Chapter 9: 8

I wake up way too early. The adrenaline pumping through my veins tells me that there's no way I can go back to sleep now, so I grab my phone. It's only 5AM, while my alarm had ben set for 8AM. I sigh, turn around and try to close my eyes again. Tama's wedding is today, huh... I start to feel nervous. Nothing should go wrong, my poem's ready and I bought the perfect gift. Then it hits me: Ezra's timer ends today.

If what I was before is called 'nervous', then this is anxiety. All kind of thoughts fill my head. It went right with me, but what if it won't go as well with him? What if Ezra gets hurt? Can I protect him? Will I lose him? I was so calm yesterday, but I can't seem to relax now.

In order to stop the thoughts flooding my mind, I grab my phone again and message the man I'm so worried about.

You:

Good morning Ezya! I hope you're ready for Tama's big day!

To my surprise, I get an answer almost immediately.

Ezya:

Why are you even awake, shithead? Go to sleep while you still can. Don't ruin your pretty little face today.

He called me pretty again. What's with that? Is it a new hobby of his? If so, I hope he finds a better one soon, because this one makes me... uncomfortable, I guess.

You:

Well, why are you awake, then? You're even worse when you haven't gotten enough sleep! I'm just nervous!

Ezya:

Shut up, you idiot. Just try to sleep.

You:

Only if you'll sleep with me.

It only takes me a millisecond to realize that pressing 'send' was a mistake. It sounds super wrong.

You:

Just kidding, Ezya! Sleep well!

I quickly put away my phone. Messaging Ezra was a bad idea; my heart's beating even faster than it was before. I try to calm down and sleep, but I end up tossing and turning for the remaining hours, the alarm scaring me out of my thoughts.

When I get up, I see that my dad is in a worse state than I am. He is putting butter on his hand, thinking he's holding a piece of bread, while yawning loudly.

'Dad, I don' t think that'll work.' I laugh a bit as I take the knife out of his hand. He looks at me, then at his hand, then at me again. For whatever reason, he finds it a great idea to facepalm himself with his buttered hand. I laugh even louder. 'Just.. Go to the bathroom, alright? Take a shower. I'll make breakfast.'

I hum while making some toast. Even though I saw Ezra yesterday, I'm both excited and anxious to see him again today, in a suit, at a wedding. While imagining the always rough Ezra in something as delicate as a suit, I almost burn the toast, quickly getting it out and focusing on myself instead of my friend.

The morning passes by real quick and soon it is time to leave. I'm wearing the cologne Ezra gave me on my 18th birthday, while wearing a rented black suit and one of my dad's black ties. I decide to message the boy occupying my mind as I step into the car.

You:

Ezyaaaaa, we'll be there in 30-45 minutes~

I put away my phone and look through my dad's CD's. Most of his music is old. I put one of our favorite songs in the music player as we drive away.

Luckily, the road was pretty calm, and we arrive early. It's almost 10.30 AM. The wedding starts at 12PM. Ezra is supposed to arrive at 11, to help Tama's boyfriend Ben. I greet the people already there as I walk into the room. Tama and Ben's closest family have already arrived, making sure everything is picture perfect for the wedding.

My dad and I start helping with the food, trying to keep up with the chef's pace. He is a family friend of ours and a pretty good cook. He said he would gladly keep a spot free in his agenda for the wedding, and here he is.

'You know the deal, Joe. You can cook freely, but if I find even one of your nasty experiments on the table, you'll have to follow the menu!' My dad warns him. Joe loves making other people taste his new experiments... Not exactly something you'd want on a wedding.

Time flies when you're having fun, which is exactly what happens while we're cooking. Soon, it is 11.45AM, and we have to assemble in the reception hall to meet up with the other arriving guests. One of the first faces I see is Ezra's. He's already real handsome in his normal clothes, but something about the formal attire is making him even more stunning. I can't help but stare at my best friend, my cheeks getting a bit red and my heartbeat going faster. His timer has only 2 hours left.

After a few seconds, he spots me in the crowd and walks up to me. 'Hey,' he begins, 'Ben's ready to go. He looks really happy.' He smiles a bit, clearly happy to see good friends of his in a state of bliss. I smile back, my heart fluttering at the sight of his smile. Which is totally normal... again.

We walk to our assigned seats in the front row and wait. The sounds of chattering and laughter slowly fill the room as more and more people come in. When the doors close at 12.30 PM and the music starts, the sounds of talking turn into soft whispers on the background, nearly audible. Ben walks in and people start to clap and stand up. Ezra and I follow.

Ben stands still at the altar, looking extremely happy, and also very nervous. He looks neat, but I barely have time to watch as Tama walks in, gasps audible from the whole room. I can't really see her, since she is a small girl and I am in the front row, but I can slowly see a small white blob walking towards us.

She finally arrives at the altar. Her dress is simply beautiful. Tears fill my eyes as I see the look on her face. She is happy. Carefree. In love.

The officiant clears his throat and the sounds of applause fade away. People go sit in their chairs again and even the whispering stops. 'Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, thank you for being here today, to share the beginning of a joyful life together.' He continues to give a small speech, but quickly gets to the point.

'Ben Dunn, do you promise to stay with Tama, through good and bad times, through sickness and health, to love and cherish her till death do you part?' the officiant says, looking at Ben.

'I do,' he answers, his voice cracking a little, tears clear in his eyes.

'Tama Symone, do you promise to stay with Ben, through good and bad times, through sickness and health, to love and cherish him till death do you part?' The officiant continues, looking at Tama now.

'Yes. I do,' she says, sounding a lot more stable but having thousands of emotions visible on her face.

'You may now exchange rings and kiss the bride.' They put rings on each other's fingers before giving each other a slight kiss, faces bright red but happier than ever. The room is filled with applause once again, some people crying (including myself), and some just smiling.

I look at Ezra next to me. He is smiling again, but as soon as he sees the tears flowing over my pretty face, he puts an arm around my shoulder and lightly hugs me, though only for a short while. I look away, face red and the parts of my body that touched him burning. Why? Why am I acting so weird? Before I can think about it too much, I am called towards the altar to give my speech.

I read my poem, glancing at the happy newlyweds every now and then, but mostly staring at my paper. The audience laughs when I make a joke and hum in agreement with my compliments and hopes, which gives me confidence. I improvise a small part at the end, and people seem to love it. Though it makes me happy, I can't seem to get over the feeling of something pressing down on my heart.

Ezra's timer is at 30 minutes. I feel nervous. The music starts again and the floor is being cleared of all chairs. It's time to dance. A bad time, really; I feel like I should hide Ezra somewhere for the next hour, not put him in the middle of something. Yet I walk up to Tama's mom, my aunt, and ask her if she would like to dance with me. She agrees.

'Thank you for your nice poem, Ari,' she says in my ear, trying to be louder than the music without yelling. I pull away a bit and show her a bright smile, as a way to say 'no problem'.

I thought the dancing would take longer, but after just 20 minutes, Tama asks us to go outside for a photo shoot. The sun shines and it is a nice temperature, as to bless the couple on their happiest day. Of course, the newlyweds get to take pictures first. Another one of my cousins, Lana, is also taking a few pictures, even though she's not as professional. It's just a hobby of hers.

'Hey, Lana! How are your pictures turning out?' I walk up to her. She turns on her camera and shows me a beautiful picture of the couple.

'That's a really good picture!' I pat her head. 'Would you mind taking one of me and Ezya?' Nervously, I look at his timer, which is showing me that only two minutes remain.

Lana nods, telling me that it's okay. I take a quick glance at her timer. What I find on it shocks me. It's the exact same as Ezra's. My heart sinks.

'Are you okay?' My cousin asks in a soft voice.

I quickly put on a smile to assure her that I'm fine. 'Yeah, I'll go get Ezya!'

We stand in front of the camera. 30 seconds left. 'Ari, are you okay?' Ezra whispers.

'Yeah, of course,' I reply, looking at him only to find him looking at the camera. It's one of many times I've seen Ezra from this close, but I can't help but get mesmerized by his face. I can't help but smile sincerely. He's by my side... what could go wrong? Simply seeing him this happy and relaxed makes me almost forget about my worries.

By accident, I brush my hand against his. Against all expectations, he takes a hold of it, squeezing it softly. The world around me freezes.

The click of the camera sounds, startling me. I get pulled back into the real world, and quickly put on a fake smile. However, Lana is already looking at the picture instead of preparing to take another one.

'Can I see it?' Ezra asks. A few seconds left on his timer. My heart starts to beat faster and faster as he walks up to Lana, their timers at four seconds each. I honestly don't know what I'm feeling anymore.

'Of course.' My cousin nods as she opens the picture. She hands her camera to him, and slightly touches his hand in the process. Ezra thanks her, then takes a look at a picture. What happens after is unclear to me; both of them start to glow. Ezra shines almost as bright as I did, making me squint my eyes, unable to see anything. Lana's light seems to have been faint, as it is already gone by the time Ezra's light has died down enough for me to look around.

The light fully disappears. Small pieces of their timers fly around, almost like snowflakes. I can't pay attention to that, though. Something way more interesting shows in front of me: Lana has gotten a new timer. Ezra's chest is empty. They are looking at each other, the looks on their faces finally answering one of my questions.

The timer doesn't show me when something unfortunate may happen.

It's a timer that counts down to when you'll fall in love, hard.

I feel my heart sink. The air is getting heavier while my head is getting lighter. It hit me all at once. Every time I saw a timer hit zero, they fell in love. Not just a crush or a like, but real deep love. It's clear on their faces. How have I not noticed this before? Lana may be quiet, but she's an open book. Ezra's wearing an expression I've never seen before; he's flustered, confused. It's good for them that they love each other. There's just one tiny problem:

I've fallen for Ezra. Deep. Hard. It's knocking the air out of my lungs, taking me by the neck, choking me.

'Ari, do you want to see the picture too?' Ezra calls out to me. His voice is shaking a bit. It's making me feel sick.

'Sorry, I'm feeling a bit unwell. I'm going back inside.' I smile, weak and obviously fake. I know that it'll make him worried, but I can't do any better. Don't worry about me, Ezya. Fate has decided that it is not me you should be with.

I stumble through the crowd, my limbs growing heavy. I spot Tama and Ben. I haven't congratulated them personally yet, but I don't want to show my face to them right now. It'd ruin their happy day. I flee to the bathroom, quietly locking myself into a stall.

No matter how much my heart breaks, the tears just won't fall. The air is getting heavier with each breath I take, the strain I feel around my throat and lungs tightening, not allowing enough oxygen to come through. My heart is beating faster than it was when Ezra and I ran that marathon.

Ezra... I bet the dumbass must be worried about me now. As long as he's not looking for me. It's obvious that he belongs with Lana. Falling in love with my childhood friend was my own mistake. I've identified as bisexual a long time ago, so it doesn't surprise me that I fell for a man, but... I never wanted it to be Ezra. And now my chest is empty. My timer's gone. That's it. I'll be alone, in love with him, while watching him live his life with Lana.

My head is getting lighter. I should get up, drink some water, eat something. Yeah, go out and greet people. So, I stand up. A stupid decision, really, standing up quickly when you're lightheaded; before I know it, everything goes black.

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