Chapter 8: Entrée De Journal Sept: Oui, Je suis gay!
So, I've been trying to think of ways to get Nico to fully trust me because I know that he trusts me but I'm not sure he trusts me trusts me. Does that make sense? I don't think anything that I say makes sense.
So, since he trusted me so much to tell me about his sexuality, I thought that it might be time for me to tell him mine. I know that with his age and mind set that it could actually damage our friendship, but hopefully he sees this as an act of trust.
I know that he's going through hard times right now, or in life in general, but I really do think that this could help strengthen our friendship.
Now, don't think that my crush on him just vaporised, because it didn't, but I'm thinking that if I come out to him, maybe there's a chance that he actually does like me back?
It's just me getting my hopes up, but I can still hope. It's not illegal.
At least I don't think it is.
So, I walked into the infirmary that morning. I had went back to my cabin last night in order to get a change of clothes and freshen up a little. I made my way to Nico's room. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not, but, normally we don't put campers in actually rooms, we just stick them on a cot and closed the curtain and that was that, but when we had done that with Nico that first day he came in, the campers freaked out and started threatening to leave while still injured. I should also probably mention that Nico was awake during all that.
It didn't help his confidence. In fact, it only made it worse. He tried to leave Camp again but I was able to stop him by bringing Percy and Jason in.
Jason had more of an effect on him than Percy did. I figured it was because Percy was the reason he had left Camp all the other times. I went looking for Jason but ended up finding them both as they were sparring together.
But, all that's in the past now, and when I say past, I mean like it was just literally a few days ago.
That's not the point. The point is that I really need to stop procrastinating and just go and get it done and over with now. I've talked about it too much and now it just seems like I'm trying to get out of it.
I'm not.
I'm not trying to get out of it. I'm just nervous…
Right? I mean coming out to your crush totally isn't scary, especially when your crush has internalized homophobia…
Definitely not scary. I mean, I'm a demi-god!
Stop procrastinating and get it over with.
I walked into the Infirmary and went to Nico's door, knowing quietly, but loud enough for him to hear.
"Come in," He answered as I walked through the door. "More doctors stuff, I'm guessing?" He said when he looked up at me.
"I'm not on shift schedule today," I said, "But I did come here to talk," I paused, "You've been really open with me, so I've decided that it's only fair that I do the same,"
"You don't have to talk to me, Solace,"
"Talking and opening up is a symbol of trust, loyalness, and friendship, when it comes to me. Not everybody feels that way, but it's the way I feel."
"Then say what you need to say,"
"I'm half worried this will affect our friendship but at the same time, I really don't think that it will change anything,"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm getting there," I said, taking a deep breath and letting it out, "You know how you're different, like sexuality wise?" I started,
"Yeah, I like guys, what about it? You don't have a problem with it do you?"
"No, no, I don't have a problem with it. In fact, I'm just like you," I said,
"You like guys?" He asked, confusion written all over his face,
"I'm bisexual, so I like both guys and girls,"
"Oh," He said, looking back down at his hands, "Do you feel ashamed about it?"
"No, not really, but then again, I didn't grow up in a time where I wasn't accepted,"
"Have you ever had a crush on a guy?"
"I have, yes,"
"Do you have one now?"
"Yeah, why?" I asked, I really hope this isn't going where I think it's going,
"Because I had crush on a guy, I'm over it now, but sometimes I still can't help but feel guilty because now I have a crush on a different guy,"
"It's actually common to have more than one crush, Nico," I said softly, "What are you feeling now, or when you're thinking about your sexuality?"
"Just guilt and shame. Like, I know it's nothing to feel that way about, but I still just can't help it,"
"Do you mind if I get personal here real quick? If you answer my question, I'll answer my question, too," I said. I know I'm putting myself at risk here, but I need to gain his trust and I need his mental health to improve because while his physical health is regaining itself, his mental health isn't.
"I don't know if I'm ready to share that with you," He said,
"Do you want to write it down?"
"If I did, would you read it?"
"Not if you don't want me to. Although, I think I may be able to help you with your feelings depending on who the person is,"
"Can I just write it down for right now and hold onto it and give it to you when I'm ready?"
"Of course!" I said, "Take your time," I said, handing him the piece of paper and pencil.
We waited in silence for a few seconds while he was writing. I made sure to look away from him when he was writing to give him some more privacy.
"Okay, I'm done," He said a few seconds later.
"Okay, what do you want to do with it?" I asked,
"I'm not sure right now,"
"Okay, that's fine! Do you want to keep it or do you want me to take it? I promise you, I won't look at it, I'm not that type of person," I said, putting my hand on my chest in a promising gesture.
"No, I think I'll keep it just to make sure that nobody sees it," He said,
"Okay! That's perfectly fine with me!" I said, "Now, since we've had a somewhat long day today, I'm going to go ahead and leave so that you can get some rest because you're still sleep deprived,".
"Okay," He said. I waved goodbye and walked out the door, attending other campers that were staying in the infirmary.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
visionrailmepls
visionrailmepls French translation:
Entrée De Journal: Journal Entry
Sept: Seven
Oui: Yes
Je: I
Suis: Am
Gay: Gay
Oui, Je suis gay!: Yes, I am gay!
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