Chapter 39: End of the story!
I'm not going to lie, I thought our chase was pretty fun," Harry said with a bright smile, matched only by Loki as the loveable monkey sat on his lap.
The young trickster wizard was currently sitting in Professor Dumbledore's office with Sirius Black sitting next to him while an exasperated Professor McGonagall stood next to the seated headmaster. Amelia Bones, the head of magical law enforcement, stood in the room along with two aurors that were standing on both sides of Professor Snape who was looking noticeably different from his usual sour look. The man was currently tied up and sitting in a chair, supporting clothes that were both burnt and wet. His hair was now incredibly short and with burnt tips, his face extremely red as well but nobody was really sure if that was because he had been previously caught on fire or because of how angry he was.
"I'm sure you did, kiddo," Sirius said, reaching across and affectionately ruffling Harry's hair. Harry smiled and leaned into his touch, the majority of the adults found it to be rather cute. "But that's not really the point, the point is that your absolutely crazy and undeniably ugly pervert of a teacher attempted to attack you and chase you around the entire school." He stated in a matter-of-fact voice.
"Screw you, Black!" Snape shouted quickly before being hit with a silencing charm from Madam Bones.
"That's quite enough out of you, I think," Madam Bones said, a disapproving frown on her face.
"Now, Amelia," Dumbledore said, finally deciding to speak up and attempt to stop this whole situation. "I am sure that this is all just a misunderstanding," He stated, missing the disbelief on Professor McGonagall's face. "Professor Snape is a model employee, loved by both students and teachers," He stated in a serene voice, either ignoring or missing the looks of plain disbelief on everyone's faces. Even Snape seemed somewhat offended at the idea of being loved by anyone in this school. "Now, I am aware that Professor Snape might have acted a bit rashly but that's hardly enough reason for magical law enforcement to be involved."
"Whatever drugs he's smoking, we need to get some," Harry whispered to Loki who nodded in agreement.
"Dumbledore, are you bonkers?" Sirius asked seriously.
"Please, Mr Black, allow me." Madam Bones told him before turning her attention back to the headmaster. "Dumbledore, are you bonkers?" She asked him. "We have an entire classroom full of witnesses claiming that Professor Snape came into class acting all drunk and crazy!"
"Yeah," Harry nodded. "Normally, he's just crazy."
"According to these witnesses," Madam Bones continued as if Harry had not even said anything. "He drank in class and was shouting severe racism."
"He doesn't like black people," Harry helpfully supplied.
"What a prick!" Sirius said in a disgusted voice.
"That is in agreement with what the witnesses claim," Amelia nodded to both Harry and Sirius before turning her attention back to Dumbledore. "Professor Snape apparently had spat out his vile opinions before trying to attack Harry Potter and his monkey and then proceeded to chase them out of class. We've got several other students claiming to see Professor Snape chasing the two through the hallways, one of those witnesses being young Miss Pansy Parkinson, who claimed that Professor Snape body-shamed her."
"Clearly the most horrible of all of his crimes," Sirius said in a solemn voice while Harry and Loki nodded in agreement.
"Not to mention we found a damaged portrait that Mr Potter claims that Professor Snape damaged, and his claim was backed up by several other portraits." She added.
"True story," Harry agreed, nodding his head.
"And there's also where we found him," She said before turning to the two aurors with her. "Auror Jonathan, Auror Smith, where was Professor Snape found?"
"Well, Ma'am, he was found in the boy's toilets," Auror Jonathan answered first.
"Yep," Auror Smith nodded. "More specifically, his head was in one of the toilets. It was quite a difficult process, getting him out of that toilet, when we asked why he was in there he kept blaming Mr Potter here."
"For shame," Sirius tutted his teeth, shaking his head in a disapproving voice as he placed an arm over Harry's shoulders. "Blaming your own sins on such a cute and innocent child," He added whilst Harry and Loki did their best to look like the sincere image of innocence that they obviously were.
"Not to mention, Madam Bones, that there was a large quantity of marijuana found alongside Professor Snape," Auror Smith added.
"Ahem," Auror Jonathan coughed and discreetly tapped one of his pockets, the two aurors exchanged significant looks with each other.
"I mean, there was a small quantity of marijuana found," Auror Smith quickly amended.
"This can't go on, Albus," Madam Bones continued. "I'm afraid that Professor Snape will be taken under arrest."
"Oh no, how sad," Harry said in a mock disappointed voice before quickly brightening up. "So, who's up for Chinese?" He asked everyone in the room. "It'll be my treat."
"I'll take you up on that," A voice said as the office door opened and a tall man walked in. He was dressed in black shoes, black trousers and a black shirt, along with that was a green waistcoat and tie. The handsome man had green eyes and shoulder-length, silky black hair.
"And just who are you?" Professor McGonagall asked with a small frown.
"Hey, old man!" Harry grinned widely, jumping out of his seat and running over to the man, the two quickly embracing each other in a hug with Loki joining in. "Long time no see!"
"For you, maybe," The man chuckled before the two let go of each other. "Greetings mortals," He said to the others. "I am Loki, the God of Mischief, at none of your services."
"What?!" The room blurted out.
"Harry! Is this a prank?!" Sirius gasped loudly.
"Nope, swear on my mother's life," Harry said honestly.
"I'm not worthy!" Sirius cried out quickly before dropping to his knees and bowing as low as possible.
"You see, that's sort of stuff I missed," Loki said appreciatively while pointing at Sirius. "It's good to know that some mortals remember their place."
"You named your monkey after him?" Sirius asked, looking up at Harry.
"I lost a bet," Harry said, trying not to look at the smug face of the God of Mischief.
"You claim to be the god of mischief," Dumbledore spoke up in a sceptical tone. "Do you care to prove it?"
"Sure," The man claiming to be Loki nodded before a second version of him appeared right next to Dumbledore and slapped the old man across the face before disappearing. "Satisfied now?"
"Yes," Dumbledore said, quietly, his voice somewhat shaky as his upper lip quivered. "Now, can I ask what you are doing here?"
"It's actually quite a funny story," Loki chuckled. "You see, there was this party up in Asgard, I was invited, obviously, and so I went, obviously. I got there, everyone was having fun, Thor had just chuckled a goblet at someone's breasts, Bauldur got into a staring contest with Heimdall and Odin was drunk as fuck, it was lovely, you should have been there. Any-hoo, there was this little incident involving me, Thor's hammer, one of Odin's ravens, two chicken wings, a slightly gay wasp, the horn that would have signalled the start of Ragnarok and Lady Sif's third favourite bra."
"Wait, what?" Madam Bones blinked, looking as confused as the rest of them with the exception of Harry who had been nodding along the whole time like what Loki said had made more than enough sense.
"Don't ask," Loki said simply. "Anyway, I ended up upsetting Odin. And Odin, being the prick that he is, decided that I had to go stay in Midgard for some time to 'make up for my misdeeds'. Then I came over to this hideous little planet that you all call Earth."
"Well, what do you call it then?" Dumbledore asked curiously.
"Why would I name it? Shit is still shit even if you give it a name," Loki shrugged. "Anyway, I spent a few thousand years here before meeting this young little devil," Loki grinned down at Harry. "Oh, the fun we had together, like that time we snuck into the white house."
"It's now the multi-coloured house," Harry told them all proudly.
"Anywho, I then went off to go visit Las Vegas for a while and then not even a day later, I hear that this young one has been deported to England," Loki said, sending a small glare to Dumbledore who shrunk slightly under the god's glare. "He's smart enough to handle himself so I stayed in Vegas for a while, then I got depressed for a bit, seriously, don't stay there. Then this little ragamuffin sends me a book that he had found, and it doesn't take me long to work out what it is, it was a horcrux."
"A what?!" Sirius Black jumped straight to his feet, a look of horror on his face while Dumbledore had gone pale white.
"What's a horcrux?" Professor McGonagall asked, noticing how shaken Albus appeared to be.
"It's a vile piece of magic, it's basically where you kill someone so you can split your soul and hide it in an object of some sort, you basically can't die as long as it's intact," Sirius explained.
"And how exactly do you know about such vile bits of magic?" Dumbledore asked accusingly as Professor Snape's silencing charm had worn off.
"I'm a Black," Sirius said, sounding as if he didn't believe that there could not be a simpler explanation than that.
"Fuck the Blacks!" Snape managed to blurt out before he was hit with another silencing charm.
"I told y'all that he was racist," Harry pointed out.
"Yes, anyway, I contacted Odin and made a deal with him," Loki continued. "If I rid the world of this dark wizard then I get a few years of my exile cut short for good behaviour, I still have another hundred to go but it's something at least. So I tracked the mortal down and tracked down all of his soul pieces, and destroyed them and him. You're welcome," He added, making it clear that he was expecting some sort of applause at the very least.
"And who was this wizard?" Madam Bones asked.
"The one you refer to as Voldemort," Loki answered simply.
"Wait, that can't be right," Albus protested before reaching into his drawer and pulling out a book that he began reading through. "No, Voldemort is supposed to die in Harry's seventh year," He muttered to himself.
"Wait, what?!" Madam Bones snatched the book out of his hands and began skimming through it, her eyes widening in horror as she realised that his book was of Albus Dumbledore's plans for the future. "Hold on a second, you were planning to sacrifice Harry Potter to Voldemort?!"
"What?!" The rest of the room yelled with the exception of Snape - who was still under a silencing charm, not to mention looking quite happy at the idea of Harry being sacrificed - and Loki - the god, not the monkey - who was looking quite bored.
"I...well..." An embarrassed-looking Dumbledore stuttered. "...It's not like there are many other options, the poor boy has a horcrux in his head, Voldemort left it there the night he attacked the Potters."
"What are you on about?" Loki blinked. "I got rid of that years ago,"
"What? But...it's not possible to do that without destroying the vessel of the soul!" Dumbledore exclaimed.
"Maybe if you're a bitch, I'm the goddamn trickster god!" Loki said with a roll of his eyes. "Besides, I know damn well that those goblin bankers of yours have rituals for this type of stuff."
"Oh..." Dumbledore blinked, looking entirely lost.
"Really Albus?!" Professor McGonagall snapped.
"I didn't know!" Dumbledore said defensively.
"Right, we'll be taking you in for conspiracy to commit murder as well, I think," Madam Bones sighed.
"Harry!" Lisa said as soon as Harry came into the common room which was thankfully empty so far. "Why didn't you tell me that you knew Loki?! The trickster god, Loki?!" She demanded, slapping his arm hard.
"I don't know," Harry replied whilst rubbing his now hurt arm. "Why didn't you ask?"
"Why on Earth would I ask?!" Lisa blurted out in an exasperated voice.
"Why wouldn't you?" Harry asked, sounding genuinely confused. Loki, the monkey one, seemed equally confused. "How did you find out anyway?"
"The rumours already spread around the school twice," She explained. "Never mind that. What's going on now?" She asked.
"Oh, that's quite an interesting story," Harry smiled before explaining everything that had happened in the office.
"Wow, that's crazy, Dumbledore was really planning your death?!" She blurted out.
"Honestly, that's not the worst thing in the world, I originally thought he was a pedo," Harry admitted. "Anyway, then Loki was telling Madam Bones how he wanted credit for destroying Voldemort once and for all, she told him that that would be hard with Fudge as minister of magic, and the next thing I know, Loki's decided he wants to be the new minister of magic. Between him and the journals that the Black family keep, they have more than enough dirt on Fudge's entire administration to have him and his whole team arrested."
"Whoa, so...what now?"
"Um, cuddles?" Harry suggested hopefully.
"Okay, but after that?" Lisa asked.
"Don't really know what else, I suppose we just got to run through the happy endings now that the story has ended," Harry said thoughtfully with Loki nodding in agreement.
"Wait, what?!"
The following years would be pretty good as far as Harry, Loki and Lisa were concerned. Snape and Dumbledore were sent to Azkaban, and should they manage to survive their sentences there then they would never be allowed near children again. Professor McGonagall had taken over as headmistress with Professor Flitwick taking over as deputy headmaster, while the trio attended school, Sirius and the god of mischief had decided to try their hands at politics. It did not take long for Loki to be made Minister of Magic with Sirius as his eager second, together the two of them had managed to find enough evidence to reopen the death eater trials and send to Azkaban those that had lied about being under the imperius curse during the last war, including Malfoy who was caught by aurors in his manor in the midst of an illegal ritual that would have made sure Draco's wand could never go more than five feet away from him.
Harry and Lisa would go through their school years as 'quietly' as possible before graduating, Harry would go on to become a professional quidditch player with Lisa being his manager. Her parents had quickly approved of their marriage, given that the boy she was marrying was best friends with an actual god. Though the two money-obsessed people took a while before they seemed to grasp that with the help of Loki plus the philosophers stone, they were no longer the richest people in the world, that title now went to Harry and Lisa, the latter being adamant on minimal contact with her parents.
The two would eventually go on to have three beautiful children that went by the names of James Sirius Potter, Loki Jotnar Potter (Harry had lost another bet) and Lily Lisa Potter, living beautiful and happy lives.
A.N: The end. I hope you guys liked the story, thanks for reading and feel free to leave a review.
{ alright everyone, i am writing a new fanfic so please make sure to give it your support.}
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