her friend makes her assured of the fact that the girl was just showing off to her ,as she knows that you love him ,days pass his photo is the sole support to her she sees him from it and mostly speaks to it her heart out at nights ,sometimes she sleeps by switching on his photo beside her arm on her cousin sisters wedding ,she isn't that joyful without him her eyes were in dearth of happiness she want able to love life without him but the thought of him being with any other girl crippled her courage even to ask she decides to confess her feelings to him after the wedding she promises to herself that no matter how many hardships she would confess her feelings directly to him ,as she heads on to her coaching the next after her cousins marriage she finds out him and his classmates in the corridor and the girls of his class crying out and hugging each other he being at the corner in a lemon t shirt smiling as usuall to this janou asks her friend what was happening and she gets to know that it was their farewell day she couldn't believe it,yet it was the only day that she could see him it was heart wrenching for her ,to see him go like that without making him notice what she had been feeling from last one and a half year though destiny wasn't in her favour ,she found him on the social sites where ever she could and finally he met her over at a social app ,she took a month to greet him as being her shy though he was usuall to it ,with the entanglement of conversations one day she posses the truth to him how she loves him ,he turned out harsh to her without reasons to be disclosed but this didn't break her strength she did whatever she could from begging to pleasing but she didn't find her as his type ,though she insists to just be friends as in friendship she always made him laugh made him count and Shae his grief to her and in return never got any of the happiness back ,one day when there was a serial going on surfacing on the internet he said her that it was his desire to see it but he couldn't as he didn't have ,it makes her wrench hearted how he desires a penny thing and decides to buy him out of love she spends out her eidi to it and buys off it this makes him happy that he makes her special , in commitments gives her time but she couldn't realise that he has changed over at a thing and not on her love and admiration then , as seing how damn truly she loves him he plans ,and calls her in tears that he and lost his father's money and he cannot confront his father and finds it suitable to die rather than being ashamed and irresponsible it makes her cry and beggingly plead him not to favour any of the bad incident as she loves him but being her student and parental dependent on pocket Money couldn't sum the collosal money yet she promises him not to do any harm to himself as she sorts this out nothing was that she could be seing as in her way but she only found a girl from her coaching that could help her ,she asks her for money in return she promised her to write the poetry for her page as janou had been writing poetry from a while ,she provides him the money and now he again prioritises her so much that she feels as if in childhood the moon used to walk by her as in her dilemma subii too being the moon of her life as time passed away he demanded money ,direct indirectly all it came to some bucks when she used to nod he used to fight ,he used to abuse her but she being immensely so in love neglects her she used to forgive him even with a single sorry that made him used to of playing with her and then apologizing him ,the trend went on and on one fine day he fought with her so much that told her not to contact ,she finds out after 2_3 days that he had been in contact with several girls and the girlfriend who got to know about janou called her off and abused her and told her to stay away but this was supposed to be a fairytale wasn't it ,though where does the nightmare stood out so illuminating brighter in her life she asked him , about this as she hadn't lastly provided him the bucks so he has been went more of disgusting in language and says her that he had been disloyal all through out and she cannot ruin anything of him to this janou gets startled as to what she thought him of and what did it became at last , for her life ended as it's brutal death the person she loved the most ended up being a disloyal greedy person ,janou ends up being a cardial patient but she promises herself not to look at his face again though it makes her achy how things turned out that she never expected ,but with passing days for her life gained masses as she finds out how blessed she became after leaving him ,as if it had did more of late than may be her life would have been completely destructed and ruined though with days she tries to divert her heart from that it loves but nothing works she struggles each day to find a reason to sustain without him , every day she ends up crying wailing and moaning in his memories than one day when she faints away she finds herself in the hospital with drips lying over at her wrist she could see the blurred faces of her parents crying Infront of her and his father clutching her hands and teary eyed from her childhood she had been so shy to even talk to her own father yet she sees him sobbing so in grief that she dismental herself from the memories that subii that scare her with and went closer to her Allah and parents she found her dreams ,she started being dependent she found the fact that life is all about learning ,in innocence she isn't incomplete without a liar disloyal and greedy person she is rather complete without him ,though only he fragmented her ,love isn't the ride of happiness it is the ride to maturity through pain janou had become a doctor that she always wanted to become now when she faces patients dealing with amateur love issues she wants to tell them ,love isn't truth but the truth is love,love isn't happiness but the self happiness is love finding yourself is important rather than losing yourself for finding someone
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