Chapter 3: Chapter III - The Companion
It took a while but I saw a car hit the fence of the farm causing it to stop. I thought it must have been a really strong fence. A woman emerged from the car, It was Jane Surname from the phone. She did, however, look almost like a boy but, I could tell she is straight.
"Detective something-something Habitat" She said, a closer look and I saw that she was, in fact, a pretty girl but could be mistakened for a boy, because her chest was flat and had a small ass, if you were an idiot. But, the curve was there.
"Detective Jane Su- Wait, you don't know my first name?" I asked before witnessing her step wrongly and tripping. She landed on one side of her face. "What the fuck, are you okay?" I asked in concern as I walked to help her up.
"I am okay" she said as she stood up.
"A few ticks ago you crashed your car on the fence" I reminded her.
"It's not my car" She explained "It's my cousin's"
"Of course I knew that, I was just testing you. I am a detective after all" I said in embarassment. "I do hope we get along and nobody ends up despising the other. Anyway, let's get on with the mystery of the missing fuck of sheep" I quickly snapped and corrected my own words "Flock of sheep" I then showed her where they went missing.
"As you can see" I said "No footprints, no trace, and no blood"
"I see" she said "If they ran away there should either be sheep footprints or crushed grass"
I started to look for the possible crushed grass trace, but there were none and everything was perfect.
"Apart from that" She continued "No traces of chewed up grass. Every living fucker needs to eat, right? So why are the grass perfect as my ass?"
"Nobody cares about your ass" I said. She looked at me annoyed and so I continued "You don't even have an ass"
"And you don't have balls nor a masculine body!" She sassed back.
"Touché" I nodded "Anyway, it's like the flock of sheep were never there"
"How old is the man?"
"Old"
"Yeah, but what is his age?"
"Sixties to seventies"
"I see" she said "Is he still in his house?"
"No sign of him leaving" I answered "I should warn you, he's like a strict PE teacher"
"Oh, that'll be no problem" she implied "When I was in high school all the teachers feared me including the PE ones. I was the one who gave them a lesson" She gave me a great deal of curiosity. Why did they fear her? I was sure to have my answer when I followed her into the house.
"Sherlock did you bring a violin?" the old man asked. My companion looked at me in confusion, I whispered to her that I will explain later.
"Umm, yeah" I started rubbing my thumb and forefinger together.
"What the hell are you doing?" Jane asked "You look like a none K-pop fan pretending to be one while thinking of Michael Jackson"
"Oh this?" I continued rubbing my fingers together "I'm playing the world's smallest violin"
"Boo!"
"Oh, beautiful!" the old man said in amazement. He sat down and started unzipping his pants.
"Please don't do that" I said turning around "Especially when there's a young girl in here"
"That's a girl?" said the old man "I thought that was a boy with long hair" I heard him zip back his pants so I turned back around and chuckled at his comment, I thought it was subtle until my companion kicked me between my legs and I fell on the floor holding my crotch and screaming in agony like a chipmunk that inhaled helium "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall! I repeat! Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!" I repeatedly shrieked then I felt like I was passing out. Her kick was too strong.
"No ass, flat chest" the old man continued
"Shut up!" Jane crossed her arms. "Do you have pictures of your flock?"
There voices faded away and I woke up at night time in a car next to Jane who was behind the wheel.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to kick you that hard" she apologized "I shouldn't have kicked you right there if I had known you were gonna pass out. It's your case after all, not mine."
"How long was I out?" I asked
"You never went out, idiot, when I moved your unconscious body you've always been in here sleeping like a newborn"
"Your sense of humor sucks" I complimented
"You don't seem to have one" she raised her arm to look at her watch "It's 10:27 pm"
"What are we doing in a car? It's not your cousin's since you crashed that one and the front of this one is perfectly aligned even from the inside. Whose car is this?"
"Mine"
"What?" I asked, confused again.
"You seem to be confused almost all the time. Some detective you are" she said "Anyway, here's a box of donuts and we're waiting for someone who has the skills to steal things perfectly without a trace. As cheesy as that sounds it is very impressive"
"What?" I asked again "Tell me everything that happened when I was out" I grabbed the box of donuts "Why does it always have to be donuts? Also, i'm a detective not a cop" I said as I opened it only to find out that it was empty.
"I didn't say the box contained something" she said
We waited, and waited. She explained to me what happened while I was unconscious and told me I needed to ask questions because all I did back there was deduce.
"So, here's the story" She said "He woke up one morning to see his flock of sheep had gone missing and that was when he wrote a letter. he said he folded it between a thick book before sending it because he didn't know how to send a letter despite living for decades, because he sent messages through Skype"
"What's Skype?" I asked like an idiot
"Are you kidding me?" She asked "Did you live in a cave? what do you use to message people?"
"Oh, I don't send messages. I call"
There was a moment of silence only to be broken by her.
"Anyway" she continued "So he walked all the way to the post office just to send that stupid letter which I assumed got delivered to you because you were the one who called"
"Indeed" said I "He didn't write an adress"
"Then how did you locate him?"
"I sniffed the letter"
"Who's a good boy?" She teased
"Shut up"
"No, you shut up, there's our guy right now! I will continue the story later"
And indeed there he was walking out from the store nearest to my right. I witnessed he was walking and texting at the same time.
"Well, he's a bit careless" I pointed out and started deducing him "I perceive he is always moving from house to house and doesn't have a permanent home as the creases on his stupid clothes are clear enough to indicate that he keeps his clothes folded and ready to pack."
"Detective?"Jane was calling for me but I needed to know more about he man
"Just a tick" I said gesturing my hand to stop her from talking "He is holding his phone with both hands so tight which means it's a special phone given by someone important, holding it steadily with his right hand while his left hand is doing all the taps and swipes which means he is left-handed"
"Detective?" Jane interrupted again and once more I gestured my hand for her to stop talking in a tick.
I continued "He is tanned, so he goes out almost everyday in a sunny area, his suit- " Jane cut me off
"DETECTIVE FUCKING ANIMAL HOLE!" She yelled at me and I almost dropped a tear but, I finally turned my attention to her.
"That's not our guy!" she said
"Huh?" I tilted my head in embarassement
"That's not our guy" she repeated "That's just a stupid ape in a suit about to be held hostage for walking and texting at 2:43am. This is our guy" she pointed to our left on the other side of the road. He appeared to be approximately on his late twenties and was holding a sack.
"I bet you $50 he has wool in there" said I
"Only one way to find out" she turned on the car to drive closer to him.
"We don't need to park closer" I said seeing she did not listen. Suddenly she stepped on the gas pedal and we went full speed, I plugged in my seatbelt. The man heard the revving engine, turned his head to our direction and back before running.
"Give me the box of donuts" she demanded. I did as she told and watched her place it infront of the windshield above the hood and hit the breaks causing the box to fly off. She missed and stepped on it once again to accelerate at a high speed. It was impressive.
"You know, " I panicked "We don't need to hit him"
"Oh noob detective" She said "You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs"
she frightened me "Also, don't tell the boss about my methods"
The man held the sack tightly as pieces of wool flew off. He disappeared into an alleyway that was not wide enough for the car to fit through.
"Remember this is your case and not mine. We're gonna have to run from here. Take off your seatbelt" She said. I took off my seatbelt, I knew the purpose was so we could exit the car quickly but I did not think she would hit her car on a hard pole on purpose to send us flying off the windshield. I landed painfully but she rolled as if she had done this multiple times.
"It's quicker than hitting the breaks" she implied as she helped me get up on my feet
"We could've just jumped from the doors" I said in agony
"Yeah, but flying off the windshield won't waste our strength opening doors. Did I say that right?"
We ran separately. I was to chase him from behind and she was to take a shortcut and ambush him like we were ghosts from Pac-Man except we had legs.
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