Chapter 2: Peaceful Lights
I leaned into the soft cushions and gently tilted my head back. The bright lights of the room forced me to close my eyes, but I didn't mind. I relished the gentle light that filtered through my lids. I'm glad I'm not blind. I'm glad I'm not dead. Perhaps it's because of what I had gone through, but I've learned to appreciate the smallest of things. Like the warmth of sunlight on my skin, or the way my eyes burn from light. They remind me I'm not dead yet. And it's nice to know that. My fingers gently rubbed at my forearms.
There was a soft click of the door opening. My muscles tensed. Getting used to society is probably the hardest part of healing. I can live with the scars, the fear, but not my own or others' minds. I opened my eyes, stared into the light for a moment, before dropping my gaze back down. Black spots clouded my vision, but I didn't mind. I'll probably freak out more if I could see her face.
"Sindra, good afternoon!" Kol's voice was cheerful and gentle.
"Good afternoon, Kol." My voice didn't sound as unbearable as last week since I've been practicing. Alone, granted, but that's fine. No, I wasn't really alone.
"My, you seem much more tired than last week." Oh, looks like she noticed. I tried to cover it up but looks like that my makeup skills aren't on par yet.
"I've just been doing some thinking during the night." I gave her a small smile.
"If you don't mind, but what were you thinking about?" Kol moved to the marble counter, "Water?"
"Yes, please." I paused, thinking on how I should respond, "I guess, just more of the past."
"Hmmm..." Kol drawled out a hum as she elegantly poured the liquids into the alabaster cups, "Nightmares?"
I grew silent. Would she think I'm pathetic to be haunted by memories of the past? My nails lightly scratched at my arm. But his eyes haunt me where ever I go, how am I supposed to forget and let go just like that? That's something no one will teach you, how to forget. Not your mentors, not your parents, not your friends, no one.
Kol plopped down on the chair opposite of me, "Do you think you're ready to tell me the next part? It's fine if you aren't." The dark spots are fading, and I'm left able to see her gentle gaze again. I look down at my scared hands. At least she didn't continue asking about my nightmares. She doesn't really need to know about them.
"I am." I took in a deep breath.
"Sindra?" I look up at her, "I won't ever judge you, never."
I gave her a weak smile. "I know."
Another deep breath, " We met up after class, during lunch..."
---
Mr. Cade, our history teacher, just ended class for lunch and left us to our own devices. I let out a soft sigh; history was always my weakest subject after all. I nervously glanced behind me. I wonder what Mom packed me for my lunch, I'm sure it'll be delicious. She makes the best food after all. Odome was looking down, reviewing the notes that Mr. Cade had given to him as catch-up work. I lied; Mom doesn't even know how to make food and Dad usually just gives me money to buy it from the cafeteria. Odome's eyes were slightly narrowed from focus, but he still looked unfocused. His eyes briefly swept over the words, his pupils dilated to large circles. What am I even thinking about?
I slowly turned my head back to the front so that I don't disturb him; I don't really want to talk him. My heart was still beating a little fast, but I think it's just because he kept staring at me during class. I mean, that's to be expected. He does sit behind me, after all. If not the front, then where is he supposed to look at? I slide off my seat and heaved my backpack off the floor. When can we actually use the magic we're taught? There are way too many books I need to carry. I glanced over. His eyes are really pretty, like the view from underneath the water. It's almost breathtaking.
"Sindra, hey, can you wait for me?" I heard a boyishly charming voice call out to me and I froze. He's talking to me? What? But I don't want to talk to him. Do I have to agree? My heartbeat sped up, almost as though I was running a marathon. Tense, I stiffly turn around to face him. He had a friendly smile on his face as he tilted his head to look up at me.
"Er, sure." I gave back a rigid smile, though it must have looked more like a grimace from the way his face morphed into an apologetic one. Am I really this bad at talking to people?
"I won't take long; I just need to answer the last of these questions." His words sounded comparable to contrite reassurance. I gave back a soft hum in response as I slide onto the edge of my desk. Shifting my head stealthily, I glanced at him working. He looked more focused now. Hmmm. Looks like he still has twenty or so questions left, but he's flying through them in what seemed like from memory. Wow, he must be really smart. What kind of school did he transfer from?
I saw him shift head and I whip my head back up. My heart pounded in nervousness. Did he see me looking at him? I kept my gaze as straight as possible and tried to look as casual. Like, 'Oh no, I wasn't just looking at you, you must be seeing things. I've only been looking straight ahead!'. I'm not sure how well that turned out, but I'm tense all over. Hopefully, I'm at least kind of convincing. He's not saying anything, so it shouldn't have seen me, right? I really hope so.
I breathed in, and I just kind of took in my surroundings. I haven't really done this in a while. Life has just been so crazy that I haven't been able to just relax quietly. It's nice, really nice. The window was open to let some of the humid air out. It's particularly hot around here and the AC for this classroom broke over the summer. The school's still trying to fix it, but they deemed it okay for a class to be taught in. An inconsiderate move on their part, but I'll never actually tell anyone that.
A gentle breeze scattered in, and I closed my eyes in appreciation. It lifted the warm curse in here for a moment. I felt a few strands of my hair fly around me, tickling my cheeks and neck. This really is nice. There was still distant chattering of students filtering through the hallways and towards the cafeteria. Usually, it felt like a mess, but here, as of right now, it felt strangely peaceful.
My body slowly relaxed and I started to lean backward. My backpack served as a less than comfy backrest, but that was fine. We stayed in a comfortable silence. I wouldn't actually mind doing this every day. Find an empty classroom or something and just relax. We don't even need to talk, we just need another's company. Or, at least I need it.
I gently opened my eyes and stared into the lights of the classroom. I kind of squinted them, but I could see this diamond pattern on them. That's nice, I've never noticed that before. I probably wouldn't have ever noticed if it wasn't for this. I closed my eyes as I felt another breeze swim in. The chatter disappeared, but there's this distinct sound of trees swaying; their leaves gently brushing against each other.
We stayed like that for a long time, as long as a peaceful eternity. I'm pretty sure Odome's done with his work by now, but he's also just enjoying this peaceful moment with me. Perhaps this is what he had in mind when he stopped me because it's really nice. I wouldn't mind doing this tomorrow. I glance down. Just as I thought, Odome's already done with the work. He's just leaning against his arm, a hand propped against his cheek to support his head. His eyes were closed and he looked so relaxed. He looks like he's just enjoying nature and how peaceful it is.
I think this is the most handsome he's looked since I've seen him. I don't really understand, but the way he looks so relaxed is stunning. My heartbeat fastens, but I just lean back more, enjoying the comfortable atmosphere. My face feels a bit hot, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable at all.
Everything is just so relaxing and comfortable. It's nice, really nice.
I heard something, or probably someone, crash through the hallways in a sort of frantic way. I shifted my head towards the open door and peeked from beneath my heavy eyelids in hopes of seeing who it was. The thumps were getting louder and they were accompanied by faded shouts. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but from their pitch, I could tell they're a girl.
"Si... ndra..." It kept growing louder and it sounded like she's saying my name. Is she calling for me? But who could be looking for me? Why? "Sindra! Where are you! Are you okay?... Oh for the love of...!"
As soon as I heard my name, it felt like I was dragged out of a deep trance. Oh my Zarm! I forgot about Ruby! How did I forget about my best friend? "Ruby! I'm here! What's wrong?" I heard a pause in her footsteps before a flurry of thumps erupted.
"Sindra, you arsehole! You just left me alone and didn't even tell me anything!" Her voice echoed in the hallways, sounding a little bit demonic as well. There were more thumps and I cowered on my desk. I'm such an awful friend. After a while, her brunette head finally peaked into the classroom. She was panting heavily and was using a desk as her support.
"Sindra!..."
---
I felt my body shake a little. My face is really heating up. I curled into myself, caving in. Oh my Zarm, I can't do this. I just can't. Ruby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I felt my nails dig deep into my skin. I'm so sorry.
---
Scarlett blood dripped from her paling lips. Her eyes dilated, unfocusing, but I can see how hard she was trying to focus her vision. She's talking, but I can hardly hear what she's whispering over my pounding heart. Tears blurred my vision, but I kept wiping at my face. I opened my trembling mouth to answer her, to reassure her.
---
"Sindra! Snap back to reality." I think this is the harshest I've ever heard Kol talk. Tears mistified my sight. I tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop. I'm so sorry, Ruby, I'm so sorry.
"I'm sorry for doing this," I paused to sniff. I tilted my head up and placed my sleave other my eyes. "But I don't think I can continue for today... Let me have some time to think. I'll be ready to talk next week, I promise..."
"It's fine. Take as much time as you need, it doesn't matter." I felt Kol's hand gently rubbing my back for comfort, but as soon as I envisioned her hands, I moved to stand up. "Take care. I'll see you next week, then."
I sniffled one more time, before lifting my arm from my eyes. "Yes, I'll see you then." Another wipe at my eyes, and I was out the door.
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