Chapter 1: [1] - Dumb Way(s) to Die
You died.
Not from a non-curable life threatening illness, not from an overdose, not even from getting hit by a truck.
Instead, you died by falling off your apartment's balcony after having one too many drinks. But it wasn't like you somehow fell over the high safety railing.
No, as wild as it sounded, the balcony's railing managed to fall off on its own. The only thing you did was lean against it, pressing your palm to your cheek and resting your elbow on it, admiring the stars in the night sky. Next thing you know, you're facepalming on the cold concrete floor.
It was a rusty, old, creaky railing, and you remembered your landlord once warning you not to get too close to it, just in case something happened. A drunk you completely forgot about those words, and before you could catch your balance, you ended up falling from your seven story apartment. Your last memory was of your face going splat on the concrete floor. And your corpse probably getting pissed on by a stray cat.
Ouch.
Definitely one of the dumbest ways to die in your opinion. Maybe you were included in the Guinness World records now! Not that you would be able to check, since you were dead. Dead as hell.
After your demise, you thought the godsYou died. above would finally give you a little rest.
Nope.
Not even when you were dead.
Your first sight after your pried open your eyes was of a white ceiling. Okay, good so far. You were betting that you were in a hospital right about now. How you survived a fall from a seven-story apartment? One of the top ten questions scientists couldn't answer.
The room you were currently in was large, like gigantic, humongous even. Whoever owned this place seriously had money. Your whole apartment could've been squeezed into this one bedroom, hell, this room probably costed 10x than your entire apartment complex.
You observed floral wallpaper, a vintage-looking vanity, and a large window with slightly translucent curtains draped over it — preventing sunlight from sweeping in and enveloping the room. Despite being fancy, the owner of this place was clearly minimalistic.
You turned to the other side... only to be jump scared by a shirtless man, who seemed as if he just chugged ten cappuccinos from how awake he looked.
Blond hair, purple irises, and bronze skin; you found yourself admiring and envious of how long his lashes were. The corner of his lips curved up, and he gave you a dazzling smile. You were almost inclined to return the smile back.
Until you realized, hospitals only had one patient per bed. And besides, they would never have a room as fancy or large as this one. There just wasn't enough tax money for that.
This wasn't a hospital.
Where the hell were you?
You immediately sat up, clutching the blanket closer to you to hide your… bare chest? You immediately glanced down. Aw hell naw. Why the fuck were you naked? You felt violated, and you automatically assumed the culprit for this was the man next to you.
"Who the fuck are you? Why are we sleeping on the same bed? Aren't I supposed to be dead?" your eyes trailed down to his equally bare chest. Then you quickly pointed at ourself, fury burning in your eyes. "Why the hell am I naked, and why are you shirtless? Is this the afterlife? Are you Satan?" you fried off, desperate for some answers. And if you didn't get any, you wouldn't hesitate to resort to violence.
He laid there, wide-eyed. Then, he chuckled.
"Already forgotten who I am, Lady [Name]? Perhaps your strange words are a side effect of this early morning." He sent you a mischievous and sultry stare. "Have you also forgotten the steamy night we had together, then? I haven't… After all, you were as amazing as the rumors have told..."
You looked at him like he was insane. And from what you heard so far from him, he 100% was.
"Sorry... What? Um, I think you have the wrong person. There's no way that, I, [Name] [Last Name], could've had sex with you. Even if I downed all the alcohol in the world, I would never sleep with some rando guy, nonetheless a guy in general."
"Oh? And why's that?" His tone was light, as if he was playing along with a joke you made. His finger delicately played with one of his golden curls.
You folded your hands together and sat them on your lap. Licking your lips, you were surprised at the fact that they weren't crusty and cracked. Does that mean you weren't out for that long then? But where were you? And who was this guy? Despite those important questions lingering in your mind, you answered the totally unnecessary one the random shirtless stranger next to you had asked.
"I'm gay. I only like women."
The two of you stared at each other in silence.
"Well," He started, tone suggestive. You swallowed your saliva, not liking where he was taking this. "Why don't you lay back down, my lady? No offense, but it is clear that the morning has gotten to your head. Maybe I can offer a refresher to your mind for what happened last night, because it was clear as day that you were attracted to men."
You gave him a small smile, holding back the urge to sock him in the jaw.
"Hell no. By the way, why do you keep calling me 'lady'? Last time I checked, I was broke as hell and living in a ratchet af apartment. I even had a family of rats living under my sofa once. God, it was so hard to exterminate them."
He stared at you incredulously.
"How else would I address the one and only daughter of Count Corella?" His pinkish lips then shaped into an 'o'. A faux expression of surprise fell over him. "Oh my... Are you suggesting that I should call you... by something else, then?" His voice got way too low for your liking, and before you could punch him, the bedroom door opened.
"Good morning, milady."
A maid in typical black and white dress-attire bowed. She had pale lilac bangs, and her hair was up to her neck, styled almost like a bob-cut except it was round and suited her face shape. The maid's light grey eyes radiated tranquilness, and the fact that she wasn't bothered in the slightest by the two naked people in front of her made you raise a brow. Her lips and cheeks were naturally rosy, and all in all, she was pretty cute. But for some reason, she evoked a feeling of deja vu in you. You scratched your cheek. You had seen this lady before, but where?
"Shall I open the curtains for you to let in a little sunlight?" Her gentle voice spoke, walking over to your window and giving you a glance. You stayed silent for a second, not fully certain if she was talking to you or not.
"Sure?" The maid nodded, satisfied at your response.
Bright rays of morning light illuminated the previously dim bedroom once the curtains were pulled apart. You squinted your eyes shut in order to avoid going blind, then slowly inched them open once they had adjusted. The maid walked up to your bed, peering straight at the pretty boy that was prompted there without a care in the world.
"Excuse me sir, but I must request for you to leave now. Lady [Name] will be having breakfast soon. Please follow me, I shall lead you to the door." She bowed.
The pretty boy prompted himself up with a sigh, "No need, I know the way out." He then turned to you with a teary-eyed look. "Farewell, Lady [Name]. I await for our next rendezvous~"
As he crawled out of bed, you realized that you would be flashed by his naked body in 0.3 seconds if you didn't do something.
"WAIT-"
To your surprise (and relief), when the male stood up, all you saw were blue shorts with cute yellow ducks on them. He blinked and sent you a confused look, before it slowly turned into one of mischief.
"You don't want me to go?" He asked, stars shining in his eyes and voice full of hope.
You shook your head.
"No, I do want you to go. I just thought I'd be blinded by your shlong when you stood up. Thankfully, that wasn't the case." You smiled, "Anyways, go on! Shoo! Shoo!" you waved him away, acting if he was a mere mutt.
He didn't hide his pout before begrudgingly trailing to the door, sending you one last look, and then closing it with a click. The moment he left, you realized something.
"Wait... Hold on... Is he going outside in just shorts?" you asked the maid.
"I would believe so, milady."
A silence overtook the two of you. You shook your head.
Well, okay then. Anywho, you had more important things to worry about than him getting arrested for public indecency.
"But seriously, what's going on?" you turned around again. "I woke up next to a random naked stranger addressing me formally, and now I have a maid that's doing the same thing? Where am I? Who are you? Am I on a prank show right now?" you scanned the corners for any hidden cameras. You felt your shoulders deflate in disappointment when you spotted none.
She blinked, an expression of hurt flashing in her eyes for a split-second. It was so subtle that you almost missed out on it.
"I'm... I'm afraid I do not understand what you're talking about, milady. Perhaps... you're still tired?" She paused, "As far I could tell, you didn't get very much sleep last night. I, Claire Eckens, have served you as your handmaiden for over seven years now."
You felt the blood rush down to your toes. Seven years? You didn't even know this woman for seven minutes!
"Wait... You said I didn't get much sleep last night?" A wave of nausea washed over you. "Was-was that dude telling the truth then?! Did I actually sleep with him?!"
For some reason, this question was the one that shattered through her calm exterior and caught her totally off-guard. Eyes wide and mouth slightly agape for a few seconds, she quickly regained her composure and peered down at you.
"...I am not sure why you're asking such a thing." She frowned, "Are you feeling ill? Milady, you are Lady [Name] Corella, and ever since your coming-of-age, your reputation has been..." You half-expected her to say something down right offensive. She didn't. You half-wish she did. Maybe that would've given you another clue to who you were.
Quickly clearing her throat, her gray eyes made eye-contact with your e/c ones. "...N-never mind that, allow me to get you freshened up for breakfast."
Confused but intrigued in this woman in this seemingly new life of yours, you followed her instructions.
Claire handed you a lace nightgown for you to wear, and you took it with eager — no longer wanting a bedsheet to be the only thing separating your titties from the cold morning air. Once you were no longer naked, she gently pulled you up by your hands, grey eyes boring into yours. She was taller than you by an inch.
You felt time slow down to a stop as your e/c ones stared into hers. Heat gathered on your cheeks once you realized she wasn't looking away. You observed her features in closer detail. Her lashes were long and layered, making her eyes her most striking and alluring feature. A cute rosy and dainty nose added to her doll look. Her lips appeared to be effortlessly glossy and pink, and her eyebrows gave her a gentle aura. You found yourself relaxing in her tranquil gaze.
You take it back, she wasn't cute.
She was breath-taking.
But then, you snapped out of your dazedness. Your e/c irises widened in realization as a flurry of memories shot through your head, leaving a pained expression on your face. You brought your hand up to your head.
"Ow, ow, ow! What in the sudden migrain-" you stopped mid-sentence while Claire's doe eyes urged you to continue. But you didn't.
You had finally realized why she looked so familiar. For a second, your breath was caught in your throat like a marble in a shitty pin-ball machine.
"No... No fucking way." You shakily said, stepping back in shock. She stared at you puzzledly, brows knitting together at your sudden profanity.
"M-milady?" You took another step back. Your heartbeat seemed to only thump louder and louder as the seconds ticked by.
"This isn't happening, there's no way that those isekai and reincarnation webtoons were right..." you muttered to yourself as your maid became increasingly worried. In her eyes, you had gone mad. "I'm delusional. Just seeing things." After a shitty attempt at consoling yourself, you whipped your head back to look at Claire, whose presence was as clear as day. Shit. You weren't hallucinating.
She reached out a gloved hand to you, before abruptly stopping just a mere inch from your arm. "Are... Are you alright, milady? You look as if you've seen a ghost." Claire hurriedly took off her left glove, pressing the back of her hand to your forehead to check for your temperature. "...You don't seem to have a fever."
You were too flabbergasted to respond.
In your opinion, a ghost would've been more plausible than what you were actually seeing.
After all, how could Claire Eckens — one of the main love interests of Transcendental Savior, a visual novel you played before you died, be in front of you right now? She was supposed to be fictional, composed entirely out of pixels. Yet here she was, right in the flesh.
And then, you recalled another piece of devastating info.
"Wait... I'm Lady Corella?! The villainess who can't stop getting in the pants of any male in a fifty mile radius?!" you shrieked, alarming Claire in front of you. "And the one who's hopelessly in love with the protagonist, but gets annihilated by the power of true love or some bullshit?" You couldn't believe your fucking luck.
You wobbly stepped back, overcome with a strong sense of dizziness. Your foot suddenly got caught on one of the bed legs, causing you to stumble back and lose your balance. Right as this happened, your dizziness amplified ten-fold. The room you were in started to spin and spin in circles as a sharp, painful ringing made you clutch your head in agony. It was like your body couldn't keep up with the cold waterfall of reality that was just dumped over you.
"Shit—" you cussed, reaching your hand out to her mere seconds before you would make contact with the carpet.
"M-Milady!"
The last thing you saw was Claire desperately trying to catch your falling body before you completely blacked out.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
stefahnye
stefahnye i hope you enjoyed the first chapter of TVDNCFB! i was planning on making this chapter a lot longer (like twice as long) but i figured i'd save the world building and explanations for the next chap
after years of reading villainess isekai webtoons and stories on quotev, i've realized one thing... NONE of them are fully wlw. well there's this one manhwa called The Antagonist's Pet but it's not fully wlw. there's only a few snippets of wlw aspects here and there. so as a wlw myself, i decided to get up from my lazy ass and start a new book!
the villainess isekai genre has been MILKED dry over the years, so it's nearly impossible to do something original at this point. thus, i decided to just make this story a mix of a crackfic and a satire take on the genre its based off! and of course, incorporating full wlw relationships in this story as well <3 there's no queerbaiting here folks, the MC is gay LOL
i cannot wait to see your reactions on this (for both old and new readers), and i hope you enjoy reading it! :)
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