Chapter 2: Hidden in the night I
Thick clouds wafted above my head, billowing out of brown fat cigars. The cold, stale smell was more intense than the usual smell of cigarette smoke. Denser and darker. By now my snub nose only repulsed by disgust. But this terrible odor was the least of my problems.
I couldn't keep living like a sheltered girl. Because there was no one left to look after me. The only way to survive, was to endure and to bear with it.
"Honey, a beer." He leaned limply over the table, his pupils were greatly dilated and his voice sounded slightly husky. He already had one beer too much! I nodded and hurried up, trying to fill the distance between me and him. Still I would bring him his beer. But about the tip... I could forget it! Hell.
Four more years, I tried to calm down. Four more years! Then I would get out of here.
"Hey, girl!", the guest at table twenty-two waved me over.
"How can I help you?"
'Grin, don't forget to grin, then you get a bigger tip.' I admonished myself with the motto of the barmaids on the ground floor.
"A gin and tonic, please."
"Um, and another espresso."
"Can I get you anything else?" I asked the two gentlemen, with a glued-on smile. I tried to concentrate only on their eyes, not on the pompous scars that disfigured their faces. In fact, I stopped asking questions ages ago. It was easier and safer that way. Who or what our guests worked for... I didn't care as long as they paid their bill. After all, even I was aware that none of those guests had a legal job.
"No thanks."
I nodded. "All right. Why don't you enjoy the show until I get back with your drinks."
The musicians indulge in the theatre with every note. Jazz and swing left the audience's ears in an excited state, just like the rest of the electrified body.
Next to the stage Chloé smashes one song after the other, effortlessly jumping between octaves, sometimes roaring and then shyly cooing. Her voice was like a hurricane. On stage, the sensual burlesque dancers showed off their elegant loss of clothes. It was like a feast for the eyes of the guests. Corsets were flying, champagne was splashing, naked skin met glitter and glamour.In this cesspool of sin, where everything was allowed, the cruelest men in society roamed around and did their business undisturbed between alcohol and women.
You may wonder what a girl of only twenty-one was doing in a place like this? I wonder too. Over and over again, I ask myself if it is even worth living this life, this life with my head sunk in the shadows.
I was so often, on the verge of giving up everything. So close, all that was missing was a little push and I would have done it. It was not new for me. Once before I had left a life behind me. A life I could no longer bear. I just wanted to sleep. Never open my eyes again. But my eyes opened again in this life. A life that I was sick of now too. I was so fucking tired, so incredibly numb. Dulled, almost deaf. I did not want to feel this sensation anymore. I could no longer bear it. Still, I dragged myself forward, although only listlessly.
Why, though?
I didn't know it either.
This life had not shown me much sunshine. Once again shadows of the past were casting their veil over me.
"Can you handle lodge four?"
I looked up at Lola, stunned. "But you're responsible for it." I set my tray down on the bar and look up at her. Confusion fell over my face.
"I know that," she said. Anger bloomed in her voice. "But he wanted you."
Immediately, my eyebrows shot up. "A guest? But I don't have regulars. Especially not a VIP!"
"I don't know, he was asking for you."
Now, I wanted even less to serve this customer. Anxiety crept across my chest, suddenly I had the feeling of drowning, just as I thought I had learned to swim, the next problem was pulling me down. I had no regulars, nobody was supposed to know my name. Yet somebody was looking for me.
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